Question for the Ladies - Creepy?

[GernBlanston]

I've been trying to come to a few conclusions about certain things, so I'm gathering some opinions. I've got a couple questions I'd like to ask the women here:

 

1. If you were approached and chatted up by a man you find unattractive, would you feel uncomfortable? Would this kind of situation be unpleasant and offputting or would you be comfortable and welcoming of the attention?

 

2. When you think of a man you've just met as "creepy", what kinds of qualities or behaviours would he display to make you feel that way?

 

Thanks, in advance, for your thoughts.

[Cognitive_Canine]

If I was approached by some guy in class and he asked me questions about the class or we got into a conversation about whatever, I'd like that. I like making new friends.

 

But, If he showed interest in me, I'd probably try and get out of the convo. Avoid seeing him for a while. Hopefully his interest would fade.

 

A guy comes off as creepy if he's too interested in me. If he asks me too many questions about my life and obviously wants to ask me out. If for consecutive days he seeks me out and wants to talk. If he becomes a little lost dog who follows me around and pesters me.

[Catdancer]

1. If you were approached and chatted up by a man you find unattractive, would you feel uncomfortable? Would this kind of situation be unpleasant and offputting or would you be comfortable and welcoming of the attention?

 

Depends on how weird or creepy he is. I've had conversations with ugly and beautiful people, doesnt matter to me...but if he gives me a weird vibe or makes me cringe in any way, them I'm outta there. yuck

 

2. When you think of a man you've just met as "creepy", what kinds of qualities or behaviours would he display to make you feel that way?

 

touches me, invades my personal space, talks about weird off the wall things, makes comments on my looks or how I'm dressed, is persistent and wont take no for an answer..god there is so much more that I cant think of now.

[Laura11111]

I've been trying to come to a few conclusions about certain things, so I'm gathering some opinions. I've got a couple questions I'd like to ask the women here:

 

1. If you were approached and chatted up by a man you find unattractive, would you feel uncomfortable? Would this kind of situation be unpleasant and offputting or would you be comfortable and welcoming of the attention?

 

2. When you think of a man you've just met as "creepy", what kinds of qualities or behaviours would he display to make you feel that way?

 

Thanks, in advance, for your thoughts.

 

1) If I thought he was hitting on me and I found him unattractive, I would probably be uncomfortable and politely end the conversation.

 

2) Creepy...hmmm...when I think of creepy, I think of someone who is "socially awkward". By that, I mean, someone who violatest the norms of society...example...stands too close or too far away, smells bad, wears funny clothes, looks dirty, too much or too little eye contact, initiates innappropriate topics of converstion, etc.

[savignon]

Creepy to me is a feeling that's more in the gut. Good looking people can be just as creepy as ugly people.

What makes you ask? Are you worried that you're giving off a creepy vibe?

[metrogirl]

Creepy is when they start asking a million personal questions that really have no relevance.

[waveseer]

I can talk to anybody in public. The person's relative attractiveness is not what gives off the creepy vibe, it's their intent manifested in their mannerisms and their inflection that does it. Be friendly and light and you'll be fine.

[ghost69]

why are you so scared and worried about what a girl you don't know thinks of you? try making a move and evaluate what happened if you get shut down.

[starlight40]

Id be pleasant even if i didnt find him attractive, i get creeped out by someone overtly staring me up and down though or using corny chat up lines...

[Cognitive_Canine]

One thing I have to say is...

 

If you want to ask a girl out, ask her out.

 

If you want to be friends, be friends.

 

Don't try and be friends first with the intentions of asking her out later. You'll screw yourself.

[starlight40]

One thing I have to say is...

 

If you want to ask a girl out, ask her out.

 

If you want to be friends, be friends.

 

Don't try and be friends first with the intentions of asking her out later. You'll screw yourself.

 

I kind of have to disagree with this debaser, ive been friends with guys first and then relationships have developed......

[ghost69]

I kind of have to disagree with this debaser, ive been friends with guys first and then relationships have developed......

 

yeah, that happens. but i think DW is saying if you find a girl attractive at first glance, don't become friends when your intention is to date hoping somewhere down the road you will date. it's a false hope and deceitful.

[starlight40]

yeah, that happens. but i think DW is saying if you find a girl attractive at first glance, don't become friends when your intention is to date hoping somewhere down the road you will date. it's a false hope and deceitful.

 

I see what you mean, my ex and i were just friends first off, i was genuine in that but i think he always had an ulterior motive..ha

[pinkelephant]

I've been trying to come to a few conclusions about certain things, so I'm gathering some opinions. I've got a couple questions I'd like to ask the women here:

 

1. If you were approached and chatted up by a man you find unattractive, would you feel uncomfortable? Would this kind of situation be unpleasant and offputting or would you be comfortable and welcoming of the attention?

