TIME FOR CHANGE!! THERE'S A NEW GAL IN TOWN!!!!

[Out to sea]

Hey you, there is another woman on this forum with the same username, butt out and leave her at it, she always had wicked and sausy stories of lust and lovin, that kept us all well entertained. You do indeed sound like a real Mary Poppins.

 

 

I for one want her back!!!!!!!! Ban GEECEE 2.0.

[GeeCee]

THIS IS NOT HELPING MUCH!!!!!!

 

G xx

[Clevertrevor]

Don't listen to the evil ones G; keep those legs crossed. Wish I had done the same last week…

 

trev

[GeeCee]

Clevertrevor!!! Hey fellow luster. How are you doing? PM with any updates from the weekend. Have you had any news? How are you feeling?

 

I am feeling bored with the relentlessness of it all. But really do have a new game-plan and am sticking to it like glue. Am taking a much more long-term approach to this nonsense, no more quick-fixes for me.

 

G xx

[GeeCee]

Pathetic I know. I am in my first day of NC and the boredom is incredible. I know that it gets easier, becomes a way of life, and that it really is mind over matter.

 

But my rambling thoughts are this. I thought a lot over the weekend, and was ready to throw in the towel, had that battered and bruised feeling that SincerelyHurt wrote about so eloquently. Also wondered if accepting defeat would give me some clarity of thought.

 

But, then I know I cannot give up yet. This would be the easy option. And so, I am starting as if this were the first day of our separation. In some ways, we are lucky, there have been no hystrionics. No pleading, begging, tears etc. Very calm really and surprisingly grown up. And so, I have put a six-month deadline on it. Whilst I will not be putting my life on hold, and I will start to date others, I will quietly be doing the things I need to do arm myself with a new game-plan.

 

Right, I know that possibly the biggest down-fall has been that I have made life too easy for him. That will now stop. Majord and Beec, you are absolutely right. I present no challenge to this man. I am sometimes not available for him, but ultimately I think he knows that I would make myself available. The balance of power, at the moment lies with him. I desire him more than he desires me.

 

And so here is where NC comes into play. I begun NC yesterday, and shall continue to do this for the next two weeks. If he initiates contact, I shall reply, but I know how to do that wihout exposing myself to further rejection. After two weeks, I shall initiate something innocuous - about my day, my life, something along those lines.

 

Being emotionally distant is not too difficult for me, anyway, because it is in my nature to be that way. I shall build up towards friendship again, much in the same way as Rich has done so fantastically well. Act as an emotional enricher, attempting to meet his needs. This is what I find the hardest, forgetting about our own needs, to keep sight of the longer term goal. I don't need to mention the sex thing - I know that that is not the way to go, and without getting into too much detail, have taken steps that will avoid me having sex again (no, no I have not been 'done'!!).

 

So I am learning the art of patience, well, I guess it had to come at some stage. And learning that it sometimes wise to withhold something that others want. This we do in life all the time, I just do not like the idea of doing it when it comes to sex. It seems we get to be adults, allowed to have as much sex as we like, and wait a minute, there is another sex game that no-one told us about. Oh dear!!!!

 

I shall read vociferously, and post on here far too much. And in keeping with developing the body, I have taken up tennis again, so not only will I be well-read, and patient, I will also have a body to die for!! Only no-one else gets to see it!!!

 

It's all worth it in the end!

 

G xx

[dikaia880]

Oh GeeCee I love the attitude!

Your last post made me realize something about the analogy I've been using...saying I'm swinging for the fences hoping the season won't end...Maybe I should look at it as I am up in the series, game seven will happen not matter what, but I want to end the series now, in the late innings of game six with a homer...if not I can play the small ball in game 7...

Do the British even play baseball? or do I need to use some european football as an example?

[GeeCee]

Dikaia

 

No baseball here, honey, football would be great. It's your call.

 

G xx

[spatzcolumbo]

Yes, use Europeaen Footy as an example - much easier!!!

