What do I make of this?

[KittKatt]

I'm 29 and hes 33. Its been just over a week since my boyfriend of 2 months decided to stop seeing me because he felt like he couldn't feel anything anymore. At the same time while we were breaking up he told me he knew there is something there but he just couldn't feel it then but knows he can? We both had a good cry and hugs, yet he was still kissing me too?? Also asked me if I think I could fall in love with him?

 

What confused me even more was he was going to his mum's place after our 'break up' for dinner, and asked me to come along????? Mind you I haven't met her yet (I've only met his dad and brothers + step mum). So how weird would it have been for me to go with him to his mum's and meet her for the first time, when he dumped me on the same night??? That doesn't make any sense.

 

I bought a small gift for him a week ago and decided to still give it to him even though it probably wasn't the best timing. He texted me later that night to say thank you and how cute the gift was and good night. Meanwhile I was in bed trying to fall alseep through my tears.

 

I woke up the next morning and cried and sent him a text telling him that I'll try my best to understand his decision and that I hope in the future we see each other again etc etc - I won't go into everything I said. He texted back saying that he wanted me to understand and believe him that hes sure in time things will work it self out???? I texted back and asked with us or life in general and he replied Us...don't stress I'm not leaving your life...in a way ur stuck with me ok lol...ur beautiful Kittkatt (not my real name of course).

 

As I was about to text him back he called me and told me not to stress and that I was a beautiful person etc etc and that he will call me soon etc Also said that if we get back together he has a feeling it will be something big. I'm not sure what soon means to him.

 

Anyone have thoughts on whether I might have reason to believe him and hold on to hope? I'm sooo scared to hold on as hes already hurting me and I don't think I can handle getting get hurt again. Plus I just don't understand why he is saying these things, he seems confused??? If you like someone and think the world of them why risk throwing it away?

[Keyman]

So, he wanted to stop seeing you because he wasn't feeling anything anymore? But it was only 2 months, and if he stopped feeling something already, then I think it was the right thing to do.

 

Should you hang on for hope that he will come back? No.

If things have all turned to custard, trying to fix it might cause things to get worse. You've been rejected by him and he obviously doesn't think it will work, or has something else going on.

 

Why he invited you to his mother's after the break up is a mystery, but ringing and telling you you are beautiful is just a means to make you feel better based on what he's just done.

 

Let it go and move on.

[shikashika]

Yawn... and really I don't mean this at you... I mean at the guy who is so 'confused'

 

I've had guys do this.... they claim they dont' have feelings but still kiss you and want you.

 

 

Not good enough, I say, there will be someone who won't do this, so you shouldnt settle for anything less.

 

sorry, he just sounds very irritating!

[HeartGoesOn]

Sounds to me like he's full of it.

 

I'm sure this is not what you want to hear, but since it's only been 2 months, and he's bailing already, I would say he's not for you. You can do much better.

[ca-sunshine]

I think you're me from a few weeks ago. I'm 27, he was 32. We dated 2 months total as well (only the first month was really any good). We broke up almost 6 weeks ago, so a bit longer than you. Some of the things he mentioned were very similar to what your ex said. Like others have said, and if you think about it, what really is just logical, if he lost interest after such a short time, then that's it. My ex did the exact same things as yours though, believe me. He wanted very badly to be "nice" about breaking it off, but really just made it much worse and so confusing for me. He kept introducing me as his girlfriend even up to a few days before we broke up, even though I knew he had given up. He continued to spend time with me, even though he completely stopped touching me (even hand holding or hugs) and didn't reciprocate when I reached out to him. I finally had had enough one day during a phone conversation and we unfortunately broke up over the phone (not the "proper" or "mature" or "grown up" way to do it, I know, but it was time). He said that he wanted to do it in person so he could "hold me" and "hug me" and "kiss me goodbye." (See above - he had previously stopped doing all things like that!) He said the "let's be friends" business. "I still like/want to hang out with you." He "still sees some kind of future with us."

 

Your post really struck a chord with me. It sounds so similar to my own situation. I know everyone's feelings are different - his may possibly be different than my ex's - but honestly and truly, to me, it sounds like he's trying to let HIMSELF down easy. He'll be nice to you and want to keep you around so that he doesn't feel guilty, so that he believes you don't think he's a jerk. He may seem very convincing that he wants to make it okay for you or both of you. He may even believe that himself. This is NOT the way a 30-something year old should act if he is mature and knows enough about himself to act like an adult.

 

I assume you have, like everyone else, been through a breakup before. You know there are confusing times, regretful times, angry times, sad and lonely times. I had never had as short of a relationship, and have never been as confused after. I think that for myself, even though I had become pretty unhappy, it still seemed new and should have been fun and exciting. So I think I was still seeing a lot of it through "new relationship" glasses.

 

Like most other people would probably advise too, you should really stop any contact. You said he's hurting you. No one should make you feel this way after only 2 months. I'm a bit embarrassed of myself that I let my ex confuse and sadden and anger me like he did. But I told him that we shouldn't contact one another, and I can't tell you how strong that made me feel. Not vindictive. But getting the courage to say just that helped me make it through the beginning. The days you don't talk/email/text/anything will go slowly at first, but you'll soon realize that you can start counting in weeks. I had "hope" at first too. I read so many of the "Getting Back Together" threads on this forum! But please believe me. I didn't want to/couldn't get a grip on it at first, but it was only 2 months. Because it was so short a time, it will make it that much shorter a period that it will take to get over it. Even though it was a blink of an eye, you'll probably still go through all the break-up emotions (hope, fear, regret, anger, lonely, sad). I know I did, maybe even a little bit I still am. But I feel better for it all.

 

This has just been a (very) long version of what others have and will say - it was only 2 months (I didn't like hearing that because it still meant something to me, but it's the truth). He's saying and doing things to hurt and confuse you. Start the process of healing. Learn from it - analyze it to death if you want to. YOU will be the one who matures and grows emotionally and relationship-wise. And you will be okay.

[KittKatt]

He called me tonight while I was heading out, he was a blubbering mess telling me he missed me and can't stop thinking about me. We are going to make it work, we both want this. Sometimes not everyones elses situation can be compared to mine, it proves each situation and person is unique. Nothing is black and white.