TIME FOR CHANGE!! THERE'S A NEW GAL IN TOWN!!!!

[GeeCee]

Ok ok ok ... Dikaia and D.I.

 

If we are talking albums that make you wanna weep at their glory, nothing can beat

 

O by Damien Rice.

 

Best money that you will ever spend.

 

G xx

[RJ]

GeeCee,

 

Proud of you honey. There's a lot of hill and valleys on this road, not to mention a number of bumps. Hang in there. Your posts have been an inspiration to me for some time.

 

… although I broke down today. Saw the ex's number on my caller i.d. over a week ago. No message though. Called her just moments ago to see if she was trying to reach me. At first she said it was a prank call then she said she was just looking for a phone number of someone. I said I guess the joke is on me then. She asked me how I was doing, told her I was just working away… (damn couldn't I have come up with something more exciting to say) Anyway I went on to say I'll let you get back to work to which she comment talk to you later and I went on to say goodbye.

 

I went 4 weeks without initiating contact and just tossed it to the wind. I feel bad now. Anxiety attack 101.

[spatzcolumbo]

...If we're talking songs...

 

David Gray, John Mayer, Joe Firstman

 

and individual songs to make you feel miserable...an oldie but a goody - Roy Orbison - In Dreams

[GeeCee]

And of course, there's more ....

 

Diamond Eyes - Sade

 

and to keep the tempo up

 

Paradise by the Dashboard Light - Meatloaf.

 

Oh yes!!!

 

G xx

[dikaia880]

I'm trying not to listen to the sad songs, but one that gets me going...

My ex used to ask if she could keep me...at first she'd ask "can I keep you for awhile?" Then it turned into "can I just keep you?"

Well..

Shania Twain has this song called "Forever, and For always" Says basically the same thing that she used to say to me...it hurts like hell, but when I know I need to let out some pain and cry, but just can do it I throw that song on...sometimes you just need to cry.

 

Again...everybody, check out O.A.R. i'm telling you it's the best music out there right now!

[SincerlyHurt]

The ex and I would literally fall all over each other when Eric Claptons "Wonderful Tonight" would come on.

 

Ok, enough, we are going backwards here.

 

She just called, see my thread in a bit.

[GeeCee]

I'm sooo glad that we're back to being silly. For a moment there, I thought that we had lost it - but no, once again, I see IT IS ALL SYSTEMS GO!!!! Phew.

 

G xx

[dikaia880]

oops boss yelled at me for internet use...I won't be on here as much any more...hope all goes well for everyone

[GeeCee]

Dikaia ... the boss? That's the woman, right? Whatdayamean, won't be on here as much any more...hope all goes well for everyone ... you're not bailing out on us, are you?

 

G xx

[dikaia880]

No not bailing...It just most of the time I post I'm at work...

The boss lady said she noticed me using the internet (this site) a couple times yesterday, and if she sees me doing it at any time other than my lunch break, she'll have to go to Information Systems dept and look up my internet usage...then I'd be in trouble, as I'm on here pretty much all day...kind of dumb...but I need my jobby job until I go back to school...gots to pay the bills somehow...

I'll still be around, just not as much!

[GeeCee]

Today was like most others - did a bit of this and that - and spent too much time on this site - this is waaaay too addictive.

 

Since the weekend, I have found that my emotions have been pretty static, there has been an acceptance that maybe this shall not work, but also I have taken to thinking in a much more patient, long-term way. The roller-coaster emotions that someone lambasted me about on my previous thread have disappeared, thank goodness.

 

I must admit yesterday and for much of today, I was willing to give up. Ready to give up. Found the relentless monotony tedious. And then, this evening I was laughing with a friend, and thoughts of the ex came cascading over me like a wave. And I felt saddened, not for what is, but for what might have been. But the bittersweet moment, also made me think that no, I am not ready to give in just yet.

 

So, along with some of you, I am ready for the long-haul. It won't be pretty, I guess, and sometimes it shall be agonising. But I am not quite ready to give up yet.

 

Am reading lots. All the usual self-help stuff - honestly most of it, we could have written better, but still it makes me feel better, and it is in keeping with the new, patient me.

 

Ok, no replies required - just using this as a journal I guess. Wow!! That takes me back to boarding school!!!

 

G xx

[SincerlyHurt]

Indeed a long haul this is to be, get on my wagon and don't fall off, especially into the water. We would not want to open all the "wet" talk up again.

 

Tag you're it, I PMed you back.

 

Im about to go have another go and see if the Canadian Chickie is on tonight. YeeHaw

[GeeCee]

Indeed a long haul this is to be, get on my wagon and don't fall off, especially into the water. We would not want to open all the "wet" talk up again.

 

YeeHaw quote]

 

And you find that this kind of talk gets you a long way with women, do you?!?!?!?

 

Night all.

 

G xx

[GeeCee]

When you sit at your laptop and the house is silent, indeed the world is silent because it is the dead of night, you wish you could silence your thoughts, because so many race around. And you want so much to suppress them, don't they know the time, don't they show any mercy?

