smarternow Posted May 30, 2009 Share Posted May 30, 2009 A friend of mine said her boyfriend is looking up porn stars on the net and watching everything they are in, one week it may be janet jacme and another time it may be someone else. He also look at porn EVERY SINGLE DAY. I'm talking mon-sun if possible. She states they have sex almost everyday, so she don't get why he need to look at it everyday. 2-3 times a week she understand, but everyday is a bit much. Also she don't like him looking up the porn stars. She stated that she feel like he is becoming a porn addict or something. She often wonders if the everyday sex is because of the porn. She is not insecure, the porn don't make her feel bad. She don't see it as cheating, she just feel him looking up pornstars and such is going a bit far and is also a little weird, as do I. She did not snoop, found this by accident. They share a computer and have each other passwords and such. Again it is the amount of porn and the porn star researching that has her concerned. She is afraid he may have a problem and want to help him. She also want to make sure she is not overreacting either. Do all men do this? They already talked about this before, and he stated that he understood her feeling and quit looking up porn stars for a while, but he is now back at it. She states she is not going to tell him he can't look at porn, but he has to have self-control and respect her feelings on the matter. Is she overreacting? Link to comment
diabolik Posted May 30, 2009 Share Posted May 30, 2009 The looking up a porn star's movies sounds normal. Sometimes I'll see a clip that contains a porn star I haven't seen before, and if I think she's really hot, I'll look her up to find other videos she's been in. The frequency of porn viewing sounds a bit excessive. But it doesn't sound like it's interfering with her sex life, at least not yet. Also many men are not interested in porn at all. They are not "conservative" or stodgy or whatever, they are just not interested in that. They still like sex though lol. Surely when you say 'many' you are speaking in absolute numbers and not in proportions? Link to comment
diabolik Posted May 30, 2009 Share Posted May 30, 2009 [not exactly sure what you mean by absolute vs proportion] Meaning that if 5% don't view any porn, that's still a lot of guys in terms of absolute numbers. But obviously 5% is a pretty small proportion of men. Link to comment
smarternow Posted May 30, 2009 Author Share Posted May 30, 2009 The looking up a porn star's movies sounds normal. Sometimes I'll see a clip that contains a porn star I haven't seen before, and if I think she's really hot, I'll look her up to find other videos she's been in. The frequency of porn viewing sounds a bit excessive. But it doesn't sound like it's interfering with her sex life, at least not yet. Surely when you say 'many' you are speaking in absolute numbers and not in proportions? I expected the men and the women's responses to be different. Men tend to think anything dealing with him being able to look at another womens a$$ is perfectly fine and normal. I can tell by your response you are a male. The real problem is that he knows this bothers her and yet he continues to do so. You did not address that because you condone him looking up porn stars as you admit you do so yourself. I think that is weird. Looking at a certian sexual act is one thing, but basically stalking some porn star is different. Also I feel the amount is very excessive for a person getting sex everyday. He claims he love their sex life, she ask him constantly if he needs more, different,whatever, so explain why the need for porn everyday. And yes, this is starting to turn her off to him. She is here telling me what to write, she has a broken hand and can't type or she would do her own profile. Link to comment
yeawutever Posted May 30, 2009 Share Posted May 30, 2009 If it's interfering with your life, job, friends, relationship then that's when it becomes an addiction. Besides using the internet to look at porn what else does he use it for? I'm sure he must be at least working when he isn't doing that. Link to comment
doyathink Posted May 30, 2009 Share Posted May 30, 2009 My ex looked at porn all the time too. He would even download it at work, and copy it to bring it home. He now lives alone with his porn. He's free to watch it everyday now, but I'm not sure if it keeps him warm at night or not lol. I think a lot of men don't know how to please a woman...so they'd rather just get themselves off, and not have to worry about being with her. Then there are those who cant get a girlfriend, or keep one. Then the ones like this guy who just cant go two hours without getting off. It seems to rule their life. It's a pity really. Looking up porn stars is super creepy to me. The person must have a lot of free time, or just nothing else in life to do....like get a friend or two! Of course I better not 'generalize' here...so I'll add women do it too. Link to comment
