I'm a 20 year old guy who needs some insight

[EdV]

I've been feeling pretty lonely all summer, but my issues with girls have been going on for a while. Some things have really been confusing me lately. All I'd really like is to see a few girls now and then. I'm not in need of a relationship, but if one comes out of a certain girl then all the better.

 

I'm 20 years old and about to be a junior in college. In high school I was somewhat of a loner and socially awkward but since college I've become A LOT more comfortable around people. I have a lot going for me. I'm an athlete so I am very fit. 6' 2" and 195 lbs and very lean. I take my sport very seriously and am always trying to improve and push my body a bit farther. I am also very serious about my school work and get good grades in an engineering major. I am very ambitious and creative in my field and am confident that in a few years I will be successful in my career.

 

I also am a musician (play guitar and am part of a male a capella group) and I'm in a comedy troupe (I can be pretty goofy/sarcastic and am good at making people laugh).

 

I'm mentioning these things because people's first answers are usually, "join activities." I'm saying right now that I'm filled up with activities.

 

People tell me I'm handsome as well. It took me a while to realize it since I was fat when I was younger, but now I believe it myself too. I like the way I look and wouldn't change a thing about me.

 

I've put a lot of effort into all the things I do and a very proud of the accomplishments I've made. Unfortunately, it hasn't gotten me far with friends or girls.

 

I should note that I don't go to parties much, but I would like to. I have friends from my activities but they generally don't go out much. Most of them have girlfriends as well, so they don't care about meeting girls. On nights when I want to go out, they'd rather stay in with their girlfriends.

 

Girls never seem to be interested in me or even look at me. There are TONS of attractive girls walking around on campus. If I pass by one, I might look at her and give her a friendly smile. They never look back at me. Instead they immediately look down. Some girls I've encountered are just weird, but most seem normal otherwise.

 

The only girl that is interested in me at the moment is this one girl who won't leave me alone on facebook. I don't mean to be shallow but she is very overweight and just not attractive, not to mention she seems pretty desperate. I think I deserve much better than this. All I'm asking for is the interest of a pretty and sweet girl from my school, and there are many of them around.

 

What really confuses me is people talk like I'm a player. My friends' girlfriends always mention my good looks and charisma and how I'm successful with the ladies (if only they knew My brother, who is somewhat of a player himself, said that I should be beating girls off with a stick. The weirdest thing was this old friend who I would always invite over my house for small parties never invited me to his place for parties. That kind of bugged me one day, so I asked a trusted mutual friend about it. he talked with the guy and the guy said that he doesn't want me over his place because he knows I'll get the attention of whatever girls they bring over. No idea if that's true, but either way that's pretty lame.

 

I'm NOT a player though. I don't want to be a player. I just want to have options and I want to be able to go out with a nice girl every now and then.

 

Sorry this was so long, but this has been on my mind for a while and I needed to get it all out. Thanks in advance for any replies.

[Dancergirl425]

If I see an attractive guy on campus and he smiles at me sometimes I will look down bc I think "he can't be smiling at me". Have you tried meeting girls in class? That's always an easy way to meet someone because you get to see them everyday and build up a friendship.

 

I think a lot of girls just have in their mind that if a guy is really attractive he's an ahole so that's probably why they don't seem interested.

[strategos]

Seems like your problem is inside. Basically your outlook.

 

For one thing, you're not going to find sweet girls going to parties and things like that. I can count on one hand how many women I have found to be "sweet" with no attachments at parties, clubs, bars, etc. Even they had issues.

 

I would say to join activities, but do some different ones (not giving up the ones you do though). With the exception of the comedy club, all of your activities are male-dominated (i.e. you won't be meeting too many females)

[strategos]

If I see an attractive guy on campus and he smiles at me sometimes I will look down bc I think "he can't be smiling at me". Have you tried meeting girls in class? That's always an easy way to meet someone because you get to see them everyday and build up a friendship.

 

I think a lot of girls just have in their mind that if a guy is really attractive he's an ahole so that's probably why they don't seem interested.

 

That's true, but because we're trained with the notion that you have to be a jerk in order to be attractive. It's like a self-fulfilling prophecy.

 

As for class, that's another great way to meet women. The problem is that engineering is also male-dominated. The women that are there already receive quite a lot of attention as it is.

[EdV]

Thanks for your replies.

 

I'm in mostly male-dominated classes (comp sci and engineering), so it's hard to meet girls. I have somehow managed to meet the girls I wanted to meet in the past in classes that did have girls, but they never worked out (most girls tend to have boyfriends).

 

I would love to meet a girl going about my day and not at a drunken party, but it just seems so much harder. Girls always seem to be going about their daily routine and are too busy to talk to a guy.

