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Misunderstanding to no contact... Confused!


GoVols

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I had been dating a guy for around 4 months. He lived about an hour away from me, so we didn't get to spend as much time together as I would have liked. However, we did see each other a couple of times a week and spent most weekends together out of town just enjoying different nearby cities. When we weren't together, we talked on the phone a little but texted quite a bit every day.

 

2 weeks ago we had a great weekend together...spent time with his friends, then had a great dinner and a very fun date out. Sunday rolls around and we usually had dinner or lunch prior to leaving, but it seemed like he was in a hurry. I barely got a hug out of him and when I kissed him, it was like kissing a brick wall. He said "Glad you got to see me!" I was a little taken back by that. Now that I think of it, he never said "It was so good to see you" or "I had a great time this weekend!" ...ever.. but he did very sweet things a lot and always would say he missed me, etc.

 

He was never just overly affectionate - so I kept thinking "OK, he's had bad run of relationships" (he's told me so) and I would blame all of this on "he's just scared of a relationship." I've told him plenty of times that I liked him, would always say I miss him, was affectionate - all of that. So, it wasn't that he didn't know how I felt about him, because he surely did.

 

But anyway, I am mutual friends with a friend of his (he introduced us) - and although we had never met yet, we talked on Facebook. She has never seen me. Well, Sunday evening we were talking and she said "Were you with ______ eating lunch this afternoon?" Of course, I am always joking around so I said "Haha, no! Or do I want to know?" (As in, I was thinking ok he was with some other girl and she thought it was me.) I thought nothing of it, maybe I shouldn't have said it - but I really don't think that was bad.

 

Ok, so Monday rolls around and he's barely talking to me, then Tuesday, then I finally ask him why he's been barely talking to me, and asked if there was a reason. He finally told me "Well you were posting all kinds of things on Facebook" (which by the way, were just quotes about life.. and had abo * * * * ely NOTHING to do with him! Just quotes, simply!) and he also said "You were talking stuff to _____ and also I've been busy with work."

I was STUNNED. I replied back (this was through text, by the way, because he wouldn't answer my call) - "Are you kidding? Those quotes had nothing to do with you..that's crazy..and what stuff had I said that was so terribly bad that you won't even talk to me?"

 

And that's IT. Other than me saying around a week after that happened "Why won't you even talk to me?" -- He hasn't said a word to me or replied back in 2 weeks. I figured if he was going to be like that, and want to block me completely out of his life due to childish drama and misunderstandings, then that's okay - maybe I'm better of without him anyway. It does still hurt because I don't understand and I really did adore him and we were just like best friends and had what seemed like a great relationship. He always put on like he really adored me, too.

 

He deleted all photos off of Facebook of me and us (Not Myspace though, however?) but he didn't delete me as a friend on either.

 

So, what is your take on what he's trying to prove, if anything? I am so confused, but I don't want to attempt to contact him anymore as to bother him since he hasn't replied.

 

Why would anyone want to just block you completely out of their life, and not talk to you? Do you think he's doing the "no contact" deal - or just ignoring me because of what I said? I know that what I said I probably shouldn't have, but c'mon - he could have talked to me about it... and he chose not to!

 

 

I'm so hurt and confused - and would love some input. Thanks so much!!!!

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He is being immature. It will hurt you when I say this--but he was looking for an excuse to never have to deal with you again. It sucks big time, but keep your chin up, go NC, and don't ever ask him why he isn't talking to you. There is a whole term for this, it is called "gaslighting." Check it on google.

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Sounds like after your lovely weekend together he maybe freaked out a bit that things seemed to be getting quite serious, and that could have caused him to read things into what you were posting on Facebook etc. Maybe you need to just back off for a while and see if he eventually comes back to you? It sounds like you've done your best to explain what happened, and he wouldn't listen. Perhaps you should give him some time to calm down, and then if you still haven't heard from him, try contacting him again. If he still won't listen and is behaving in this unreasonable way, it's probably time to accept that he isn't worth the trouble. I know it's hard though, when you like someone so much. Lots of sympathy!!

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