Ouch =[[.

[ay0_x]

My "boyfriend" & I have been having problems recently. Mainly because it's LDR, and we haven't communicated properly.

 

 

 

I'm really in love with this guy. We've been fighting like crazy lately. We're in that not-really-together but not-really-broken-up state.

 

I decided I just didn't want to fight anymore. I was sick of feeling lonely, & I wanted to make peace. This is kinda how it went.. all in text message (sigh I am never going to text another boyfriend after this)

 

Me- What are you doing?

Him- Playing with the dog

Me- How cute ^_^

He doesn't reply...

Me- I miss you.

Him- I miss you too.

Me- I really miss you. I need you =[[

Him- No you don't. (He only said this because sometimes when he says I miss you i'll jokingly say NO YOU DOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOONT, so yeah he was being spiteful).

Me- Okay?

Him- See how it feels?

Me- Yeah. I get it.

He doesn't reply

Me- For what it's worth, I actually do miss you & I'm getting sick of us fighting.

He doesn't reply

Me- Guess what?

Him- What?

Me- lol you're ignoring like half my messages. Just guess =]]]

Him- I don't want to guess just tell me.

Me- I know someone who loves you. and please stop being snappy with me

Him- Who is it

Me- Just this girl, I think her name is ay0_x.. Don't tell her I told you her secret.

Him- I don't think I know her anymore.

Me- =[[ ouch? how am I meant to take that? is it over?

Him- What?

Me- What you just wrote to me...

Him- I was playing along. But then again neither one of us is happy. I'll talk to you later on.

Me- =[[ then end it? I was trying to be nice/lovey dovey but I guess its too broken for that.

He doesn't reply

 

 

I'm hurting so so bad right now. I'm crying. I don't know what to do. As tough as I'm trying to be i really like this guy, and I'm so sick of people just ceasing to love me. =[[

[SamiJayne]

oh hun

 

LDR sucks so bad. I hated being in a LDR with my partner. And after a year, he would text less, talk less on the phone etc.

 

Is there any way you can visit him at all? to talk things through?

 

Or just give him some breathing space, if he loves you, he'll come back. If not then he's a waste of space. =(

[ay0_x]

oh hun

 

LDR sucks so bad. I hated being in a LDR with my partner. And after a year, he would text less, talk less on the phone etc.

 

Is there any way you can visit him at all? to talk things through?

 

Or just give him some breathing space, if he loves you, he'll come back. If not then he's a waste of space. =(

 

He's really far away, & I have school all week. *sigh*.

 

I positively hate LDR so much now.

 

He was at a party last night, back in his home town (20 mins away from me, he couldnt visit me though because he had to spend the weekend with his family), a party with all his old school friends. My insecurity is thinking maybe his ex of 3 years was there..

 

This is why I hate LDR. It does nothing but breed suspicion.

 

It's only been like a month that we've been LDR *sigh*

[In the Dark]

Argh WHY!!

I have been through this.

Texting away nicely.

No reply or waits till you text again with a different subject not so serious.

[ay0_x]

Argh WHY!!

I have been through this.

Texting away nicely.

No reply or waits till you text again with a different subject not so serious.

 

How bad does it suck ay? It's like they don't want you to have emotions and only want to deal with you when it's convenient. -____-!

[In the Dark]

I don't think they are not emotional.

Maybe inconsiderate of other peoples feelings.

It is wrong to ignore issues.

But they feel they can get away with it because you are not there infront of thier face with no place to escape.

 

Same with IM and email.

 

I'm guessing right now you don't know where you stand?

[ay0_x]

I don't think they are not emotional.

Maybe inconsiderate of other peoples feelings.

It is wrong to ignore issues.

But they feel they can get away with it because you are not there infront of thier face with no place to escape.

 

Same with IM and email.

 

I'm guessing right now you don't know where you stand?

 

Not at all. I'm growing really cold. I've been considering sending a "You're hurting me and I never want to talk to you again I need to heal please delete my number" message but I don't know if that's what I really want.

[In the Dark]

Maybe thats just the kick in the pants he needs.

