ajaxajax Posted July 1, 2009 Share Posted July 1, 2009 Hey all... I came accross a rejection that I thought I needed for myself. I was on the dating web site, link removed. Chatted with a lady last night with some humour, normal neutral chat etc...everything appeared ok. But, then, just tonight, she...cut...me...out from her contacts list. I thought, "Bull". Yeah, I did feel disappointed and a bit sad. But, I can at least feel OK already now with this "rejection". But, to show how rude that was, I simply sent her a "flirt" saying: "I did my research". And left it at that...never to talk to her again! image removed I had to do it for myself. Had this thing happened before with you guys and girls on online dating? Betya ya it did image removed! Link to comment
Crazyaboutdogs Posted July 1, 2009 Share Posted July 1, 2009 Not quite sure what you accomplished by doing that. It was just one chat you had nothing more. Link to comment
d24 Posted July 1, 2009 Share Posted July 1, 2009 i can imagine some marketing ninjas breaking through my windows because of this but here goes.... dislaimer: this does not happen everywhere, but it has happened. Some smaller sites employ dirty tactics to get you to signup. The majority of 'really hot' women on these sites are fakes. Thier picture is randomly generated from a pool of around 20,000 photos of undeniably attractive people. These profiles are known in the industry as 'hookers' - they hook you in with the potential that there's someone in your area who is really hot and you need to sign up to chat with them. Ever noticed that whatever area you put (no matter how remote you are) it'll say "yeah Candy from Newcastle is looking for someone" or "Emily from Brookers Farm three doors down from you is looking for someone"... people are desperate to meet someone and many of them are gulliable enough to believe this. Now here's where it gets worse. There are some people - I know because my best friend was employed in this capacity for three months - who are PAID to write fake profiles and respond on behalf of these 'fake' attractive people. They flirt for a day or two then drop you stone cold. It's to grow member-base by word of mouth that these women 'exist' and to keep the user hooked because they have a feeling that yes there is a possibility of meeting someone at this site (maintaining/increasing revenues). *boards up the windows and hides* Link to comment
Mutley Posted July 1, 2009 Share Posted July 1, 2009 That stuff happens with people you "meet" on the internet. Don't take it personal. It will probably happen again. Link to comment
Mutley Posted July 1, 2009 Share Posted July 1, 2009 That is total scumbaggery. damn. I had a feeling that might be going on. Link to comment
D_Lish Posted July 1, 2009 Share Posted July 1, 2009 She likely was just chatting through boredom and because none of her other contacts were online to chat too. Women will talk to anyone who will listen and just because she chats, doesn't mean she may be attracted. She may have also talked to other guys before and whom afterwards started bugging her non stop and so she's removed you, judging you perhaps to be the same as these other guys. Obviously there was no attraction on her part.....else you wouldn't have gone on block. Some guys are actually like that. Talk to them once and they don't leave you alone afterwards. They make you feel, like you owe them more and because of ONE chat. Been there, done that....and I myself have blocked men who have proven to be pests after just one chat. Link to comment
d24 Posted July 1, 2009 Share Posted July 1, 2009 i dont know about the website you used, this girl could very well be legit -- but if you're going to use an online service try to stick to the mainstream just in case. Regardless, the woman in question was incredibly rude, and it's sad that some people are just like that. Then again maybe you did/said something that she thought "no there's no way this could work out" and may have saved you and her a lot of time and effort. So many possibilities it's not worth worrying about mate. Good luck next time! Link to comment
D_Lish Posted July 1, 2009 Share Posted July 1, 2009 Man denial, simple as.... People will say anything, rather than face up to the fact they have been 'rejected'.... Almost like the guy who says a woman is Lesbian and because she didn't succomb to his whims. Link to comment
Mutley Posted July 1, 2009 Share Posted July 1, 2009 Man denial, simple as.... One of the strongest forces on earth!!! Link to comment
Maya_A Posted July 1, 2009 Share Posted July 1, 2009 But, to show how rude that was, I simply sent her a "flirt" saying: "I did my research". And left it at that...never to talk to her again! I'm completely lost on what that means lol But as others have said - If Internet chat is something you will be doing, just know that by its nature, it goes that way at times. It isn't personal - she didn't really even know you. Just words on a page... So, it might happen more times but on the flip side, you might have some great conversations, too. Who knows, you may find yourself, for whatever reason, deciding not chat anymore with someone after your first conversation, too... That's fine... Link to comment
D_Lish Posted July 1, 2009 Share Posted July 1, 2009 Regardless, the woman in question was incredibly rude Try being a woman on a dating site and you might then understand why some of us, do what we do.... I think she was kinda rude to block after just one chat though. I mean if he had gone on to harass her, fair enough, but he didn't.... Link to comment
d24 Posted July 1, 2009 Share Posted July 1, 2009 Try being a woman on a dating site ... i could always setup a fake account... ajaxajax ; what's your username again? haha (jk) no i completely understand why women would do that, it's just sad that common courtesy goes completely out the window just because you have that 'ignore' button (unlike in real life). Link to comment
Mutley Posted July 1, 2009 Share Posted July 1, 2009 i could always setup a fake account... ajaxajax ; what's your username again? haha (jk) A few years ago for kicks, I set up an (obviously) fake female account on a different discussion board. I had to shut it down because it was getting bombarded with pm's from men....and a woman. Link to comment
