Something funny Posted April 17, 2004 Share Posted April 17, 2004 Getting impatient with No Contact? Feeling like you'll never be "that" happy again? Can't stop thinking about him/her? Feel like everything is pointless? Post here and support eachother. We're not alone in this, after all. Link to comment
Dragonlady Posted April 17, 2004 Share Posted April 17, 2004 This sums up exactly how I feel. Wishing that I could talk to my ex but I know he wouldn't be very receptive (judging by his actions in the split) so No Contact is very difficult. I have good days and bad but it has only been a month. I know what I want and thats for us to get back together not because I need as I don't but I do love him. He is the first thing I think of in the morning and the last whilst lying in bed wishing he was next to me. I've posted my story on here but didn't get to much response, maybe i'm all screwed up. Anyway thanks, It's nice to know that there are other people who know how I feel (in a weird way because I wouldn't want to wish this feeling on my worst enemy!) Link to comment
Something funny Posted April 17, 2004 Author Share Posted April 17, 2004 Yeah, I basically feel the same (after 5 weeks). But in my case, cutting contact and improving myself really makes it feel better. But I still can't stop thinking about her either. Just like you say, she's the first thing I think of in the morning, and the last thing before I go to sleep. Link to comment
SteveNaive Posted April 17, 2004 Share Posted April 17, 2004 Hello you! I am feeling exactly the same way. My girlfriend broke up with me six weeks ago and went off with another guy. We have been back again, then apart again, then friends, then she missed me but didn't want commitment, and last week she sent me come ons for five consecutive days, how she was missing me and how she would like my arms around her...we never really stopped seeing each other...but now she seems to be bound for a new relationship. she still says she loves me and wants me but just not now. I know that I do not have anything to lose, because she is already gone, but I want her back so badly. Until Wednesday I still was in love with her but then she told me she wanted us to stop seeing and dating each other as that would be cheating on her new bf. Before that day she always picked me over him, but now things are different. all of a sudden she is so distant... Link to comment
pip Posted April 17, 2004 Share Posted April 17, 2004 I feel *exactly* the same as Dragonlady. I have so many ups and downs, even within one day. But I must admit that as time has passed, it has become less intense. I'm still not over it, but I do feel a bit lighter, no longer completely paralyzed with grief PS SteveNaive, I would forget about that girl. She sounds like she can't even get her head straight, and would only mess you up emotionally. Link to comment
Something funny Posted April 17, 2004 Author Share Posted April 17, 2004 Yeah, it's amazing that time really does heal the wounds. I was at a concert the other day, and they played a song my ex used to sing to me when I was sleeping in her lap. A few weeks ago, I would have broken down completely, but now I could handle it, even though I got sad. Link to comment
SteveNaive Posted April 17, 2004 Share Posted April 17, 2004 Hey... thx for that advice. You are definitely not the only one who is saying that. And yes I think she definitely is not able to get her head straight. that is what she has been telling me. in the beginning I always was the rock in the sea of her emotions that she could cling to. I always would help her, even if it meant giving myself up. And she has honoured me for that by being open and truthful as far as she could. But at one point the tables turned and I don't know what went wrong. So i guess i rellay do not have a chance anymore. If I had would I consider it? Yes, definitely. I am stupid and want to be hurt... Link to comment
486dx4 Posted April 17, 2004 Share Posted April 17, 2004 Yes, no contact is tough stuff. After almost 1 month of no contact I ran into my ex in the neighborhood and I had no problems talking to her and I looked confident and had all my stuff together. The conversation was neutral and nothing was brought up about the relationship in any way. I don't think she really wanted to talk to me perhaps but she said to write/call her (she was the one who dumped me). Well, after a simple e-mail and 2 IM's when she was online there was no response back so I backed off. Maybe me being so forward in talking to her that day backfired but then again perhaps not. I don't quite understand why I did not get any e-mail or IM responses but what can you do - she does know I'm still around I guess and I don't regret what I did in talking to her. Of course now the no contact clock has been reset and I'm in the middle of week 2 now. I do miss her very much but trying to e-mail/contact her is not a good thing to do. If she tries to contact me again then so be it (that sort of happened during the initial month of no contact) and I'll have to decide where to go from that point. I do ride a rollercoaster of emotions from being very depressed to ok with things. But time does allow you to cope with things much better. Yes, I slip from time to time but that probably will happen for a while. Link to comment
