We're on a break...how did you feel during yours?

[tattoobunnie]

Btw...nothing wrong with trusting your gut...and nothing wrong with measuring. In listening to both...there in lies the choice you really want to make.

 

Chloe03...well, what would you consider a happy ending relationship-wise...being with a man that is completely devoted to you, and loves you and wants you in his life warts and all, or...a butt-munch? Now when you said, "do things that make me happy"...have you not been doing what makes you happy in the relationship?

[tattoobunnie]

Well...it's too late for us. For some reason, I felt the need to look on link removed, and lo and behold, he posted a profile that included some of the pictures I took of him on our vacation in July.

 

I just got back from collecting everything of mine in his home, right down to the shampoo I got him. I meant to send a message to my best friend, and I accidentally fired it off to him.

 

He then wrote back, "sorry I was bored and lonely, I thought we broke up." Then I tell him to never contact me again, and he writes, "...Have a good life..."

[Chloe03]

wow thats harsh, Im so sorry to hear! What would have made him think that you guys broke up if you said that you were going on a break? Its really inconsiderate of him to just move on without letting you know... especially if you two were in a committed relationship beforehand. You gave him the space he wanted and then he decides that you are broken up? I don’t get it.

 

You are really strong and you have already started the process of moving on, you just need to keep on continuing on the same path.

 

Hope the rest of your day isn’t too hard on you! Good luck!

[tattoobunnie]

Eh...whatever...I can see that I am not good at picking men...on the other hand, significant others of my friends that I stuck up for when they had an inkling of doubt at one point...have now gotten married, or planning the wedding.

 

He took down his profile...strange...either way, still a coward.

 

Did you have fun this weekend?

[Chloe03]

yeah, strange.. he probably felt guilty after you talked to him and took down his profile.. either way its stupid of him.. I had a bf once who did something similar while we were dating just to see if he would get any responses... the relationship didnt last that much longer after that.

 

It sucks when you know exactly what you want and you think that you found that but then nothing seems to go right in the end.

 

I went out for the first time since the split and I had a great time. I bumped into a lot of friends from high school and one of my exs and it was all fun! I really missed going out, I didnt even think of texting him once which was good.

[Chloe03]

How are you doing today Tattoobunnie? Has he contacted you since yesterday?

[Chloe03]

I hate this, just when you think you are doing fine you see something that crushes you. For you it was his profile on that website.. for me I just saw pictures of him partying on FB. Its a horrible gut feeling that just doesn't want to go away... and you are so tempted to see more of it even if you know it will keep on hurting.

[tattoobunnie]

Just got back from an awards ceremony for my company. He was suppose to come, but whatever...

 

Well...yesterday, he emailed me how upset he was that I took back my stuff. I asked him how he wouldn't have expected that. He was trying to butter me up about staying friends, wishing me the best...I told him that I loved him, and I also wish for him to take a long walk off a short pier. hahhaha. He asked me if this is how I wanted to end things. I told him he ended things with his "posting" and his now "miscommunication." And told me, "Um, what makes you think I wanted things to end this way?!"

 

Either way...staying friends is not an option yet or ever. Even with time, lingering passion, resentment, and the inability to be true confidants will prevail. It's very unlikely unless people are good friends to begin with can they call each other up and state, "hey, I got a hot date" (& it's not with you).

 

This book he asked me to order for him just came in the mail today. As a kind gesture, I asked if he still wanted it, considering I did take the toothpaste and shampoo (ah, the humor of spite!). He told me I could keep it, and he'd send me money for it. Kinda silly for a book I wouldn't read.

 

Bring a camera with you when going out.

 

I blocked him on Facebook. While of course, I would like to know the ins and out, but I'd think I'd be driving myself crazy doing that. I was feeling really bad last night, beating myself up. My poor best friend...she hates knowing I'm glum, but ugh, it's when she tries to give those positive statements that I'm not looking for...it's annoying.

[tattoobunnie]

I wish I could leave happenings on here as more on a positive note, like a Hollywood happy ending. Some reinforcement that things always work out the way you want them too. And I truly believe that while we can't always fathom a different ending, the best one happens. I realize, I've always been proactive among friends, career and finding love. Right now, I gonna take some time to try standing still.

