Violent Brother

[Beaker5]

Hello everyone,

 

I'm having trouble with a 28 year old sibling who is extremely violent and even exerts these feelings towards family members. I'll give you a brief history of what has happened:

 

Right after he graduated from college (undergrad), he decided to leave to North Carolina for graduate school. My dad gave him about $10000 to help him out with the transition and what my brother ended up doing was spending all of the money, never applying to graduate school or even making an attempt, getting a job in a delivery company and spending the rest of his days watching television. He continued this way for 3 years and my parents would constantly send him money and were worried about him.

 

My mom then convinced him to come back home so that he could apply to grad school near here. It was quite a transition getting used to having him home again and it was obvious he had changed significantly. He had become more violent and even began to threaten the family with killing them. He told my parents that he would spit on their graves when they were dead and he constantly mentions that he hates us and would kill us if he wasn't right in the head. He also manipulated my parents to the point where they were turned against me. MY WHOLE FAMILY JUST COMPLETELY IGNORING ME! I was lucky I had my ex boyfriend at the time to take me away from my house.

 

Because of his evident changes in character, my mom became extremely worried and found a gun in his backpack. She didn't know what to do so my dad went to see a psychologist and ask him for his advice. The psychologist said that it's his right to have a gun because he's an adult. I guess my dad didn't mention the fact that he was extremely violent.

 

My brother is now in graduate school and he doesn't even acknowledge my parents' help in getting him on track. He doesn't acknowledge any help from them. Also, he constantly walks around with a pocket knife. He always has it in his hand and displays it as if to intimidate us. He has also practiced martial arts in the past and continues to practice it on his own now but has not learned to be disciplined. He constantly hopes for a "chance" to fight with someone. I honestly believe that if he ever got into a conflict with someone, he would kill them.

 

He's very intelligent and even eloquent when he wants to be. When he returned from North Carolina, he also started to psychoanalyze all of us and tell us what personality disorders we had. He also mentioned that he has schizoid personality disorder along with narcissistic personality. I have also read psychology books and agree with him having schizoid personality but not too much with the narcissistic.

 

I guess I just made this post because I'm tired of his constant threats and how everyone just takes it. My parents think he's just "immature" which is true to a certain extent (he's never had a relationship before) so they just assume he doesn't mean it. He does though. He absolutely HATES my father and pretty much hates all of us.

 

Also, he has no reason to hate my parents because my parents have worked their whole lives to put us through private school and college and keep a roof over our heads but he just doesn't appreciate anything.

[Sparkley]

Sound like he is an ungrateful man, sorry but I would not like a son like him after all your parents have done for him, he will turn everybody away and against him.

[Miss Firecracker]

Beaker5,

 

I thought my brother had problems, but this man is seriously a danger to anyone who comes near him. I wouldn't claim him if I were you. Some people are just bad, no need to analyse him.

[agent1607307371]

Do you live in the same house as him?

[Beaker5]

hi agent:

yes I do.

[Jenni Lee]

Could possibly be a drug addiction.

 

Signs of Drug Addiction:

 

*

Observable signs of deteriorating personal hygiene

*

Multiple physical symptoms and complaints

*

Accidents

*

Personality and behavioral changes

*

Many drug prescriptions for self and family

*

Frequent emotional crises

 

*

Behavior excused by family and friends

*

Activities involving drinking alcohol are a priority

*

Arguments/violent outbursts

*

Sexual problems

*

Extramarital affairs

*

Withdrawal from and fragmentation of family

*

Neglect of children

*

Abnormal, illegal, anti-social actions of children

*

Separation or divorce

*

Unexplained absences from home

 

Medical and Physical Symptoms of Substance Abuse:

 

*

Observable decline in physical health

*

Signs of weight change

*

Pupils either dilated or constricted; face flushed/bloated

*

Emergency-room treatments such as drug or alcohol overdose, unexplained injuries, symptoms of migraine headaches, auto accidents

*

Claims of having been “mugged” but without witnesses

*

Inability to focus and track in a conversation

*

Signs of shakiness, tremors of hands

*

Slurred speech

*

Unsteady gait

*

Constant runny nose

*

Nausea, vomiting, diarrhea

 

Addiction Symptoms Observed by Friends and Community:

 

*

Noticeable signs of becoming personally isolated

*

Embarrassing behavior

*

Driving while under the influence of alcohol or a drug

*

Legal problems

*

Neglect of social commitments

*

Unpredictable behavior such as inappropriate spending

[dreamwarrior]

This is a very very scary situation...you need to talk with someone about this, there needs to be some intervention...NOBODY has the right to make others feel threatened and fear for their safety.

