ajaxajax Posted July 2, 2009 Author Share Posted July 2, 2009 Womanwriter, this is the approach that I feel would have been more appropriate for her if she didn't find me suitable for even a coffee. When I said "normal" chat, I didn't mean flirting, hinting at trips etc. Just "everyday" chat. For another girl I chatted with, we did the same way..."everyday" chat. The only thing I've said that even hinted at going further was: "we'll chat later on and see where we go from there". Her response: "for sure". I could tell that you were already put into a "pressure cooker" from that guy. And can understand why you had to say no. When a woman suddenly kicks me off her contact list, it just means to me: "F*** off!" Link to comment
WomanWriter Posted July 2, 2009 Share Posted July 2, 2009 hmmm...but could it have been something you said that you thought was normal that turned her off? Like when you were sharing basic details, maybe there was a red flag you overlooked...like one of your interests or your background could have made her go "ew" or something...not saying that happened, but sometimes things we think are no big deal might be deal-breakers for the other Link to comment
D_Lish Posted July 2, 2009 Share Posted July 2, 2009 The only thing I've said that even hinted at going further was: "we'll chat later on and see where we go from there". Her response: "for sure". Stop right there!!!......Saying the above, is where you are going wrong!! lol I had some guy say something along the same lines to me once. The guy in question had asked what I was looking for and I'd told him 'friends only'. He'd then said, 'OK, well friends it is. We can get to the serious stuff later and after we get to know each other'....and I was like, 'WTH????? The guy and because I'd chatted to him for five minutes, had and for some reason just ASSUMED that I was as interested as he was and that I was interested in sometihing 'serious' and with HIM and I was not!!!! I was merely chatting to the man and was not interested in anything more....he wasn't even my type. Yet he'd ASSUMED he was my type.....and all this because I had chatted 5 minutes! Needless to say, this put me off chatting to the guy and because if I'd continued to chat to him, he'd have thought I was continuing to chat and because I was interested in something serious with him.... In saying 'We will see where we go from here' and with a woman the first time you chat to her, is to make an assumption on your part, that the woman is interested in you, that she is looking for the same as you and is as keen as you to see if anything happens and this is not always the case.....and that is why she has disappeared. Just because a woman chats to you, doesn't mean she's looking for more or wants more, or even that she's interested in you. Women chat, just for the sake of chatting....lol. Just because she chats, doesn't mean she wants more or is interested in more.... You find out if she is interested in more, when she will return to chat or replies to your mails all the time... Link to comment
ghost69 Posted July 2, 2009 Share Posted July 2, 2009 Just to inform, no real "moves" were made by me. We both appeared neutral and she knew what I looked like. Frankly, I wouldn't have cared if she said "thanks, but no thanks". I don't care about rejection, I have a real pet hate of people being cold towards me. Even if this is immature, so is cutting people off after only one chat - without any diplomacy. No need for closure here. She made her mind up after all. how do you make moves over the internet? Link to comment
ajaxajax Posted July 3, 2009 Author Share Posted July 3, 2009 D Lish, now I'm a wee bit confused about saying what I said being a bad thing...I thought dating sites are meant for those who want to slowly start from scratch with people they feel are somewhat interesting. If I were to meet with her first, it'd be over an informal coffee - nothing too intimidating. If women wanted to get onto dating sites just to chat, then the purpose of those sites becomes dead already. Besides, we chatted a couple of more times - me ending once, her ending once. However, I don't think even coffee with her would be practical because she's going to work in Florida for 2 months from next week...and coming in from Australia. Well, I tried... Perhaps, it's better to not say anything about "taking things further" and instead just pop up a request for coffee several chats after first introductions huh? Link to comment
D_Lish Posted July 3, 2009 Share Posted July 3, 2009 D Lish, now I'm a wee bit confused about saying what I said being a bad thing...I thought dating sites are meant for those who want to slowly start from scratch with people they feel are somewhat interesting. Yes BUT, just because you find her interesting, doesn't mean she's feeling the same. And that is why you gotta keep fishing, until you do come accross someone who seems to have a mutual interest in getting to know you/meeting.... If women wanted to get onto dating sites just to chat, then the purpose of those sites becomes dead already. The majority are likely on dating sites and to meet someone. And people have to chat, to get to know one another. But just because she may be chatting to you, doesn't mean there is an automatic reciprocated interest and you won't find that all women you may chat to, will be interested... Perhaps, it's better to not say anything about "taking things further" and instead just pop up a request for coffee several chats after first introductions huh? Yes, that is the best idea. And because after several chats, you have more of an idea of the womans level of interest....or you should do. When you mention taking things further and during a first chat, it's a bad idea. It's assuming and you should never just assume.... I really hate it when guys will say that and because it's like they have plans for an *us* and without my say in the matter....and it also comes accross like they are trying to force themselves on me. So i usually disappear.....and they wonder why Link to comment
ajaxajax Posted July 3, 2009 Author Share Posted July 3, 2009 I think you may have answered the why question before even asking it Link to comment
Ammy Posted July 3, 2009 Share Posted July 3, 2009 I've used Oasis and it does have some fake women on it. Although given you chatted for a while and she didn't ask for your mobile no, I would guess she is "real" (not saying she didn't lie at all). I have had guys add me, only to delete me a day or so later (and get this, they were always the one who asked to be added... as I barely ever ask to add guys)... weird... could be a million reasons (all of which bare no reflection on you)... don't stress it! Plenty more fish in the sea! Ammy Link to comment
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