Another one

[ColorBlue]

Like everyone is saying, if you really want to find out whats going on, just have a real conversation with him about this. Do what that one guy said, but modify it for your situation.

 

You- Do you like me?

Him- I don't know.

You- Well why do you do the stuff you do with me then?

 

and maybe just go out and say that "I like you, and I can't handle everything you're doing with me if you don't actually want to be with me as my boyfriend"

 

Clearly the situation isn't going to move anywhere, I dunno...Although it does seem like its moving up and up what he's willing to say around you. Maybe he's trying to say that he wants you to be his boyfriend, but he doesn't want/can't take that jump and just say it. Just talk to him already.

[Lucy__lou]

I'm not going to say I understand boy behaviour. But I will tell you that whether he's into boys or not, he doesn't sound like he's mature enough to be a decent boyfriend if he can't be open with his feelings. Even if he's into you, he might be mean and mess with your head if you two do get together.

 

As for the stuff about him wanting you to be bi, I think he could be bi, and so he just likes you and wants to share that side of himself with you too (talking about girls).

 

It could be a kind of double check situation you've got each other in (not sure if I have my chess metaphor correct here - it's a while since I played...), but you know, like, when he talks about girls, you go silent on him (which in some ways is rejecting a part of him that is true), and he does the same back to you by not fully accepting your gay identity, and instead wanting you to be bi. If he is bi, then maybe he's scared (unconsciously) that if he lets you see that side of him, that you will want him to reject his bi side. Ok, I'm just rambling now. so I'm going to shut up and press post.

 

Edit: But It does sound like a bit of a confusing situation. I think you're very much entitled to confront him about his behaviour. You're well in your rights to tell him that you like him, and that when he does these things, that he's toying with you, and being a tease, because if he was into it , you would be too. I can understand your hesitation, because you don't want to loose him, but it does seem like he's doing these things to see what your reaction will be. It could be that he wants to find out if you'll take the bait and if you do he'll run. It sort of seems like he's testing you. Maybe it's a power thing, or maybe it's as simple as it looks and he's hitting on you and you're not seeing it. Ok, now I'm really going to shut up and press post. (I'm a little bit annoyed by your friend, now I think of it....).. post.

[Lexington]

Thanks for all your posts! It's good to hear other people's view of things.

Maybe the point is, somehow, that I complicate things and am blind to what's possibly very simple. And I bet it also has a lot to do with my damaged self-worth. It could be I'm the one that's not open and isn't doing anything. Obviously he is. But... damn, why am I feeling like I don't have any right to do anything? Like I'm somehow inferior to him, it's stupid. So what if I scare him off? Maybe I won't at all. And maybe I am actually scared of him returning my feelings.

 

You know, if it were someone else in my situation, I'd tell them the same you're telling me. I'm aware of what would be the right thing to do, but as the one in the middle of the situation, it's always so hard to accept one's own advice.

 

That's why I appreciate your posts, always. I'll try to do something differently. Maybe even really talk to him...

[ColorBlue]

Keep us updated on the situation, we can try to push you on towards doing what you should be =] and help you if anything goes right/wrong. Just keep tryin' man. Like I said before, all you have to do is just talk to him. The guy talks to you about having a hard on around you, and then pretty much asks you if you'll give him a blowjob/handjob. Straight guys don't do that. Ever. Either way, if he's looking for a relationship and this is how he does it, or if he's just trying to get some sex out of this, You have to talk to him about what I said before. Find out if he's really into you for an actual relationship or not, and if not, he shouldn't be acting this way around you.

[Lexington]

So I just came back from his place. He lives in a town nearby, and we went to an ice hockey game, which was pretty cool.

His behavior is still irritating, but my view of this has shifted. It gets harder and harder to still cling on to the idea of him being gay. Granted, some thing still may or may not be signals, but... I guess maybe he values our friendship in his own "special" way.

 

I brushed my teeth while he did his hair, then I had a wash and he brushed his teeth, and then I told him to step out so I could change my clothes, and he was like, can't I stay? And I say (why did I? Cause I felt again he was toying with me): No, get out. And he answers, aww, that makes me sad. ...