diabolik Posted May 30, 2009 Share Posted May 30, 2009 I expected the men and the women's responses to be different. Men tend to think anything dealing with him being able to look at another womens a$$ is perfectly fine and normal. I can tell by your response you are a male. So did you not want to hear from men? Did you only want to hear from women and have them guess if/how much porn their man watches? The real problem is that he knows this bothers her and yet he continues to do so. You did not address that because you condone him looking up porn stars as you admit you do so yourself. Yes, I condone him looking at porn, though I think he is doing so excessively. The real problem is that he did not stand up for himself. When confronted (or even before) he should have told her that he watches porn, and that he is not planning to stop. I think that is weird. Of course you do. You are a woman. I think reading romance novels is weird. Looking at a certian sexual act is one thing, but basically stalking some porn star is different. Nothing in your first post suggests that he is stalking these porn stars. Unless you are using a novel definition of the term 'stalking'. Also I feel the amount is very excessive for a person getting sex everyday. He claims he love their sex life, she ask him constantly if he needs more, different,whatever, so explain why the need for porn everyday. And yes, this is starting to turn her off to him. She is here telling me what to write, she has a broken hand and can't type or she would do her own profile. I agree the everyday porn is a bit much. But, it doesn't sound like she is lacking sex that she would otherwise be getting but for his porn viewing (and presumably masturbation). No need to explain why your friend can't post. I would respond the same if it were you talking about your bf. Link to comment
dragon lady Posted May 30, 2009 Share Posted May 30, 2009 When you say "every day," do you mean for hours? Or is it just watching a quick clip, getting off and then getting on with the rest of the day? I don't think there is a problem with masturbating every day (male or female) and many people enjoy watching porn while they do so. Even I know that there are a ton of seedy porn stars out there and if a guy sees one he likes the look of, then I see no reason why he can't look her up and find out what else she's in. It's no different to watching a movie based on a certain actor you like. The question here is really the degree to which it has an impact on their relationship. If he's spending their quality time together watching porn, then obviously there is a problem. Link to comment
Sparkly Eyes Posted May 30, 2009 Share Posted May 30, 2009 Looking up porn stars is super creepy to me. I totally agree! I mean I have no problem with a guy watching porn. Heck, I ask my bf to download some good ones for me every time! But there is just something creepy about someone who looks up porn stars and probably get obsessed by them. When I watch porn I could care less about the people that are involved if they are decent looking. Link to comment
smarternow Posted May 30, 2009 Author Share Posted May 30, 2009 I wanted and unbiased opinion. You agree because you do it. Nice to know. Link to comment
coyote1980 Posted May 30, 2009 Share Posted May 30, 2009 Maybe it's a phase? like watching youtube everyday? Link to comment
diabolik Posted May 30, 2009 Share Posted May 30, 2009 I wanted and unbiased opinion. You agree because you do it. Nice to know. I agree b/c I think it's natural that men view porn, not simply b/c I do it. Link to comment
EQD Posted May 30, 2009 Share Posted May 30, 2009 well. no its not normal. his viewing of it is excessive.. but since its not altering his sex life (which seems pretty healthy right now) and isnt effecting his job.. (if he has one) then i wouldnt worry about it. Link to comment
diabolik Posted May 30, 2009 Share Posted May 30, 2009 well. no its not normal. his viewing of it is excessive.. By normal, I meant viewing porn. In an earlier post in this thread, I agreed that his viewing was excessive. Link to comment
Mutley Posted May 30, 2009 Share Posted May 30, 2009 "janet jacme????" HA HA!!! Anyway...as I've said time, time, time and time again. Porn usually becomes problematic once boys become men and they feel they still need to use it when the are in relationships. In most cases the two don't mix. Link to comment
velvette Posted May 30, 2009 Share Posted May 30, 2009 porn is NOT a substitute for real life. it is just one of many possible side distractions (ie youtube, movies, books). people who are jealous of porn usually think of porn as a bigger deal than it actually is - lowbrow entertainment. as long as both parties in a relationship have a healthy view on porn, it is fine. Link to comment
