I think it's time....

[Fadein]

I'm so tired of my life. I just want to end everything. I haven't had a girlfriend in years. I haven't had sex in in eight. Yes, eight years. I feel so pathetic. I'm so lonely. It's really made me hate women, even though I know it's not their fault. I wish I could go back in time ten years and tell my fourteen year old self what my life is going to be like and hope him/me has the balls to kill himself.

Everyday at work I go up to the roof (ten story building) and want to jump. It would only be about a 3 or 4 second drop and then everything is done. And I hate it when people say "You have no idea what tomorrow will bring" I know what it brings...nothing. Then they say it's selfish and to think what other people will think. Should I live so people don't feel bad for a little while?

 

Nothing good has happened in so long......why should I continue?

[peterson5880]

I can't tell you I understand because I don't. I am so sorry you feel the way you do. I'm sure you are tired of people telling you what you should do and how you feel. I DO understand that. I had depression for a very long time. From the time I was twenty til I was about 28 and just recently have been able to climb out of it. I am now just 29. The thing that actually got be through was therapy. I never really believed it would work and actually went to a few therapists before I found someone I felt comfortable talking to, who didn't judge me for the thoughts that went through my head.

 

Life isn't easy, that's for sure but there are joys to be had and not all life is bad. One thing I found also that brought me out was helping others. At first, again, I didn't even want to bother but I started volunteering at an animal shelter and it changed me. To see that I could make someone, even if it wasn't human, happy and then to see the humans who were happy when they got to take home their pet really made me feel that love and happiness does exsist.

 

I don't have a boyfriend, as a matter of fact mine of 4 years just dumped me and for a while I wanted to go to sleep and not wake up. But there is more to life then being with someone. There are so many other connections to make with so many other people. I'm not going to tell you what to do because in the end it's up to you. But I can tell you there is life out there and there is happiness out there - you may just have to seek it out, and though uncomfortable at first and you may even REALLY not want to do it, once you find that something that can give you a feeling of meaning in life - you'll see it's worth sticking around for.

[Engagement Off]

I don't think you are depressed because you can't find a woman, I think you can't find a woman because you are depressed. You need to seek a professional to help you sort out these feelings. You are very young and very depressed, it seems. If you are feeling this way inside, it reflects and is probably a good reason why you are unable to form a bond with a woman. Going to a psychologist will likely help you to realize what is causing your depression. I'm sorry you are in pain, you owe it to yourself to seek help.

[NightLily]

You DO never know what tomorrow brings. You jump off that roof, and you could wake up in the hospital paralyzed. It isn't just all over. Most likely, it will hurt like hell as you bleed out and then die. Most suicide methods are similar in that way. But, it doesn't even matter. All I want by saying this is for you to look over the ledge and feel fear. If nothing else, it will help with your current temptation.

 

One thing I get tired of when reading suicide threads is how many people feel that their lack of relationships or sex is a big enough of a problem to drive them to ending it all. You need to find another focus and try to gain some perspective. I would highly suggest doing some volenteer work at a homeless shelter, at a hospital, with the elderly.. just whatever you feel most comfortable with. You need to see first hand how low people can get and to see that you can keep fighting.

 

This is going to be a self centered statement, but if I could even just get some of these blasted images out of my head from things in my past, I would happily live my life sexless. BUT, it is impossible to make a deal like that. So my only option is to accept my personal problems and put my effort into moving forward. Forget the past. If you keep rolling a 4, it doesn't mean every other time you roll the dice you will continue on that trend. Try to image your "goal" coming true. Flip off the world and go get it.