 

His mom gives me a shirt of his cause its too tight for him, and I say, well, I'll try it on over my shirt. And he goes, no, take off your shirt. And I'm like, really? - Yeah, just do it.

 

We're lying on the bed, and for some reason again, maybe patronizing me, he strokes my stomach. And I say, that's another thing, you keep doing this randomly. If I did that, it'd be awkward for you, wouldnt it?

And he says, well, dunno, try it. So I caress his chest and say, aww, that's nice - and that's when he pulls back.

 

Then we kinda had an argument, or I was * * * * * y about something, and he embraced me. I did him back. It was a nice moment...

And I wish I could have that with him.

 

 

I'm afraid to talk to him. I don't wanna ruin our friendship (and in my eyes it would be a perfectly justifiable reaction if he ended the friendship)... and I don't wanna embarrass myself... be open about my feelings, for one, and feel stupid for ever thinking he could have been into me... I wish I could be brave enough to do something bold about it without words, like just kissing him or making another move.

 

If he were gay/bi, wouldn't he just tell me? I did.

[1WayTicket2Norway]

 

 

I'm afraid to talk to him. I don't wanna ruin our friendship (and in my eyes it would be a perfectly justifiable reaction if he ended the friendship)... and I don't wanna embarrass myself... be open about my feelings, for one, and feel stupid for ever thinking he could have been into me... I wish I could be brave enough to do something bold about it without words, like just kissing him or making another move.

 

If he were gay/bi, wouldn't he just tell me? I did.

 

Don't you see? you're not going to ruin the friendship if you talk to him. He's the one ruining it with his behaviour. If you don't talk to him about this you will never be able to have a healthy platonic relationship with him. you will keep doubting his sexuality, and your feelings for him will intensify.

 

Nip this at the bud now, so you can go on with your life.

[ColorBlue]

I'm afraid to talk to him. I don't wanna ruin our friendship (and in my eyes it would be a perfectly justifiable reaction if he ended the friendship)... and I don't wanna embarrass myself... be open about my feelings, for one, and feel stupid for ever thinking he could have been into me... I wish I could be brave enough to do something bold about it without words, like just kissing him or making another move.

 

If he were gay/bi, wouldn't he just tell me? I did.

 

You've made some progress in the right direction, which is actually trying to do a little something with him, but it wasn't really enough.

 

Let me put it the way of a questions. Would you rather drag this out over months just to find out that he wasn't gay/bi, or would you rather just get it all over with in one day? As someone who has been through the whole scenario of having a crush on this strange acting guy that might be gay (although admittedly your guy is more gay acting than my guy was), if I could have done it all over..I would have just done it one night. Dragging it out was hard on my emotions and bad for my schoolwork, I started to not care about the classes I had paid for and I was depressed over this situation, but oh boy I'd be happy when he was around. Finally one day I got it over with in a way, and I just felt so much better. I had feared the moment when I wouldn't be able to be his friend anymore for the entire time I was in the dysfunctional attraction to him, but as soon as I realized there was no future with him that way, I was so relieved. I got on with my life. I won't lie, I was sad after that, but not for him. Just for the reasons that I used to be sad when I was alone in my room, just that I was afraid I wouldn't find someone, but I did eventually, in an unlikely place too haha.

 

My point with all of this is that dragging this whole ordeal out for the sake of your embarrassment over showing your true feelings isn't the best way to do this. I won't lie about it, our situations were different, we were both closeted (I'm assuming that this guy I was attracted to is at least bisexual still, I never actually found out), but the lesson is still the same. Life isn't worth hanging up on one guy or girl if they aren't willing to put the same commitment into you as you are willing to put into them. Letting your fear keep you from moving forward is only going to be something you'll regret later in the future instead of feeling like it was a good idea.

If you're worried about losing him as a friend, think about it this way. If he was actually a good friend, would he be doing this to you if he had no intention of actually hooking up with you for a REAL relationship? It's not like you told him that it was alright to act this way around you as a friend, he just did it without considering what kind of position it would put you in. This is assuming he never intended to be your boyfriend in the first place, which is something we don't actually know yet.

