A thought on ENA

[JohnnyBlog]

I was just wondering what ENA users thought about the benefits and set backs of forums such as ENA?

 

I know from my own experience that it has helped me through many times of suppressing urges to contact my ex. Now after 5 months of having split up I am starting to wonder whether it is hindering my progress. Like Facebook its kind of an addiction.

 

Although it does suppress the urge, I think it does it by allowing me to find comfort. It gives my mind and heart some hope with regards to mine and my ex's previous relationship. When I am now starting to realise if there ever was any hope of reconciliation it would only come through completely letting go and 'getting over it'.

 

Even logging on to this message board demonstrates that I am not over it at all, as much as I like to think I am!

 

I'm not saying ENA is bad and i'm grateful to it. Just wonderng what others views are?

[CallingAllAngels]

When I think I can't go on anymore, this place always helps.

 

I have moved on from my divorce, but I come back here because I love the people.

[karvala]

The benefits are that it gives you a critical mass of opinion, an opportunity to overcome the sampling error you might encounter with a much smaller group. You also get to talk to some wonderfully interesting and informed people.

 

On the other hand, mass opinion is by its nature non-expert, and this is a self-selected and highly skewed group, so it does have the potential to mislead at times. And yes, it's highly addictive and dangerous for procrastinators like myself (he said, putting off more boring work to post here instead)!

[hers]

The thing to remember about ENA is that there's so much more to it than just break up stuff. Venture into other topics sometime--there are so many more things you can focus on, like careers, pets, families, traveling...the website is a relationship forum, yes, but you can get advice on almost anything. You can also do fun stuff on the Off Topic forum if you want to. I'v emade some amazing friendships on here and it happened b/c I stopped reading all the break up stuff and started reading other threads and getting to know some members.

 

it doesn't have to set you back--if you're coming on here and reading only the Getting Back Together forum (which to me is the biggest set back b/c people post "success stories" when really no one's situation is idenitical and I think it gives false hope) and the Healing forum, then yes, you're going to be set back b/c you're probably dwelling on your pain.

 

The site doesn't have to be just for breakups and it doesn't have to be something you come to only for pain. I came here originally b/c I was in pain but I stuck around and now I come for the friendships and advice I need on issues I have in life that have nothing to do with boyfriends or exes.

[Tethys]

ENA is great for what it can provide. but, yes, if you are relying on it too much, or checking it obsessively, it's too much. Of course, that is not on ENA, it's on the person using it. All things in moderation, yes?

[ellandroader]

I like ENA, have gotten to know some good people and in my hour of need, they, and this site was a godsend. I do however avoid the breakup section now because it tends to reopen some wounds and make me feel a little bit sad about things.

 

I have to say it is an excellent resource though. It has made me aware of a lot of things that I perhaps didn't consider seriously before. (In terms of male/female behaviours, attitudes and so on).

[CallingAllAngels]

I like ENA, have gotten to know some good people and in my hour of need, they, and this site was a godsend. I do however avoid the breakup section now because it tends to reopen some wounds and make me feel a little bit sad about things.

 

I have to say it is an excellent resource though. It has made me aware of a lot of things that I perhaps didn't consider seriously before. (In terms of male/female behaviours, attitudes and so on).

 

I agree....I avoid the divorce/break up sections because it reminds me too much of my past. I have moved on from that.

 

But I enjoy off topic and have met so many great people on here I would never leave.........

[bobsiesprincess]

I find you come to a point where you know that you have to stop going on the breakup section of ENA as much

[becca0194]

ENA was the best thing that happened for me in the healing process of my break up. I am not healed, but I am doing soooo much better because of this list. It is a great support and has taught me so much. Should I ever end up in the break up situation again (God, I hope not : )I would handle things in such a different manner. This forum also got my butt in gear to take care of me before anything else. I sign on a lot less now, but I enjoy being a part of this forum. It does not give me a false sense of getting back with my ex. Often times it is a reality check when I need it.

[pinkelephant]

ENA has made me a little more paranoid though. Since people come here when they're in a bad situation, it can feel like there's a lot of bad people out there... which is kind of bleak.

[karvala]

ENA has made me a little more paranoid though. Since people come here when they're in a bad situation, it can feel like there's a lot of bad people out there... which is kind of bleak.

 

That's true, but the flip side of that is that it can make your own situation seem better. I feel positively lucky after reading some of the horror stories here; it makes me appreciate things more.

[circi]

When I first split with my ex, I was on here constantly. I took comfort in reading others' stories and it helped hearing others options of my own situation.

 

At one point I felt it was hindering my healing and keeping me in that dark place so I stopped reading as much. Now I come back from time to time when I'm feeling blue or just need to write down what I'm feeling. It helps to get it out where someone else can read and at the same time it brings me down that so much later I still feel the need to come here and vent.

 

Like any other tool, it can help or hurt depending on the situation.

[melrich]

Now after 5 months of having split up I am starting to wonder whether it is hindering my progress.

 

That's a very good question. My personal view is that there have been people here who have used eNA as a validation for NOT doing anything about their situation.

 

Fact is, the drama and depression that comes with a relationship break up can be addictive. Some people can find comfort in miring themselves in a state of melancholy and "what ifs"....it is away to avoid actually going out and getting on with life.

 

Places like eNa can aid that. Because when your real life friends and family are thoroughly sick of hearing you talk about your ex, there is always someone here that will engage you.

 

My observation is that people who come here with a problem do one of 3 things.

 

• They get help and then in turn and after a time start to contribute as helpers.
  

• They get help and leave.
  

• They stay for a year or more asking the same types of questions and raising the same types of issues over and over.
  

It is this last group that I think this place can give validation to in a not very helpful way.

[JohnnyBlog]

Also, I would just like to add that, for me personally, I find in asking questions or seeking similar posts that relate to my answer I am seeking help on my situation. While this is good and there are so many great people on here with excellent advice, I am starting to think 'why can't I just answer my own questions!'

 

I personally have never used forums like this before until my ex-split with me. I have always dealt with my own personal situations by myself. Or thought very carefully about who I could trust to talk about my issues with.

 

I suppose chatting on here has stopped me from becoming this weak, unconfident person to many people I know going over and over my break-up story. Yet I am still doing that just on my own, through the use of this forum.

 

I guess this is just me coming to terms with actually not using the site as much and healing I suppose. Kind of taking the training wheels off!

 

From now on I am going to tackle my situation entirely on my own, do what I feel is the right thing to do. I have learnt from calling my ex earlier in the week that, even against advice, you have to not let anyone tell you what to do and just do what you believe to be true.

 

After calling her I felt like a weight had been lifted. I felt as though all of the unsaid things which had been building up inside me were making me ill. Once we talked I felt like I knew I was on my way to getting over it.

[Copper]

I enjoy coming to this forum when I am alone. No friends to hang out with and no activities to be done.

It helps me to read about other peoples problems and try to help them out. And whenever I have a problem, I post it and I always have people giving me support and advice.

 

When my ex broke up with me on June 13th, I had nobody to talk to. I typed into google "breakup forums" because I desperately needed somebody to talk to. This was my first time talking about anything personal on a forum, but there are tons of caring helpful people on this forum, and im glad I decided to hit enter on that google search. I still remember how I felt on the first reply I got, tears immediately formed. Its a great feeling when people care about you and try to help you out.

 

I'm still going through a very tough time. This is by far the hardest situation I have ever had to deal with. But I feel better knowing that I have a forum I can go to with tons of supportive caring people. Not to mention people going through the exact same thing, i'm not alone.

 

Thanks ENA And everyone in it!