 

2. When you think of a man you've just met as "creepy", what kinds of qualities or behaviours would he display to make you feel that way?

 

Thanks, in advance, for your thoughts.

 

1. No, it wouldn't. I get that daily. LOL. I mean, I'm sure *I* have been considered unattractive by guys I liked... I hope it's no big deal. Why would it be? Gotta give props to guys who try. Plus, I like making new friends.

 

2. Hitting on me right off the bat. It freaks me out. I hate it. Try a mild compliment, but please don't compliment me without saying anything else first. woven it into the conversation. I'm sure that might work well with other girls, but I'm shy...

[missalin]

To answer the first question, I'm never rude to someone based on looks, but it depends on their intentions which are usually apparent from the get go. If he comes off like a sleezeball then of course I will make it clear I'm not interested.

 

As for the creepiness... there is a very fine line between intense and creepy. Some guys just can't master the difference. Don't attempt to give a woman the "I-want-you" eyes unless it's been approved by a girl friend or you'll look like a rapist. And asking too many questions can be creepy, women like it when a man is interested in things about her but again... fine line between getting to know and getting ammo for stalking.

[Dancergirl425]

This one guy I met once was extremely creepy and it gives me the chills just thinking of it now. We were in the same group of friends that went to a club. He was dressed like an old man even though he was only 25. He had a beard that creeped me out for some reason. Looked like he belonged on a wanted poster.

 

Then he asked me to dance in the club and I sort of did, but was looking away a lot and wasn't comfortable. Later we were in the apartment and my friends were in another room getting ready to sleep. He followed me into the room I was in and started talking to me. So I made small talk, not laughing at what he said, arms crossed, etc.

 

He then followed me into the room I was going to sleep in and asked me to kiss him. When I said no because I was sort of talking to an ex he basically begged me and wouldn't leave. So I went to give him a peck an he grabbed me and wouldn't let go. Then I pushed him off said goodnight and he went into the next room. Creepiest guy I've ever met.

[sparkles4]

1. If you were approached and chatted up by a man you find unattractive, would you feel uncomfortable? Would this kind of situation be unpleasant and offputting or would you be comfortable and welcoming of the attention?

 

I would be welcoming to a certain extent. I'll talk to anyone, but if someone is flirting with me and I'm not interested I'll make sure I'm not friendly enough for my actions to be construed as interest. If he hits on me outright, I'll just tell him I'm not interested. I won't ignore the guy or shut him down unless he's being a real douche.

 

2. When you think of a man you've just met as "creepy", what kinds of qualities or behaviours would he display to make you feel that way?

 

Won't leave me alone, is really shady, says rude or creepy things, tries to be touchy-feely, basically has no concept of boundaries or socially acceptable behavior.

[GernBlanston]

Thanks all for your thoughtful responses.

 

1. If you were approached and chatted up by a man you find unattractive, would you feel uncomfortable? Would this kind of situation be unpleasant and offputting or would you be comfortable and welcoming of the attention?

 

Depends on how weird or creepy he is. I've had conversations with ugly and beautiful people, doesnt matter to me...but if he gives me a weird vibe or makes me cringe in any way, them I'm outta there. yuck

 

2. When you think of a man you've just met as "creepy", what kinds of qualities or behaviours would he display to make you feel that way?

 

touches me, invades my personal space, talks about weird off the wall things, makes comments on my looks or how I'm dressed, is persistent and wont take no for an answer..god there is so much more that I cant think of now.

Catdancer, those are great examples of creepy behaviour and the kinds of things that would give you a weird vibe or make you cringe. Debaser_wolf and Laura11111 are nice and succinct when they say they'd be uncomfortable if an unattractive man showed interest in them or hit on them. Like debaser_wolf, would you feel uncomfortable, or cringey, if a man you found unattractive were to show interest in you?

 

Creepy to me is a feeling that's more in the gut. Good looking people can be just as creepy as ugly people.

I can talk to anybody in public. The person's relative attractiveness is not what gives off the creepy vibe, it's their intent manifested in their mannerisms and their inflection that does it. Be friendly and light and you'll be fine.

savignon and waveseer, I think I understand what you mean by not equating creepy and unattractive. I suppose I was thinking of "unattractive" not simply as ugly, but rather as someone you would not consider dating - whether that's because of their physical appearance, body language, voice tone, etc. Any or all of those things, I think, can add up to "unattractive". With that clarification, would you be uncomfortable if someone you found unattractive (in any of those combinations) were to chat you up? Would you find that creepy?

