Please I need help

[Jessica21]

After dating a guy for 1year and 2 months I was totally in love with him. I gave him my complete heart, became a part of his family and let him into my family and friends. Our problems began when last July when he cheated on me. It was a kiss and after a long time I forgave him. It was hard but I loved him so much. After months of happiness and him talking about marriage then 3 days before Valentines day he tells me that he loves me as a friend, not a girlfriend. This completely crushes me and I spend 2 weeks crying, not eating, and feeling like I want to die. At the end of the 3rd week we had made plans to go to our company party and so we decided to go as friends. Of course I went hoping he would realize how good we are together and he did. At the end of the night he told me how wonderful I was and how perfect I was for him. He said he wanted to take things really slow. We didn't hang out much the next week and he had asked me to hang out Sunday but did not call until 11pm and said he had fallen asleep all day. (Could be possible with him but still BS) So then that following Wednesday I blow up and ask him what is going on and he tells me he thinks we should split up for good. Here I am back at square one and not knowing how to act. I tell him that it is fine but I do not want to talk to him at all and I do not want to be friends. The 3 weeks when we were broken up before we still talked regularly. So its been a week since I told him that and we have not spoken. I miss him so much and everyday seems to get harder, I thought it would get easier. I dreamed of marriage, children, building a house, my whole future involved him. So I feel as if I've lost him and lost all of my hopes and dreams. He live about 5 mins down the road from me, we work together, and we have common friends. Should I try talking to him and try to be his friend or should I keep trying to stay away from him? How do I get over this man that I still want to be with so badly?

[Gilgamesh]

This is very painful i know what your feeling trust me, my loving girlfriend of 4 years broke up with me just like that, and everything was wonderful, no ights arguments etc. very passionate, and we were also making plans of marriage and having a child. poof my hopes, dreams gone in an instant. she just plain decided she had enough of me. nothing ii did wrong, was on a trip, she got depressed by my absense and a medical treatment, felt abandoned and then went out with a childhood crush.

 

I like you dont eat, cant sleep, feel worthless, and have lost faith in myself and my future in relationships, I trusted this woman completely, are relationship was very very strong and romantic, its a shock to me and everyone that knows us, even her mother cried when she found out.

 

As for my advice I dont believe this man is worthy of you, youll never be able to trust him, because his antics could just pop up again. you need to break it off completely, and start healing, it does hurt like bloody hell, I cry without control everyday, its still a shock, but today i just came to the conclusion that its never gonna work out, she betrayed my trust, and was very inconsiderate in the way she handled it, just started treating me like i was some guy asking for change. I dragged my hopes along for 2 weeks, before realizing the extent of her evil doings. but now i have closure and now can start licking my wounds.

[SwingFox]

Dear Jessica, Hi Gilgamesh,

 

I wish you both strength and good luck in your healing process.

 

Jessica, I know that this might sound painful, but there are very BIG chances that even if you get together again, this guy will let you go in a heartbeat again, leaving you heartbroken. The situation you find yourself in right now is totally natural. You have invested so much time in him and your relationship. That doesn't go away overnight, but I can tell you that time WILL heal your wounds.

 

Gilgamesh, I admire your courage. I think you have taken a wise decision and a wonderful job.

 

I hope both of you will find true happiness again.

 

~ SwingFox ~

[bleeder]

Hi Jessica,

 

The old rock band Cinderella used to have a ballad called "Don't Know What You've Got Till It's Gone". This is just so very true of the human psyche.

 

When we give our best, our time and efforts to someone, most of the time it is gonna go uncherished or untreasured. We can't really pin the blame on anyone or anything, but when it comes to love.... we have to recognise the efforts our partners are giving. That is mandatory. In your case, he is clearly not doing so.

 

I have done all I could for my marriage, yet it still fell apart. Why? Plainly because I cannot sustain it alone. I have an ex-wife with a totally different objective and direction in life. Our family and home is not in her list.

 

We, those who are in relationships, will come to a point deciding that enough is enough. We cannot go on living based on someone else's dictation of what we should do.

 

Sisters are standing up for themselves? Keep that in mind.

[ginger_b]

hi. i read your posts..... I posted my situation here about a month ago. My boyfriend dumped me... then asked me to get back together with him, promising he would change and be positive, in particular, well, I think people deserve second chances so I gave one to him. He broke my heart in exactly the same way. He´s depressed about nothing. at the age of 18 who can think that life is crap, monotonous and shallow? well, he did, andn i did everything i could to help him. still he woulnt let me . he first told me he didnt want to see me to think things for a day, then for a week. Ive been fighting really hard to be happy these last months, and he was making me feel sorry for everything. He doesnt realize that when he says his life is meaningless it means that our relationship is that too. I feel so stupid for returning to him. I broke up with him two days ago. I love him and thought he was the only one for me, but looks as though he doesnt love me... I am going to have to move on, like it or not. this sucks.

[jl301]

Hey Jessica21,

 

I just want to say couple things and I don't know if it help you with your situation. I know is really diffcult not being with the one that you love so dearly. Those wonder moments that you spend with him don't easily go away. I know is really difficult because you miss him so much. I toltally understand because I am kind in the same situation you are in. However, I was the one that mess up and hurt the love of my life. If you like you can go read my story is title "trying to get the love of my life back I and part II" If you like and maybe give me some feeback on it, if you can I would much appreciated. Sorry back to your situation. Do you think he can change because you don't want to go back to him again. No one wants go back to an relationship that don't work. I know that you love him very much and want to be with him. What if he cheats on you again, how are you going to be able to take that blow again. I know that you probably would never want to endure those feelings again being cheated on by the one you love. I know that you situation is exremely hard because you work with him and live so close to him. However, you need to tell yourself. Is it worth the risk for you to go back to him ,if you do go back to him for while the pain that you are feeling might go away. Can you see your ex be able to change it around and be honest with you. I truly believe in my heart that no one is perfect and we all made mistakes in our lives. We are going to continue to make mistakes until we died because that is what we are because we are human beings. If he is really willing to turn it around then is up to you and you only whether you think that this relationship is worth going back to. I think you should still kind be friends with him. I know is going to be hard, but be strong and show him that you will be alright if you guys don't get back together. If he has any feelings for you then he will miss you and your presense. Maybe then he will change and wanting to come back to you as a new person. I hopefully I have been helpful to you, good luck and understand that "you are not alone".

 

jl301

[girl_star]

hey jessica,

like many others who use this site, i really do understand what you're going through. i think its wise of you to break all ties with your ex. you cannot heal if he is in your life. its hard enough that you see him at work but DO NOT call him or attempt to see him. i know sometimes you're surious to see what he ay be up to, but dont give in. your weakness will only make him stronger and he will think that he could get back with you and you'd be willing. i took my ex back and we had a wonderful time together for many years, but it ended the same wayit did the first time: he left me heartbroken and most likely for someone else. try to fill your life with friends and family. you will feel sad and lonely at times but it wont last forver. hang in there.