What general tips would YOU give?

[AngryHeart]

Hey.

 

I posted this in this section instead of dating, because really dating is usually to try and meet the right person to have a realtionship with, so it seems more fitting. Anyway, I'm asking for general advice you would give for starting/keeping a relationship. This can include the getting-to-know-you stages also. I'm talking advice you have personally learned - not just read in some book (unless you really believe it's right)

 

Trust, taking it slow, communication, standards - whatever you have to say.

[thejigsup]

My tips:

1. Don't rely on instant "love at first sight". Real love grows as time goes by. The best relationships (the ones that last, generally start off as two people just hanging out because they have a lot in common.)

 

2. Talk, a lot. No matter how tired you are, take at least 30 min. to one hour per day to just relax and talk with each other. (We sit in our jacuzzi.)

 

3. Treat your partner like your best friend and be each other's best friend!

 

4. You aren't perfect, don't expect them to be.

 

5. Be patient and trusting as much as possible.

 

6. Have great sex....often!!!!

[Mia_of_Doom]

Communication is definitely key, be clear from the start what you want, whether it's a serious relationship or more casual.

 

Communication breeds trust. If you want someone to trust you, SHOW that you can be trusted. Open up and don't be afraid to tell some personal things about yourself. Any decent person will appreciate this and be more willing to open up themselves.

 

Ride out the storms. As thejigsup said, "You aren't perfect, don't expect them to be." Just to elaborate, every single relationship will go through rough spots and conflicts. Discuss the issues openly and respectfully (communication again!) after having time to cool off.

 

Keep it exciting. Every so often, try out new things with your partner. Take a weekend trip, take a class or pick up a hobby together, or just go to a new restaurant.

 

And to quote one of my friends: "Have sex like you just got out of prison and will be going back the next day!"

[Sunflour]

Don't go too fast, even if you feel blissfully happy. If it's real, it'll stand the test of time.

 

Beware of red flags like clinginess, possessiveness, controlling behavior, inappropriate anger, too much intensity, and/or expressing love or commitment on very short acquaintance. Other red flags include having no friends, not wanting you to meet his friends, talking trash about previous girlfriends, and not wanting you to see where he lives.

 

Don't dump your friends when you're in a relationship. Keep a healthy balance between couple time, friend time, and you time.

 

Don't expect to be each other's everything. You need enough overlap in values and interests to be compatible, but nobody can be all things to another person.

 

Don't expect love to change, fix, or heal him. Or you.

[annie24]

My tips:

1. Don't rely on instant "love at first sight". Real love grows as time goes by. The best relationships (the ones that last, generally start off as two people just hanging out because they have a lot in common.)

 

2. Talk, a lot. No matter how tired you are, take at least 30 min. to one hour per day to just relax and talk with each other. (We sit in our jacuzzi.)

 

3. Treat your partner like your best friend and be each other's best friend!

 

4. You aren't perfect, don't expect them to be.

 

5. Be patient and trusting as much as possible.

 

6. Have great sex....often!!!!

 

what a good list!!!!!

[Circe]

1. Respect them.

 

That means respecting their needs and their opinions and their choices. From how they spend their free time, to their family values to what they enjoy doing to unwind.

 

2. If you are feeling unhappy or unsatisfied - don't jump to blaming, or taking it out on your partner and what he/she is or is not doing for you/with you. The reason and many possible solutions to your problem can be quite independent of your partner!

 

3. Do not take your bad moods out on them. Don't take anything out on them. It feed back to respect. Would you snap at a boss or friend or co-worker just because you are annoyed about something else? If strangers deserve good manners and politeness from you, your partner certainly does!

 

4. Have high but reasonable standards when it comes to receiving honesty and loyalty from your partner and don't compromise on those things. Do not ever think that you deserve bad treatment or allow it.

 

5. Consciously figure out if you are spending your time in a roughly fair way. Are you spending time doing things you both like most of the time? If you're doing stuff together that you alone enjoy, make sure you are also making time to do things with him that he alone enjoys. It's only fair.

 

6. For me - being affectionate, lots of positive reinforcement and compliments and affirmation works well, because he needs and enjoys that. Figure out how your partner likes to be loved, and love them that way.

 

7. Do not be blind to all the things they do for you and don't take them for granted. Figure out how they show love and try to expand your own understanding of how love is shown to accommodate those things. Perhaps you understand love by receiving gifts. Perhaps he's not good with gifts, but is huge on affection. Just consciously recognise every time he's affectionate that this is him showing you he loves you.

 

8. Pick your fights. If you are an emotional woman (like me) you have to find a way to diffuse your emotions so you don't end up fighting over dumb stuff. The solution for me is to immediately communicate (not in an accusatory way but more in a vulnerable way) how I'm feeling instead of being silent and then getting snappy at some other thing. This works really well for me.

 

9. Be loyal. They should know that if you were ever forced to chose between them and someone else (be it your best friend, some ex, your mum, dad.. whatever..your job..) you would pick them. They should have a quiet and complete faith in that. Having that faith means you just never need to test your partner.. you don't need to worry and feel insecure and ask them to make the choice when it's not truly necessary just to reassure you.

 

10. Don't test them. Don't play games. Treat them the way you want to be treated and the way you know they want to be treated.

[AngryHeart]

Loving these tips, all very good.

 

Keep 'em coming.