i have few friends since i'm not as mentally acute as everybody else. how do i change?

[sanadee]

As a side-note, this may sound terribly rude, but I'm going to be honest with you: I am almost ninety-nine percent sure this is entirely all in your head, no pun intended. This screams of insecurities and a human being who desires to be loved and attended to who isn't cultivating the means well enough for themselves.

 

why do you say this?

[catfeeder]

Some people handle their mistakes better than others; they're embarrassing, but we all make them.

 

If you turn excessively hostile and humiliated after a mistake, this can cause you to withdraw and start living in your own head too much instead of paying attention to the world around you, and this can cause you to make more mistakes. Happens to the best of us.

 

Why not start by cutting yourself a break? Seek therapy if you want it--that's certainly a good enough reason to work with somebody. But if you aren't kind to yourself, nobody can follow your lead. You need to start somewhere. That's your best first step.

 

If you can forgive yourself your human frailties, you're more likely to open that door for others. Nobody is kind to someone who is hostile, and self-haters are as hostile as it gets. It's a vicious cycle. Step off that merry-go-round and relax into the imperfect world, where the appearance of anyone being better or worse than the next person is pure illusion.

 

In your corner.

[sanadee]

but people don't associate with me because of the mistakes. at work, i make some big mistakes, and i'm sure it spreads around the university (i work in a campus security department, we install security systems). for this reason i cannot make any work friends.

 

i know i sound terribly negative, but this problem is what is stopping me from achieving what i want out of life. i think i have the potential to do well at work, my manager knows this, but he says i make too many * * * * * * * mistakes. he even told me "help me help you". they know i'm a liability to them, and i want to stop being a liability.

[catfeeder]

but people don't associate with me because of the mistakes. at work, i make some big mistakes, and i'm sure it spreads around the university (i work in a campus security department, we install security systems). for this reason i cannot make any work friends.

 

i know i sound terribly negative, but this problem is what is stopping me from achieving what i want out of life. i think i have the potential to do well at work, my manager knows this, but he says i make too many * * * * * * * mistakes. he even told me "help me help you". they know i'm a liability to them, and i want to stop being a liability.

 

Work is not a therapeutic environment. Sure, some people make friends there, but those of us with long-term foresight keep our business friendly and keep our friendships outside of the job--and so we suffer zero personal drama in the workplace and are free to enjoy the job itself.

 

It also sounds as though you believe people on campus are more interested in your mistakes than they really are.

 

I'd find other avenues for friendships, and don't confuse work with your social life. The two are entirely different things for many unretarded people.

 

Also consider that if we need to work this hard to inspire you to be more self-accepting, it's not likely that potential friends will be willing to go there. Lifting ourselves up is entirely our own responsibility--nobody, not even the best therapist on the planet--can force you to view yourself through kinder eyes. If you are determined to be miserable, you're not going to find too many people who will suffer that with you.

 

In your corner.

[IphigeniaSaysHi]

but people don't associate with me because of the mistakes.

 

^Can you elaborate on this? What mistakes?

[sanadee]

but people don't associate with me because of the mistakes.

 

^Can you elaborate on this? What mistakes?

 

i've done stupid things that have cost my department.

[sanadee]

i just want to change.

[catfeeder]

i just want to change.

 

I understand. Have you considered that not every job is right for every person? Maybe you can find a better match. What kinds of things do you like to do with your own time? (I doubt security is one of those.)

 

I would suck at a job where I needed to fix cars. I'd make lots of mistakes, and I'd probably get fired. So, I wouldn't look for a job fixing cars.

 

This doesn't mean I can't be good at something else.

 

In your corner.

[sanadee]

well, i guess my ideal job would be social sciences based. like in economics, or marketing. i think i have a flair for these things.

 

i think in my current job, it is not so difficult, but i just make dumb errors. i think with regard to the job, i excel in writing reports and making plans. One good part is making project management Gantt charts, i like that a lot.

 

i think they're going to fire me soon, but to be honest i couldn't care less. i have learnt from the experience, and i think i can translate it to the next job.

[catfeeder]

well, i guess my ideal job would be social sciences based. like in economics, or marketing. i think i have a flair for these things.

 

i think in my current job, it is not so difficult, but i just make dumb errors. i think with regard to the job, i excel in writing reports and making plans. One good part is making project management Gantt charts, i like that a lot.

 

i think they're going to fire me soon, but to be honest i couldn't care less. i have learnt from the experience, and i think i can translate it to the next job.

 

The best time to grab a job is when you still have a job, so you won't ever need to worry about hiding a firing. One way to position yourself to use your Project skills and any other skills is to apply at temp agencies. Then you can leave the current job with your head high instead of trying to pretend you don't care about getting fired.

 

We all care about getting fired. While it's true that either a firing or a layoff happens to most people at some point, it's not something to lean into if you can avoid it because it puts a black cloud over your future job searches--not to mention your psyche.

 

The other big plus is, you might thrive in another work environment--and then all your retardation fears will go out the window, because everyone will need you to show them how to get the Gantt thingus to staaap doing thaaat!

 

In your corner.

[sanadee]

in honesty, i don't care. it may sound bad, but it is true nevertheless.

 

I don't like the university and i don't like the people in my department, and i don't like my team mates.

