dhjjessel Posted June 3, 2009 Share Posted June 3, 2009 I have been in LC for 6 months, and havent moved on every time she calls/emails, I have these irrational expectations that its for a reason other than to "catch up" and be friendly it disappoints me every time to discover that reconciliation is the last thing on her mind, and it disappoints me to find that we still connect so well, and yet she doesnt want me back So, I asked her to forget about me for the moment, and when I want to call her/see her for the right reasons, ie not for romantic reasons, then I will. I dont see any other way. She so wants to be friends, but I cannot put my feelings behind me. Hopefully this will be what I need. she made it pretty easy for me - she said "there is nothing you can do" that was 6 months ago Link to comment
Puckdog27 Posted June 3, 2009 Share Posted June 3, 2009 I would tell her that firends just isnt gonna work for you and to please not contact you as you are trying to move on and heal Link to comment
dhjjessel Posted June 3, 2009 Author Share Posted June 3, 2009 What was her response? be as quick as you can getting over me so that we can be friends (paraphrase) Link to comment
hers Posted June 3, 2009 Share Posted June 3, 2009 She sounds manipulative and selfish. Link to comment
dhjjessel Posted June 3, 2009 Author Share Posted June 3, 2009 no I dont think so, I think she always saw me as a friend more than a lover. She just got swept up in my passion of course i could be wrong she is definitely a very complicated, unsettled girl Link to comment
hers Posted June 3, 2009 Share Posted June 3, 2009 If she weren't selfish, her response wouldve been to take all the time you need. Instead she turned it aaround to hurry up b/c I want to get what I want--a guy to follow me around like a puppy dog. Link to comment
dhjjessel Posted June 3, 2009 Author Share Posted June 3, 2009 to be honest, i have no intention of hurrying anything contact with her is painful, complicated, and brings up emotions i simply dont need right now, i feel like i will never get over her. If this proves to be the case, i will NEVER call her Link to comment
hers Posted June 3, 2009 Share Posted June 3, 2009 Good. Do what you need to do for yourself. If a relationship is unhealthy, why stay with it, even if it's just friendship? Link to comment
osterfanish Posted June 3, 2009 Share Posted June 3, 2009 I can totally relate to your situation and was strung along for a few months post-break up while my ex developed a new relationship (she denied it, of course), until I found the strength and said enough was enough - stopped calling her, responding to emails/texts, etc. Initiated NC, broken a few times her over the last few months. I can also relate to the connection element - it's there for me and my ex as well, but the physical distance (over 400 miles) is what ultimately prevents any real hope for a reconciliation. That and there is now way too much history and agendas against us. I feel like my friends and family would completely lose all respect for me if I got back together with my ex, let alone stayed friends with her. It sounds like you're in a similar situation to some degree, but also going complete NC may be the only solution. She's made it clear that nothing besides friendship (and a pseudo one at that) can be gained at this point. I myself have a hard time of keeping it at times, but the message is sent by sending no message at all sometimes. Link to comment
dhjjessel Posted June 3, 2009 Author Share Posted June 3, 2009 yep sounds about right my friends and family would lose all respect for me too In fact, i know that even if she did change her mind, i wouldnt be able to take her back -i wouldnt be able to trust her feelings were real and yet these feelings are still there. I love her and want to be with her but know that nothing would make me trust her any time soon so what do i do? NC i guess Link to comment
Elektro Posted June 3, 2009 Share Posted June 3, 2009 you let go.. If only it were that simple... jeez i miss her tonight. Link to comment
osterfanish Posted June 3, 2009 Share Posted June 3, 2009 yep sounds about right my friends and family would lose all respect for me too In fact, i know that even if she did change her mind, i wouldnt be able to take her back -i wouldnt be able to trust her feelings were real and yet these feelings are still there. I love her and want to be with her but know that nothing would make me trust her any time soon so what do i do? NC i guess Yep, we are in the same boat, brother. I have found that NC definitely helps, but my ex keeps breaking that, so I have been forced to become slightly responsive and civil. Her last email to me, I ignored, though - it was something pointless that didn't warrant a response anyway. And I hear you about the trust thing - all sense of trust w/ my ex has been completely shattered. We could never get back together unless there was complete disclosure of everything, complete honesty, all cards were laid on the table, and we both went to intense couples therapy together...which will most likely not happen nor likely be worth the effort, ultimately. I would think it easier to start from scratch w/ someone else, finding someone new to be in love w/. NC is a helpful stride in that direction, but it's the fear of losing something we held so near and dear that keeps me (and us) attached. The woman was my best friend and lover. I still miss that, regardless of what's happened. And I just can't seem to *fully* let go right now... Link to comment
