vertigoxo Posted September 6, 2009 Share Posted September 6, 2009 But, the thing we're getting it at. Is it the black mens' fault for scaring her? Or is this something she has to deal with on her own? It's not the OP's fault if this woman assumes he's a hounddog creeper due to her own issues. It's nobody's fault is where I'm getting at. It's not the OP's fault the woman has issues, just like it's not the woman's fault for getting inappropriate attention. But it also isn't the fault of every other black man either. And you can't really expect that if she sees a black man in the street and treats him in a very negative way that he is going to think to himself "she must have been raped by someone with the same skin colour as me and therefore I will go away so she isn't further traumatised." The lady on the show doesn't treat black men negatively, though. She just starts crying and run away. And while that may look odd to outsiders, we have to remember that it's not her fault she gets like that. It is burned to her psychological hard drive that as of now, any black man can be a potential threat to her. Thankfully, she is getting help. Link to comment
DN Posted September 6, 2009 Share Posted September 6, 2009 It's nobody's fault is where I'm getting at. It's not the OP's fault the woman has issues, just like it's not the woman's fault for getting inappropriate attention. The lady on the show doesn't treat black men negatively, though. She just starts crying and run away. And while that may look odd to outsiders, we have to remember that it's not her fault she gets like that. It is burned to her psychological hard drive that as of now, any black man can be a potential threat to her. Thankfully, she is getting help. Don't misunderstand me - I feel very sorry for that woman. But how would you feel if a stranger looked at you, burst into tears and ran away? You would have no idea why but I bet you would feel embarrassed and hurt at some level, especially if you had the heritage than many blacks have of discrimination and unfounded fear of their skin colour.. Link to comment
DN Posted September 6, 2009 Share Posted September 6, 2009 It's nobody's fault is where I'm getting at. It's not the OP's fault the woman has issues, just like it's not the woman's fault for getting inappropriate attention. The lady on the show doesn't treat black men negatively, though. She just starts crying and run away. And while that may look odd to outsiders, we have to remember that it's not her fault she gets like that. It is burned to her psychological hard drive that as of now, any black man can be a potential threat to her. Thankfully, she is getting help. Don't misunderstand me - I feel very sorry for that woman. But how would you feel if a stranger looked at you, burst into tears and ran away? You would have no idea why but I bet you would feel embarrassed and hurt at some level, especially if you had the heritage than many blacks have of discrimination and unfounded fear of their skin colour.. Link to comment
Cognitive_Canine Posted September 6, 2009 Share Posted September 6, 2009 How is having a crush on someone and never really talking to them nor approaching them...innappropriate attention? What is innappropriate about a grown man liking a grown woman? Link to comment
Cognitive_Canine Posted September 6, 2009 Share Posted September 6, 2009 How is having a crush on someone and never really talking to them nor approaching them...innappropriate attention? What is innappropriate about a grown man liking a grown woman? Link to comment
browneyedgirl36 Posted September 6, 2009 Share Posted September 6, 2009 How is having a crush on someone and never really talking to them nor approaching them...innappropriate attention? What is innappropriate about a grown man liking a grown woman? Yeah...this was my question. I fail to see how a crush is inappropriate attention. Link to comment
browneyedgirl36 Posted September 6, 2009 Share Posted September 6, 2009 How is having a crush on someone and never really talking to them nor approaching them...innappropriate attention? What is innappropriate about a grown man liking a grown woman? Yeah...this was my question. I fail to see how a crush is inappropriate attention. Link to comment
Lucy__lou Posted September 6, 2009 Share Posted September 6, 2009 The fact that someone has been sexually harassed by a man does not mean that they get to treat all men as the enemy. I agree. It doesn't give someone the right, the authority, or the privilege of actively, going out and deliberately treating all men as the enemy. But this girl isn't actively going out and doing anything. She hasn't gone to HR. She hasn't accused the OP of doing anything wrong. She's just not handling it well emotionally. But if I'm right in guessing that this woman's reaction to this guy might be more involuntary than it seems, more of an anxiety reaction, then saying she hasn't got the right to feel that way is futile. We don't choose he way we feel. I guess this is why I thought that a letter might be useful. I know everyone disagreed here, because maybe even though she's avoiding him in this over the top way, maybe she knows at a rational level that it's over the top, and maybe she feels guilty about her reactions. I know that I feel guilty about my reactions to the guy that I'm currently having anxiety towards. I see the absurdity of it but I keep doing it. If he were to give me a letter communicating that he acknowledged my discomfort, and intended to respect my boundaries and keep a distance and not try to get close to me, I would really appreciate it and it might improve our interactions tremendously. The whole fear of HR thing is based on an assumption that she is as childish as she seems. What I'm proposing is that maybe she isn't. Maybe she is capable of handling this in an adult way, if communicated with in an adult way. I really don't know. I'm just putting that one out there. Link to comment