Maybe he just needs a wake up call for his neglect and further distancing in this already LDR.

 

I'm starting to read inbetween the lines within that text.

This maybe harsh but this is as I see it.

I think he is trying to say he doesn't love you by not saying it back, by not carrying on the conversation with a "how are you?", "what have you been up to?"

And then his last text "But then again neither one of us is happy."

Stating you love him but are not happy because he doesn't appear to love you.

 

Just my interpretation

[Idlewood]

The very same thing happened me yesterday morning.

 

I have been in an LDR for the past 4 years and I am completely head over heals in love with the girl, and I thought she felt the same way. She had started a new job a few weeks back and has been very busy so contact with each other hasn't been as regular as I would have liked, but since I knew she was busy I didn't hold it against her.

 

For the last couple of months I have been applying for jobs in her area so that I could be closer to her and start a proper, non-LDR, relationship with her, but then yesterday morning my whole life as Iv known it for the past 4 years was turned upside down.

 

She came on MSN and I was very pleased to see her online as I we hadn't been able to chat over the phone in weeks due to lack of money, supposedly. She was a bit off and suggested that I should find a girlfriend, I just assumed she was missing me and felt bad but then she followed it with: Iv met someone. I'v had sex too. (She was a virgin before this). She then went on to describe it to me... (picture knife twisting in the heart). And said she has plans to meet him again because she has to get good at it? Like * * * ?

 

Instantly the wind was knocked right out of me. I felt like I was going to throw up, break down in tears and start screaming. Since then I'v ate very very little and even though I know my body is starving I just can't bring myself to eat. My stomach is in absolute knots and Im crippled with what I can only describe is severe heart break.

 

I don't know what to do, or which way to turn. I feel totally lost and way over my head. The pain is unbearable.

[top bloke]

Communication in a relationship needs understand,respect and love. He isnt displaying any of these. Do you really need this guy?

[ay0_x]

Oh my god! *hugs*

 

I am so so so sorry to hear about that! That's something no one should ever go through.

 

Idlewood, please, eat something. This is a time where you have to take care of yourself, mentally, spiritually, emotionally. I know that food may be the last thing on your mind but a healthy body always constitutes a healthy mind.

 

I really do not have any advice to you other than I really hope you can get through this. One day, one day, you will be OKAY again, but i cant tell you when that is, only you can decide that.

 

For the time being.. Watch a movie, listen to music, go for a walk, eat a whole tub of ice cream... and cry and scream all you want to. You've been hurt, it's okay to cry. Please try not to contact her in this time. This girl did you wrong to such a huge extent. You cannot have her back in your life.

[ay0_x]

Communication in a relationship needs understand,respect and love. He isnt displaying any of these. Do you really need this guy?

 

I know I don't need this guy, I know I'm totally capable of being OK by myself (which may take a while but i know i will get there).

 

It's just so annoying at times like this not to think of all the money and emotions you've spent on somebody. I know how many guys complain that they spent X amount of dollars on their girlfriends, but i'm the one that spent money on him, and I'm in that boat now. I'm annoyed that he introduced me to his family and now I'm close to his sister so there's a friendship to lose. I'm just really annoyed. Like it was all for nothing.

[Ms Darcy]

Honey,

 

First I would suggest not texting as much. And certainly don't text things hoping for a reaction from him. If you want to converse, talk on the phone or over skype or some other mechanism.

 

I would also limit text jokes when you are going through an awkward time with your partner.

[Idlewood]

I signed up here so I could reply to your thread and try give you advice but instead I just blurted out my own problem. I apologise for that! I just got a bit caught up in my emotions and it means alot that you replied with kind and helpful words.