 

Far as the gun is concerned...I am not sure about law, or what country you live in, but for sure you need to go down to the police station and let them know what's going on regarding the weapons....you are not allowed to carry around concealed weapons...in the house perhaps, but still if a person feels threatened he will have to get rid of it...but that isn't to say he cannot find another weapon and just keep it secret.

 

He needs to get his head right...and if he is a danger your parents NEED to go speak with someone in the psychiatric ward of the hospital...doing nothing is the worst thing everyone can do...how long do you think it's going to last until he snaps...and you are murdered in your beds...GET HELP NOW !

 

I am very concerned for you and your family.

[Beaker5]

hi Jenni Lee:

 

I don't believe he has a drug addiction...although I have noticed that he has become quite fond of drinking. He has always been an introvert and absolutely hates to step out of the house...unless it's to go to school.

 

dreamwarrior:

 

I agree with you and tried explaining this to my mom. It seems that they're trying their best to stay on his good side. My parents constantly tell me to try to not cause any conflict with him. They also cannot confront him because that would mean letting him know that they looked through his backpack which is an invasion of privacy. He keeps the gun hidden. I also can't believe that the psychologist would say that it was alright for him to have a gun in the house. I have no control over the situation unfortunately since it is my parents' house and I guess if they're OK with sleeping with a deranged person then there really is nothing I can do.

I also remember him saying that he constantly thinks of chemicals that he would use to get rid of a body.

He really is a sad pathetic person and it pisses me off so much that he threatens us (especially my dad). If he's so miserable then he should just leave.

 

I'm pretty sure he got the gun legally, although he said to me the other day "It's very easy to get a gun". He obviously feels inadequate to some degree since he needs a gun and a knife to feel "safe" or whatever he needs it for.

[dreamwarrior]

OMG Beaker....you and your parents cannot live with a timebomb...and for him to talk about chemicals...very bad hon, it wouldn't take much for him to poison everyone.

 

There is always something you can do about it...doing nothing can cost all of you your lives...your all living on borrowed time. This guy can and will snap eventually, and trust me when he does you better hope he is in the mental ward in lockdown.

 

Why does he hate your father so much...sounds like you have wonderful parents...geez how ungrateful. If your parents don't want to do it, then you must !

[Beaker5]

dreamwarrior:

 

Well, one of the reasons why it would be plausible for him to talk about chemicals is because he's studying immunology and he has to know a lot of chemistry. But that still doesn't exculpate him from saying that he would use them on a body.

 

He just constantly tries to tell us what's wrong with us mentally and psychoanalyze us.

I'll try to tell my parents but my dad gets really sensitive and says "he doesn't want to talk about it". They both just say that he's a "baby" and he acts that way because he's immature.

 

I'm looking up information on schizoid people snapping and committing crimes

[dreamwarrior]

dreamwarrior:

 

Well, one of the reasons why it would be plausible for him to talk about chemicals is because he's studying immunology and he has to know a lot of chemistry. But that still doesn't exculpate him from saying that he would use them on a body.

 

He just constantly tries to tell us what's wrong with us mentally and psychoanalyze us.

I'll try to tell my parents but my dad gets really sensitive and says "he doesn't want to talk about it". They both just say that he's a "baby" and he acts that way because he's immature.

 

I'm looking up information on schizoid people snapping and committing crimes

 

Dear friend, it just seems strange of all the things to bring up regarding chemistry he brought that topic up...seems like a way to intimidate and scare everyone.

 

Your parents don't want to admit he needs help and they don't want to believe it...it's called denial.

 

He is focusing on what's wrong with everyone else so he don't have to look inside to see what's wrong with his own life.

[Miss Firecracker]

I'm looking up information on schizoid people snapping and committing crimes

 

You're just going to worry yourself reading about things like that, Beaker. It will do you no good. Sometimes they do, and then sometimes they don't.

[Beaker5]

whelp, I just spoke with both my parents in private and they said that he's going to move out in about a year after he gets his Master's degree. They also told me to try my hardest to get into grad school by January so that I could leave. They said that in the meantime, I should try my hardest to stay on my brother's good side and to try to keep him as "happy" as possible. I'm going to start sleeping with my door locked although that may not do much, it might give me some time to get away through my window if he does try something. My dad feels as if he has the situation completely under control and is trying to help my brother get through grad school. That is what he said. My mom says that he's a "baby" and that he doesn't mean what he says.

[Miss Firecracker]

Yes, he is and always will be her little baby.

[dreamwarrior]

I am sorry you have to live like hostages...a year is a long time and anything can happen, and even then he may find some way to continue living with your parents.

 

I don't buy the story he's a baby and they have got everything under control...if your brother is acting as you mentioned here...I would be finding other means of living if you can ....this is the problem with folks, their ignorance and denial of a serious problem will end up costing everyone their lives...the government ignored the CIA's warnings of a terrorist attack and see what it cost?

 

Best of luck to you