Challenging myself

[Seymore]

I think you can move on to another relationship when you "feel" it. I think it should just come naturally.

 

Have a good night everyone. I hope everyone is feeling at least somewhat good today. I've got the day off tomorrow for once, so I'm going to get some much needed rest.

[chewy21]

I'm doing pretty well tonight too, Seymore. And I also have tomorrow off, so I'm thinking of making a long weekend out of it and going back to where I was living before to hang out with some friends I haven't seen over the past two months. Maybe get a poker game going one night or something.

 

Jess has been relegated to the background of my mind lately, and I have to say it feels pretty good. Yeah, thoughts still nag at me, but only when I focus on them. It's not devouring my train of thought like it was just a week or so ago.

 

I hope everyone has a happy holiday weekend (USA residents) in case I do end up being out of town.

[chewy21]

So I'm headed out of town tonight, back to where Jess and I used to live and go to school. I'll be spending the weekend with some friends, and looking forward to having a blast. It'll be nice to spend some time with people my own age.

 

Be back sometime Sunday. I hope you guys have a good weekend. Keep busy!

[Seymore]

Happy 4th, everyone! Be safe. Remember - it's Independence Day. Something that I keep trying to tell myself.

 

Last night I came accross a song that I hadn't heard in a long time. The last time I heard it was actually the first time too, and I remember the exact moment it came on the radio. I was in the car with my ex back in November and she was accusing me of not loving her shortly after the song ended.

 

It sucks because I LOVED that song, but when I heard it last night I associated it with her in my head. It was stuck in my head when I went to bed last night and I wound up thinking about her in my dream last night. She wasn't in the dream, but I had the song going through my head in the dream. I have to get it out of my head with another song. It sucks because I really want to listen to it, but I can't because of the feelings associated with it.

 

Tonight's fireworks at the local college, but I'm not going. My ex goes there to hang with her friend's family and watch the show every year. My parents live near the college and are having a BBQ, so I know every time I see a firework go off from their house, I'll know she's right there, like 1 mile away.

 

Trying not to let it get me down though.

[COtuner]

The one thing that reminds me of my ex now is that song by Theory of a Deadman that I posted the lyrics to earlier in the thread. I love the song but it makes me think of the ugly breakup. I've elected to change channels until I'm good with it again. Otherwise my mind is on new possibilities, an award I received at work, my job itself, and thesis work. I think I'm in a good place right now.

 

Went out for a long 300 miles drive yesterday just to play around with my car on some isolated very curvy canyon roads, did some shopping, climbed a mountain in a thunderstorm (always fun to be IN the clouds with lightning all around you!). Great Friday. Hanging out at home today to continue housecleaning, and also going to the gym to work out and clear the stiffness from manhandling my car around yesterday.

 

I hope everyone has a great 4th. I feel like we should be having a few beers together while the fireworks go off!

[Seymore]

WTH Tuner? Climbed a mountain in a thunderstorm? That's one of those things where I think people are crazy to do, but I secretly want to myself. First it was rollercoasters. Was terrified of them. Then the first one I decide to go on is one of the top 10 biggest drops, top 10 fastest AND top 10 tallest...in the world, all in one coaster.

 

Nonetheless, that's awesome. I think if I lived anywhere near canyons or mountains I'd be there every chance I got.

[Fan]

Sorry I been quiet lately sorry I've been selfish and not seen how you lot are! My theory was if I don't talk about my ex, I will forget... In some sense it felt like it was working, I did miss you lot!

 

After nearly having a month of NC I get a phone call last night around 11pm saying "Tommy ring me back" of course being a idiot I did, I was worried she might of been in trouble or something, my heart was racing I felt sick. I hit the ring button and she goes "Tommy the girl who tried girl sleeping with you is here and she's saying she never tried it so I thought I would ring you to see if you wernt making it up" she knew for a fact I wouldn't of made it up(did she just want to ring me?) this was 4 months before our break up... At this point I flipped saying you never rang me when you knew I had the mumps, when my nan had a high risk surgery or when you found out I was planning on going away for awhile. You ring me for a this stupid little thing, while being slightly bitter, I told her I still loved her and why does she think I'm planning on moving away for abit in august. It ended up with her hanging up with me.