 

I prefer to rage, I find it easier to scream at the injustice, to rant at how unecessary it all is. The sadness I find much more difficult. And when the tears come, I really know that I am in trouble!

 

So, no today, was not a good day for me. I hope that tomorrow I will be like SincerelyHurt and groove to a different drum.

 

I hope.

 

G xx

[DaisyB]

I know what you mean. . . the angry days are much easier (and, in a way, kind of fun -- I do wild and crazy things when I'm angry!) but the sad ones. . . hell on earth.

 

Hang in there, GeeCee. . . I'm new to posting, but I've been following your story for a while, and you've given me a lot of hope and reassurance without even knowing it. You're a strong woman, and you will pull through.

 

(Fat lot of good it does now, I know. But you know it's true.)

[SincerlyHurt]

G, you truly are on a roller coaster. The time will come when you get mad and like someone said, it is fun. That is where you throw out all care and worries and just live for your own being. I can tell how down you are, and I know very little about you other than you are hurting. This will pass with time, even while you are still in love and heart broken. Hang in there.

 

Your drummer is on his way, he!! maybe he will bring the whole marching band, throw you on his shoulders and whisk you away to bliss. You will hear the beat soon enough, just hang in there and think about how good YOU are, and what great qualities you have, as well as how much you have to offer.

 

I know about the quiet times you refer to, I used to sit here on this website with nary a soundmaker on in the house. This place became my rock because of that. You will get used to it G. Learn to enjoy yourself. I know that is hard when you so want someone to call, but do something else, get out and hone your tennis game.

[GeeCee]

Your drummer is on his way, he!! maybe he will bring the whole marching band, throw you on his shoulders and whisk you away to bliss. You will hear the beat soon enough, just hang in there and think about how good YOU are, and what great qualities you have, as well as how much you have to offer.quote]

 

And you ... you always say just the right thing. Thanks.

 

G xx

[rich_1517]

you know GeeCee you amaze me.

 

in the middle of your pain, and distraction. you still take time to give from the heart. and thats how i know you will be ok.

 

if you are wondering where you will find the reserves to love again. thats where, your compassion in the face of loss is a strength that will get you through. M is a fool.

 

i know that becuase we feel that deeply, we hurt so badly. thats the downside, the upside is we can experience things others cant and share at a level others dont know how.

 

"never give more than you can handle giving away freely" r

[GeeCee]

Thanks Rich

 

I am hoping that the tidal wave of pain passed in the small hours of the night. While I don't quite feel amazing (thanks for that), I will get back to amazing. We all will

 

G xx

 

P.S. And don't you LOOK amazing!!! A real picture!!! You might find your social life picks up considerably after that very strategic move!!!!

[SincerlyHurt]

One question: where is Beec, Majord, and KathyK and the gang? Did the new thread run them off?

 

Im hurtin. G is hurtin, we could use you alls help in our threads!!!

[GeeCee]

SH

 

It hurts, and when it hurts, it is like a f%cking &^%$£. You and I both know that this passes, and we get stronger for it. The problem is you pass through some of the pain and you think, yes, done it!! Have gotten over the worst of it, but oh no the worst of it comes knocking at your door, mocking and jeering, back for more.

 

Know, as I did, in my darkest moments (and will have to remind myself of again in the future), there are many who care for you and think of you.

 

This will pass. To be replaced by some new sense of optimism, which will then fall, like a stack of cards, and then we repeat the cycle. Another cycle of life, I guess. The pain does dull and become a less significant factor of life. And then the sun shines, and you start to forget. You will forget.

 

G xx

[GeeCee]

Ok, maybe not forget ... adjust.

 

G xx

[GeeCee]

Oh, and in answer to your question, I recall that Beec was busy kicking butt, with one leg!!! Must be an American tradition!!

 

G xx

[GeeCee]

I am in fifth day of NC - I know, I know I know a mere novice compared to some of you guys.

 

I must say, in some ways, I find the NC quite liberating! Not easy, but liberating. I do not listen out attentively for my phone, and neither do I tap out text messages never to be sent.

 

Hmmm ... some might say this is progress.

 

G xx

[dikaia880]

Great Job GeeCee!!!

I'm on NC since monday...I'll let her call me, as she probably will, if not I'll be going back up there in a month to visit some buds...if no contact by then I might try to get a hold of her...

To be honest everybody...this site has been a God send to me, but at the same time, before my boss yelled at me about internet at work...I would sit here all day hearing everyones stories, trying to figure mine out...I realized by being on it all the time, I couldn't get her off my mind...Well I still can't but...it's easier to think of her less and worry about whats going to happen less...So I won't be on here nearly as much...I know what I'll have to do to be with her...wait patiently until she's ready to be in a relationship and then work my charm

"luck is preperation running into good timing!"

 

I wish everyone the best, I think of all of you and your situations and I hope everything turns out the way we all want...if not I hope we find what it is we need somehow!