The strong silent type.

[Symbolic]

When out with friends or in groups, I tend to play the strong silent type when talking to women. Unless I'm drunk off my ass then I might talk a little, but even then alcohol doesn't help me too much lol.

 

I've gone out with some friends, and they will chat up girls like crazy. And me, I'll stand there, looking back and forth from friend to girls as they talk. We don't do this alot, so there is like, maybe 5 times this sort of thing has happened. But anyways, I tend to catch the girls eye that my friend will be talking to and she will look at me alot. My friend is kind of weird, I don't really hang out with him too much. But sometimes I get this feeling that maybe the girl might like me or wishes I would talk instead of my friend.

 

I'm so bad at talking to girls in a club or bar environment. I would be more comfortable approaching a girl at the gas station (busT stop) wal-mart, park, the moon. Even if I'm piss drunk smashed destroyed, off alcohol, for some reason, I still have the mental ability to be fearful of talking to girls at the bar or club. Its crazy, i thought alcohol let you go of your inhibitions!?!

 

Anyways, I'm not sure where I'm going with all this. I could probably sum it up to how do you female people of the internet forums feel about the strong silent type? I can hold strong eye contact, and put in a sentence or two when necessary but I'm never the lead conversationalist in a group.

[Huzzah_89]

Drink more bru! I used to be a heaps puss when it came to talking to women, but now I just drink heaps and it helps so much.

[Symbolic]

If I drink any more I'll pass out! Trust me, I've gone far beyond my limit, and I always stay conscious of my fear of talking to women, its insane!

[servedcold]

First, drink less. Though there is a certain charm in a drunk, usually we aren't nearly as charming as we think we are when drunk, just more gregarious. This is easier said than done, and a hard hurdle to jump, but once you can work a room sober, the feeling of control will be immense, and you will start doing better with women over time. Separate your drunk/party times from your meeting women times. This lesson took me years and years to learn, and once I did, my attractiveness to women went through the roof. Women choose drunken wild guys because there isn't a cool, fun alternative. Give them an alternative and be different and you will see results over time with the quality women you want and not the skeezy party girls.

 

Second, there's nothing wrong with hanging back, but don't sit and watch your friends while they are talking to women, this gives women the idea that you are a submissive follower of your friends, and that's not the mental image you want ladies to have. Stake out your own space, near a corner where you will end up "holding court." Talk to whomever is in that corner, female, male, young old. Enjoy yourself, and if you aren't naturally, fake it til you make it.

 

Your goal is to take over a trafficked corner in the area where lots of people are circulating around and stay put, making it your "cool" corner where people are having fun. If people move away after awhile, move into the room and draw people back into your corner with conversation, but don't abandon it.

 

The reason for all this is it's hard to hit a moving target. If women find you attractive, you will know it as they start to gravitate more and more near you in your corner. They may even come up and join in the conversation, as people gravitate naturally to corners, especially if they think that's where the action is. By staying still, you will learn the dynamic of the room and more importantly, who your real female prospects are. They will telegraph it. If you are moving all around in a group of friends, though, you will never get this insight.

 

The strong silent type in a party can be perceived as the submissive, frustrated type very easily, so unless you have a group of men around you who are obviously submissive to you, it's not going to work for you. Most people are bored at parties/clubs/rooms despite that they are going out of their way to look otherwise, and welcome someone assertive who can keep conversations moving. Once you get good at this, you will be able to pull the people you want into your corner including women, subtly. This is power over the room, and once you have it, your social value to every woman there will skyrocket. Takes time and practice, the most important part is having a plan and sticking to it, this signals that you are in control of the situation and women like men who are in control of their environment.

 

If you do things right, you will have guys trying to hone in on your corner or action, that's fine, use them to signal that you are the one in charge, that they are coming to you for entertainment. Subtle social cues in groups of strangers are your best friend, use them. This may sound like lots of work, but really it's just lots of words to describe a very simple plan. Best wishes.

[waveseer]

servedcold, that is wonderful stuff! As an assertive, gregarious, extroverted woman it would be ideal if the men stayed mostly in one place so I could "visit" the conversations of the ones I was interested in until I found where I was most comfortable.

[odile]

Are you just as reserved when you're out on your own?

It sounds like maybe this has to do with hanging out with guys that are more outgoing-- showier than you are.

Sometimes with friends like that, one feels like more of an audience than a participant.

 

Clubs and bars aren't always the best place for real conversation, in any case.

All the noise and distraction can make anything beyond superficial interaction a bit difficult to achieve.

You may as well enjoy those environments for what they are-- entertainment venues-- and just roll with it.

If you can relax, and enjoy yourself, it'll make all the difference.

 

Also, even in those instances where it's hard to make yourself heard, a bit of eye contact and a warm and genuine smile can really win a girl's attention.

[quirky]

I personally tend to be attracted to this sort of guy, I don't like men that are very gregarious and extrovert. I like these guys because I assume there's more darkness, vulnerability, sensitivity there, that they are more unusual or something..Also I think I like them cos I'm quite bubbly myself and I admire the fact they can be calm and collected!

On the other hand that often leaves the woman to make the first move and many women don't like that, they will assume that if you don't talk to them, you don't find them attractive.

[servedcold]

servedcold, that is wonderful stuff! As an assertive, gregarious, extroverted woman it would be ideal if the men stayed mostly in one place so I could "visit" the conversations of the ones I was interested in until I found where I was most comfortable.

 

Thanks, the advice applies equally to women, basically to anyone who wants to learn how to be the life of the party and to have more fun socializing.

 

If anyone wants to read more about this, there was an old book called "Power, How to Get it, How to Use it." by Michael Korda, no idea if it's still in print.