 

After about a hour she texted me saying

 

"I'm sorry if I have upset you or anything.. I hoped we could be friends but clearly not. Keep well. "

I replied with:

"I will be friends with you soph, I will try of course I'll always be there for you when you need me but you will have to realise sometimes I wont be able to be as close to you because of the past. I'm not sure how your bf would act knowing we was friends and I don't want to come between that, so sometimes I think its best for us to forget what has happened and not be in each others lifes, least I wont be around in England soon."

I'm not sure how this text would of came accross to her.. no reply so far..

 

The story gets every more complexed, I get a message from the girl who tried sleeping with me saying "you are well shot of her, shes a * * * * you should see her around all these men, and basically told me how she was pulling everyone and she already tried beating me up" (This girl don't fancy me) First of all I don't get why this girl was telling me this second why would my ex still be bothered? Don't forget my ex has a new man in her life...

 

Now lets add to night! A close friend rings me at 3am, saying I saw your ex tonight I had a chat with her... I'm not sure if this was before or after she rang me.. He goes she still really cares about you, I think you might have a chance of being back with her, I don't think shes really bothered about her new guy and how he would kill her if she split up with him? :S we spoke about you for a good 30 minutes... she took my number to contact me and meet up, to talk more about you when we are both sober.

I did ask him if she was all over the guys etc he said I never saw her with any other man.

[COtuner]

WTH Tuner? Climbed a mountain in a thunderstorm? That's one of those things where I think people are crazy to do, but I secretly want to myself. First it was rollercoasters. Was terrified of them. Then the first one I decide to go on is one of the top 10 biggest drops, top 10 fastest AND top 10 tallest...in the world, all in one coaster.

 

Nonetheless, that's awesome. I think if I lived anywhere near canyons or mountains I'd be there every chance I got.

 

LOL I'm still terrified of coasters, won't get on one. But if you want to get out and about, and you're ever in CO, let me know and we can go on a hike, get you up there to enjoy the fresh air and the views. Nothing too bad as long as you can handle the altitude. The sense of peace you get is truly incredible.

[COtuner]

Fan, you are in a weird situation over there. Are you sure you aren't caught in the middle of some weird cat fight? Way too much passive aggressiveness and posturing going on - I'd be shed of both of them were I you. Easier said than done, I have no emotions involved.

[Tired Tiger]

The break up that never ends...

 

Almost exactly four months out, and somehow I still feel like I did the day after the bomb drop. Now, I'm not dense, immature, or irrational... and I have a pretty good grasp on human psychology... but this whole situation has left me emotionally exhausted and mentally dumbfounded.

 

First, there's a break up which doesn't involve infidelity, abuse, or dishonesty. Then, a month of continued living together, sex, and "maybe this will just be a break". Then I leave, and a month of flirting and long phone calls (initiation left to her) - including "I still love you", etc from her. Then, a month of very LC... followed by a grand announcement that she simply doesn't have "those" feelings anymore, and to get my things. Ugh. That was a month ago, and since has included a bizarre vindictive attempt, a smoothing over, and a cooperative window given to do the move.

 

Well, I started making arrangements and sent her an email yesterday letting her know the day I'd be there (this is half way accross the country). Then, a text last night from her asking if we can do a call today... something about the day not being good (even though it's right in the middle of the window she gave me). So on and on this drags out. What break up takes 4-5 months just to get to 'broken up'?

 

I've been nothing but kind, understanding, cooperative, compassionate, and mature through this whole thing. I don't know. If she wants to let me go, then why won't she let me go?

 

Bah, Just needed to rant.

