Help with addictions

[lostnva]

I went through a very hard year after a devastating break up. See previous post.

 

I have always liked to drink. In my early 20's I thought it was a stage that I would outgrow. I started dating my ex at age 26. He was an alcoholic, and pot head. So, obviously that meant I was drinking more. Over our 4 year relationship it just progressed. I was diagnosed with ADHD about 3 years ago. I started taking adderall. The adderall being a stimulate made me drink even more, and that meant smoking more. Geezzz!!! Then he left suddenly. I was well, there are no words to describe my pain and heartbreak. So of course I drank to ease the pain. A year after our breakup, I can say that I am over the hurt, and ready to move on with my life. However, I drink almost everyday. And I don't buy 12 packs anymore I have moved up to 18 packs and cases. I would estimate at least 3-4, 18 packs. Usually about 6-9 beers a night. On the weekends I can go through a 12 pack or more in a day and or night. I'm a female and weigh 115 lbs.

 

Now the thing is, when I take my adderall is when I want to drink and smoke a pack of ciggs. I basically take 10mg 2x a day and sometimes 3x. So, I don’t eat. Not good. If I am not taking my adderall then I have no desire or urge to drink, at least not everyday. But I love the adderall, because it helps with work and school. I am 31 now and this is not a stage I am going to outgrow.

 

Am I addicted to the adderall, or the beer???!!! Now I have a great job, I own my own home, and I am finally happy again after my breakup. But I don't want to do this anymore. I don't have very many hobbies. I LOVE to get off work and come straight home and open a beer. I think about it as soon as I leave work. Now, I don't know if I would go through DT's because in 10 years I don't that I have went longer than 4 days without drinking. I have a daughter who hates when I drink, and the guilt is getting to me. I want to stop for her so bad.

 

Note- I don't drink in the morning, it doesn't interfere with my job because I drink as soon as I get home at 4, and usually pass out by 9. I have blacked out many times.

My life revolves around beer. I hate it. I want to be a social drinker, or even just on the weekends. Is that bad? Or do I have to stop completely?

 

Another note- NO one in my family drinks.

 

I am just looking for other stories, advice and suggestions.

 

Thanks!

](*,)

[waveseer]

You will likely experience some withdrawl symptoms, so see your doctor first.

[lostnva]

That's probably a good idea.

[avman]

With that much alcohol you are definitely addicted. Your body actually needs the alcohol now otherwise you will get very sick if you just try to stop.

 

As waveseer said, see your doctor and be totally honest with what is going on. Your doctor will be able to figure out what to do about your prescription.

 

Or do I have to stop completely?

 

You will ultimately need to stop completely. Once you are this addicted if you get sober and then try to drink socially again you'll simply feed that addiction and not be able to stop.

 

I saw your post on another thread about getting into a 12 step program. For you I'd recommend AA and not NA. But you may actually have to detox first because your consumption is just so high. Your doctor can help you out with this and give you the medical treatment you need.

[lostnva]

Thank you. Wow...I didn't realize that I would need to see a doctor. I was thinking about just finishing off the beer in the fridge tonight and not buying anymore. Addiction is crazy. I had many friends sink into hard core drugs and always wondered how they could let it destroy them. Now I am in the same boat just different water. I tell myself it's legal, I pay my bills, take care of my daughter, dogs, and house. I work hard and go to school....so many justifications. Why me? I am the only one in my family that has my stuff together. Only one out of 5 to graduate from HIGH SCHOOL, only one to go to college, only one that owns a home, a new truck -I have done well for myself somehow. But....I am the only one that has the BAD gene.

[avman]

The trouble is that it IS affecting your life. You've said you think about it all the time. That you regularly pass out by 9. And that your life revolves around beer. You may think it doesn't affect your daughter, your dogs, and your house but it does. What happens if your daughter has a nightmare but you are passed out and can't wake up. What if she has to go to the emergency room at midnight? You won't even know it.

 

As for the question why you, well maybe you are just wired differently. Some people have little tendency for addiction. Others get addicted almost immediately. It's just the way it is.

 

There's almost always an AA meeting going on somewhere. Why not look it up and head over there?

 

link removed

[lostnva]

I do think about those things which is why I am at this point. My daughter is starting high shool in a few weeks. I want to spend the next four years making it the time of her life. I don't want her to see me like this. She is already going to be the one who says, my mom drank all the time. Don't get me wrong I am a good mother, and I have a good life, but man I can see a even better qaulity of life in my future.

 

As far as going to a meeting now, honestly I want to drink tonight.](*,) I know...it's stupid. But I am being honest. I want to finish the beer in the fridge and that's it. I'm just ridiculous.

 

Anyone know of any online type meetings? I couldn't find any.

[avman]

Online meetings are not what you need. You need to go see people live and in person. As far as I know AA does not do any online meetings.

 

Even now you are rationalizing. Just one more beer. One more night of drinking and then I'll stop. That will turn into just one more night tomorrow, then next week, and then months will pass.

 

You are a good person. You are just a good person with a serious problem. And the way to fix serious problems is to address them, not ignore them or rationalize them so that you'll maybe fix them tomorrow.

 

I know you really want a drink. That's the addiction talking. But that rational part of your brain knows it's time to stop. So fight that addiction and take the first step towards a better life.

[MCR7]

Hi sweet girl -

 

I absolutely feel your pain. I'm 45 and still struggle with it, and have a neighbor who is a nurse who is 53 - same thing! We think we don't want to stop. We are not sure. Not 6-9 beers, but definitely 2-3 glasses of wine. And then there's beer when I go out. On & on...

