babybear Posted August 28, 2009 Share Posted August 28, 2009 I am so completely exhausted from dating I am worried it is going to turn me into a complete cynic forever. I keep meeting guys and going on like one date with them. And there's nothing really wrong with them, some are very nice. But I go away feeling like a trapped bird and like I just want to run away as fast as possible. I feel exhausted everytime they get in touch with me. I have like 4 guys trying to meet me this week for further dates and I don't want to see any of them. And I don't know how to get out of meeting them either. I just feel completely indifferent, if not somewhat horrified by it all. I'm starting to doubt the possibility that i'll ever be successful at meeting someone I actually like who will like me back. Link to comment
waveseer Posted August 28, 2009 Share Posted August 28, 2009 When you get to that stage, just stop. Don't do anything you don't want to. Sooner or later you'll want to again. Link to comment
ghost69 Posted August 28, 2009 Share Posted August 28, 2009 take a break then. but it's why we date. we are trying to find someone compatible right? that's why i meet all of mine in person, much better signals to start off with. Link to comment
Timbone Posted August 28, 2009 Share Posted August 28, 2009 Yup, just take a break. There's time yet. However, I would say do the brave thing and contact the guys you are conversing with and let them know a reason, even if it's not entirely true, about why you aren't going to go out with them or why you just aren't up to dating right now. It'll be over faster, they won't keep calling you and you won't have to keep dodging calls, and you'll be a bigger person for it. Link to comment
grymoire Posted August 28, 2009 Share Posted August 28, 2009 WOW, you are complaining because you have so many dates lined up and so many guys running after you? I am depressed because of the opposite. Not trying to be rude but I guess once you start getting rejected by each and every guy or not being approached at all by any men you will feel better. Link to comment
lady00 Posted August 28, 2009 Share Posted August 28, 2009 Sounds like you haven't met a good match yet. Being nice is...well...nice, but it doesn't make them a good match for you and it sounds like that is the problem. I agree with those who say to take a break but I also think you need to work on changing your perspective. Try to view the attention as flattering. Just try to get into the mindset where you don't feel overwhelmed by the attention from those you did not feel a connection with. Take it as a flattering invitation and let it go. Is there anything else in your life that is overwhelming you right now? Perhaps it's a combination of things. You may need to find strategies for relaxation so that you can take a step back from the hectic aspects of life every once in a while and take some time to just be alone. Link to comment
lady00 Posted August 28, 2009 Share Posted August 28, 2009 WOW, you are complaining because you have so many dates lined up and so many guys running after you? I am depressed because of the opposite. Not trying to be rude but I guess once you start getting rejected by each and every guy or not being approached at all by any men you will feel better. Quality vs. quantity. It doesn't matter if you meet 1000 people. If you don't click with any of them, it's likely to be more frustrating than rewarding. Link to comment
grymoire Posted August 28, 2009 Share Posted August 28, 2009 Quality vs. quantity. It doesn't matter if you meet 1000 people. If you don't click with any of them, it's likely to be more frustrating than rewarding. To be honest it frustrates me to read/hear such statements. You are being approached by so many guys and you have a problem with that? If that is the case then what about men that have to pursue women and face a 1000 rejections? Link to comment
lady00 Posted August 28, 2009 Share Posted August 28, 2009 To be honest it frustrates me to read/hear such statements. You are being approached by so many guys and you have a problem with that? If that is the case then what about men that have to pursue women and face a 1000 rejections? Rejection is part of dating. A huge part of it. Women get rejected all the time. They may not always be the first to pursue. But women get dumped or otherwise rejected plenty. And it doesn't hurt any less than it does for men. But my point was actually this: Meeting people you don't click with is also part of dating. Personally, I don't have the problem of meeting 1000 guys and not clicking with any of them. But I don't see that as a wonderful experience. I can see why the OP would be frustrated by it. And she has every right to feel the way that she does. It's frustrating to keep meeting people you don't click with (again, not a problem I have, but it sounds incredibly frustrating). I think it's also pretty obvious why meeting a bunch of people you don't click with would be very frustrating and not that much fun to deal with. It could be fun in the sense of making new friends, but frustrating if you are looking for a romantic partner. I completely disagree with the assumption that meeting a bunch of people that you don't click with romatically is anything to be all that happy about. It's flattering, for sure (and that was my point in my earlier post to the OP). But at the end of the day, it gets a person no closer to the goal of being in a happy loving relationship. Link to comment
grymoire Posted August 28, 2009 Share Posted August 28, 2009 What do you mean by "women get rejected all the time"? How can they get rejected when they don't make a move on men? I don't think women getting dumped in a relationship as rejection. Yes, it is a rejection but that is different from what I am talking about. Link to comment
Batya33 Posted August 28, 2009 Share Posted August 28, 2009 What do you mean by "women get rejected all the time"? How can they get rejected when they don't make a move on men? I don't think women getting dumped in a relationship as rejection. Yes, it is a rejection but that is different from what I am talking about. Who is "they?" Just because men usually do the asking out in the beginning doesn't mean that women don't put themselves out there in other ways that risk rejection just as much. I found it exhausting at times to meet men I didn't click with but I had a pretty thick skin about it. OP - read the article called something like "100 dates" in this month's O magazine (oprah's magazine) - it might be helpful/inspiring. Link to comment
grymoire Posted August 28, 2009 Share Posted August 28, 2009 Who is "they?" Just because men usually do the asking out in the beginning doesn't mean that women don't put themselves out there in other ways that risk rejection just as much. I found it exhausting at times to meet men I didn't click with but I had a pretty thick skin about it. OP - read the article called something like "100 dates" in this month's O magazine (oprah's magazine) - it might be helpful/inspiring. By "they" I mean women. Do women approach one guy after the other, ask him out, and get rejected? Can you explain what you mean by this: doesn't mean that women don't put themselves out there in other ways that risk rejection just as much what do you mean by other ways? Link to comment
Batya33 Posted August 28, 2009 Share Posted August 28, 2009 By "they" I mean women. Do women approach one guy after the other, ask him out, and get rejected? Can you explain what you mean by this: what do you mean by other ways? Too many ways to list, Gry. Asking out is just one of many ways of showing interest - there is flirting, suggesting plans (if not outright doing the asking, still risks rejection), starting a conversation, etc etc. I've asked guys out (and when I was single, would have done more of it if it was an effective way to find a long term relationship) and I was rejected and I survived - yes, at times it was upsetting but I chose not to be jaded or cynical because on the whole I felt like I was treated with respect and like a lady by the men I dated/was involved with. I know you meant "women" by "they" - I was just surprised at the generalization because I think it's inaccurate. Link to comment
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