[COtuner]

Tiger, sounds to me like she was stringing you along because she couldn't do a final break, or she wasn't set on what she was going to do next. She doesn't know what she wants and she's not in control of her emotions whatsoever. Whatever triggered this on her part is more than relationship based - it must have to do with who she is as a person at this time.

 

Mine really took the whole 10 months to end. The initial major breakup, then the failed reconciliation. Now I most definitely feel like it's over and I'm moving on, and I suspect he feels as if it's over since he's been silent for weeks now (a good thing, I prefer NC and putting us in the past).

 

I think you should set an ultimatum - you will be there on this day at this time, stuff will be moved, and she will not contact you anymore afterwards. You're giving her a bit too much control right now.

[Tired Tiger]

I tried that, CO (the assertive approach to saying when I'd be there). That resulted in the strange and vindictive legal threat thing. I know this sounds crazy, but I'd really like to end this process on the best of terms. I've stayed on the high road throughout, and do believe there would still be a chance at reconciliation at some point (probably at least a year or more away) *if* she gets through this 'phase' in her life. I'm not banking on that, but I want to do all that's in my power to part ways without conflict.

 

Yes - I'm aware she has great power over me, but perhaps she's aware that once this move is over... we're really done indefinitely. Maybe she's not sure about that? I don't know. I just desperately want to start healing, and that can't even begin until this last fiasco is over. ](*,)

[Seymore]

LOL I'm still terrified of coasters, won't get on one. But if you want to get out and about, and you're ever in CO, let me know and we can go on a hike, get you up there to enjoy the fresh air and the views. Nothing too bad as long as you can handle the altitude. The sense of peace you get is truly incredible.

 

Hiking with Ali Larter? Sounds like a dream come true I'm in Illinois, so the chances of me passing through CO are slim to none, but I'll keep it in mind, thanks!

[COtuner]

Hiking with Ali Larter? Sounds like a dream come true I'm in Illinois, so the chances of me passing through CO are slim to none, but I'll keep it in mind, thanks!

 

LOl My ex was from Chicago - there's a lot of folks from that state living out here so never say never. Offer stands, anyway - something good ought to come out of this healing phase and if we make some new friends, that's a good thing.

[COtuner]

Can't read her mind, Tiger. There's something going on deep inside her that maybe she isn't even understanding herself.

[Tired Tiger]

Heh... I'm just outside of Chicago, myself (and have been to CO a few times).

 

I talked with her on the phone this afternoon. Sigh. Weekend after next is the big move. She sounded so sweet, yet somewhat melancholy. Offered to pick me up at the airport if I fly there, and to stay at the house overnight or two (not sure if I want to do that or not). She's definitely in "anti-relationship" mode (not just with me, but with anyone), and tossed in another, "never say never".

 

I'll have a lot of 'processing' to do once this is all over... if it's ever really over...

[Effervescent]

I hope everyone is having a good weekend. I cut my one and final tie to my ex today. I discovered that after I de-friended him on FB, it still said that I was in a relationship with him. He hasn't changed the status and neither have I- until about five minutes ago. I've been trying to delete our relationship for the last few weeks, but something was always keeping me from pressing the button. I was waiting for him to do it, but I realize now that it's probably best, if I did it. That way, I won't have any unpleasant reminders of him in the future, when he does delete it.

 

I just spent a wonderful weekend with my extended family in (ironically) the same city my ex lives in. I almost skipped the reunion, because for some reason I was so afraid of running into my ex, or our mutual friends. I'm glad I went though. I had a really good time. Things felt "normal" for the first time in a long time. It was really nice.

[COtuner]

Heh... I'm just outside of Chicago, myself (and have been to CO a few times).

 

I talked with her on the phone this afternoon. Sigh. Weekend after next is the big move. She sounded so sweet, yet somewhat melancholy. Offered to pick me up at the airport if I fly there, and to stay at the house overnight or two (not sure if I want to do that or not). She's definitely in "anti-relationship" mode (not just with me, but with anyone), and tossed in another, "never say never".