 

Id be pleasant even if i didnt find him attractive, i get creeped out by someone overtly staring me up and down though or using corny chat up lines...

To answer the first question, I'm never rude to someone based on looks, but it depends on their intentions which are usually apparent from the get go. If he comes off like a sleezeball then of course I will make it clear I'm not interested.

starlight40 and missalin, it's good to see that you wouldn't be rude if you just weren't attracted to him. I think that shows that you're social and polite. How would it make you feel, though? Would you be uncomfortable, even though you're being outwardly pleasant? Would you have preferred that he hadn't approached you?

 

1. No, it wouldn't. I get that daily. LOL. I mean, I'm sure *I* have been considered unattractive by guys I liked... I hope it's no big deal. Why would it be? Gotta give props to guys who try. Plus, I like making new friends.

 

2. Hitting on me right off the bat. It freaks me out. I hate it. Try a mild compliment, but please don't compliment me without saying anything else first. woven it into the conversation. I'm sure that might work well with other girls, but I'm shy...

pinkelephant, you're uncomfortable with being hit on right off the bat. That makes sense. If an unattractive man approached you and started a fairly innocuous conversation, but later on in the conversation started to hit on you or show interest, would you then begin to be uncomfortable? It sounds like you probably wouldn't be uncomfortable at all (only if interest is shown immediately).

 

Thanks again.

[starlight40]

Even if i didnt find him physically attractive i may dp after talking to him, im a strong believer that many people become attractive through personality esp if theyre witty/funny, i wouldnt feel uncomfortable at all, if he asked me out and i didnt wana go id just say so.

[Capricorn3]

Even if i didnt find him physically attractive i may dp after talking to him, im a strong believer that many people become attractive through personality esp if theyre witty/funny, i wouldnt feel uncomfortable at all, if he asked me out and i didnt wana go id just say so.

I'm exactly the same! lol. I would talk to him politely and I don't think I'd feel uncomfortable, BUT, if he asked me out, and I didn't have that kind of interest in him, it would be a "thank you, but no thanks".

 

As to creepy: To me creepy is when someone invades my space, and when I am clearly not interested, they persist and still follow me around, etc. Man, that really freaks me out and makes me head for the hills, lol.

[pinkelephant]

pinkelephant, you're uncomfortable with being hit on right off the bat. That makes sense. If an unattractive man approached you and started a fairly innocuous conversation, but later on in the conversation started to hit on you or show interest, would you then begin to be uncomfortable? It sounds like you probably wouldn't be uncomfortable at all (only if interest is shown immediately).

 

Thanks again.

 

If they are relentless, yes, but that goes for everyone... not just with guys who i don't find attractive. i don't take compliments well, unless they're really sincere and i can tell that they are. but no, i don't get uncomfortable when people find me attractive. why would i? it's flattering unless they're jerks/freaks/etc..

[waveseer]

Unkempt Clothing, lack of cleanliness, lack of neatness, and inappropriate behaviors can all set off the creepy alarm. However, someone who is simply not my type will not automatically raise my suspicion.

[RomanticAthart]

Guys who do or say inappropriate things.. that I find really creepy!

Does not matter if they are good looking or what.. Ted Bundy was said to be quite a looker and look how creepy he turned out to be!

[knowme]

1. If you were approached and chatted up by a man you find unattractive, would you feel uncomfortable? Would this kind of situation be unpleasant and offputting or would you be comfortable and welcoming of the attention?

 

Unattractive would usually be something to do with smell for me. Or unclean.

 

2. When you think of a man you've just met as "creepy", what kinds of qualities or behaviours would he display to make you feel that way?

 

 

I was in this situation with someone i met online dating. Initially i liked him and thought he had a great sense of humour.

 

After an hour we moved from the coffee shop to a bar, and he decided to invade my personal space by sitting too close. He had a weird smell (cant describe it, but it was sickly sweet)

 

Bad (and I mean Baaaad) teeth. I mean completely black and rotten around the edges.

 

A vibe of desperation.

 

And yes I am fairly kind of straightforward and confident, but i felt extremely uncomfortable and was edging away all the time.

 

he also wasnt interested in hearing what i had to say, just his opwn voice

 

ewww

 

i can almost still smell it, and it was over a year ago.

[dr_styles]

Wai wai wai wait a sec.

 

From what I'm reading, it's almost as if girls don't want a conversation with someone they aren't attracted to; but it's almost PUA like to basically ask someone out without some sort of conversation.

 

Maybe I've misread a few things but it seems to me Gern and I are pretty much being proved right (you need some sort indicator of interest, even just a simple smile. not much but something).