Dream

[WomanWriter]

Last night in my dream, my mom threw a party for a bunch of friends while I went to bed early. One of the invitees was my ex's mom. When I got up the next morning, there was a Polaroid photo of my ex with wild hair, holding his nephew.There were also two books he left for me about robots with secret codes etched in his handwriting and his signature "masked" smiley face (the one he used to use when we dated early on).

 

Then I was in some college class and my best female friend was angry at me because I wasn't speaking up about some label not fitting on my shirt. She huffed and puffed and left. I felt stupid for being so passive. Her younger sister was outspoken, and I remembered how Ex said she was cute and cool. He liked her. I felt sad for being such a wimp, so I went to bed.

 

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These dreams do reflect my low self-esteem. I feel like Ex wanted me to be more wild and outgoing. I was more accepting and mild and that was not good enough. It made me a "wimp" in his eyes. I bet next time he will get with a wild party chick who keeps him "whipped." I remember him saying he liked the feeling of being "whipped" when he was with his ex in high school--she'd ditch him for her friends and he'd be calling, upset that he couldn't see her. Funny how he lasted with me for 7 years and supposedly wanted to marry me. I was no challenge to him. Not unavailable enough. That sucks.