exback Posted July 31, 2009 Share Posted July 31, 2009 5 months after break up after 4 years relationship with my first boyfriend (I am 23) - I got dumped- and I am still thinking about him the whole day long even so I am busy all day long. Is that normal!??? How often do you think about your ex!? How long ago was your break up? How long have you been together? Link to comment
cruzer Posted July 31, 2009 Share Posted July 31, 2009 i rarely think about my ex. once every few months when someone tells me they seen her. breakup was like 6 months ago you gotta stop thinking about the ex, you will never move on. catch yourself and dont let the thought about your ex develop and you will forget them Link to comment
exback Posted July 31, 2009 Author Share Posted July 31, 2009 How long was your relationship!? Link to comment
jess2009 Posted July 31, 2009 Share Posted July 31, 2009 5 months after break up after 4 years relationship with my first boyfriend (I am 23) - I got dumped- and I am still thinking about him the whole day long even so I am busy all day long. Is that normal!??? How often do you think about your ex!? How long ago was your break up? How long have you been together? i can relate to your dilemma.....i was with my ex for about 4.5 years...but towards the end of 4th year ...i kind of knew that things might not end up positive in the future (circumstances wise---) and he was drifting from me ...althought he always remained passionate about our relationship ...but he dumped me because his family did not wanted us to get married ...(different cultures). ...I have been in total No contact about a year now...and i have kept myself busy most of the time. However..thinking about your ex is quite normal...but the frequency as to how much you think about him during the day ...will reduce over time. I think about him couple of times a day...but i tend not to dwell on the past........however there has been few occasions when i could not get him out of my mind at all....and my mind was wondering questions like "does he still think about me....did he ever love me". But at the end of the day....i have realized over time that having him back in my life is not going to make much difference....i would rather live with someone who truly wants to be with me. You have only broken up for about 6 months...give it about another 6 months ...and i guess you will be on the road to recovery...but in the meanwhile enjoy the self-discovery path. If you are constantly thinking about him...and dwelling into the past...it ill lead to more pain and sadness...and try not to dwell to much ...and hopefully this will accelarate your healing... Link to comment
exback Posted July 31, 2009 Author Share Posted July 31, 2009 thank you!!! I stopped thinking about the past just recently and noticed that...now I have thoughts as you described like "Is he thinking about me" "Is he missing me" and "Does he regret at least sometimes" and so on. I could tell my ex was drifting from me at the end of the 3rd year and I knew it was going to end like this but I was so afraid since I could imagine how I would feel that I stopped thinking about that "problem" Link to comment
cruzer Posted July 31, 2009 Share Posted July 31, 2009 now I have thoughts as you described like "Is he thinking about me" "Is he missing me" and "Does he regret at least sometimes" and so on. I know its hard, but those thoughts are going to make it take 6 more months to get over him. Perhaps i was not with my SO as long as you were with yours, but it was one of my firsts so it was still important and dramatic. I got over her in 2 months because i stopped having those thoughts, and i stopped coming on here typing about her. Link to comment
exback Posted July 31, 2009 Author Share Posted July 31, 2009 The question is: how can you stop.. thinking about someone...it's not as if you can control what you think....you just think about it and it just pops into my mind Link to comment
cruzer Posted July 31, 2009 Share Posted July 31, 2009 Well i cant really explain how to stop it, but i will give an example of something, just so you get an idea. perhaps it will help, maybe it just takes time, maybe i just got lucky. one of my dates with my last, was to watch a movie called Mirrors. so say one day a friend goes, hey have you seen the movie Mirrors. My first thought is going to be, hey i seen that with X when we went to the movies. As soon as i go to say/think hey i seen that, i know how its going to end. its going to bring up my ex. im sure that doesnt help, and i wish i could explain it in a way that does help. At the least you can do though, is have one thought about the ex, then stop. Dont go back and fourth thinking of things about your ex, or what you guys did. just think, ya i seen that with my ex one time when we went out. stop there, dont continue on and think about how the date went or anything like that. i remember shortly after we split, i would just sit and ponder for about 5 minutes about something related to her. then i realized that was stupid and not going to help me. Link to comment