Rabican Posted May 31, 2009 Share Posted May 31, 2009 The looking up a porn star's movies sounds normal. Sometimes I'll see a clip that contains a porn star I haven't seen before, and if I think she's really hot, I'll look her up to find other videos she's been in. The frequency of porn viewing sounds a bit excessive. But it doesn't sound like it's interfering with her sex life, at least not yet. Surely when you say 'many' you are speaking in absolute numbers and not in proportions? Agreed... Id much rather be having sex 10 times a week with my fiance... but thats a bit much for anyone but me I think... So sometimes ill watch porn, and if I see a chick that I think is rather hot Ill download a few videos of that person. That being said, If you are spending all day doing it... or opting out of sex, or other activities so that you can watch porn then thats a big problem. Link to comment
waveseer Posted May 31, 2009 Share Posted May 31, 2009 I have a question, aren't there ALWAYS other activities a person could be doing instead of watching porn? Let's say a person has 1 discretionary hour a day that they can choose to spend however they wish without affecting their relationships, job, health, or whatever. If they chose to spend that 1 hour every day watching porn even though they could be gardening or building race cars or volunteering or expanding their social network is it considered unhealthy? Link to comment
diabolik Posted May 31, 2009 Share Posted May 31, 2009 I have a question, aren't there ALWAYS other activities a person could be doing instead of watching porn? Let's say a person has 1 discretionary hour a day that they can choose to spend however they wish without affecting their relationships, job, health, or whatever. If they chose to spend that 1 hour every day watching porn even though they could be gardening or building race cars or volunteering or expanding their social network is it considered unhealthy? I think a lot of guys will agree that 1hr a day is excessive, especially when in a relationship. Also, who needs to watch for an hour to get off? Typically, I'll watch a 10min clip and that's plenty. Link to comment
smarternow Posted May 31, 2009 Author Share Posted May 31, 2009 I have a question for Diabolik, are you in a relationship? And if so, would you be okay with your girlfriend looking up male porn stars because she think he is hot, and getting off on looking at him for hours. I have no problem with porn, but when you are looking up the star of the porn this way, it's not about the porn, it's about that person. Also, when you said it is no different than watching every movie your favourite movie star is in,you are partly right, that also makes you a little weird. I watch a movie cause the movie looks good, not because brad pitt is in it. I don't watch movies based on who is in them. That would make me a stalker-like fanatic for that person. The difference is also that movies are not made for you to jerk off to, pornography is, which makes doing this SUPERCREEPY. I hear a lot of men defend porn, but I think it is because women rarely look at porn all the time the same as men. I might watch a porn maybe once or twice a month, verses my boyfriends 2-3 times a week, a huge difference. I think if I started watching it all the time like he do, he would be surprised by how much it would bother him. In other words, it is easy to say what won't bother you, when you don't have to deal with your spouse doing it. Even more easy to say it won't bother you when you are the person that participate in doing that same activity. I watch a porn clip because a certain position looks fun to try or the movie looks interesting , not because the stars are hot. I could care less about the star in the porn. I don't jerk off to porn because it really don't turn me on, to fake and seedy. I just think it is entertaining (funny). I don't knock men who do get turned on by it, afterall,to men the only reason to watch is to jerk off right? But to look up the porn star and watch it everday is both creepy and excessive. I would be afraid that my boyfriend is in the beginning stages of becoming some kind of porn addict, just like my friend is. Link to comment