 

I do know that if you keep poking a bruise, it'll hurt every time. Try blocking the FB updates for now.

[Chloe03]

I find the "can we still be friends" thing bs. Like you said there if you weren’t friends before, then you dont have any basis to be friends after, you've only known eachother as a couple so the friends thing just won’t work out. Hes obviously trying to make himself look better by wondering why you took everything, that he thought you guys would still communicate but hes the one who made decision to break it off. Hes the one who ended it badly by posting on that site!

 

You give them the time they want to think things through and they dont even have the courtesy to tell you what they have decided.. making you having to find out on your own.

 

I really like you last post, its nice to think that everything happens for a reason. I know that the loss of this relationship isn’t the end of the world and that I will find someone better for me.. someone who truly loves me and would not call me names or tell me all of my faults, that would do everything for me and Id want to do everything for them… its just hard when you felt so dedicated to this one person, and felt so strongly for them to then have them be the one to decide that its over with… it seems so much easier for the dumper then the dumpee.

 

Im still fearing the inevitable.. Im going to have to call him eventually to have him tell me its over.. Its only been 3 weeks but after spending almost every day with a certain person 3 weeks feels like such a long time. Im giving myself until October to call him, Im starting pilates tonight and Im trying to get myself back into a routine so that it will be easier to go through all of this again after hearing what he’ll have to say…

[tattoobunnie]

So I was chatting with one of my old buddies last night. I was thinking of sending my ex a letter to clarify a few things, and sharing of my own fears of commitment. She suggested based on the topic, that I had to do it in face to face. So I shoot over a short email if he had time to talk in person. Granted, I started thinking about blowing off that idea. Went to bed, and the dude calls me at 2:30 in the morning! I pick up thinking it's an emergency, considering it's 2:30 in the morning! He sounds a bit tipsy, informing me he fell asleep on the train, a half hour past his stop. And confused as to why he himself was actually calling me. I tell him that stinks and goodnight. He then calls again, and says he's taxi-less and stranded.

 

Considering I've done stuff like that, and have always had a friend willing to come get me, I said, "I'll be there in 35 min." Calls me another 5 times on my way there, asking me what I had to say, and checking in. I get him, and proceeds to ask me stuff, then afterwards, says, we're not meant to be lovers because our timing is bad, and we're meant to be like best friends Jerry & Elaine from Seinfeld. (So dorkey) I get to his driveway, ready to pull out, and he goes, "come on, let's keep talking." So now, it's probably close to 4am. He keeps going about all the stuff I said was really hurtful, but true. Blah-Blah, "I'm not sure what I want, but we're meant to be friends forever." Yaddi-ya. While we're both office people, we slept in, and pretty much did not have a Jerry/Elaine-like moment in the morning. Got some coffee, then parted ways.

 

It's probably one of the worst things you can do in these type of situations, but oddly I feel less on edge. I know it means nothing. No commitment reformed. Do I plan to do "that" again? Highly unlikely.

 

Pilates is so good.

[tattoobunnie]

Chloe03...just picked up the book, "He's Scared, She's Scared". It's about what and why we do what we do with regards to commitment.

 

Only past chapter 1, but it's jaw-dropping.

[Chloe03]

I think everyone needs that last encounter to feel better about the situation, but I think the problem with most is that they want to meet up way too soon (like in my case with the coffee) but had I waited a few weeks/month then I would have been in your position and felt better about it.

Ive been looking for a good relationship book, I might stop by the book store sometime this weekend to pick it up!

 

I just heard this song today and the lyrics really got to me.

 

"so please listen

just listen

consider her position

and will you be there when she's feeling down?

when she needs you will you be around?

when she's crying are you gonna hide?

did she run when you cried?

she don't need a lover rght now

she needs your had, some confort

don't worry about yourself

and just listen

consider this your mission"

 

Its pretty much how I wish he dealt with the issue when I was upset about everything.. he should have just listened instead of being selfish and leaving.

[Kumatora]

I should of posted sooner, but I wasn't sure at first.