 

Geecee, why you have to confuse me more - reading your posts makes me want to switch my tactics back to the 'small plays' rather than the high risk big play.

 

But i don't know how well i would cope being friends with her whilst she carries on seeing this other guy, and i have to act like i am fine with it. That would be VERY hard.

 

I'm gonna be watching you closely - you are gonna have a HARD road ahead of you.

 

And as you know from me, i don't know how easy you will find it with this six month thing...i know a lot can change in that time, and some of us may not even be posting on here then...but what happens if you get there and still nothing? can you just give in?

 

Hey i just thought the main title of this page is "you are not alone". I know its meant to mean that we have other people who can support us and help us out, but its funny based on the fact that the main reason i am on here is that i AM alone...in terms of the one person i wanted to be with!!!

[SincerlyHurt]

You know, we sit on here all day and talk about strategies regarding our exes and what not. I think I just stumbled upon an epiphany. I just may have realized that the strategy I am using is not geared towards my ex, at least not full fledge. I think my strategy is one that is helping me move on, no, it's pushing me along. I am out there again, soaking up my freedom, everytime I go out several things happen to make me see that people want me, I am interesting and attractive. Nothing so blatant has ever happened to me while I was in the relationship.

 

What I am trying to say is this: Live for yourself, go out, date again even if it is just casual or friendly. It builds your character and self esteem. Diversify yourself into networks of people you don't know, talk, you will learn about them but may also learn some things about yourself. Do not wait under the bridge for your ex to come back, they may never do so, and if they do you can cross that bridge with them then, but get out from under it!!

 

The way I see it now is if she does not come back I am not wasting any time. I have met intersting people, they are different from my ex but as I said somewhere in the first weeks of my split, people are different, they all have quirks and you cannot compare one to another. What you can do is live with those quirks and learn to love them. People just need a chance. There is more than one person out there for everyone.

 

Employ your strategy to allow yorself to get back out there and to at the same time let your ex see that you will go on, but also play nice letting your ex assume you would still be receptive to a relationship with them. Don't base your strategy all around them, it will shine through no matter how hard you try to hold it in, something will come out and your ex will know you are pining. And at the very least with this strategy if they do not come back you have networked and created a whole new world for yourself.

 

If you are following my thread you will see that I am back out there, mingling with everyone. In another couple of weeks I may not even consider taking back my ex. This much is for sure, she has a relationship that is to last until at least April 17th, will she come crawling back then? I kinda hope not. But I kinda hope so.

[SincerlyHurt]

You know, we sit on here all day and talk about strategies regarding our exes and what not. I think I just stumbled upon an epiphany. I just may have realized that the strategy I am using is not geared towards my ex, at least not full fledge. I think my strategy is one that is helping me move on, no, it's pushing me along. I am out there again, soaking up my freedom, everytime I go out several things happen to make me see that people want me, I am interesting and attractive. Nothing so blatant has ever happened to me while I was in the relationship.

 

What I am trying to say is this: Live for yourself, go out, date again even if it is just casual or friendly. It builds your character and self esteem. Diversify yourself into networks of people you don't know, talk, you will learn about them but may also learn some things about yourself. Do not wait under the bridge for your ex to come back, they may never do so, and if they do you can cross that bridge with them then, but get out from under it!!

 

The way I see it now is if she does not come back I am not wasting any time. I have met intersting people, they are different from my ex but as I said somewhere in the first weeks of my split, people are different, they all have quirks and you cannot compare one to another. What you can do is live with those quirks and learn to love them. People just need a chance. There is more than one person out there for everyone.

 

Employ your strategy to allow yorself to get back out there and to at the same time let your ex see that you will go on, but also play nice letting your ex assume you would still be receptive to a relationship with them. Don't base your strategy all around them, it will shine through no matter how hard you try to hold it in, something will come out and your ex will know you are pining. And at the very least with this strategy if they do not come back you have networked and created a whole new world for yourself.

