Internet dating is driving me Krazy!!!

[remmie111]

I hope you can help me cuz I am not too good at this online dating thing. I am dating a man who is a pro at it or so I think. He met his last g/friend of 12 months on a dating site and I think a wife but not sure. Anyway, I can respect that it is like his nightclub, or bar, or whatever to meet women. But, I am really liking him and I am worried about getting hurt.

 

We have been dating for almost 2 months about 5-6 dates. He calls several times a week and we text every day alot. He is always a gentleman, he was at my house last week and I was clear that I will "make out" but I dont have casual sex. He asked what that meant and I said it means sex only in a monogomous meaningful relationship, a b/friend g/friend exclusive thing. So, anyway he still called the next day and then left for a planned 10 day trip last Monday to see his parents. He called me and texts me every day with pics of what hes doing etc. His dad talked to me on the phone today. That was a good sign I thought. However, for all I know a buch of other chicks are getting the same texts.

 

Anyway, I have abstained from spying but tonight I gave in and checked out his on line profile under a different username. Well, he updated it and has it re-written and a few other things. So, he is very active on it.

 

What I need to know is:

 

Is he not serious about me?

Is he waiting around for something better?

Is he taking it slow with me?

Should I BAIL?

Is it possible that he really likes me at all?

 

Yes! I know the obvious answer is ask him! But really, I am afraid to do that at this level. I mean, we are free agents, he can do whatever he wants. However, I need advice as to whether or not I should continue dating him or be more cautious. I also don't want to appear desperate, pressuring, or lay my hand out before he does. One thing for sure, I was right not to sleep with him without exclusivity. I could get my heart broken.

 

I am in my 40's and in great shape, People usually think I am in my early 30's. He is also attractive but older. We are both professionals with Master's educations, and are super athletic, we have alot in common.

 

I will take advice from everyone because I dont care what your age is, to me it is all valuable! Thank you!!!

[remmie111]

Is he not serious about me? He is as serious as 5 or 6 dates and no sex is.

Is he waiting around for something better? Probably, or different, he is keeping his options open at this point - and you should too.

Is he taking it slow with me? yes, but that is what you requested isn't it?

Should I BAIL? No, not yet.

Is it possible that he really likes me at all? He likes you. Guys don't put that much effort into girls they dont like.

 

You say he's an on-line dating "pro" - well, he's seen things (potential relationships) crash and burn too then. This is pretty standard behavior for early days.

 

Do you want him to be your b/f? Do you want to accelerate things?

HI shuttlefish,

 

I would like to be exclusive, have sex and see where things go on a more intimate level.

 

that is a relief that you said this is standard behavior.

[jul-els]

You said it best, you are free agents. As long as you keep your boundaries, there's no reason not to stick around long enough to see if anything develops. When it comes to being afraid of getting hurt, I honestly think you should have a little bit thicker skin about it. It's still early, and you can't get to the good stuff unless you're willing to take a chance. Follow your gut and be wise.

[remmie111]

You said it best, you are free agents. As long as you keep your boundaries, there's no reason not to stick around long enough to see if anything develops. When it comes to being afraid of getting hurt, I honestly think you should have a little bit thicker skin about it. It's still early, and you can't get to the good stuff unless you're willing to take a chance. Follow your gut and be wise.

thanks, I will try to remember to have a thicker skin. I think it is because I have been dating awhile on and off line and this is the first guy I have liked so much, had chemistry with, and thought was pretty cool.

[BriarRose]

He is still "very active" on the singles site and you have been dating for 2 months. No, it does not sound like he is that serious about you. I think you should be "very active" on line, too and keep your options open.

[Batya33]

I don't think this has anything to do with how you met. If you met him at a bar the only difference would be you wouldn't know if he was going to the bar or other bars to meet other women - this way, you can check to see if he's keeping his options open.

 

I think it's fine that you didn't have sex with him and that should have no impact on whether he wants to be exclusive with you. For now I would treat this as casual dating with potential for exclusivity and keep your options open. 5 or 6 dates in 2 months is pretty casual (usually within the second month you see each other a bit more than once a week) so I would give it one more month of steady dating - at least 4 more dates - and then decide whether there is potential.

[redtan]

I don't get it, he's done nothing wrong (or nothing that would point to him doing something wrong) and you're already thinking about bailing out just because of speculation you have in your head? Maybe you're not really ready for this as it seems you might be making subcounscious reasons in your head to get out.

 

I mean cmon, he's being a damn good gentleman, staying in touch with you ALL the time, still talking to you even after you said no sex and all you can think of is that this guy is a jerk and that you should bail??

[remmie111]

I don't think this has anything to do with how you met. If you met him at a bar the only difference would be you wouldn't know if he was going to the bar or other bars to meet other women - this way, you can check to see if he's keeping his options open.

 

I think it's fine that you didn't have sex with him and that should have no impact on whether he wants to be exclusive with you. For now I would treat this as casual dating with potential for exclusivity and keep your options open. 5 or 6 dates in 2 months is pretty casual (usually within the second month you see each other a bit more than once a week) so I would give it one more month of steady dating - at least 4 more dates - and then decide whether there is potential.

you are right, we should be seeing eachother more, I have thought that too.

[remmie111]

I don't get it, he's done nothing wrong (or nothing that would point to him doing something wrong) and you're already thinking about bailing out just because of speculation you have in your head? Maybe you're not really ready for this as it seems you might be making subcounscious reasons in your head to get out.

 

I mean cmon, he's being a damn good gentleman, staying in touch with you ALL the time, still talking to you even after you said no sex and all you can think of is that this guy is a jerk and that you should bail??

I dont think hes a jerk, in fact it is the opposite. I am worried that if I keep dating him like this I will get hurt because I am liking him so much. So, I am asking for help to figure out what to do.

[remmie111]

He is still "very active" on the singles site and you have been dating for 2 months. No, it does not sound like he is that serious about you. I think you should be "very active" on line, too and keep your options open.

yes, you are probably right.

[dangletsbang]

It doesn't sound like he's as serious as you are, honey. Keep your options open..just like he is! You shouldn't be expected to be tied down to just him..if he's not returning the favor!

 

From the looks of it..you really like him..I understand..i've been there..but don't over analyze this..like I said..just keep your options open and stay strong!

[servedcold]

Seems you have bought in a bit much for 5-6 dates. Try to cultivate other options, get back active on the site and meet more men. If he hasn't started moving towards two dates per week in the third month of dating (which I guess starts when he gets back from his trip), he's probably not interested in exclusivity with you at the moment. In the future, try not to be receptive to lots of texts and calls from people whom you don't really know well yet, it can breed false familiarity and feelings. Best wishes.