[Capricorn3]

i am mentally disabled,.

Have you been diagnosed as mentally disabled by someone in the medical profession - a Specialist in this field? If not, then you cannot say you are mentally disabled. Self-diagnosis is NEVER a good idea. If you are so concerned about being mentally retarded/disabled, then seek professional advice and no doubt, there will a lot they can do for you. Until then, consider yourself normal.

[catfeeder]

in honesty, i don't care. it may sound bad, but it is true nevertheless.

 

I don't like the university and i don't like the people in my department, and i don't like my team mates.

 

Well, that's a great way to start off the change you claim to want, eh?

 

Good luck.

[sanadee]

Have you been diagnosed as mentally disabled by someone in the medical profession - a Specialist in this field? If not, then you cannot say you are mentally disabled. Self-diagnosis is NEVER a good idea. If you are so concerned about being mentally retarded/disabled, then seek professional advice and no doubt, there will a lot they can do for you. Until then, consider yourself normal.

 

No, I have not been diagnosed. But i reckon i have all of the symptoms of it.

[sanadee]

Well, that's a great way to start off the change you claim to want, eh?

 

Good luck.

 

I'm being honest. i just don't like them. my assessment is up in a few days, so i know they'll get rid of me.

[Capricorn3]

No, I have not been diagnosed. But i reckon i have all of the symptoms of it.

So, you "reckon" you have all the symptoms of it? That doesn't mean you ARE mentally disabled. Like I said before, self-diagnosis is a dangerous thing. I reckon I have the symptoms of a number of very serious illnesses, but that doesn't mean I have them.

 

I strongly suggest you go to a professional and get a proper diagnosis, once and for all. IF there is anything wrong, they will help. If there's nothing wrong, then you have nothing to worry about. As long as you go around guessing, then you can never be taken seriously.

 

It could all just be attitude and nothing more.

[sanadee]

So, you "reckon" you have all the symptoms of it? That doesn't mean you ARE mentally disabled. Like I said before, self-diagnosis is a dangerous thing. I reckon I have the symptoms of a number of very serious illnesses, but that doesn't mean I have them.

 

I strongly suggest you go to a professional and get a proper diagnosis, once and for all. IF there is anything wrong, they will help. If there's nothing wrong, then you have nothing to worry about. As long as you go around guessing, then you can never be taken seriously.

 

It could all just be attitude and nothing more.

 

i know it's because my mind is backward.

[easyguy]

You've been given suggestions on how to welcome change, which the thread title is concerned with ("how do I change?"). If you aren't willing to listen to peoples' suggestions and give it a shot, then you are pretty much choosing to make the same decisions while expecting different results to flourish.

 

The mind is your best and worst critic. Your mind thinks that you are awkward, mentally acute, etc. You do not know that the belief you are forming right now is absolutely true.

 

There is only so much we can do to provide a lift for your situation. Change may at least give you a perspective that we can't give you.

[Capricorn3]

i know it's because my mind is backward.

Like I said several times before - seek PROFESSIONAL advice for an acurate diagnosis to see how "backward" your mind really is. All you do is find excuses, and as long as you don't take it seriously (seeking professional medical help), then we cannot take you seriously. You lose credibility.

[sanadee]

Like I said several times before - seek PROFESSIONAL advice for an acurate diagnosis to see how "backward" your mind really is. All you do is find excuses, and as long as you don't take it seriously (seeking professional medical help), then we cannot take you seriously. You lose credibility.

 

i'm going to call the doctor tomorrow and arrange an appointment. i know he'll say i'm mentally backward, and i know it would be true.

[Capricorn3]

i'm going to call the doctor tomorrow and arrange an appointment. i know he'll say i'm mentally backward, and i know it would be true.

It's not for your ordinary family doctor (GP) to make a diagnosis. He should refer you to a Mental Health Specialist and take it from there.

[sanadee]

You've been given suggestions on how to welcome change, which the thread title is concerned with ("how do I change?"). If you aren't willing to listen to peoples' suggestions and give it a shot, then you are pretty much choosing to make the same decisions while expecting different results to flourish.

 

The mind is your best and worst critic. Your mind thinks that you are awkward, mentally acute, etc. You do not know that the belief you are forming right now is absolutely true.

 

There is only so much we can do to provide a lift for your situation. Change may at least give you a perspective that we can't give you.

 

i don't like limitations being imposed on me. no human being really does.

 

I think my analogy of being born deaf is apt. I know i'm mentally behind, so i have to take steps to rectify that.

[sanadee]

It's not for your ordinary family doctor (GP) to make a diagnosis. He should refer you to a Mental Health Specialist and take it from there.

 

I think mental health professionals just push their own personal beliefs as facts. i heard most of them think being non-religious is a pathology, or doing anything against social norms is also a pathology. for this reason, i don't trust them.

 

i think i need a neurologist, since I know there is something wrong with my brain.

[Capricorn3]

i think i need a neurologist, since I know there is something wrong with my brain.

As far as I am aware neurology is the medical science concerned with the nervous system i.e. a doctor who studies and treats diseases of the nerves.

 

I give up.

[Cognitive_Canine]

Nuerological Psychologist will help with brain issues.

 

Honestly though, I'm still confused by a lot of this thread.