 

So let me post what I originally intended to: It looks alot like a situation I was in 5/6 years ago. I kind of did the same to my girlfriend (not long distance -- highschool sweet heart). I was in love with her and would have married her in the height of all the romance but gradually I just fell out of love with her. I didn't want to tell her as I still loved her, just not -in- love with her so I kept it going for as long as I could. Eventually I just withdrew from the relationship and stopped replying to her texts... picking up the phone... and cancelled meet-ups. After a while she eventually picked up the signals and we had a talk and I managed to tell her what I had felt months back. She was hurt, terribly. She quickly got a new boyfriend but even after two years with him she made it clear to me on several occasions that she was still in love with me and even went as far as telling me that she genuinely believes that we'll end up married.

 

It is very hard to tell from your post what your situation is like and I'm not going to pretend that I know but I can see some similarities in those texts to the ones I replied to my Ex with. Although I'm sure you arn't as crazy as her and will find it alot easier to move on.

 

She, as far as I know, is very happy now and has no feelings for me. The process might have been long but there is light at the end of the tunnel. Which makes me feel better about my current situation.

 

In a nutshell my advice would be to just cut the communication now. If anything once he realises that you've accepted its over he will want you back. When it happens it'll be up to you to determine whether he is sincere or not.

 

Anyway, thanks for your advice and hope you can find some helpful words among this essay.

 

 

[SpeedingCars]

Wow, that hits home. You sound like my ex. His feelings really just... plopped and died. I held on and I guess he did (for sex, I suppose) and I feel stupid! I hope I can move on..

 

Anyways, ay0_x,

It sounds like things are super tense between you two so maybe you can just take a few days to yourself and not contact him? He was very cold to you. The part that worries me is him saying "Well neither of us are happy".

 

LDRs are very difficult to maintain and if one person isn't feeling it as much as the other, they end really quickly.

 

I'm sorry you're so hurt But I am hurting too. I have just gotten out of a 3 year relationship and it ended badly.

 

I agree with Idlewood. There is light at the end of the tunnel. We just haven't seen it yet!

[top bloke]

I know I don't need this guy, I know I'm totally capable of being OK by myself (which may take a while but i know i will get there).

 

It's just so annoying at times like this not to think of all the money and emotions you've spent on somebody. I know how many guys complain that they spent X amount of dollars on their girlfriends, but i'm the one that spent money on him, and I'm in that boat now. I'm annoyed that he introduced me to his family and now I'm close to his sister so there's a friendship to lose. I'm just really annoyed. Like it was all for nothing.

Sometimes it is better to be alone than have someone who doesnt treat you right. You are young..school age..cut your loses and love someone who deserves it

[SnowFox]

I would stop contacting him for now. Tell yourself that its over (because essentially I believe he is trying to end it without directly telling you he wants out).

 

It takes a tremendous amount of self-discipline to pull back in a situation like this because your instinct is to become clingy when your partner pulls away - but that is why you should do the opposite of your intstincts.

 

I did this years ago with a boyfriend who was doing the slow fade on me. We never officially broke up- I just stopped trying to contact him and he drifted out of my life. Several years later he told me he was too messed up to pursue me and that I am the one who got away.

 

I am glad I let him drift away. It was hard but it felt better than chasing a guy down and forcing him to tell me he didn't want to be with me anymore.

[ay0_x]

Hey all! Thank you so much for your replies.

 

Well, he broke up with me last night. Again via text. I cried, but not too much.

 

He did the whole "I think we should just be friends" thing. To be honest, to me, that is one of the most immoral lines someone could use. It's kind of like "I want to rise above our problems and seem noble. However, you're not good enough to be my girlfriend, but I guess there's somewhere in my outer circle of friends you could squeeze into".

 

I replied as "Give your sister a massive hug 'cause I dont think I could bear to be friends with her because of this, & your mum & your little brothers too, & I hope your business goes well. Goodbye".

 

Deleted all his numbers, his email, his sister's email. I need me time.

 

My coping mechanism is basically to think of who would be my Mr Right. It's a fantasy I feed off day-by-day. I guess that's what I'm gonna be doing for a while now.

 

Thank you all for your replies. I'm sorry for anyone who's had to go through this before and in the immortal words of Joan Jett... LOVE STINKS! =]

[top bloke]

Love stinks when the partner stinks. Learn from your experience and choose someone with better qualities who cares about you. Good luck young lady