 

So finishing it up here, you've got the "evidence" you need, so don't drag it out. It's just painful for yourself.

[chiefoptimizer]

Just for the reasons that I used to be sad when I was alone in my room, just that I was afraid I wouldn't find someone, but I did eventually, in an unlikely place too haha.

 

where?

 

.....

[ColorBlue]

I didn't really think it mattered to the topic, so I wasn't going to make my post longer than it already was haha, but okay. I found my girlfriend by accident on the internet. I didn't expect it to happen, it just did. I had been talking to a girl I met through another girl, who happened to be her best friend, that I met on an anime website chatroom. I had just been watchin' One Piece (anime) and saw her always arguing for gay rights and arguing with prepubescent teenagers on why its not right to harass gay people, and eventually I just jumped in after a couple of weeks to support her. I told her about me being bisexual and having a crush on a guy, and she went all crazy on me (in the good way, she just liked having another gay person around). She eventually got me to download MSN. I hardly ever talked on those chat programs, before that point. I was only using AIM to find out a couple things from my friends every so often, and then I'd log off. I wasn't really much for online chatting before then. She introduced me to her friend, Sarah, a day after. Sarah and I hit it off, but we were mostly just helping each other out. She had her crush on a girl and I had my crush on a guy. Emotional support for each other, and just talking haha. Anyway, it just happened over the months. Eventually I realized I liked her, and she liked me too.

 

So that's what I meant by "an unlikely place". I wasn't really much for chatting online with random people before.

[Lexington]

I know all of you are right. This is turning into an unhealthy relationship. I get the impression that he isn't even willing to invest the same into the friendship as I do.

I'm gonna put an end to this. Not by talking to him. You're not gonna understand this, cause you don't have all the background information... but I'm gonna do something to help him, show him my support... by doing it, I'll sacrifice the friendship, cause I'm fairly sure he's gonna end it.

 

It's for the better. I can keep the secret and make him turn away from me. This is going nowhere, and it should end right now.

[ColorBlue]

If you think this is the right path for you, it very well may be it. What are you going to do to make it end? You were so vague about it, and it's made me curious.

[XxPKMNxX]

If you think this is the right path for you, it very well may be it. What are you going to do to make it end? You were so vague about it, and it's made me curious.

 

lol yeah me too! We want to know what you have done

[Lexington]

I was kinda drunk and talking bull * * * * .

What I had planned to do to help him was talk to his therapist (that I know by association) about crucial things he had been keeping from her. I felt like it was the right thing to do to make sure he wouldn't, let's say, relapse.

He would have considered this as betrayal, I think, and would have turned away from me, but I was ready to sacrifice our friendship for his well-being.

 

Well, as I said, I was pretty drunk, and then I always get such crazy and pseudo-romantic ideas.

Anyway, the following day, he helped himself. I was there when he talked with his therapist about stuff, and I also told him what I would have done, had he not come out on his own. He didn't really seem to like the thought, but he wasn't disapproving either.

 

Now, I feel like we've come somewhat closer now that he's let me in a bit more. Curiously, I feel more comfortable talking to and being with him when he's open (which means sad in this case) about things. Cause most of the time, well, I don't wanna say we play a show for each other, but it feels like there are things he doesn't talk about and so hides by being funny and nonchalant.

 

Lol, now some more of the strange things? We sit on a bench, he goes: I just had the strong urge to touch your * * * * . Does that mean I may be gay?

And I'm like, no, it probably has something to do with you being messed up.

 

He still randomly touches my face or goes through my hair...

He puts his hand on mine, so I wrap my fingers around his, and then I say, well, that's kinda gay. Immediately he pulls his hand back, and then there's a girl on TV and he announces, I'd definitely do her!

 

We talk about shows and movies, and I tell him I'm watching * * * * * as Folk on DVD (again). He didn't know what it was, so I told him, well, it's like Sex and the City, only with a group of gay friends, and much more explicit. (I told him, compared to QAF SATC was a church picnic, lol)

The first question he asks: And does one of the guys hide his sexuality, dating women and pretending?

