snuupi Posted June 18, 2009 Author Share Posted June 18, 2009 you're right.. and i know that.. but when we broke up we both said, let's be friends, and he told me he would never be able to go on without me - well now i know that this didn't have any meaning.. but i don't know... i read an e-book that says, you should answer politely but impersonal when there comes any contact from the ex... and he knows not answering is not my kind of dealing with people..and i read somewhere acting totally out of character is not that good.. the only thing i would reply would be "the thumb was almost broken, but now it's okay" nothing more..and i would wait until sunday if i still wanted to answer him it would be 7 days ago that he wanted to know if i'm not answering... but you're right.. then he would notice, i'm still around... i don't know what to do.. i don't know what's right.. or even if there IS a right.. Well...now the girlfriend of his temporarily best friend wrote something into my guestbook... i haven't been in touch with her for one and a half month ... she just asked how i am ... i'm thinking about if my ex told her to write and see if i answer.. and i haven't answered so far.. perhaps i will in a few days.. but if i answer her i'll have to answer him, too, because other wise not answering him would seem very childish, i think... Link to comment
justletgo07 Posted June 18, 2009 Share Posted June 18, 2009 If those e-books, or this forum, had the RIGHT answers about how to get your ex back, everyone would get their ex back. Just remember that you don't owe him anything. He is pushing the friends thing because he feels guilty, and because he still wants you in his life. He's focused on what he wants. By worrying so much you are making his feelings the priority, because you believe that if you give him what he wants and remain in his life that he will eventually change his mind. Forget about how he feels or what he "needs." If he was a good friend, he'd understand your need for space. You don't need someone in your life that doesn't respect your needs. Do what feels right to you, and stop worrying about the RIGHT answer...there isn't one...believe me I know. Your handing all of the power in the relationship to him when you don't have to. You're in control, and you can decide whether to talk to him or not. Link to comment
snuupi Posted June 18, 2009 Author Share Posted June 18, 2009 thank you so much... well ... you said i should do what feels right to me... but both, answering and ignoring feels right...i know that it may be the wrong way to show him i'm still there, but i do also think not answering is childish in a way.. because i would answer all those people i know, even if i'm not friends with them..but i'm not answering him? sometimes it feels like i'm a sorehead.. Link to comment
justletgo07 Posted June 18, 2009 Share Posted June 18, 2009 Take some time and separate what YOU want from your concerns about how he will react. Let's look at the options you have: 1) Don't respond. If you do this, it's possible (although unlikely) that you'll never hear from him again. You'll continue NC, as you have done thus far, and nothing will really change. 2) Respond. If you do this, he may or may not respond back. If he doesn't, you may get anxious wondering why he's not responding. Is he ignoring me now? Did I wait too long? Is he busy being with another girl? If he does respond, he may ask you how you've been, what you've been up to, or he may just send a simple "ok." Odds are, you'll be left wanting more from the encounter, regardless of how it plays out, and you'll very possibly end up feeling worse. Or you'll feel better for a bit, because you got your fix. But then, as the days go by and you hear nothing from him, you'll begin to wonder again what he's doing, who he's with, and most importantly, why you haven't heard from him. You may begin to feel worse again, and you'll be set back by several days. Just think about it. Link to comment
snuupi Posted June 18, 2009 Author Share Posted June 18, 2009 thank you .. i think you're right... i have to think about it one more time .. i've answered him before and nothing changed. but i haven't tried ignoring him. so why not? actually it can't become worse. Link to comment
justletgo07 Posted June 18, 2009 Share Posted June 18, 2009 i've answered him before and nothing changed. actually it can't become worse. EXACTLY. The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different result. Link to comment
snuupi Posted June 18, 2009 Author Share Posted June 18, 2009 EXACTLY. The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different result. that's true. and if the girl contacted me because he wanted her to do, i got him thinking of me...acutally i don't think so, but if... who knows..? Link to comment
snuupi Posted June 20, 2009 Author Share Posted June 20, 2009 i'm almost sure that the girl contacted me because my ex wanted her to. the following happened yesterday: - wrote the girlfriend of the best friend of my ex back: hey there! i'm fine and you? yeah on monday i'm going to go to belgium [my name] - then answered my ex after about 7 or 8 days: almost broke my thumb, but now it's healed again i know - perhaps i shouldn't have answered him, but i had to, because i had to get rid of these stupid shall-i-or shouldn't-i-answer-thoughts i do not expect an answer but of course it would be nice. in addtion i play volleyball (went to the training yesterday for the first time) i'm going to go on holiday in a town near the village where my ex lives... perhaps i'm thinking of calling him and asking him to meet me in another big town to go shopping or something like that.. and if he says no , i know at least that i should really go on forgetting him now and not thinkin of a 'reconciliation'. but of course it might seem natural to him that i'm just visiting my friend there, because she lives near my ex... i don't want that. but i need to know now where i'm standing. Link to comment
snuupi Posted June 28, 2009 Author Share Posted June 28, 2009 today i heard of a friend of my ex (the one who had lied to me before) that my ex has got a new girlfriend since mid-may!! and he contacted me though! i am so aggressive right now... well okay.. that means: GAME OVER i won't contact him ever again except he's gonna call me or something. but i don't think he will. Link to comment
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