Dating new people isn't helping me get over him.

[pip]

Hi everyone. A few months ago I was dumped by a guy I was totally in love with. I've had a really hard time with it - it has totally destroyed my sense of worth and self-esteem.

 

In the past few weeks I've felt a little better, and have begun dating new guys. They are all lovely guys - educated, engaging, etc. But I find that none of them make me feel the way my Ex did. They just don't do it for me. When I come home after a date, I get depressed about not being with my ex-boyfriend and I spend a few days crying and wishing he'd come back.

 

Any advice? I really need to get over him. Thanks

[kayc73]

Hi Pip.... I know how you feel! I'm going through the samething. I guess we still have to give ourselves time! And when we do meet other guys just think of them as a friend and not as someone to fill the ex's shoes! I say to myself all the time that everyone is different and to give them a go! Thinking about it now, I wasn't attracted to my ex to start with, didn't even think he was good looking and to kiss him...YUCK! I was thinking of someone else at the time and complaining to him about being single again. But as time went by and I saw him more often and got to know him better, I thought heres a lovely guy right infront of me who cares and who listens to me! Soooo... i gave it a go!

But here I am again back to square one! Hang in there and just keep doing what your doing, atleast your getting out and about! Someday soon you'll be crying with happiness cause you've met someone that you click with in more ways than one!!

Hope your feeling better and this has helped put a back on your dial!

[pip]

Thanks Kayc73. It's funny - I never found my ex attractive at first, either. I guess I should take it as a sign that there are probably lots of guys out there who are right for me, even if I don't spot it right away.

 

PS - Where abouts in Oz are you?

[blueyed99]

I am having the same problem. Its awful, isnt it? Maybe its too soon for both of us?

 

My fiancee and are over OVER once again .. and I do think its the final chapter. He broke up with me about a month ago after I admitted I had snooped through his cell phone/ checked his outgoing and incoming call lists while he was in the shower. Yes . I KNOW ... I was WRONG. And, trust me .. I'm eating now because I was wrong to snoop and WRONG about who this person .. this girl turned out to be a coworker who I had infact heard of .. but forgot her name .. and the reason he was calling her turned out to be entirely authentic. He wasnt BSing me this time around. I should have TAKEN A DEEP breathe before I went ape and turned out to be wayy off in my accusations. I am totally at fault. I shouldnt have convicted him before he was proven guilty. Because this time he was infact innocent.

 

The day we broke up .. once I'd snooped and saw the first name that wasnt recognizable right away, I panicked, jumped the gun .. got all fired up and defensive, and walked straight into the bathroom even though he was still taking a shower {saw he had made three calls to a girl who's name I didnt recognize} I asked him who the girl was. I told him I had never heard her name and asked why he had called her 3x in a row on x given morning. Well, I didnt really ask .. I kinda TOLD .. and before he had a chance to answer, I SAID I didnt EVEN WANT TO hear his bull lame excuses. Then, I left the house.

 

That afternoon , up until about a week later, I apologized and left messages and sent emails but he refuses to talk to me nor have anything to do with me. I do think his reaction is a bit over the top but .. hey, maybe he was just looking for an out .. and this was the final straw. He left his keys to my place and hasnt spoken to me since -- well, not really.

A friend of my ex's told me he's sick of the fighting and BS in our relationship and doesnt think the relationship is gonna work between us. .. he said I need to get on with my life. Supposedly my ex told him that it was a mistake to get back together with me the last time. He said he wouldnt make that same mistake again.

I am not okay with his decision to break up but there is NOTHING I can do about it. Its not my choice and I cant force anyone to talk to me if they dont want to. So, I recently started dating and its been a nightmare.I am soo depressed .. when I arrive home after a date .. realizing this person IS NOT my ex .. realizing my entire life is different and will be different and the person I thought I'd be with the rest of my life .. is no longer a part of my dreams .. my future.

 

Sorry .. back to the original question .. I would LOVE to know what to do when going out with friends and dating other great guys aren't doing the trick but only causing me to miss my ex more than I do on any other day. I dread the weekends now. THEY SUCK. Does anyone have any advice? Please?

[Mines a black coffee]

Pip, I don't really have much advice for you, but becasue you were so helpful with me i'd like to at least try to return the favour by offering support.

Like kayc73 said, it really does get better and easier. Not much help for you at the moment i understand, however, although its an overused cliche, time is the greatest healer. Before you know it someone will come into your life who is better than your ex, you won't even compare them anyway because this new guy will keep your mind occupied with the present. Like i said, that's my 2 cents worth, sorry for no real help, but thinking of you.

[disEnchantid]

hey pip & kayc!

I can't believe that we had such similar experiences! I totally was not attracted to my ex at the beginning either and to go from that to this seems so bizarre. Like you, pip, I have gone out on dates and cried when I got home because no one seems to have the qualities I am looking for that my ex did and every bad date makes me miss him that much more. I have been missing him a lot lately, and I'm not sure why, but it has been really tough the past couple days. I'm even having dreams about him again. I'm trying really hard to meet people and have made some new female friends which I am really happy about. I guess we need to resign ourselves to accepting that time is the only healer and until the ex loses their awe in our minds, no one is going to be good enough for us. I think I have decided that the best thing for me right now is to stop focusing on finding someone else right now. My heart is still mending ;-)

 

everyone's advice has been great on this thread, so there isn't much more for me to offer, excpet hang in there, we're here for you, and one day, someone else will make you feel that way again.

 

dE