 

If you are following my thread you will see that I am back out there, mingling with everyone. In another couple of weeks I may not even consider taking back my ex. This much is for sure, she has a relationship that is to last until at least April 17th, will she come crawling back then? I kinda hope not. But I kinda hope so.

[dikaia880]

There is no better feeling than to have an epiphany about situations like this...that moment when all is clear...like a bolt of lightning. Those are rare, treasured moments...Most of the time there is no bolt of lightning, usually we are just caught out in the rain, sometimes we're ready for it other times we're not....the question is how do you handle the rain? Do you try to avoid it, or do you reveal in it like a child, jumping in the puddles and laughing?

[SincerlyHurt]

I think it is imperative that we all get wet sometimes!!!

[dikaia880]

God I hope GeeCee and Feb have something to say about that!!!

[GeeCee]

Well thanks guys, I go out for a little meeting. Did you miss me? Did you hell - you have yourselves a little epiphany, a bolt of lightening and then you cavort in the rain, splashing in puddles with smiles on your face.

 

As for February, well ... that little miss has been running around town with British BOYS all weekend ... but what is that I here, Feb knocking at my door?!?!?!

 

G xx

 

P.S. Sincerelyhurt - could we please give you a name, because that one clearly does not suit you any more!!

[GeeCee]

You know, we sit on here all day and talk about strategies regarding our exes and what not. I think I just stumbled upon an epiphany. I just may have realized that the strategy I am using is not geared towards my ex, at least not full fledge. I think my strategy is one that is helping me move on, no, it's pushing me along. I am out there again, soaking up my freedom, everytime I go out several things happen to make me see that people want me, I am interesting and attractive. Nothing so blatant has ever happened to me while I was in the relationship.

 

Oooh! This is good. This is very good. Isn't this, in essense, no contact? Not blaming my wanderlust on anyone else, but if someone had put the thought of no contact so eloquently to me from the get-go, I might have had a better understanding of it.

 

G xx

[Beec]

 

Employ your strategy to allow yourself to get back out there and to at the same time let your ex see that you will go on, but also play nice letting your ex assume you would still be receptive to a relationship with them. Don't base your strategy all around them, it will shine through no matter how hard you try to hold it in, something will come out and your ex will know you are pining. And at the very least with this strategy if they do not come back you have networked and created a whole new world for yourself.

 

 

 

BINGO. BULLSEYE. Someone hit it pure. At least for me it seems you are saying work on your ex letting them know you are still receptive, and working on others also.

 

If you do, both parts will improve.

[GeeCee]

 

Employ your strategy to allow yourself to get back out there and to at the same time let your ex see that you will go on, but also play nice letting your ex assume you would still be receptive to a relationship with them. Don't base your strategy all around them, it will shine through no matter how hard you try to hold it in, something will come out and your ex will know you are pining. And at the very least with this strategy if they do not come back you have networked and created a whole new world for yourself.

 

 

 

BINGO. BULLSEYE. Someone hit it pure. At least for me it seems you are saying work on your ex letting them know you are still receptive, and working on others also.

 

If you do, both parts will improve.

 

This is high praise indeed, SincerelyHurt!!

 

G xx

 

P.S. I really do still think that you should change your name to reflect your new attitude - what do you say???

[SincerlyHurt]

Indeed high praise it is, and from the experts no less. I was also thinking today about the SincerlyHurt tag, I need to come up with something new, how about DivinelyIntuitive? Eh?

[GeeCee]

DivinelyIntuitive

 

Enjoy your dinner with the Canadian chickie!!!

 

G xx

[SincerlyHurt]

Hey Gee, canadian chickie was off today, but I gotta tell ya, that restaurant must breed em, they got some attractive waitresses. Went with my buddy and he has some interest in the one that was there. I just wish I could get him as confident as I, he won't realize that it is a rare occasion when love just falls in your lap. Im workin on him though.

 

I talked to the gal from last weekend (we need to come up with a name for her) twice tonight and she is supposed to call me tomorrow after lunch sometime. She seems like a busybody, works her butt off.