dhjjessel Posted June 3, 2009 Author Share Posted June 3, 2009 i will become a heartless mofo as a result of this love doesnt exist there is never a balance i only have my own bad taste to blame Link to comment
hers Posted June 3, 2009 Share Posted June 3, 2009 You will one day learn that love does exist. It just hurts right now. It'll stop hurting eventually. Link to comment
dhjjessel Posted June 4, 2009 Author Share Posted June 4, 2009 its really just about me not having things my own way. and about the idea of someone wanting to spend their time/share their bed with someone else when they could be with ME not because i am all that great, but WE were that great Link to comment
Rebel-D Posted June 4, 2009 Share Posted June 4, 2009 I agree, she is being very selfish. I'm on the same side of things as you just now but have been on the other side. My ex couldn't let go and move on and as much as I wanted to be friends I knew it wasn't best for him. We eventually went NC. I know my current ex would respect it if I said I was going NC and didn't want him to contact me or reply if I gave in and contacted him. Link to comment
dhjjessel Posted June 4, 2009 Author Share Posted June 4, 2009 I agree, she is being very selfish. I'm on the same side of things as you just now but have been on the other side. My ex couldn't let go and move on and as much as I wanted to be friends I knew it wasn't best for him. We eventually went NC. I know my current ex would respect it if I said I was going NC and didn't want him to contact me or reply if I gave in and contacted him. your ex that wouldnt move on - why did you break up with him? also, did you tell him the real reasons at the time/ever? Link to comment
uj2004 Posted June 4, 2009 Share Posted June 4, 2009 to be honest, i have no intention of hurrying anything contact with her is painful, complicated, and brings up emotions i simply dont need right now, i feel like i will never get over her. If this proves to be the case, i will NEVER call her Hey mate, have read a bunch of your posts in the last month or so, and must say that you are doing the right thing. But you have to stick to it, you cannot break it. I told my ex in our final call I needed time to myself to try and heal, and mentioned a month as the time frame. She sent a facebook request after 8 days, and an sms after 18. I ignored both. Wanna know how long NC has been going for now? 80 days. The moral of the story is, don't be surprised if after being NC for a while, you just feel like the time to break it will be never. Link to comment
dhjjessel Posted June 4, 2009 Author Share Posted June 4, 2009 Hey mate, have read a bunch of your posts in the last month or so, and must say that you are doing the right thing. But you have to stick to it, you cannot break it. I told my ex in our final call I needed time to myself to try and heal, and mentioned a month as the time frame. She sent a facebook request after 8 days, and an sms after 18. I ignored both. Wanna know how long NC has been going for now? 80 days. The moral of the story is, don't be surprised if after being NC for a while, you just feel like the time to break it will be never. i do feel like that anyway. Dont envisage myself EVER wanting to be friends. sadly I may not be able to avoid her, since she was friends with my sister before we got together. Still, i HOPE that she will leave me alone Link to comment
uj2004 Posted June 4, 2009 Share Posted June 4, 2009 Im lucky that my ex is from a town I will never go to again. Look, its fkn hard to think Ill never see her again, never hear her voice again, never have anything to do with her ever again. But what good would friendship do, knowing she is sleeping with another guy? She skipped my birthday last week too, so clearly she cares very little about me anyway. There is nothing left for me in relation to her, its a closed, albeit massive, chapter in my life. An exciting, fun, loving, but ultimately sad one... Link to comment
hulk7280 Posted June 4, 2009 Share Posted June 4, 2009 If only it were that simple... jeez i miss her tonight. i know.. im doing through the same thing.. its so hard to "let go" but you have to try to let go.. you have to do the work of letting go.. you cant just sit here and feel sorry for yourself that your never going to find love and this and that.. u will find love, u will be ok.. and in a year from now you will look back at this and cant believe u even acted that way.. but to do this you must move on and let go.. if u need anyone to talk to pm me.. i know what ur going through.. day 19 of NC for me Link to comment
Rebel-D Posted June 4, 2009 Share Posted June 4, 2009 your ex that wouldnt move on - why did you break up with him? also, did you tell him the real reasons at the time/ever? We had been having problems for months and split many times, sometimes it was him and sometimes it was me. Eventually I just had enough and made the final decision. As soon as I moved in with him he changed, I have no idea why but it wasn't nice to live with him. He knew the reasons as we'd spoke about them during previous break ups. Link to comment
dhjjessel Posted June 4, 2009 Author Share Posted June 4, 2009 sounds messy I will be making a concerted effort to keep things simple in future relationships Link to comment
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