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We can never be friends - and I told her so


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So my ex sent me an email for work reasons - I told her not to contact me about work any more (basically quit - it was a part time thing anyway)

I wrote her an email not so long ago asking her to give me some time to sort myself out so that we could be friends again - she reminded me about it and said she would 'wait patiently' and also told me she might be going away for a while so it might be 'easier' for me.

I decided that my feelings for her are too volatile to ever be just friends - to put it plainly, i am crazy about her and she does not feel the same way, so i told her (by email, which i hate doing) that we can not be friends, and to not call me or contact me, or expect me to call or contact her. It feels strange doing this, but I think it will allow me to stop expecting her to change her mind now that I have marked out my space with a big black marker pen

Let the next stage begin!

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I dont know whats the point of "eternal decissions" like that. But if it helps you why not? I personally much rather just let time roll and decide what to do when the time is ripe.

 

Its hard to explain, but I left it for 6 months to let it roll, and my feelings didnt change, and i didnt move on

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Its hard to explain, but I left it for 6 months to let it roll, and my feelings didnt change, and i didnt move on

 

Sometimes, such things takes years to heal. if you had a really intense time with her & have given her your all, it is going to take more than 6 months to heal.

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i guess you're right

its only been 12 hours since i sent that harsh email and already I am questioning my decision. I feel now that it would be dishonest of me to be friends with her - i would be an act - a painful act, but what have i done? I have cut the cord. I dont see her as my friend, and I have acted upon that, but it bothers me. Yesterday, it felt right to say, and it is still the way i feel, but my head has not made peace with my heart on this one. I guess time will do its work, and I should let it. I just hope I haven't been too harsh.

Maybe its just a trade-off; she doesnt want me as a lover, i dont want her as a friend

 

I wish one of those facts had an upside

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I think what you've done is very brave and the right decision at this moment in time.

Its going to be hard and you will have self doubts but you have to keep reminding yourself that remaining friends is not an option at the moment.

 

I liked what you said about not having to wander if she will change her mind or not, of course you still will, but at least you have made a statement that you are not prepared to just settle for friendship.

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i would love to be able to settle for just a friendship, but my heart would not be in it

my heart would still be bound to her in a positively unhealthy way; she looks at me at sees a friend, i look at her and see so much more. I feel like a 15 year old with a crush, multiplied by 100

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Don't feel guilty for not being there as a friend, my ex used to get very upset when she thought I no longer wanted friendship which used to mess with my emotions and leave me very conflicted.

 

The bottom line is that you need to heal, which you have acknowledged, i guess that you are just feeling very sad that it has to be this way.

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Sorry bud but IMO you need a visit to Dr Tough Love...see my recent thread for articles to a blog "getting past your past"...you've been kicking this cat for way too long acting like a starving dog (time to focus on YOU)...she has a good blog on "being friends with the ex" (not!)...kick your ex off of that idealized pedestal you've put her on...

 

Don't even think of any relationship in any form with her as it invariably keeps you tied to her and thus to the past...you need to only think now of you right now ....

 

Best of luck!

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Sorry bud you nerv IMO a visit to Dr Tough Love...see my recent thread for articles to a blog getting past your past...she has a good blog on "being friends with the ex" (not!)...kick her off of your idealized pedestal that you've put her on...try to replace her with you....best of luck!

 

whats the link?

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