 

I understand that AA has a WONDERFUL success rate if you look at the stats for folks who stay sober according to their program for 2+ years. After that the recidivisim rate is horrendous. Sad but true (and you can prove anything with statistics but I know many who have gone the AA route.)

 

Please carefully research the Rational Recovery website and let me know how you're doing via reply here or a PM. Love to you - MC

 

link removed

[MCR7]

and no you are not ridiculous. and you certainly are not alone, not by any stretch.

[hers]

As someone whose mother is an alcoholic, I can tell you it affects your daughter greatly, even if you think it doesn't. It could have very damaging effects on her future relationships (friendships and otherwise) and she could very possibly live by your example. Think about her in this.

 

AA would be a wonderful start for you. It's very important that you get yourself some help. I don't know much about DTs but it's something to ask your doctor.

 

My ex is an alcoholic and also has to take Adderall. He very much admits he is an alcoholic and is worried about DTs so he doesn't stop drinking. If he misses an Adderall, he can't function during the day.

 

It sounds like you are a functioning alcoholic, one who is able to hold down a job and take responsibilty on, but it still means you're an alcoholic, one who has a major drinking problem that could be affecting those around her.

 

For your sake and your daughter's sake, get some help.

 

You can also recommend Alateen for your daughter. It's for teenagers affected by alcoholism (if you've heard of Al-Anon, for families and friends of alcoholics, Alateen is the teenager side of it). She will get support from those going through similar things, and it'll help her keep from following your example and possibly getting addicted to something herself.

 

I have a majorly strained relationship wtih my mom b/c of her alcoholism. It's to the point where I can't bear to talk to her on the phone for more than a few minutes (though that's a huge improvement from what I used to do--treat her like crap and yell at her constantly b/c she was drinking too much) and I rarely see her. I wish I had the type of mom who I could feel loved and protected me, but I don't. She was also a young mother and she wanted to be our best friend more than our mom, and that had damaging effects on me as well.

 

So please, don't let your daughter grow up to be resentful and angry toward you for something she can't control and for something you can get help with.

[lostnva]

MCR7,

I read every word on that website. I was very excited to think I may be able to overcome this alone. Everything I have is without the help of anyone. However, when I got to the bottom and they were trying sell me stuff I was dissapointed. Very good information though. I guess I need to decide if I can do this alone. I am a strong person. Very determined, and I have accomplished every goal I have set. This is a beast. This I think, is my real challange in life.

[MCR7]

You're too smart (intelligent, and savvy - smart) to cop to anyone trying to sell you anything. This method has worked for thousands if not millions...no need to purchase a dam* thing. Suggest you continue to research the RR method to investigate recovery rates etc. Will send you a PM in a bit with offer to call if you ever WANT to , up to you. As I said, I so know how you feel.

 

Also, I think the RR research via google may lead you to other sites where similar methods are employed. The results vary from individual to individual of course but this is why it tends to be mind-opening for those who are inquisitive; you will not know what resonates for you until you research it thoroughly. In other words, you do not HAVE to run to an AA meeting, yet. I've always taken issue with the 'just go to a meeting' approach - and no offense to anyone who is reading now; if this has worked for you then by all means keep it up. AA has worked for millions upon millions worldwide. That is not to say it will work for everyone.

[lostnva]

Hersmuders,

 

Your post made me cry. I would love for my daughter to go to those meetings. My biggest challange is letting her know that I have a problem. I know she knows. But it's hard to admit. My biggest conern is telling her it's an issue and not be able to stop. Then, I look like a failure to her, and all of friends at school and church. I think it's crazy that I am even writing about this.

[hers]

You seem overly concerned with getting help and proving that you can do this alone. What is so hard about accepting help and admitting you can't do everything alone? And that if you can't, you look like a failure? Where does that preoccupation come from?

[lostnva]

So, it comes from growing up in trailor parks, and lying in bed listening to how my mom and dad had no money to pay for food, gas and rent; to working as a stripper and dating the owner who showed me the " finer things in life". When he took me out to dinner, shopping and on vacations is when I realized I wanted to be better then how I was raised, and my family. So, I went to college, got a job, and things fell into place. Until I realized I have this addiction. It's a killer. It's making me stay in place. I'm not really going backwards yet, but I'm not done with making my life better and it's holding me back. The reason I like to do things on my own is because it's satisfying to me. I love paying bills. How weird is that?

[hers]

Ok paying bills and doing things on your own is fine. But if you need help with anything, what's the harm in seeking it out? You can still keep your independence while getting help. I've done it. I had to learn to be way too self sufficient b/c my mom couldn't take care of us as much as she should've. I've learned it's ok to ask for help when you can't do it all alone. You're not a superhero. You're a human and humans are dependent on others in some form or another--even the most independent ones.

 

And again, think about your daughter. You are setting examples for her just b/c you're her parent. It's great she's learning independence from you. But she also could be learning that she should never ask for help and that she's a failure if she can't do things on her own. Even if that's not what you think you're teaching her.

 

Plus she could be learning by example from what you've gone through. If she grew up to be a stripper and an alcoholic, would you feel she was doing well for herself or would you want her to have a better life, just b/c you have lived that and you know what it's like? Show her how good life can be by helping yourself and accepting the help of others. No one is going to stop you from paying your bills yourself or being self-sufficient. They're just going to support you in stopping drinking and working on your relationships.