 

Also, of course, for the raw basics, Sun Tzu's the "Art of War" has lots of excellent social insights as does Machiavelli's "The Prince"

 

Of course you have to strip lots of the "Machiavellian" statecraft stuff out when just working a room. Best not to go around stabbing and poisoning your fellow party-goers, though folks have done some of that too to great effect

[Celestialagape54]

I personally tend to be attracted to this sort of guy, I don't like men that are very gregarious and extrovert. I like these guys because I assume there's more darkness, vulnerability, sensitivity there, that they are more unusual or something..Also I think I like them cos I'm quite bubbly myself and I admire the fact they can be calm and collected!

On the other hand that often leaves the woman to make the first move and many women don't like that, they will assume that if you don't talk to them, you don't find them attractive.

 

I agree with quirky girl--I love guys who are the strong silent type!! Maybe the reason you are not approaching these women is because you feel that you might not have anything in common with them and the conversation could fizzle out rather quickly.

 

You mentioned that you liked things like Magic and death metal and according to you they are not things that many girls like, maybe you afraid that these girls will not understand you?

 

I am the same way sometimes and I have a hard time finding a guy who likes the things I am into, I am confident in myself and I don't care if people like the same things as me or not but I still don't want to be made fun of!

[Bartok]

You can be cool, confident, and relaxed all day long, but if you aren't talkative, girls will not be into you. I have no desire to be the life of the party, but when I do open my mouth, people tend to listen. I'm not a follower - but not a leader, either.

 

The two who said they like strong, silent types are either A) lying to make you feel better, or B) a very, very rare breed of woman that I haven't run into yet.

 

EDIT: Also, a fear of talking to women doesn't exactly qualify you for the "strong, silent" title

[hexaemeron]

It might just be me, but I act the same whether I'm around people I am interested in or not. They can take me or leave me, and I'll still be fine. I think a lot of people recognize putting on personality facets for socialization and it turns them off.

 

I say screw it. If you wanna come up and talk to me, do it. If not, that's cool.

[trezz]

what is the response of the women you engage with when drunk?

if i see a drunk person i do not want to be rude so will pass myself with them but certainly not stay around them.

to me a person who needs to get drunk to socialise would benefit from assertivness classes.

drunks serve two purposes to entertain or avoid.

i avoid i think any minute now s/he's gonna vomit!

[trezz]

i heard that alchol can reinforce personality traits-shy people get shyer.

i get depressed if i have more then 2 drinks others get happy.

 

the eye contact thing, i have had guys do this it creeps me out when done in the way you say.

i think 'what a burk! are you going to talk or do you like freaking people out.'

 

dont want to be cruel. guys doing what you describe i avoid.

few people are born brave. social skills can be tough to learn but are worth working at.

i would say lose the drunk in you and find the social person worth talking to.

is geting drunk getting the results you want?

[ay0_x]

It might just be me, but I act the same whether I'm around people I am interested in or not. They can take me or leave me, and I'll still be fine. I think a lot of people recognize putting on personality facets for socialization and it turns them off.

 

I say screw it. If you wanna come up and talk to me, do it. If not, that's cool.

 

High five.

 

I'm the strong/silent type & i'm a chick. & I prefer that type of guy, too. (don't ask me how the connection is made lol i don't understand it myself).

 

 

There ARE girls attracted to strongsilent guys. Trust =]

[Symbolic]

I don't go to the club and get drunk specifically to talk to girls. I go and get smashed because its fun. If I happen to be drunk and I see a cute girl, I will still be just as scared to talk to her as i would be when I was sober. That was the point I was making.

[trezz]

thats why i said alchol re-inforces personality traits.

 

shyness is a killer.

if you cant get assertivness classes get a book. i havent read the ones served cold suggested but was on my way to the library today so will look for them.

[ProtestTheHero]

You'll be amazed at how quickly strong/silent becomes quiet/boring. You can only be so uninvolved before you are forgotten, and it's definitely not something I'd recommend if you're not a conventional hottie.

[ay0_x]

You'll be amazed at how quickly strong/silent becomes quiet/boring. You can only be so uninvolved before you are forgotten, and it's definitely not something I'd recommend if you're not a conventional hottie.

 

That's so not true. Just because someone doesn't want to be all OUT THERE it doesn't mean they're boring!

 

I know so many extroverted people who open their mouthes and just make me feel like "Oh my god you are so vapid please SHUT UP you are killing me with your ignorance and uninterestingness why do you insist on speaking YOU ARE LAME". Quality of speech > quantity. Being the strong silent type doesn't mean that you're forever doomed to being quiet.

[Life-is]

What about strong and silent women? What do men think about them?

[starlight40]

Aslong as its the strong silent type not the strong secretive type!ha

[Life-is]

Secretive meaning--one who doesn't spill out her guts in a drunken conversation?

[starlight40]

Secretive meaning--one who doesn't spill out her guts in a drunken conversation?

 

I was talking about my ex actually........i though he was the strong silent type but turned out to be secretive and downright devious

[sparkles4]

I tend to overlook the strong silent types and go for the loudest, most obnoxious person in the room, probably because I'm loud and obnoxious myself. But there are many women who are intrigued by the quieter guys; it's kind of mysterious and makes them curious to know more about you.

[Life-is]

Hmm. I love your signatures by the way. hit the nail on head.

 

The there has to be a way to weed the strong-silent ones from secretive-devious ones. I guess one good way would be to watch their action over time and how consistent they are with little things.

[starlight40]

Hmm. I love your signatures by the way. hit the nail on head.

 

The there has to be a way to weed the strong-silent ones from secretive-devious ones. I guess one good way would be to watch their action over time and how consistent they are with little things.

 

Why thank you! ha.

 

Yeh, i rekon i could weed em out now......