surfNski Posted July 1, 2009 Share Posted July 1, 2009 My rule with the internet is that nothing is real until we meet in person. Until then they are just nice conversations or a cute voices on the phone. They can be anybody, say anything, look like my worst nightmare or my wildest dream, in the end it doesn't matter until I am sitting in front of them. Link to comment
Maya_A Posted July 1, 2009 Share Posted July 1, 2009 It seems a bit rude not to at least communicate something & abruptly block off someone you'd just been chatting with, though maybe it wasn't necessarily rude in intent. Maybe she just lacked the social skills along with emotional maturity or sensitivity... The age of the chatters makes a difference also. If I'd been chatting & someone did that I'd say "whatever - our chatting isn't meant to be I guess" & just naturally forget about it immediately. There are enough worries in life & the small stuff isn't worth dwelling on. Now, hypothetically (I don't really chat online at all personally) if I'd spent like 5 straight hours chatting with them & that happened I might be a bit peeved though lol... Link to comment
ajaxajax Posted July 1, 2009 Author Share Posted July 1, 2009 Well...some things to clear up... 1. The site I used was mainstream 2. I don't believe I did anything wrong - was just a normal chat. You can't really judge if you're attractive or not just through chatrooms. I personally believe most happens in person. Even if she wasn't attracted to me, she should have been more diplomatic about it rather than being just a cold snob. 3. I have no patience for cold snobs. The flirt was one premade by the site. It was meant to mean, "Well, I did my research. You're not worth it. Goodbye!" It's also not in me to let them have the last word. 4. If there was man denial on my part, I would have sent her one request after another...definitely not attractive! 5. D'Lish, I know well how some of you women go through this...I mean the number of messages you get probably nearly made your computers literally explode 6. I would think some dirty stuff Mutley's been talking about IS going on Link to comment
D_Lish Posted July 1, 2009 Share Posted July 1, 2009 5. D'Lish, I know well how some of you women go through this...I mean the number of messages you get probably nearly made your computers literally explode Women don't get half the messages that you guys seem to think we do. I used to receive a handful a day, that is all... Link to comment
ajaxajax Posted July 1, 2009 Author Share Posted July 1, 2009 Then, how would that bother women so much they just shut men down like that - unless they are unattractive or annoying? Link to comment
flash83 Posted July 1, 2009 Share Posted July 1, 2009 i dont think her blocking you after 1 chat would make her a cold snob... and the need to have the last word is pretty immature if you ask me.. Link to comment
D_Lish Posted July 1, 2009 Share Posted July 1, 2009 Then, how would that bother women so much they just shut men down like that - unless they are unattractive or annoying? She just likely was not interested in investing any further time.. Perhaps he said something and unbeknowingly, that made her feel uncomfortable or perhaps she was picking up things, that made her think he was looking fo rmore and she doesn't want more. Hard to say and because we don't know what they discussed and OP didn't show the conversation he had with her.... It is strange that she would just block and despite not even knowing what he looks like though. I mean he could be a Brad Pitt lookalike for all she knew....lol Link to comment
Scorpion Fury Posted July 1, 2009 Share Posted July 1, 2009 It was one chat. Online. She did not want to continue chatting. It really shouldn't be a big deal. You don't need closure, you don't need validation that you're a great guy. Why is this bothering you? Let it go. Link to comment
Iakasot Posted July 1, 2009 Share Posted July 1, 2009 She seemed interested, and you were into her, or maybe rather into the fact that she was interested. When a girl seems TOO interested, I tend to call her out on it. I always assume the possibility that she might just be trying to fulfill her need for attention. Otherwise, I try not to be receptive to it internally, even if her being into me is something I want, and it seems like that's what she's doing. By being internally receptive that early, you're only setting yourself up for disappointment. Keep yourself open to being receptive in the future, but block it out at first, especially if things like this get to you and sting. Link to comment
ghost69 Posted July 1, 2009 Share Posted July 1, 2009 one talk...and it's online? get over it. it happens with people you actually meet and person too. and yes, after fun dates with someone you click with too. Link to comment
ajaxajax Posted July 1, 2009 Author Share Posted July 1, 2009 Just to inform, no real "moves" were made by me. We both appeared neutral and she knew what I looked like. Frankly, I wouldn't have cared if she said "thanks, but no thanks". I don't care about rejection, I have a real pet hate of people being cold towards me. Even if this is immature, so is cutting people off after only one chat - without any diplomacy. No need for closure here. She made her mind up after all. Link to comment
WomanWriter Posted July 2, 2009 Share Posted July 2, 2009 Ajax, I just chatted with a guy last night (that I met on an online dating site and had been emailing for a bit). We had a "normal" chat with a few laughs, etc. It wasn't bad...but the thing is, he added some photos of himself in the IM that looked nothing like his profile picture. I knew then that there were no sparks. More than that, his culture just didn't jive with mine. Just because I enjoyed chatting with the guy doesn't mean I find him suitable for further dating. During the course of our conversation, I found that he's a religion that is not compatible with my own religion. He also has different cultural habits and and an upbringing...so I don't want to pursue it. I excused myself from the conversation last night, but then today told him the truth....that there were no sparks and nothing there for the future. He may get upset, but I rather someone be honest with me earlier rather than later. I don't want to get too into chatting to where he thinks I want what he wants. He started flirting and getting kind of sweet so I realized he thought something was there, especially after he saw my pics. He hinted taking me on a trip, etc. I felt I needed to be honest. So while it sucks, at least she's not leading you on! Link to comment
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