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Should I up the ante a little?


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I've only had 3 dates with this lovely girl so far (3rd was this last Sunday), but date four is slated for this weekend. She texted me yesterday to say she emailed me something, and I texted back thanking her and asking how her day was. Her reply sounded like she had a hard day, so I asked if she wanted to talk about it, to which she agreed, and called me later.


In the course of our conversation, after talking to her about her downer of a day, I asked what she might be up to this week, since her last week was busy with friends. She said she hoped to relax and watch a whole film at some point this week (she's quite busy with her little son, as you can imagine).


During that conversation last night we set up our date for this weekend (depending on when she can get a sitter for the little guy), but since I know she's got no big plans during the week, should I ask if she might like me to bring dinner by her place? We spent a good chunk of time at her place on our 3rd date, so it's not like I haven't been there before.


I could see where that might be odd-sounding in that I'm inviting myself over to her place, but I know she can't get out late with her son needing care. Also, this is only after the 3rd date, with the 4th planned, and I don't want to move it too fast with her. But we enjoy each other's company, and it would be nice to see her a couple times a week instead of just once.



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as long as you say it in a fun way and don't seem pushy about it. ask about her weekend plans. if she says that she plans on relaxing, then bust out in an upbeat way, 'i could bring over (the incredibles or something for kids which would score you points for including the kid) and dinner.'

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ghost - heh, actually we both enjoy animation quite a bit, so I'm sure that she'd be happy to watch something like that, kid or not! Thing is, now that I think on it, I am not sure that I'll talk to her today (maybe a text) but more likely tomorrow to see if our plans for the weekend have cemented, which means I won't really speak with her until Wednesday... which may be too late... Hmm.


I wonder if I should just leave this idea for next week, after the 4th date...


bebe- you and ghost might be right, I just don't want to crowd her too much. Just having spoken yesterday, 3rd date the day before that... But then she did tell me she liked speaking to me and that she wondered why I didn't call during the week more...


Day - yeah, I would be inclined to agree, and I'm sure that caring for the little guy would take a lot out of a single mom, to the point where she wouldn't want to entertain someone at her place, even if she didn't have to provide anything. Asking if she wanted to do dinner at her place and then getting turned down might be more than I want to deal with, especially if I know we're pretty solid for this weekend.

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yeah, I'm hoping so too. But you know how dating is in the early stages! Too many things can be misread or misconstrued. I know she wants to take it slow, and I do rather like her. Part of me wants to play it safe with the 'relationship' in these early stages, but another part of me wants to do these little things...


Another part I did not mention is that she lives about an hour way from me. I can possibly get to her place by 6:30 or 7, but at 7:30 she needs about half-hour to put her son to bed, so after 8pm we'd possibly be able to chat and eat. Then she's got a couple hours for herself before bed... I wonder if the time-frame is just too cramped.


I certainly don't mind driving for 2 hours just to see her for that same amount of time, and possibly make life a bit easier for her with not having to worry about dinner for once... Still...

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I think it's a great idea. You could suggest bringing by pizza and a kids' movie for them so she can have a stress free night (no cooking, no dishes, yea!)

If you don't want to invite yourself over, suggest taking her and the little man for out for an ice cream or game of mini-golf.

Let us know how it goes!!

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Yeah, she might just appreciate not having to worry about dinner, but then she's got the worry about entertaining me somewhat, despite bringing along a movie or two! And she is certainly worth a measly one hour drive, most likely with traffic.


I think we're both likely old enough to be over the "he's calling me too much" kind of thing. At least I hope so...

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I would wait to see if she can get a sitter. When you are just on your first few dates, I always try to spend alone time together to get to know each other - without distractions.


Now, if she comes back to you and says she couldn't find a sitter, your idea is the perfect answer. I would rather have a little distraction running around the house than to not have a date at all.

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I don't think she'll be able to get a sitter during the week so easy though, rich. Besides, her little guy will always be around, and if I want to be a part of her life then I have to be prepared for that, and be willing to help raise him as well.


But you make a good point about needing time to get to know each other. I'm hoping that a couple hours together having a bite to eat after the baby goes to bed is better than not spending any time with me until the weekend...

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Update: texted her a little bit today, see how her day went, etc, and she mentions this: "I should finally get a chance to sit down and watch that dvd, but it sucks that you live so far otherwise I'd ask you to join me."


To which I replied "Funny you should say that, because I had a thought too... May I call you?" She answered yes, and after a little talk and saying that I'd like her to take it easy for a bit for once, I'm bringing over a pizza and some drinks to her place after the baby goes down to bed tomorrow.


So, impromptu fourth date all set. I know it will be a short one, but I'm happy for another chance to see her.

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Good job! I agree that you will no doubt need to spend lots of time with her kid, if this goes anywhere. You will have to determine if that works for you. If it does, I'm sure that will make major points with her.


I thought that you were talking about a weekend date. Either way, it worked out. Good luck and have fun...

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ghost - Mostly I was being aware of the time she's spending with her son - it was right around the time that he goes for a bath and down to bed, and I know that takes some time and attention. I should have phrased it better, I suppose, but that was the intent. 'You available to talk' would have been a better choice.


rich - Ah, I see the confusion now about the date and child issue. But yeah, I wouldn't want to get involved with a single mother if I wasn't ready to help her share the burden of raising and caring for the kid if it does progress that way.

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