Seymore Posted July 31, 2009 Share Posted July 31, 2009 From the books I've read, you need to allow yourself time to grieve, and don’t let anyone tell you how long it should take, because it’s different from others. Some people say “Oh it’s been 2 months and I don’t think about them at all” - well, they may have healed, or more likely they may be avoiding the grieving process, which isn’t healthy. I feel I’ve come a long way in the last few weeks of my healing, and it’s been 7 months. I feel a lot better, even though I still think about her. But now when I think about her, I don’t dwell on her for an hour at a time. I really don’t think that thinking about your ex is a bad thing, it’s to what degree and if it’s affecting your life negatively in other ways. Learn some thought-stopping methods - I posted them a while back, so you can search my threads. EDIT: Nevermind, here you go: Link to comment
coldplay. Posted July 31, 2009 Share Posted July 31, 2009 i was in for 3 years, broken up for a year, still think about every day. Doesnt really consume me though. Link to comment
doiiiieeezie Posted July 31, 2009 Share Posted July 31, 2009 I still think of my ex daily... he and I have were friends and what not for 5 years before then and he is a part of my life. While the pain dulls,he will stay with me. Am I over him? No. I know that while he claims that he doesn't regret his decisions as of late, he is taking the break up as hard, if not harder than i am ( he was the dumper). With previous exes... to be honest.... it took me from a week to a few months. Grieve... properly. A good friend of mine broke up with an ex after 2-3 years of a very rocky relationship. After 4 months of NC, he contacted her and she told him off and how he was still a "loser"- which to her was a clear sign that she was over him. Which is completely false. My Advice? Don't end up being that kind of person. Link to comment
Cognitive_Canine Posted July 31, 2009 Share Posted July 31, 2009 There wasn't a day that went by while my boyfriend and I were broken up that I felt "okay". Link to comment
katt_marie Posted July 31, 2009 Share Posted July 31, 2009 5 months after break up after 4 years relationship with my first boyfriend (I am 23) - I got dumped- and I am still thinking about him the whole day long even so I am busy all day long. Is that normal!??? How often do you think about your ex!? How long ago was your break up? How long have you been together? I think about my ex once in a while. I'm friends with him still but sometimes when he makes specific comments, it makes me think about the past. I do get sad about it sometimes but I know it's for the best and moved on. We broke up 5 months ago. We were together for 2 1/2 years. Most of my college years. Link to comment
exback Posted July 31, 2009 Author Share Posted July 31, 2009 That's how I feel....Still 5 months after break up it feels to me as if life doesn't mean anything to me anymore even so I have very good friends a lovely and caring family ...success...money...everything just not the person I loved so much. So I keep thinking about "how can he not feel what I feel"..."how can he be that cruel" ...he didn't even break up with me officially...he just started ignoring after a fight about something stupid and never talked to me again- I tried 6 weeks long...He was my first and only boyfriend and everything (and I have been his first and only everything) and after 4 years I didn't expect him to leave me...we were engaged and so on... And it gets even worse: he is making fun of me telling everyone I tried everything to convince him to stay/ to come back to me.... THAT WILL TAKE ME FOR SURE SOME YEARS and I have to strugle every single day not to contact him ...The last 4 months I contacted him just once at the beginning - I am really proud about that fact Link to comment
justletgo07 Posted July 31, 2009 Share Posted July 31, 2009 I still think about her everyday, and I'm really tired of it as it has been 10 months. A big part of the problem was that I stayed in contact with her. I just recently fell off the face of the planet with her. I have ignored calls and text messages, and have been tempted to contact her this week, but I'm just exhausted by the whole situation. Now I just want it to be over. I want to let go. Nothing and noone is worth all of this pain and heartache. Link to comment
Seymore Posted July 31, 2009 Share Posted July 31, 2009 Well 4 months of NC IS something to be proud of. Stay strong! Link to comment
exback Posted July 31, 2009 Author Share Posted July 31, 2009 I am exhausted too...That's why I hoped I could stop thinking somehow...I am just so tired of it all and I hope I could forget what happened but then again I think if I don't grieve now till the end it will haunt me down my whole life long and I don't want that... Link to comment
bobbybarker Posted July 31, 2009 Share Posted July 31, 2009 It's been almost 3 weeks (five year relationship) and I still think about her every second of every day. Link to comment