That made me think again. Why ask something like that?

 

And one day we were chatting online, I was talking about some guy we both know that I had had a crush on back in the day. He told me he asked so much cause he couldn't really relate to the whole "gay-thing". I was like, sure you can. Just imagine in your case it's a girl that makes you feel like this, it's the same, only a different gender.

And he says: Well, lies are a strange thing.

And I was like, what do you mean?

And he: Nothing.

You think I'm lying about something?

Never mind.

 

That's about it. He didn't wanna come over for the weekend, which kinda dragged me down a little. I have a good mind to show him the cold shoulder (is that an english expression too?) so he gets the impression I'm not just always there, and maybe misses me.

 

Aw, childish, yeah.

[chiefoptimizer]

How old is your friend?

[Lexington]

I've wondered why this question hasn't yet been asked.

There's an age gap... He's 19. Which bugged me at first, but... well, I guess a lot could be seen in a different light considering his age... Then again, when I was 19, I probably was smarter than I am now...

[chiefoptimizer]

I've wondered why this question hasn't yet been asked.

There's an age gap... He's 19. Which bugged me at first, but... well, I guess a lot could be seen in a different light considering his age... Then again, when I was 19, I probably was smarter than I am now...

 

Yeah I think it's a universal feeling! It sounds like he's not comfortable with it all yet, so be patient and gentle It's tragic that we live in a world people have to spend decades coming to terms with what should have been irrelevant in the first place. sigh...

[sweet_revenge]

after reading all your posts, he's definitely into you. he's probably just struggling with accepting who he is, i'm 19, and i'm still struggling with accepting who i am. but good luck, i hope it turns out well for you both.

[Lexington]

Hey, that's so cool of you to say, and that you've read all my posts... yeah, maybe he is.

 

Haha. Today we sit on the stairs at the station and he pats my knee and then goes up my thigh, and then asks: Do you expect more from me?

And I say: Like what?

And he does that jerking off gesture with his hand, and I'm like: I think I can do that on my own.

 

Am I * * * * ing stupid? Right answer would have been: Yeah, go right ahead, right here. You can even suck it if you want!

 

Lol. He's coming over this weekend, yay. Well, we'll see.

[XxPKMNxX]

OMG!

Its good that you realise that you think it was a stupid answer to you.

Next time just take a few more seconds to answer at the weekend to once and for all find out!

Good Luck

[Lexington]

LOL In hindsight, a more diplomatic answer that came to mind is: No, I don't expect more from you, but I wouldn't refuse if you wanted to, either.

 

Hope this weekend I can get this over with, one way or another.

[sweet_revenge]

Hey, that's so cool of you to say, and that you've read all my posts... yeah, maybe he is.

 

Am I * * * * ing stupid? Right answer would have been: Yeah, go right ahead, right here. You can even suck it if you want!

 

 

that would've been the perfect answer!

[Lexington]

So how do I do this?

 

Do I confront him about his bevahior?

Do I respond to his behavior?

Or do I say straight-forward how I feel?

 

Probably I'll choose not doing anything anyway...

[XxPKMNxX]

So how do I do this?

 

Do I confront him about his bevahior?

Do I respond to his behavior?

Or do I say straight-forward how I feel?

 

Probably I'll choose not doing anything anyway...

 

if i was you, i would wait and respond to his behaviour first, that way it seems natural and you get your answer you've been waiting for, for weeks!

 

if this opportunity does not come up until about an hour or so before he leaves, bring it up, so you both have time to talk about it.

 

And dont do the last thing! You know you have to do it, and are even asking how to do it ... dont choose not to when it comes down to it.

[Lexington]

How do I bring it up just before he leaves???

[XxPKMNxX]

How do I bring it up just before he leaves???

 

it will probably be unnatural way to do it, but you have to.

 

just blurt it out if you must, and tell him everything you have told us, or even show him this topic to see what he has put you through.