diabolik Posted May 31, 2009 Share Posted May 31, 2009 I have a question for Diabolik, are you in a relationship? Not currently. And if so, would you be okay with your girlfriend looking up male porn stars because she think he is hot, and getting off on looking at him for hours. How many times do I have to say that excessive porn watching is unhealthy? And no, I would not have a problem with her finding a particular porn star attractive, and getting off on a few of his movies. But I don’t think women think this way, so this is a moot point. I have no problem with porn, but when you are looking up the star of the porn this way, it's not about the porn, it's about that person. You are thinking about this as a woman. Let’s say today, I see a porn star that I think is really hot, what I’ll do is do a search for her movies. And then the next few times I view porn, I might watch clips from those movies. And then I’ll see someone else who is hot and the process repeats. I couldn’t care less about any of these women. What do you think your bf is going to do? Stalk one of these girls and ask her out? Propose to her? Also, when you said it is no different than watching every movie your favourite movie star is in,you are partly right, that also makes you a little weird. Where did I say that? I hear a lot of men defend porn, but I think it is because women rarely look at porn all the time the same as men. Why does a guy DEFEND porn? Maybe b/c he is being attacked for something that feels quite natural to him? I might watch a porn maybe once or twice a month, verses my boyfriends 2-3 times a week, a huge difference. I think if I started watching it all the time like he do, he would be surprised by how much it would bother him. Maybe, maybe not. Only one way to find out. I don't knock men who do get turned on by it, afterall,to men the only reason to watch is to jerk off right? Correct, at least for me. Can’t speak for all men. Apparently some guys can sit through an entire porn movie. Link to comment
smarternow Posted May 31, 2009 Author Share Posted May 31, 2009 There is nothing natural about porn, it is a movie being produced with prostitution ( being paid for sex). And yes i am thinking of this as a woman, as well as understanding what men get out of this. Why don't you try seeing this in a woman's point of view,since you want me to understand men's point of view. Try stepping in woman's shoes for a minute. What you are saying is that it is perfectly natural for her boyfriend to look at, have fantasies of and jerk off to other women, and she should be fine with it and cheer him on. Did you not hear me say that porn is not the problem, it is the amount which we agree on and the reasearching, and by the way, the fact that you condone the research say a lot about you. That is all good if you feel that is fine for your relationships, and i'm not trying to tell you that you should not, but for my friend, that is crossing the line. She has already told him this, he agreed and stated he would stop, only to do it again behind her back. This is the real problem. Nobody is attacking him for watching porn, only the betrayal of doing behind her back what he said he would not. She is also concerned about the AMOUNT of porn, not that he is watching it. Hell, she has even bought him some to watch with him, before it got out of hand. Please read more carefully and stop taking this post so personal. No one is attacking you for you habit of reasearching your favourite porn star. If you want to do that fine. She is not dating you, so you are not her concern, she is only concered about her boyfriend. To me, that is her being a good girlfriend. And she is not trying to control him, not once did she state he had to stop looking at porn, just tune it down and respect her wishes. It seems like being able to freely look at another woman's a$$ is more important to men than the person the say they love. Look how many posts there are on this issue on this board. Is porn really that important to men, and if so, why? You will never be able to sleep with the women in the porn, so why is looking at so many naked females have sex such a big deal to men? Link to comment
diabolik Posted May 31, 2009 Share Posted May 31, 2009 I answer your questions, and that means I'm taking it personally? I'm getting the sense that you are just here to vent, which is fine. I see now that your questions were merely rhetorical. Link to comment
dragon lady Posted May 31, 2009 Share Posted May 31, 2009 Also, when you said it is no different than watching every movie your favourite movie star is in,you are partly right, that also makes you a little weird. I watch a movie cause the movie looks good, not because brad pitt is in it. I don't watch movies based on who is in them. That would make me a stalker-like fanatic for that person. The difference is also that movies are not made for you to jerk off to, pornography is, which makes doing this SUPERCREEPY. I'm the one who said that watching porn, looking up the actors and finding out what else they are in is no different to watching a movie you like and then intentionally watching another movie with the same actor. If you enjoy the way people perform, then what's the problem with watching them again? They make names for themselves so that people will do that. Nothing creepy or fanatical about that. It's not like he's camping out in front her her home or snapping pictures of her everywhere she goes. Link to comment
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