 

I'll have a lot of 'processing' to do once this is all over... if it's ever really over...

 

Probably don't need me to say it, but don't stay at her place. No good can come from that right now, but I think you know that.

[COtuner]

Good for you Eff, on all counts

 

I'm shredding communication from my very first ex, which I came accross while cleaning out some old boxes of crap this weekend. Plus, I have gotten rid of the last of my ex's stuff that was here at the house. It's in a box to head to Goodwill tomorrow along with 2 more boxes of my own stuff.

[Fan]

Fan, you are in a weird situation over there. Are you sure you aren't caught in the middle of some weird cat fight? Way too much passive aggressiveness and posturing going on - I'd be shed of both of them were I you. Easier said than done, I have no emotions involved.

 

Well I ended up emailed her on facebook today after speaking to a few people.. Why would she be so aggressive over me if she never cared? I thought I broke NC so why not send her a message I have asked her to meet me for a coffee which will be no longer than a hour to finish off a few lose ends before I move away for a bit.

[Seymore]

Good job, Eff! Cutting the ties is a big part of healing, and Tiger - once this is done with you'll be able to fully move on, right? I wouldn't interact with her any more than you absolutely have to.

[Tired Tiger]

Seymore - 'fully moving on' will be a function of time, I suppose. Letting go and healing is the initial goal. Once that's accomplished, I'll be in a better state of mind to ponder a reconciliation... should that present itself. I know there's no guarantees, but that does seem like a definite possibility. All I know now is that this day or two we spend together will be very hard for both of us. I hate goodbyes.

[chewy21]

Well I ended up emailed her on facebook today after speaking to a few people.. Why would she be so aggressive over me if she never cared? I thought I broke NC so why not send her a message I have asked her to meet me for a coffee which will be no longer than a hour to finish off a few lose ends before I move away for a bit.

 

I hope it goes well for you, Fan. I agree with CT, you're in the middle of a strange situation. I'd be doing the same thing if I were in your shoes: going directly to the source to figure out what's going on.

 

Also, what makes you think she never cared? I know that's something we all tell ourselves at first after a rough breakup, but you've gotta know that she did care at some point. If that's what she said, take it with a grain of salt. She's obviously having a rough time as well, as you heard from your friend who spent some time talking to her.

 

I'm glad everyone had a pretty good weekend. I had fun with my friends, and it was nice to get away from my parents and have my independence back, even for just a few days.

 

Tiger, I really feel for you. Your situation is exhausting just to read about. I pretty much agree with the other posters here- just get this over with and let whatever happens in the future happen. You need time to rest and get your head back together after all of this. Good luck with the move.

[Fan]

Thanks Chewy, I feel like I woke up on the wrong side of the bed this morning, I'm like a grumpy old fart. I'm glad you don't think meeting up with her is a bad idea, all my feelings have been brought back so I can't see it doing anymore damage right now.

Still no message as of yet but I'm sure shes not been online since last night, lets hope later today I'll find out. The truth is I tell keep telling myself if she cared she would still be with me.. maybe she did care. I don't know why she would have to talk to my friend instead me, I hate beating around the bush. She knows I still have strong feelings for her and must know I would take her back no matter what.

[COtuner]

Thanks Chewy, I feel like I woke up on the wrong side of the bed this morning, I'm like a grumpy old fart. I'm glad you don't think meeting up with her is a bad idea, all my feelings have been brought back so I can't see it doing anymore damage right now.

Still no message as of yet but I'm sure shes not been online since last night, lets hope later today I'll find out. The truth is I tell keep telling myself if she cared she would still be with me.. maybe she did care. I don't know why she would have to talk to my friend instead me, I hate beating around the bush. She knows I still have strong feelings for her and must know I would take her back no matter what.

 

Well, it is pretty strange to talk to an ex after a breakup. Some people simply can't muster up the courage / guts to do it. Pick a neutral place to do it, easier to stay centered and focused on what you're talking about from my experience.