confusedandsad Posted September 7, 2009 Share Posted September 7, 2009 I keep having weird dreams with my ex. I have these dreams that symbolize how I felt and feel. Like he was there... not really there... like he cared... not really cared. Like he was there one moment...and gone the next. I know that he emotionally abused me at times. I know he was on the verge of probably getting worse. I don't understand why I miss him then. It has only been three weeks. Maybe that's why. I'm sad and depressed. Every time my phone rings, a part of me hopes it's him. I just can't get my head wrapped around the idea that a 40 year old man can drop a relationship with a 27 attractive/ambitious/good hearted/ect... woman. I know I have great qualities. I sometimes start to doubt myself thinking back to something I said or did. I wish I did not miss him. I wish I did not feel so alone. I wish I knew what he was feeling and thinking. I wish I would have known that months ago. Link to comment
metrogirl Posted September 7, 2009 Share Posted September 7, 2009 You know you could be the nicest girl on the planet and sometimes mean men will just be plain mean, no matter how nice or attractive you are. No one is exempt from abuse, it happens to many people on many levels. Be glad you got out, take this time for you to heal and when the right guy comes along, you hopefully will have recovered from this relationship. take care..... Link to comment
HealingHandsWarmHeart Posted September 7, 2009 Share Posted September 7, 2009 i understand those dreams.. i have had them... and when you wake up in the morning you feel this overall sadness that is hard to identify and hard to shake... at this point the only thing you can do for yourself is keep reminding yourself of your good qualities... try to be around people who you trust and care for you- and when you start to miss him... remember all of the crappy things he did to you. If none of that helps pull you out of your bad place.. then let yourself have a good cry- it is a nice release and you'll feel better- that knot in your stomach will subside. Link to comment
lostandhurt Posted September 7, 2009 Share Posted September 7, 2009 3 weeks is really not that much time. I had all kinds of crazy dreams for a while. I think it is our hearts trying to relive what once was or what we hoped it once was. They will fade in time. The phone thing is common to many here. You are living through the acceptance phase where there are battles inside you. One part of you only remembers good and another part questions your choices. The reason this is happening is because it was so real to you and you cared so much. You had nothing to do with the way he behaved. That was all him. I am 45 and if I was lucky enough to have someone like you interested in me I surely wouldn't do what he did. Your age aside, he couldn't see just how wonderful you were because of his own problems being in a relationship. The fact that you were somewhat younger probably had nothing to do with this whole thing as his past will undoubtedly reveal. True acceptance will come as you heal and move into the life you want. Lost Link to comment
confusedandsad Posted September 7, 2009 Author Share Posted September 7, 2009 That was beautiful Lost... now found.. You made a lot of sense. I'm trying to make sense out of it all. I'm tired of being caught in relationships where a person does not value me or appreciate me. I'm not a lot of work. I don't require superficial things or superficial attention. I treat people right. I have some soul searching to do. I need to take time for myself. I hope you find someone that can really appreciate and love you too. Anyone would be lucky to have a man by her side that is as thoughtful and real as you. Link to comment
confusedandsad Posted September 7, 2009 Author Share Posted September 7, 2009 You know you could be the nicest girl on the planet and sometimes mean men will just be plain mean, no matter how nice or attractive you are. No one is exempt from abuse, it happens to many people on many levels. Be glad you got out, take this time for you to heal and when the right guy comes along, you hopefully will have recovered from this relationship. take care..... Thank you! And yes... you're right. It can happen to anyone. I made excuses for this behavior. Gosh... sometimes I feel so naive. A part of me is relieved. I know it will take time. Im trying to be good to myself. ;-) Link to comment
confusedandsad Posted September 7, 2009 Author Share Posted September 7, 2009 i understand those dreams.. i have had them... and when you wake up in the morning you feel this overall sadness that is hard to identify and hard to shake... at this point the only thing you can do for yourself is keep reminding yourself of your good qualities... try to be around people who you trust and care for you- and when you start to miss him... remember all of the crappy things he did to you. If none of that helps pull you out of your bad place.. then let yourself have a good cry- it is a nice release and you'll feel better- that knot in your stomach will subside. thank you for the steps. Yesterday.. when I typed up everything he did to me... it was an awakening. I realized how bad it was. It was hard for me to do that before. Im going to print it out and place it in my car or by my bed or both!! And whenever I feel bad again... I will look at it. And I will continue reminding myself of how great I am!! Link to comment
metrogirl Posted September 7, 2009 Share Posted September 7, 2009 Thank you! And yes... you're right. It can happen to anyone. I made excuses for this behavior. Gosh... sometimes I feel so naive. A part of me is relieved. I know it will take time. Im trying to be good to myself. ;-) And that is really all you can do right now...... You need to take a breather and just de-stress from the situation. There are many nice guys out there, the ones that feel good about making their girl feel like a queen. Just give it time love........ Link to comment
baxxter Posted September 8, 2009 Share Posted September 8, 2009 I am into my 4th week after the break up and I am still having a tough time accepting, but it is slowly happening. I relate to your story because I was dating a guy who was 37 when I was 23. Everyone around him thought I was too good for him, as I was attractive and so much younger, but he treated me like sxxt over, and over, and over for many months. He refused to commit himself in a relationship, and yet stopped me from meeting new people. When we finally broke up it was so messy and I was wreck. It took me 5 years to get over him, and it was hard. At times it seemed endless. When I finally came out of it all I could think was, "How the heck did I waste MY 5 years on someone that is absolutely horrible and not worthy??" He did what he did to you because he just could. You being young and attractive probably made him feel more powerful and more of a man in his own little way, and you certainly don't need a man like that. Use your attractiveness and good personality, your great attitude towards other people, and everything else, for someone who is truly worthy of them all. You deserve the best, and he is out there. Good luck. I think you are doing well. I am trying, too. Good luck x Link to comment
lostandhurt Posted September 8, 2009 Share Posted September 8, 2009 Thanks for the compliment. I am hopeful that love will once again find me. I am not the man I once was to be sure. I am more than I have ever been as you can be. These things that happen in our live either tear us down or build us up. It is our choice as to what it will be...... Lost That was beautiful Lost... now found.. You made a lot of sense. I'm trying to make sense out of it all. I'm tired of being caught in relationships where a person does not value me or appreciate me. I'm not a lot of work. I don't require superficial things or superficial attention. I treat people right. I have some soul searching to do. I need to take time for myself. I hope you find someone that can really appreciate and love you too. Anyone would be lucky to have a man by her side that is as thoughtful and real as you. Link to comment
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