Belle Posted April 17, 2004 Share Posted April 17, 2004 I'm only in week 1 of no contact. I made the mistake of breaking up with someone after a short but very intense relationship because I tend to withdraw when I get scared that someone could or has hurt me. I ended up calling and we met and talked about things for hours but he was still gunshy that I might hurt him again at the slightest provocation. He hasn't owned up to his responsibility for hurting me, although I've apologized several times for hurting him. He said he only wants to be friends, the day after he wanted to see me again and be with me. He promised to return my things but hasn't. I feel like he's waiting for things to calm down and try again. The problem is that he may have gone back to his ex-girlfriend which would be a deal breaker for me. I put myself out there and took a risk, which is uncharacteristic of me in love. I fly when things go wrong. I've sought therapy and realize that if I want a healthy, intimate relationship I have to stop running. But I can't do the work for both of us. The waiting is the hardest part. If I knew it was truly over I believe I could move on easier. This guy would have given me the stars and now he doesn't want to give me a chance. How can that be? And why is it that I still want him back knowing that I'm willing to take responsibility and he doesn't? Link to comment
sugarplum_pdx Posted April 17, 2004 Share Posted April 17, 2004 I'm feeling down today. My boyfriend dumped me a month and a half ago, and was also cheating. I've had good and bad days, but last night I had a bunch of dreams about him, and in the dream he was always leaving me for her again. I woke up and couldn't think about anything else except the events of the last days that I was with him, when I found out about him cheating. And even after I found out, I went to my mom's for the weekend to get away from him (we lived together), and while I was gone he slept with the other girl again, even though I asked him to please wait until I moved out. He just continued to do more and more things to hurt me. It's just really hard to accept that someone you loved could treat you so badly. And to make things worse, I still care for him ... a lot. I can't stop thinking about him, despite how badly things ended. Link to comment
Something funny Posted April 17, 2004 Author Share Posted April 17, 2004 Jeez, I already have to use my own topic. I hate having mutual friends. A while ago, I found out that my ex is going out partying with our main mutual friend. I just don't want to know things like that, I don't want to think about her going home with some sleazy stock broker or dancing with some latino lover. I just want to get those thoughts out of my brain. Link to comment
SteveNaive Posted April 17, 2004 Share Posted April 17, 2004 Well, kinda just wanted to see what was going on here. I have to say I am happy I could get rid of my stuff here this morning...was kind of in need of an emotional wastebin... No matter what they do to us, we will make it! i hope... Link to comment
Mix Maxster Posted April 17, 2004 Share Posted April 17, 2004 Hey man you shouldn't say you weren't good enough, it truly wasn't your fault for anything that you have done. There might have been something that the person doubted that they never thought they'd be able to accept or think would change, but that's your personality and you shouldn't just change that because someone can't accept it. So inadvertently it really isn't your fault. One thing I've noticed, is that the ones who say they don't want to get back with their ex are usually in denial, sorry if I'm being mean or anything, it's how I feel about my ex now that's all. I feel that I wouldn't want her back, but really I'm just bitter because I feel she made a mistake. I wouldn't take her back right now for the reason our relationship had just ended recently and there's some left over emotions, but if she wanted to get back together I know this time it WOULD be different because of all the realizations that had occurred in myself and I know that who I want to be, isn't who I am yet and that it's someone she was hoping I would be. If I became that person down the road I have NO doubt she'd want to live with me forever because there was so much right than wrong in my relationship with her, but it isn't my fault for who I am. She just can't take any chances and her fears are enough to have made her second guess everything I would never hold that against her. She's aware of her doubts and I'm scared for them too because it's something I know I've had a problem dealing with myself, but I know she'd want to stay if her doubts weren't there anymore. The reason I say all of this, is that you have been apart for 5 years and you still say that it's difficult not talking to them and that it's a relief too. I'm sorry you have to be put through so much agony, but there's a reason why people love and fall out of love, only after we realize why do we know what to do next. Link to comment
lisaria Posted April 17, 2004 Share Posted April 17, 2004 Hey Monet, I absolutely hate weekends!!! They are when I just can't stop thinking about him. Today in the car I had this stupid thought: "Why should I just give up on him? We went through so much together and I fought for him and I helped him through so much, and I want him, why should I just give up and let that other b#itc# take him?" It's been 6 weeks since I had contact other than running into him at the gym and saying hi to each other then. What should I do? What would be the next step? Remember he is with someone else and I do not want to be pushy, but he's not going to call me or email me, so what should I do? This started out about being blue, I'm not sure what happened but yeah, I am blue and scared. If I do contact him and he ignores me or is so damned polite it would just hurt. Should I wait still? I could possibly see him at the gym one night this week. What to do... I guess I just have to say that I get super blue on the weekends. Just feeling ok right now, becasue for some stupid reason I have hope that I can eventually get him back. What do ya'll think? Lisa Link to comment
