Does there always have to be chemistry right away? Or does someone grow on you overtime? Help!!

[arsenic_n_lace]

I have a question; I’ve been seeing this guy for about a month and a half now, he lives 3 hours away so we only see each other on weekends but we talk on the computer everyday and sometimes on the phone.

 

I just got out of a very serious three year relationship not that long ago, however I feel like I’m ready to start dating again. I like this new guy, he’s really sweet and thoughtful but I just don’t feel like there’s any chemistry on my end.

 

So my question is this: is there supposed to be chemistry in the beginning? Are you supposed to be over the moon about a guy when you first start dating? Or is he going to grow on me over time?

 

How do you feel when you start dating or seeing someone new? You're supposed to know when you like someone right? There's gotta be some sort of feeling right?

 

I'm just really confused, i really want to like this guy because he's great but if there's nothing there then i can't do anything about that right?

[TheOther]

So my question is this: is there supposed to be chemistry in the beginning? Are you supposed to be over the moon about a guy when you first start dating? Or is he going to grow on me over time?

 

Either is possible. But for me, I typically need to feel that "spark" within the first few dates or so. Otherwise, I figure it's probably not going to happen at all. And I wouldn't want to waste my/her time spending months dating while waiting for that chemistry to occur that most likely won't happen.

[_Asti_]

Everyone has their opinions and experiences.

 

I had no chemistry when I met my boyfriend, it came with time.

 

Clearly hasn't been a problem as its been almost 5 1/2 years.

 

You can't force it. Or sit there waiting "Is it there, how about now? Anything?"

I didn't.

I wasn't really interested in dating him when we met because there wasn't that chemistry or interest.

But we kept bumping into each other, our social circles were connected, and then we started going out together one on one, and it just progressed naturally into a relationship.

He had the chemistry from the beginning, but for me it came with time.

 

There was so much more to it though.

The common interests, the shared goals, the more we talked and learned about each other, the more we discovered, and the more I fell for him.

[arsenic_n_lace]

Ya i really liked him in the beginning and sometimes i feel like i still do but other times i'm just not sure...

 

And i know that he really, really likes me (might even be in love with me) so i really don't want to hurt him.

 

So should I wait a little while longer and see if there’s something there or should I end it before he gets too attached?

[ghost69]

if i don't feel anything first date, i don't continue.

[_Asti_]

Ya i really liked him in the beginning and sometimes i feel like i still do but other times i'm just not sure...

 

And i know that he really, really likes me (might even be in love with me) so i really don't want to hurt him.

 

So should I wait a little while longer and see if there’s something there or should I end it before he gets too attached?

 

Is there anything that is making you feel a connection to him?

 

If you don't see it going anywhere, then break it off.

There's no point making him think its all going well and have him fall harder and harder, while its not mutual.

[arsenic_n_lace]

There's nothing really wrong with him, he can be negative at times which turns me off but other than that he's a really great guy i just don't feel that spark i guess.

 

He'll be in town later tonight and we're going to hang out all weekend so i guess i'll use this time to see if there really is something there or not.

[COtuner]

I need to be wowed by a guy right away, or there's no interest in continuing to date, maybe friendship. Now over time, if the guy really starts to grow on me, I suppose that could change (happened once)

[top bloke]

I feel that you really need chemistry to continue a romantic relationship. Yes you can have a relationship but not a romantic one unless the sparks do fly. You may invest alot of time into someone only to fiind the chemistry is not there. If it is a natural progression where you bump into each other or slowly see each other shine in say a work environment then that is different. But to force a relationship along without some spark is wrong in my mind.Find someone you do have it with.

[faithful14]

the chemistry with my boyfriend didn't come right away...my reasons were different...i had my guard up so it took time and i think its fine. I think for some it happens right away and others it may or may not take a while longer. I think that's why they created the phrase "fell in love" meaning like i didn't plan on falling in love with this person, but it happened anyways/

[Capricorn3]

It's different for everybody. There was no chemistry on my side for my husband when we first met and it lasted a long long time, but after we started dating things fell into place. So to answer your questions - no, there doesn't always have to be chemistry right away, and yes, it can grow over time.

[Midgi]

I think only chemistry wont do the job either! Its good to sparks things off but not to keep a releationship going for a long time. You need to have something in common.

[stella74]

I agree that chemistry can build over time. Most of my relationships started out with a good amount of chemistry, with an initial spark that grew over time, but not an overwhelming amount. I've found that when the chemistry is too intense, it can be a sign that the attraction is purely based on lust and it burns out quickly.

 

Sometimes there can be emotional or intellectual chemistry that leads to a great friendship, but if there's no romantic spark or mutual physical attraction, I can't see things going anywhere. I once had a friend I really loved and we tried to date even though we felt no romantic or sexual chemistry. Practically it should have worked based on our compatibility, but you can't force things to go beyond friendship. It became pretty clear the first time we kissed.

[arsenic_n_lace]

Ya after this weekend i decided that i need to end things. I'm just not romantically attracted to him which sucks because he's a great guy but there's nothing there and i can't force things.

 

I hate to do this, i feel like a horrible person, especially since he told me that he loved me this weekend...