 

My comedy troupe is all guys, by the way, but we sometimes join with this other group and do plays (they tend to have mostly guys though). With my sport and singing thing, though, there are corresponding girl groups (a women's team for my sport and an all-girl a capella group). Again, most of these girls have boyfriends and have had boyfriends since the day I met them. And the single ones I'm either not into or they aren't into me.

 

I'm not sure I can do many more activities. I'm also part of a mostly-girl group that raises seeing eye dogs, but I'm not as devout as most of them are because I'm pretty busy already.

[EdV]

I haven't really expected to meet girls in engineering classes. The more general classes I had to take the past 2 years like bio, chem, or a number of humanities had a good amount of girls, and I managed to talk to a few of them, but like I said, nothing worked out.

 

My school has a pretty even girl ratio, maybe even more girls since there's an all-women's college at the university.

 

Even if there was too much male competition, though, I wouldn't be worried. There are so many dead-beat guys here who just smoke and drink nearly every night. While I'm friends with some of those guys, I think that I definitely have a leg up on them, and many other guys for that matter.

 

I think each of those 3 points you made are true to some extent. While I am always welcome to meeting new people, I might give a "stay away" vibe. I also think I am more intimidating than I think because of my size, height, and a number of other features like my deep voice.

[EdV]

Seems like your problem is inside. Basically your outlook.

 

I think I have a pretty positive attitude about myself, if that's what you mean. But, if you mean that I'm a bit oblivious when it comes how I approach these situations, then you're definitely right, and I'm here to learn how to improve on that. College was my first experience EVER with girls, so I started off a bit behind and am still learning some of the basics.

[Dancergirl425]

Thanks for your replies.

 

I'm in mostly male-dominated classes (comp sci and engineering), so it's hard to meet girls. I have somehow managed to meet the girls I wanted to meet in the past in classes that did have girls, but they never worked out (most girls tend to have boyfriends).

 

I would love to meet a girl going about my day and not at a drunken party, but it just seems so much harder. Girls always seem to be going about their daily routine and are too busy to talk to a guy.

 

I forgot you said you were engineering major..ya that does make it harder.

 

What if you asked your buddy to invite some single girls over before the party started so you could meet them sober first. And talk to them.

 

I'm a really nice sweet girl and I go to lots of parties. Not necessarily to meet guys but I enjoy dancing and hanging out with friends so if I meet someone there..even better. I think when someone said those girls usually have issues you have to remember there are exceptions. It's like the stereotype i said before about attractive guys. You're the exception..well not all girls that go to parties are * * * * s.

[EdV]

I forgot you said you were engineering major..ya that does make it harder.

 

What if you asked your buddy to invite some single girls over before the party started so you could meet them sober first. And talk to them.

 

I'm a really nice sweet girl and I go to lots of parties. Not necessarily to meet guys but I enjoy dancing and hanging out with friends so if I meet someone there..even better. I think when someone said those girls usually have issues you have to remember there are exceptions. It's like the stereotype i said before about attractive guys. You're the exception..well not all girls that go to parties are * * * * s.

 

Don't worry, I know that.

 

I also can't go to many parties because of practice for my sport in the morning. Most parties are on Thursday and Friday and both those nights I NEED to sleep in. Saturday night I can go out. Usually I go to a party hosted by someone on my team or the women's team.

 

What buddy are you talking about, by the way?

[jenny_mcs]

Do you have some really good guy friends? Or more just like acquaintances from classes and activities?

[EdV]

Do you have some really good guy friends? Or more just like acquaintances from classes and activities?

 

I see them every day and live with a few of them. We're pretty close I'd say. We like each other and always can make each other laugh.

 

I only have two REALLY REALLY good friends here (ie we talk about stuff bothering us and open up). One of them is more into the music crowd in NY and mostly has guy friends, and the other one is gay (and not the kind of gay that gets a ton of girl friends =p).

[jenny_mcs]

I see them every day and live with a few of them. We're pretty close I'd say. We like each other and always can make each other laugh.

 

I only have two REALLY REALLY good friends here (ie we talk about stuff bothering us and open up). One of them is more into the music crowd in NY and mostly has guy friends, and the other one is gay (and not the kind of gay that gets a ton of girl friends =p).

 

Oh, I was not asking to see if they could set you up. I was thinking they could offer some insights as to why you are not having success with the ladies. Someone who has been out with you and seen you interact with women might be able to offer some advice.

[Dancergirl425]

 

What buddy are you talking about, by the way?

 

O I meant whoever was throwing the parties if you are close friends with them.

[definitely_maybe]

Well, I just want to add that I can relate a lot to your story.

 

I am an engineering student, feeling a little lonely this summer, passionately involved in a male dominated sport, not at all ashamed of my looks, a little behind when it comes to dating. I too see a lot of girls, but don't get the chance to get to know many of them.

 

I think one of the more important things is networking. Get to know as many people as possible. They may have a friend who they could introduce you to.