 

Also, I need to figure out our time difference, I get worried when I don't see ya on here for a while. I start fretting that maybe you are driving 45 minutes to M's. You aren't surely, but then again? Just kidding, I know you are probably fast asleep as it is nearly 11:00 here, or Feb is there!!!

 

D.I.

[GeeCee]

SincerelyHurt

 

Ooooh ... sorry about the Canadian chickie, but hell it's great news that they have some kind of factory spewing them out. Wonderful.

 

The other girl? Is she the one from the newspaper? How about we call her Jess? I won't give you the reason why.

 

Hmm ... you pay attention to detail!!! Now that will always impress a gal! No I am most definitely not driving over to M's any more. Most definitely not. I might not have had an epiphany or a revelation or lightning bolts, but I can confidently say that no more 45 minute drives for me, armed with peacock feathers.

 

Now, Sincerelyhurt. You are a tease, you really are. You are going to make us beg for more? D.I.??? WTF? Detective Inspector? David Ingram? Daniel Imray? Douglas Inkpen? Now I realise that you are a little shy, it's been a while, and I am an older woman!! But D.I., you are among friends and this is a GREAT start, a GREAT start. Pleased to meet you D.I....

[GeeCee]

As I said yesterday, I have had no epiphany, revelation or bolts of lightening. Phew!!! However, I have come to the realisation over the last couple of days, that I am retiring, at this time, from this relentless game. This is nothing to be alarmed at. Nothing at all. Think back a couple of years, Goran Ivanisevic was destined to become the greatest player to never win a Grand Slam. He just wasn't gonna do it. But someone forgot to tell Goran that, in particular Tim frigging Henman, and he came back in style and was crowned king of Wimbledon.

 

So ... have decided and it is definite that I will make no contact - initially had thought that this would be for two weeks, but have now decided that this should be for one month, maybe longer ...

 

My thought processes have changed a lot over the last couple of days. Yeah yeah yeah, I still adore the green-eyed monster, but want to have some distance from him. Life is so short, and we are all too damn gorgeous and fabulous to be sitting around wondering and agonising. So, in between writing my book, setting up my website, developing my mind and smiling at the young and old, I shall spare a thought for the ex, but I shall also look at future possibilities.

 

G xx

 

P.S. This, of course, means a whole new wardrobe - including shoes - new hairstyle and LOTS of accessories!!!

[SincerlyHurt]

Gee, Im doing the same with no contact. Lets see where it goes in the next month or more. One day we shall halt, see where our life pump is, and react accordingly. If they still have not contacted us and we still have a bit of desire and some hope then we should drop a call to them just to get their mind racing.

 

We are moving along so fast now. Things are so much easier, and it has only been 6 weeks for me. I was so petrified when I read that generally it takes half the time you were tgether to get over an ex. I was like "NOOO, where are the bullets!!!" No not really, but I rtemember thinking no way, I will not be hung up on this one for 4 1/2 years (Half of our 9 year relationship). So here I am 6 weeks later, she is with someone new that will sputter due to if nothing else long distance, and I am expanding my social world day by day. Life is good despite all the downfall.

 

Speaking of M's green eyes, Coldplay has a song called Green Eyes, try to hear it. Also, dont know if you have access to Alan Jackson but his song "Remember When" just tears me up.

[GeeCee]

Thanks for your kind words, D.I.

 

You get yourself on track, focus and have an objective and then one of your fellow enotalones suggest this:

 

Speaking of M's green eyes, Coldplay has a song called Green Eyes, try to hear it. Also, dont know if you have access to Alan Jackson but his song "Remember When" just tears me up.

 

 

I'm not sure that this kind of advice is helping much!!!!!

 

G xx

[dikaia880]

Remember When is a great song...

if you're checking out country look up Kenny Chesney's

"on the coast of somewhere beautiful"

 

I'm also always telling people on here to check out a band called O.A.R...

their an amazing band...it helps put a lot of things straight in my mind...a lot of positives about life that make you look at the good in your life rather than the negative!