rikka Posted July 31, 2009 Share Posted July 31, 2009 five year relationship, ended six weeks ago. Still think about him every other day or so. Mainly it is things that I encounter/do and want to share with him. I started a journal. So when things come up (like the urge to talk to him, the desire to say things to/anout him, the persistent thoughts) I write them down and forget about it. At least I get that chance to vent it and it can't consume me. Staying busy has also helped, finding things to launch into an put my energy on that. So now the melancholy type thoughts are restricted to alone time - just before bed, comuting to work etc. - so now the challenge is going to be containing those. I wrote up a huge entry for myself, getting it all out from the moment I saw the writing on the wall up to how I felt that day, that was therapeutic. We sit with all these emotions trapped inside of us and they fester. And it is ok to feel them, just don't let them consume you (easier said than done, I know). As someone else said, we all grieve in our own way and for our own period. Take your time, just don't walllow. You had a life before this person and you will have a life after them. Link to comment
COtuner Posted July 31, 2009 Share Posted July 31, 2009 I'm a year out from when I left him originally, 6 months out from when I left him the last time, and I almost never think about him at all. Link to comment
waveseer Posted July 31, 2009 Share Posted July 31, 2009 Every day. I care about him, I wonder how he is, I hear his voice in my head, and I remind myself that fantasizing about him is really destructive to my health and well being. It's kind of like he died and I am carrying a piece of him around with me. I don't think of him every minute, and I don't dwell so I don't exactly know how often, but generally it doesn't hurt anymore and sometimes it even makes me smile. It's been years and years so even though I'm no longer obsessed, thoughts of him are still quite integrated into my psyche. What works best for me is to allow the thoughts to come and go as they please (aside from the sexual ones, those I can't keep in perspective so I can't entertain them at all). Letting the thoughts do whatever they will is the key for me to continue healing without overanalyzing to the point of insanity. Link to comment
JonasWaingaro Posted July 31, 2009 Share Posted July 31, 2009 Everyday. 4years together, bit over a month since break. I still dream about her almost every night. I think about her/us everyday. I think of 20 things a day I want to email her about and don't. Little life things. I also think about the good times a lot. Those make me smile, then when I think about those not happening again. I get profoundly sad. Most of the time those just pop into my head out of no where. That's maddening. I just miss everything. Link to comment
Macleod Posted July 31, 2009 Share Posted July 31, 2009 5 months after break up after 4 years relationship with my first boyfriend (I am 23) - I got dumped- and I am still thinking about him the whole day long even so I am busy all day long. Is that normal!??? How often do you think about your ex!? How long ago was your break up? How long have you been together? How often do you think about your ex!? Every minute of the day How long ago was your break up? 3 weeks How long have you been together? 2 yrs Link to comment
dimnickel1980 Posted July 31, 2009 Share Posted July 31, 2009 How often do you think about your ex!? most of the day. sometimes i notice when i haven't thought about him for awhile because my mind was somewhere else. i hope for the day i don't notice not thinking about him. How long ago was your break up? a month and a week How long have you been together? 3.5 years Link to comment
canali Posted July 31, 2009 Share Posted July 31, 2009 how long since split: since sept, but emailed her 'my regret letters' etc through to late jan...so didn't truly go NC 'til Feb...so emotionally since Feb lets say. how long together: almost 2 years how often do I think of her: everyday i think of her....but i find the following helps below. MY SUGGESTION: focus on SELF CARE ... BIG TIME! --when getting pensive/missing her/us...i also try to immediately balance that with remembering the frustrating times I had with her, too, or with her daughter (sheesh...good riddance)....you have to do this: balance good memories right away with a reality check remembering the crap (esp at the end!). --go through grieving process to let go of her and older hurts --journal alot to pay attention to your inner tapes/themes/insights..helps with behavioural/cognitive changes. --get out from your flippin home and away from the tv!...do something else...go somewhere else....yeah i know easier said than done...but still... --stay active expanding myself into new areas with new activities, making new friends taking on new interests..ie, have taken up tennis (joined a few cheap rec centre based leagues) after a 15 yr hiatus (so healing and i LOVE IT)..also kayaking and mtn biking and bicycle touring again. ...in the winter i'll be taking up both xcountry/skate skiing and also trying backcountry skiing too: all through groups to again meet new people. --make new friends/keep more in touch with older ones. too...see 'doing more activites' as above --getting my weight down/getting healthier again/although am active getting down my weight adds confidence to me wanting to get out there more. --no longer drinking at home: was worried about drinking too much with ex...gave it up for 8 months...broke that when my niece/boyfriend came and I played host last month...but now only drink socially ...just like certain foods I realize i can't have them in my house...portion control goes out the window. Link to comment
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