Langeveldt Posted April 17, 2004 Share Posted April 17, 2004 Nice thread by the way... Its been a long time since the split (6 months)... I love this girl to bits, but everything about us is so flat and unemotional... Now Ive felt myself slowly turning to her "mate"... The one she shares exam grades and chats to like nothing ever happened between us at all... Its hard loving someone so much, and then all you get is a horrible cold hug at the end of it.. I try no contact, she feels ignored and unwanted.. I spend time with other girls and she gets jealous.. So this is me, a "happy" be there for her friend... Im tired of feeling so bitter about a girl i love so much.. Im tired of living a lie... I see absolutely no end to it.. She cant live with me and she cant live without me... Iem tired of being happy just for her until she gets with someone else.. Being used?? Most definitely! One day she will be off with some wedge shaped rugby playing hormone, and will forget I even existed... To sum up my mood?? Ive gotten over her, but I still want her really badly.. Im happy... But this has turned me into a really really bitter and cold shell of the person I used to be.. Link to comment
lisaria Posted April 18, 2004 Share Posted April 18, 2004 Hey Monet, Did you get the reply I sent to your PM? It's not showing up in my sentbox, that's why I wonder. Lisa Link to comment
Something funny Posted April 18, 2004 Author Share Posted April 18, 2004 Langeveldt, you should try cutting contact again. Try making her understand that you can't just be her "friend in need". Hanging out with her like a friend isn't fair to either you or her. Just give her an ultimatum - do it subtle or obvious. If she says no, just cut the contact and bide your time. You will either get over her or find yourself in a better position for getting her back later. Use time to YOUR advantage. Link to comment
rlemon Posted April 18, 2004 Share Posted April 18, 2004 I have the same problem, Langeveldt She only broke up with me 2 weeks ago and I started no contact, but then she called me a few days later, saying she is there for me and she doesn't want me to think she is cruel and cinical, because she is hurting too... We went out two nights ago and i was acting like her best friend, although it was incredibly hard for me. Then, yesterday she didn't even call me (i must add i had been away this week and she called me twice a day). I'm starting to think she was just feeling lonely the past few days because all her new friends were away. And when she got someone to hang out with, she forgot i was there. Anyway, it's very hard for me to just be her best friend. We are friends for a reason, we have a history together, we love each other (or used to, anyway), it doesn't seem right for me to be the guy she "likes and apreciates most". Link to comment
fantasia2004 Posted April 18, 2004 Share Posted April 18, 2004 Hold on people, I hope within time you will evenually rise from this pain, look back and recover knowing that you tried your best and forgive yourself the significant otherof yours and the situation. I know that it has been hard even for me too, but I no longer feel bitterness against him my ex- Love yourself and breathe again it is the only way otherwise you will cripple and die emotionally. Let go finally.....And love again Link to comment
Langeveldt Posted April 18, 2004 Share Posted April 18, 2004 Its so hard to let go, because we go to college in the same town and are bound to bump into each other all the time.. She becomes clingy and obsessive the moment it becomes clear I am cooling things off.. She then gets jealous when Im with other girls (yet does not stop going on about how good other blokes look to her)... Sometimes I feel like im the dumper, not the dumpee!! Anyway, this puts me in a strong position, if i gradually cool things off, that will either push her away completely or make her want me that little bit more.. Either way is better than this cold matey status quo.. it makes me sick... Link to comment
SteveNaive Posted April 18, 2004 Share Posted April 18, 2004 Hey Langeveldt, i can completely understand you. My situation is just about the same, check rich's and my forum for details, maybe there's some advice there you can use, if you need it. I was dumped as well. Saw her yesterday, snogging with her new bf. She tells me she misses me and sends me messages she wants to meet me and as soon as I turn up she shoves me away again. Link to comment
Langeveldt Posted April 18, 2004 Share Posted April 18, 2004 Hey Langeveldt, i can completely understand you. My situation is just about the same, check rich's and my forum for details, maybe there's some advice there you can use, if you need it. I was dumped as well. Saw her yesterday, snogging with her new bf. She tells me she misses me and sends me messages she wants to meet me and as soon as I turn up she shoves me away again. Cheers for the feedback... Ill have a read around, but I think its all down to her now and there is nothing more I can do...Im happier, im working out and im with other girls (much to her annoyance) When she inevitably gets her shiny new boyfriend, im going to tell her just where to go (politely of course!) To be honest, if she needs me to be there for her, then her boyfriend isnt doing a very good job is he? I think other people can learn from that too.. And im going to tell her straight when she comes to me.... Anyway, im tired of being used, and im tired of being in love with someone I dont even respect... Glad i found you people tho... Link to comment
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