How do you know its time to get married?

[Imissher]

Hi everyone,

How do you know when it's time to get married?

 

I love my girlfriend very much. We have been dating for over 3 years now. I know in the scheme of things, that is not very long. I have dated other girls, but I am only 19 and this aspect scares me. I have never really planned on being married at 19 I figured maybe 25-30.

 

Recently, I have enlisted in the United States Marine Corps. I am supposed to ship off to Parris Island in November for my basic training. I have talked to her about this, and she is very sad but she supports me. I feel I am not ready to attend school full time at this moment, so I figured doing 4 years in the USMC as an aircraft mechanic would be the best way to get training for work in the civilian world. Not to mention that my family has a very strong military background.

 

I would like her to go with me, but as anyone who has been in the military or has family in the military will tell you... you can't bring a girlfriend to base with you.

 

We had one breakup in the past, but it was only for 6 weeks and she said she was just scared of the commitment at that time, but the 6 weeks apart gave her time to think, and made her realize how ready she is to be with me. This makes me a little bit nervous about the possibility of divorce in the future (if we were to be married now). We have currently been back together for a good 8 months now, and everything seems to be great, just like it has been for most of the 3.5 years we have been together.

 

I love this girl with all my heart, but I am not sure if it is the right time to be married.

 

Any suggestions? Thanks!

[Vet]

You'll do what you'll do, but if you're genuinely looking for advice: do not marry her right now. Not only taking into account your age, but also the fact that your life is going to change dramatically in the next few years. You are going to see a lot, you're going to experience a lot, and you're going to not want to be tied down while doing it. Do yourself (and her) a favor, and end it. She may be upset, but she will eventually see the wisdom of your actions.

[Esteller]

go thru trial .. see if she sticks with you thru thick and thru thin and im sure if she does then you will know your answer... 19 can be a very young age for anyone. i was thinking of getting married somewhere inbetween 25-30 too and im bout to join the airforce and before i go i want to get engaged with mine.. but right now im letting time settle things first before i make my desicion

[Imissher]

go thru trial .. see if she sticks with you thru thick and thru thin and im sure if she does then you will know your answer... 19 can be a very young age for anyone. i was thinking of getting married somewhere inbetween 25-30 too and im bout to join the airforce and before i go i want to get engaged with mine.. but right now im letting time settle things first before i make my desicion

 

Thanks for the advice. That's a good suggestion. I'm not looking forward to the 3 months of basic with no phone calls, and only letters.

 

Unrelated...

 

I'd like to say from one future soldier to another, thank you for also serving our nation. My Grandfather was a P51 pilot in World War 2, served in the USAF for 27 years. Great life, and some of the best treatment in the military.

[_Asti_]

You said it yourself, you've answered your own questions.

 

No one is saying you need to get married, and at 19..it's defintely young to be making a choice like that.

 

Only do it when there's no doubts, and it feels right.

And from reading your post, there's doubts.

So just wait.

You're 19.

These next few years are important and crucial in growing and developing into yourself, so let that happen..for both of you and see where things stand in a few years, and if you're stronger than ever, and survived the next four years..then make the choice then to marry her and start your lives together.

[Imissher]

You said it yourself, you've answered your own questions.

 

No one is saying you need to get married, and at 19..it's defintely young to be making a choice like that.

 

Only do it when there's no doubts, and it feels right.

And from reading your post, there's doubts.

So just wait.

You're 19.

These next few years are important and crucial in growing and developing into yourself, so let that happen..for both of you and see where things stand in a few years, and if you're stronger than ever, and survived the next four years..then make the choice then to marry her and start your lives together.

 

To be honest the idea of being married at 19 scares me. I love her to death and can see a future with her.

 

The USMC is a difficult career for a dating couple. I'll most likely be serving 7 months at a time in Iraq/Afghanistan and have a short time to come home. Having all that time alone, and receiving emails and maybe a few short phone calls might be very difficult for her (or any girl to be honest!).

[_Asti_]

To be honest the idea of being married at 19 scares me. I love her to death and can see a future with her.

 

The USMC is a difficult career for a dating couple. I'll most likely be serving 7 months at a time in Iraq/Afghanistan and have a short time to come home. Having all that time alone, and receiving emails and maybe a few short phone calls might be very difficult for her (or any girl to be honest!).

 

No one is saying you need to be married at 19! Just because you're in the military or plan on doing so, doesn't mean you need to put a ring on her finger. It won't solve the situation, you'll still apart, she'll endure time away from you, limited contact..so how is putting a ring on her finger going to solve that situation? It won't.

She can still grow apart from you, she can still meet other people, it will happen if it's going to..ring or not.

 

If you're terrified..don't.

Plain and simple.

 

If you were ready to marry her, and have that next step, you wouldn't be here questioning it, so there's no need to.

 

If it's meant to be, it's meant to be.

If she's committed, she'll stick it through, as will you.

[Imissher]

I know I don't need to be married at 19. I just didn't know if it was the best thing for our relationship. If we were married, she would be able to live on a civilian base and we would be able to live together.

 

I had never really thought about being married so young, so that is why I'm a bit on the fence about it. It's starting to sound like it may not be the best option though.

[_Asti_]

Is that your reason for marrying her?

To live on base?

 

Is your relationship ready for that step, marriage + living together? Throw in military lifestyle, serving overseas..its alot to take on and adjust to.

 

It depends on how you view marriage, what it entails for you, symbolizes and means.

 

A marriage for convenience, well I guess some people do it...but at a young age, and having doubts..may bite you in the butt.

[stingray]

The fact that you made this post tells me that you have serious doubts about this working out. It sounds like you want to make sure she doesn't go anywhere while you are serving.

[Hope75]

I would caution anyone considering marriage mainly because of living circumstances not to go through with it. Being that you are 19 I would double that caution not to do it.

 

If you are committed to one another, you will survive the distance and she will be there when you get back.

[_Asti_]

How does she feel about this?

What is her life plan, or goals?

Is she going to school, working?

Does she have to put her life on hold for four years to live on base, while you're off touring the world?

 

It may be all nice and well for you to want her there on base with you, and to get married to do so..but if she's young as well, she has her own growing and exploring to do, and find her direction in life.