dhjjessel Posted June 8, 2009 Share Posted June 8, 2009 So my ex sent me an email for work reasons - I told her not to contact me about work any more (basically quit - it was a part time thing anyway) I wrote her an email not so long ago asking her to give me some time to sort myself out so that we could be friends again - she reminded me about it and said she would 'wait patiently' and also told me she might be going away for a while so it might be 'easier' for me. I decided that my feelings for her are too volatile to ever be just friends - to put it plainly, i am crazy about her and she does not feel the same way, so i told her (by email, which i hate doing) that we can not be friends, and to not call me or contact me, or expect me to call or contact her. It feels strange doing this, but I think it will allow me to stop expecting her to change her mind now that I have marked out my space with a big black marker pen Let the next stage begin! Link to comment
SapphireNoir10 Posted June 8, 2009 Share Posted June 8, 2009 I think thats a wise idea and the best course of action and best thing for you. You have to think about you, not her and how is best for you to heal. Link to comment
MinziGirl Posted June 8, 2009 Share Posted June 8, 2009 I think you have made a very wise decision. If she provokes so much feelings again in you by just contacting you, it would be better not to have contact anymore. Link to comment
Deity Posted June 8, 2009 Share Posted June 8, 2009 I dont know whats the point of "eternal decissions" like that. But if it helps you why not? I personally much rather just let time roll and decide what to do when the time is ripe. Link to comment
Casmut Posted June 8, 2009 Share Posted June 8, 2009 I think you have made the right decision, roll with NC and stick to it. Like Spidey said, let the healing begin! Link to comment
dhjjessel Posted June 8, 2009 Author Share Posted June 8, 2009 I dont know whats the point of "eternal decissions" like that. But if it helps you why not? I personally much rather just let time roll and decide what to do when the time is ripe. Its hard to explain, but I left it for 6 months to let it roll, and my feelings didnt change, and i didnt move on Link to comment
MinziGirl Posted June 9, 2009 Share Posted June 9, 2009 Its hard to explain, but I left it for 6 months to let it roll, and my feelings didnt change, and i didnt move on Sometimes, such things takes years to heal. if you had a really intense time with her & have given her your all, it is going to take more than 6 months to heal. Link to comment
dhjjessel Posted June 9, 2009 Author Share Posted June 9, 2009 i guess you're right its only been 12 hours since i sent that harsh email and already I am questioning my decision. I feel now that it would be dishonest of me to be friends with her - i would be an act - a painful act, but what have i done? I have cut the cord. I dont see her as my friend, and I have acted upon that, but it bothers me. Yesterday, it felt right to say, and it is still the way i feel, but my head has not made peace with my heart on this one. I guess time will do its work, and I should let it. I just hope I haven't been too harsh. Maybe its just a trade-off; she doesnt want me as a lover, i dont want her as a friend I wish one of those facts had an upside Link to comment
dhjjessel Posted June 9, 2009 Author Share Posted June 9, 2009 i cant believe i am still glancing at my phone, and checking my email, expecting to hear from her - I am going mad its not like I would be able to pick up i have to put this behind me! Link to comment
fIIsion Posted June 9, 2009 Share Posted June 9, 2009 I think what you've done is very brave and the right decision at this moment in time. Its going to be hard and you will have self doubts but you have to keep reminding yourself that remaining friends is not an option at the moment. I liked what you said about not having to wander if she will change her mind or not, of course you still will, but at least you have made a statement that you are not prepared to just settle for friendship. Link to comment
dhjjessel Posted June 9, 2009 Author Share Posted June 9, 2009 i would love to be able to settle for just a friendship, but my heart would not be in it my heart would still be bound to her in a positively unhealthy way; she looks at me at sees a friend, i look at her and see so much more. I feel like a 15 year old with a crush, multiplied by 100 Link to comment
fIIsion Posted June 9, 2009 Share Posted June 9, 2009 Don't feel guilty for not being there as a friend, my ex used to get very upset when she thought I no longer wanted friendship which used to mess with my emotions and leave me very conflicted. The bottom line is that you need to heal, which you have acknowledged, i guess that you are just feeling very sad that it has to be this way. Link to comment
canali Posted June 9, 2009 Share Posted June 9, 2009 Sorry bud but IMO you need a visit to Dr Tough Love...see my recent thread for articles to a blog "getting past your past"...you've been kicking this cat for way too long acting like a starving dog (time to focus on YOU)...she has a good blog on "being friends with the ex" (not!)...kick your ex off of that idealized pedestal you've put her on... Don't even think of any relationship in any form with her as it invariably keeps you tied to her and thus to the past...you need to only think now of you right now .... Best of luck! Link to comment
dhjjessel Posted June 9, 2009 Author Share Posted June 9, 2009 Sorry bud you nerv IMO a visit to Dr Tough Love...see my recent thread for articles to a blog getting past your past...she has a good blog on "being friends with the ex" (not!)...kick her off of your idealized pedestal that you've put her on...try to replace her with you....best of luck! whats the link? Link to comment
canali Posted June 9, 2009 Share Posted June 9, 2009 On my BlackBerry ...see my most recent thread for links to her site. whats the link? Link to comment
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