Lucy__lou Posted September 6, 2009 Share Posted September 6, 2009 The fact that someone has been sexually harassed by a man does not mean that they get to treat all men as the enemy. I agree. It doesn't give someone the right, the authority, or the privilege of actively, going out and deliberately treating all men as the enemy. But this girl isn't actively going out and doing anything. She hasn't gone to HR. She hasn't accused the OP of doing anything wrong. She's just not handling it well emotionally. But if I'm right in guessing that this woman's reaction to this guy might be more involuntary than it seems, more of an anxiety reaction, then saying she hasn't got the right to feel that way is futile. We don't choose he way we feel. I guess this is why I thought that a letter might be useful. I know everyone disagreed here, because maybe even though she's avoiding him in this over the top way, maybe she knows at a rational level that it's over the top, and maybe she feels guilty about her reactions. I know that I feel guilty about my reactions to the guy that I'm currently having anxiety towards. I see the absurdity of it but I keep doing it. If he were to give me a letter communicating that he acknowledged my discomfort, and intended to respect my boundaries and keep a distance and not try to get close to me, I would really appreciate it and it might improve our interactions tremendously. The whole fear of HR thing is based on an assumption that she is as childish as she seems. What I'm proposing is that maybe she isn't. Maybe she is capable of handling this in an adult way, if communicated with in an adult way. I really don't know. I'm just putting that one out there. Link to comment
vertigoxo Posted September 6, 2009 Share Posted September 6, 2009 Don't misunderstand me - I feel very sorry for that woman. But how would you feel if a stranger looked at you, burst into tears and ran away? You would have no idea why but I bet you would feel embarrassed and hurt at some level, especially if you had the heritage than many blacks have of discrimination and unfounded fear of their skin colour.. DN, I am a woman of latin decedent (I'm a mixed race, but that is beside the point). I have had white people believe I will mug them or do something horrible to them, to their disbelief and shock that I am way more educated and way different than how they make latinos/latinas look in the media. It does make me feel bad and insulted but I have to deal with the fact that sometimes, we have to make the best of life despite stereotypes. How is having a crush on someone and never really talking to them nor approaching them...innappropriate attention? What is innappropriate about a grown man liking a grown woman? I meant in past references. Like the woman may have been sexually harrassed in the past by other men. My apologies. Link to comment
vertigoxo Posted September 6, 2009 Share Posted September 6, 2009 Don't misunderstand me - I feel very sorry for that woman. But how would you feel if a stranger looked at you, burst into tears and ran away? You would have no idea why but I bet you would feel embarrassed and hurt at some level, especially if you had the heritage than many blacks have of discrimination and unfounded fear of their skin colour.. DN, I am a woman of latin decedent (I'm a mixed race, but that is beside the point). I have had white people believe I will mug them or do something horrible to them, to their disbelief and shock that I am way more educated and way different than how they make latinos/latinas look in the media. It does make me feel bad and insulted but I have to deal with the fact that sometimes, we have to make the best of life despite stereotypes. How is having a crush on someone and never really talking to them nor approaching them...innappropriate attention? What is innappropriate about a grown man liking a grown woman? I meant in past references. Like the woman may have been sexually harrassed in the past by other men. My apologies. Link to comment
DN Posted September 6, 2009 Share Posted September 6, 2009 People have the right to feel what they feel and react as they wish providing it isn't illegal. But other people have the right to find that behaviour offensive or childish or an over-reaction and they have the right to say so, especially if they are on the receiving end of that behaviour and are not saying it to the person exhibiting that behaviour. Link to comment
DN Posted September 6, 2009 Share Posted September 6, 2009 People have the right to feel what they feel and react as they wish providing it isn't illegal. But other people have the right to find that behaviour offensive or childish or an over-reaction and they have the right to say so, especially if they are on the receiving end of that behaviour and are not saying it to the person exhibiting that behaviour. Link to comment
DunwichChild Posted September 6, 2009 Share Posted September 6, 2009 How would he know that she's not as childish as she seems?, he might as well not risk it, after all interactions between them are few anyway. Link to comment
DunwichChild Posted September 6, 2009 Share Posted September 6, 2009 How would he know that she's not as childish as she seems?, he might as well not risk it, after all interactions between them are few anyway. Link to comment
DN Posted September 6, 2009 Share Posted September 6, 2009 DN, I am a woman of latin decedent (I'm a mixed race, but that is beside the point). I have had white people believe I will mug them or do something horrible to them, to their disbelief and shock that I am way more educated and way different than how they make latinos/latinas look in the media. It does make me feel bad and insulted but I have to deal with the fact that sometimes, we have to make the best of life despite stereotypes. Then I think it fair that the OP has the right feel insulted and aggrieved or that men generally should feel the same way because of these gender or racial stereotypes such as the ones raised in this thread. Most people have been the victim to some extent of them - but we should be working to eliminate them not tolerate or accept them. Or perpetuate them. Link to comment
DN Posted September 6, 2009 Share Posted September 6, 2009 DN, I am a woman of latin decedent (I'm a mixed race, but that is beside the point). I have had white people believe I will mug them or do something horrible to them, to their disbelief and shock that I am way more educated and way different than how they make latinos/latinas look in the media. It does make me feel bad and insulted but I have to deal with the fact that sometimes, we have to make the best of life despite stereotypes. Then I think it fair that the OP has the right feel insulted and aggrieved or that men generally should feel the same way because of these gender or racial stereotypes such as the ones raised in this thread. Most people have been the victim to some extent of them - but we should be working to eliminate them not tolerate or accept them. Or perpetuate them. Link to comment