 

I don't take "breaks" in relationships. They're a cop out way to a break up and you or him are actually causing more emotional damage than just to say "it's over". It's either you're with that person or not. I don't find it "humane" to string someone's hopes that everything is going to work out in time, and then decide after a few weeks that it's not meant to be.

 

I've been dating this guy for over 4 years now and we broke it off for a year. We had so many things going on with our lives as young as we were, and quite frankly, breaking up was good for the both of us. I got to date other people and enjoy the college experience while he became more focused in school and enjoyed being single. We got back together as better people, but we definitely didn't go on a break. It worked out for the better.

 

 

OP, from what I'm reading it doesn't sound like you're having a good experience at all with this. Stop playing the mind games and go with the flow by saying NO MORE. I know that it is the most difficult thing to do in the world... I've been through it. Trust me, it's better this way. And no, it's nearly impossible to be friends with someone you've had a history with and cannot get over the unresolved feelings. Is it possible to get back with an ex? Sometimes depending if feelings are mutual and you AND him change for yourselves, not for each other. Like they say.... if it was meant to be, love will come back.

[Chloe03]

You are right Kumatora, breaks do put a lot more emotional damage then just facing the fact that its over form the start. Im at a point now that I dont even want him back, I dont think Ill end up caling him in October like I had planned.... but thats just how I feel today, knowing me Ill change my mind again lol the longuer this lasts the more mad I feel towards him. I dont want to be the one to call him just to find out its over, Id rather just move on, have fun, maybe meet new ppl and if he ever does end up calling me I can decide then what I want.

 

Who is he to decide the faith of our relationship? It makes it seem like he thinks hes better then me and has to think if Im worth his time! grrr Im just pissed that its been nearly a month since the break and 3 weeks of NC and not one word from him.

[Chloe03]

so I guess I didnt have to be the one to call him... he just called. It was a pretty short phone call.. maybe a minute. Bottom line its over, Im not what hes looking for right now.. and its not in a position to be in a relationship since he doesnt hve a job... blah blah blah...

 

back to square one right now.. hopefully Ill feel better about this whole thing sonner then with the break.. at least there isnt any wondering anymore. Im happy I didnt call to find out.. I was so close to calling him back rigth after! but I decided to call a friend instead... gah! I hate being sad because of guys!

 

I didnt cry at all on the phone.. the only words that came out fo my mouth was ''yeah.. ok...'' didnt argue to get him back... he asked me if I was going tobe going into work thsi week and I said yeah, then hes sai dthat he was going too and maybe well bump into eachother.. all I said was yeah ok.. I really do hope that I dont see him. I have to give this girl on his floor her CD back... maybe Ill wait till teh end of the week since Im sure hes only gong in on Monday or Tuesday to hand in his thesis...

 

sad sad... I guess I go back to day one of NC.. but there is no way that Im going to want to call this guy after all of this.

[tattoobunnie]

What a bum! Good riddance! Now I could add in some hockey happy stuff, but I hate that stuff. Instead, I'll leave with the end scene of What Happens in Las Vegas:

 

 

 

So I finished reading that book, He's Scared, She's Scared. It's quite interesting how fears of commitment can manifest into who we choose to date.

 

While it doesn't pay to be spiteful, like throwing an egg at his house, it's still funny to think about.

[Chloe03]

lol that was a pretty good scene, thanks for that!

 

It is pretty funny to think about revenge... too bad Im not the type to act on it This morning I felt a lot better, its just more a reality now but I know Ill be fine. How have you been with everything?

[tattoobunnie]

I'm doing okay. Hanging in there; taking it one day at a time pretty much. I think it could be the fact I'm not mourning a total loss, since we're in light contact, and have tentative plans to go see this photo exhibit together before it closes. None of which I've firmed up just yet.

 

Normally I'm quite ready to cut my losses and totally start fresh, but I'm gonna actually try to see this through for a little while. I think after I get back from my vacay in China around mid-Nov, that I'll start dating again. For now, just taking it easy, do some journaling, have some fun with friends.

 

I did drop off the book to him on Sunday, which he agreed to read. While I don't plan on expecting much when or if he reads it, at least it's better than both of us stumbling around in the dark about why we do the strange things we do; the complete opposite of commitment, yet wanting a commitment.

