Am I recovered from my gf and ready to date again?

[Luke Skywalker]

Just last week I meet someone here at the office that I intend to pursue for coffee, and want to keep open to meeting more women.

 

However, my ex-gf keeps coming to mind. For example, this morning, I feel her again and the times that we french kissed together at my office. Now she currently has her own basement apartment and we can enjoy privacy together better than how it was prior.

 

I'm not sure if these are flashbacks or what to make of this. I initiated the break-up myself. There is a background about this -- if you do a thread search under my alias, then most of my recent threads (at least this year) is talking about my gf.

 

In summary, I broke up with her because I felt I was stringing her along and was not really in love with her and it was some co-dependent relationship. She is on meds which has her looking fatter and if she doesn't take them, she could go off crazy. My family and friend of my mother had either shock reactions or were crying and they found out I was going with her and felt she just hawked me because I had no one. I also wrote a number of negative threads about her while I was in a relationship with her all the while telling her that I love her.

 

I'm not heart-broken or anything like that since nothing about this break-up was bad. It's just a realization we were not right for each other. She misses me and now I'm also missing her a bit from time to time.

 

So, should I just continue meeting and seeing other women, or is this a real issue here? I wanted to see other girls when I was in an exclusive relationship with her anyway, so I don't know why I'm thinking about her now when I'm about to start pursuing or meeting other girls.

[Luke Skywalker]

A particular memory is the passionate way in which she French kissed me inside my office and that energy from her coming towards me as well as her voice and tender touch. It's almost like I just want to call her and see her again.

 

I'm not sure what to make of this. I want to move forward, but this thing really hits me from time to time, and it's hitting me right now.

 

Maybe pursuing someone else will help get my mind off of this -- but since I didn't break up badly with her, I could still go back to her.

 

What about if I just see her once or twice a month or something like that while I see other chicks? Her french kissing to me appears to have penetrated some part of my heart or something -- the passionate way in which she did that.

[Crazyaboutdogs]

Sounds to me like if you met someone else to French kiss you would soon forget about that "embarrassment" of an ex. I would leave her alone..you clearly don't have much respect for her except as a means to physical gratification. As they say, "there are lots more fish in the sea".

[Luke Skywalker]

I think that it is already established that I love her personality and think she's a perfect fit with me. The only real problem I have with her is her physical body, and fact that I'm not exclusively satisfied with being with her where I start noticing yonger girls. The problem was a lack of romantic interest on my part because she's not physically attractive enough. So, the statement that I see her only as a means of physical satisfaction is totally unfair. If anything, would it not show that I have some romantic interest or it's not devoid of that?

 

If I'm having strong and intense memories about a passoinate french kisses, then this has to mean that I like her as more than a friend that I feel I'm totally compatable with otherwise, since that would be a spark, or a romantic interest, would it not?

[Luke Skywalker]

Any other responses -- so I take it this is not really a real break-up where you have to wait around before seeing other women. If I see another woman who can also french kiss me then this would be history, so I should find another gf as soon as possible, if I can. Any other thoughts?

[theWalla]

If I see another woman who can also french kiss me then this would be history, so I should find another gf as soon as possible, if I can.

 

If all that matters to you is french kissing, then yes. It does not sound like you had much of an emotional connection with your ex. Plus, I doubt you really loved her if all it takes to replace her is someone who can french kiss. So you are probably ready to move on.

 

If I were you, I'd seriously focus on what you want from the relationship in whole - physical and emotional. I suggest only looking for gfs that you are attracted to in all aspects and see long-term potential with. Otherwise, I think you will probably break a lot of hearts going from one to the other trying to find the one who can "french kiss" the best.

[Luke Skywalker]

For the record, I don't think I said that french kissing was the only thing I like about my ex-gf on this thread. That's just one particular 'flashback' from the relationship we had. Today, it just hit me hard. I felt her penetrating french kisses (making out?) with me and she was on my mind.

 

I also remember her happy facial expression when we saw airplanes landing near the airport and her sleeping on me while I'm hugging her. There are a whole mirade of flashbacks here and there.

 

So, I'm not going to let anyone off the hook and say that I only liked her french kissing me. Sometimes, I was repulsed or wasn't in the mood for it. It's one of those weird things.

 

I also liked her expression -- her black negro french Haitian features, and way she talked with me. So I don't think it would do justice to suggest her french kissing is all I liked about her -- especially if I've already said I enjoyed her companionship and reliable friendship. Heck, I'm not even into French kissing myself so I am not looking for someone who can French kiss better than her. You see, French kissing with me is just a connection -- I actually have better memories of it, then the actual experience of it with her during the moment. That is, even if I was not into a French kiss or make out with her and did it to please her, it clicks in a day or two later, or it becomes stronger in my memories. In reality, when we French kissed, I was just going through the motions and was rather asexual about it. It's only after the fact these experiences are really coming to life and hitting me.

 

But, I agree with the gist that I'm not exposed enough out there, which is why although I didn't agree specifically with crazywithdogs, or the idea I like her just for French kissing, I do agree with the overall principle that there are more women that are out there and I'm frankly too inexperienced to know if another lady french kissing me is going to cause me to forget about everything. Being from the point that I am not seeing anyone that way and not having anyone else, I guess, I just wouldn't know.

[theWalla]

How does french kissing make you feel? If you go about it in an "asexual" way, that suggests to most people that you weren't into it or you weren't attracted to her.

 

Also, seeing her happy face, how did that make you feel? Why do you value that memory?

[Luke Skywalker]

How does french kissing make you feel? If you go about it in an "asexual" way, that suggests to most people that you weren't into it or you weren't attracted to her.

 

There appears to be two different feelings. One version at the moment. Another version that's based on memory.

 

At the moment, I''m honestly not really sure if I feel anything. There is a sense of 'Haitian fire' that registers somewhere in my mind in the passion of a kiss.

 

In my memory (i.e. such as today), it feels like a penetrating emotional experience, like someone got into me sort of feeling. When I see a reflection of myself in glass I sometimes imagine seeing her (especially around my mouth area)

 

Also, seeing her happy face, how did that make you feel? Why do you value that memory?

 

All memories are valued and have the capabibility of putting me into a daydream trance (out of current reality so to speak) and look differently like it would be obvious to people something is on my mind.

 

I'm not sure what words to place on how I feel seeing her happy face. It's part of that overall connection in memory that makes up her. That is also something that penetrates into me when I remember that.

 

If these memories were not penetrating, especially while I'm pusruing someone at the office, and was a passing memory, then I wouldn't have written this thread. These are more of penetrating memories.

 

What I mean to say that the memories I'm having of my ex-gf appear to be taking a life of their own with me that I don't think was that intense when I was actually seeing my gf.