vertigoxo Posted September 6, 2009 Share Posted September 6, 2009 People have the right to feel what they feel and react as they wish providing it isn't illegal. But other people have the right to find that behaviour offensive or childish or an over-reaction and they have the right to say so, especially if they are on the receiving end of that behaviour and are not saying it to the person exhibiting that behaviour. Fair enough. I am only putting my insights about how it feels to be sexualized as a woman these days. I am not saying, "You would never understand, you're a MAN!" but I am only showing you a side of what us ladies have to go through. But I do know the OP's feelings about this and I hope he realizes that yes, it is embarrassing to have someone ignore you in a very obvious way like that. I'm sorry you had to go through that... ... I am also wondering if maybe the object of your desire is also bit by the love bug as well. Some people react strangely when they like someone else. I know when I like someone, I get pretty jittery and nervous and red-faced. I sometimes even avoid that person out of fear of looking stupid. Link to comment
vertigoxo Posted September 6, 2009 Share Posted September 6, 2009 People have the right to feel what they feel and react as they wish providing it isn't illegal. But other people have the right to find that behaviour offensive or childish or an over-reaction and they have the right to say so, especially if they are on the receiving end of that behaviour and are not saying it to the person exhibiting that behaviour. Fair enough. I am only putting my insights about how it feels to be sexualized as a woman these days. I am not saying, "You would never understand, you're a MAN!" but I am only showing you a side of what us ladies have to go through. But I do know the OP's feelings about this and I hope he realizes that yes, it is embarrassing to have someone ignore you in a very obvious way like that. I'm sorry you had to go through that... ... I am also wondering if maybe the object of your desire is also bit by the love bug as well. Some people react strangely when they like someone else. I know when I like someone, I get pretty jittery and nervous and red-faced. I sometimes even avoid that person out of fear of looking stupid. Link to comment
DN Posted September 6, 2009 Share Posted September 6, 2009 You do of course realise that women sexualise and sexually harass men as well? It may not be as prevalent but it does happen. No one should be subject to such things as sexual harrasment but it is possible to find it where it does not exist. Because otherwise how is someone to know, when confessing a crush as the OP did, if this is sexual harassment or a case of: I am also wondering if maybe the object of your desire is also bit by the love bug as well. Some people react strangely when they like someone else. I know when I like someone, I get pretty jittery and nervous and red-faced. I sometimes even avoid that person out of fear of looking stupid Link to comment
DN Posted September 6, 2009 Share Posted September 6, 2009 You do of course realise that women sexualise and sexually harass men as well? It may not be as prevalent but it does happen. No one should be subject to such things as sexual harrasment but it is possible to find it where it does not exist. Because otherwise how is someone to know, when confessing a crush as the OP did, if this is sexual harassment or a case of: I am also wondering if maybe the object of your desire is also bit by the love bug as well. Some people react strangely when they like someone else. I know when I like someone, I get pretty jittery and nervous and red-faced. I sometimes even avoid that person out of fear of looking stupid Link to comment
servedcold Posted September 6, 2009 Share Posted September 6, 2009 Debaser, couldn't rep you for it, but love the "hounddog creeper." I get the gist, but where did that come from etymology-wise? Link to comment
servedcold Posted September 6, 2009 Share Posted September 6, 2009 Debaser, couldn't rep you for it, but love the "hounddog creeper." I get the gist, but where did that come from etymology-wise? Link to comment
vertigoxo Posted September 6, 2009 Share Posted September 6, 2009 You do of course realise that women sexualise and sexually harass men as well? It may not be as prevalent but it does happen. No one should be subject to such things as sexual harrasment but it is possible to find it where it does not exist. Because otherwise how is someone to know, when confessing a crush as the OP did, if this is sexual harassment or a case of But of course I do! I am not being gender-biased about this at all. You also have to understand that men have way more power over women in many way possibles even after the feminism movement has been established. Even though we have the opportunity to work and be treated fairly as men, there are still some sexists out there that are outraged by the social changes and tend to take their anger out on us. That is what we fear more than anything... Or at least, what I fear the most. Link to comment
vertigoxo Posted September 6, 2009 Share Posted September 6, 2009 You do of course realise that women sexualise and sexually harass men as well? It may not be as prevalent but it does happen. No one should be subject to such things as sexual harrasment but it is possible to find it where it does not exist. Because otherwise how is someone to know, when confessing a crush as the OP did, if this is sexual harassment or a case of But of course I do! I am not being gender-biased about this at all. You also have to understand that men have way more power over women in many way possibles even after the feminism movement has been established. Even though we have the opportunity to work and be treated fairly as men, there are still some sexists out there that are outraged by the social changes and tend to take their anger out on us. That is what we fear more than anything... Or at least, what I fear the most. Link to comment
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