 

Ask the girl to come get the CD...though if you do bump into, say a quick "hey" and keep going.

[Chloe03]

I'm happy that you guys are trying to be friends, or at least figure out what you want out of your relationship with him. I'm still friends with my first ex, we were together for 5 years and I find it hard to just forget him... but we don't hang out or anything like that but just have light conversations every so often.

 

I haven't bumped into my recent ex, I think hes gone form the department for good since he submitted his thesis yesterday. I feel much better about the breakup now, I just need to keep myself busy for now so that I'm distracted from thinking about him, but I know there are other guys out there that are more suited for me.

[tattoobunnie]

Well, after today, he may well be fleeing! I sent him an email (after much relationship talk with him, I decided to opt for email). It was just clear and to the point how strong our relationship had been, how fear can be crippling, and some insight of what we could do to progress it if we wanted to try again. I told him to think about the possibility, and that I wasn't expecting an answer right away, and would be fine with whatever decision he makes. Sometimes having a clearer understanding of the situation, it's easy to start over.

 

And I don't feel weird or nervous about what I said. I figured I could either be proactive about the situation, my life, the relationship, or just don't even bother and move on. I know I don't need him. I know life goes on. Even though I gave away the illusive upper-hand, had nothing to lose. Taking a chance.

[tattoobunnie]

So get this...I decided to move on. If he wants me, he knows where to find me. I send a short email asking him to send my tennis rackets to my office. He said, "why, when I'm gonna see you in about a week?" I tell him okay. He then replies back with a Freudian Slip of words, "though if you plan on (laying) me again, you better get some practice in." I did point that out to him. Funny.

 

Naturally, I'm on guard, since I know he got my letter, but hasn't mentioned it or the book. I did say there was no rush in responding. If he dates, he dates. If he decide to try again, we could go into with a new understanding of things. I'm not sure if I shouldn't get my hopes up too high, or charge in with a little faith.

 

Are you up to anything this weekend? It's as if all bars, festivals, and friends decided this was to be a big blowout weekend!?

[Chloe03]

I'm happy you decided to move one, it seems to me like one of you might end up getting hurt if you keep your hopes up. Its like you are on break all over again since you are sorta there waiting to see if he wants to give it another try, in the mean time you are wondering if he is going to start seeing someone new. Ive tried that before and for me I just tend to get reattached.. it starts with just hanging out.. and then after a few weeks you start getting back into old routines... then you have to go through the breakup all over again. Its not a good sign if he hasn't brought up the book or the letter cause then hes just avoiding the issue.

 

Today its been exactly 1 month since he decided we should go on a break... I hate that I feel like I want him back, he took advantage of my good nature and got too comfortable where he wasn't afraid to do anything... and here I am still having feelings for this guy. I had a dream about him last night.. that we wanted to try it out again... It just makes me want him back more.. Ive been FB him like crazy... just waiting for him to change his status to single so that I don't feel guilty unfriending him and his family.. but until that happens or I see something that confirms to me that it is over (even though I know it is) I would just feel guilty doing that.

 

I don't have any huge plans for the weekend... I'm hanging out with a friend tonight but she tends to go home early... everyone else is busy, I find summer are the worst for breakups because everyone is so busy on weekends taking trips that you are stuck home alone.. or doing things that aren't that fun... for that reason I'm happy that summer is coming to an end.

 

Do you have something interesting planned for the weekend?

[tattoobunnie]

Show tonight, next day, cheering at a marathon, then doing an Octoberfest Pub Crawl.

 

Oooouuu...avoiding the issue. Haven't thought about that. Just figured since I just dropped it off on this past Sunday, and wrote the letter two days ago, he might be waiting to actually finish the book and comment on it next weekend. Like I now believe he has grown a large pair (hahahha). It usually takes me about a week for things to sink in, so I don't know if a whole Hollywood skit where he comes to find me somewhere and professes his undying love would apply. It'd be awesome though! I've had that happen, before with a different ex, and boy was it irking!

 

I won't push. Take some time. And evaluate things again when I see him. Cuz by then, I might see him in a different, unattractive light, or I find something worth fighting for.

[In the Dark]

I never wanted it.

So I hated every moment of it.

It was like hanging on a rope.