He doesn't call. still a chance to get him back?

[snuupi]

hi everybody.

 

it's about nearly 3 months ago that my ex boyfriend broke up our long-distance relationship which lastet 1 year and 2 months. (we're both 17)

one month before he wanted to leave me once already on the ground he wasn't able to care for me like he should and his mother's pressure was too big (he's not that good at school). i was so stupid to win him over to stay with me...

 

well..so he left me with the words "but we'll stay friends and stay in touch, won't we? because i couldn't go on without you. i never could go on without you." and he cried.

 

the next weeks i didn't contact him, because i wanted to calm down, but my best friend wrote to him...her opinion about everything that had happened, that he was an selfish person and so on. now i was afraid he could think, i told her to do that. so i called him to tell him it was not my idea but also that i miss him... his answer? "i'm sorry."

 

after that his ex-best-friend told me some really sick lies about him being unfaithful. so i got very furious and decided to forget him. that worked very well, because i got to know a lot of new people and didn't see him for a few weeks.

one evening when i still was furious about the lies i had heard, he called me just to ask me how i was doing and to get in touch with me. it was ten minutes before he had to go to sleep (his mother is very strict with that...pressure as i told..). i was confused but solid.

the next two weeks we didn't hear anything of each other. then he made an entry to my guestbook that his hamster had died..

 

at once i was at a friend's house 2 hours away from him... so.. one day we went there by car and i brought him back his clothes he still had at my house.

he was surprised but gave me a hug. everything was like it had been when we were together..his lying friend was there either (that was when the lies were resolved). we looked squarely into each other's eyes...quite long.. and intense.. and we screw his friend up just with our glances. it was just like then and so intimately..

his good-bye-hug was like that:

he put his arm around me and stroked my back, then made our cheeks slightly touch each other.

 

 

unfortunately i called him four or five times after that meeting.

he confused me by writing things like 'actually i still like you ♥♥♥' and some other lovely-smileys.

well, our last call looked like this:

i: i don't understand you

he: what the * * * * ...!? (he thought his lying friend had told me another lie)

some unimportant things

i: well... i just want to know.. what do you exactly want from me?

he: (first said nothing) you hear from time to time about each other

 

then he said he had to go on with his work and just hung up. he was so damn pissed off...

okay, i said, i'll forget him now. enough is enough.

but the next day he called me in the morning...like this:

he: "hi it's me i just wanted to say i'm sorry about what happened yesterday...it was not my day...i'm really sorry..."

i: it's okay

he: really? well listen, i'm really sorry!

 

then i found this 'no contact thing' on the internet.. that was 2 months after our final break up. since then i haven't called him again. this is for 4 weeks now and in this time he wrote to me on ICQ and SKYPE...

- once he wanted to give his regards to me

- the other 3 times he wanted to say something about my status messages

 

but for one week now there's no contact at all.

i don't know if 4 weeks (and the previous 2 months with contact) are not long enough for him to see what he has lost and start to miss me...

what do you think?

 

and do you think i still have a chance to get him back?

 

he didn't call anymore..do you think he will??

 

thank you for reading that 'novel'

 

snuupi

[Ms Darcy]

Who knows what he thinks? Maybe he will. I think in this situation it's best to move on. If something happens and you reconnect in the future, great, but don't bet on it.

[snuupi]

I think in this situation it's best to move on.

 

i'm trying to. but why do you think 'in this situation' it's best...i mean what's different to other 'situations' that this is your opinion?

[Lauren.xo]

My ex and I were in a long distance relationship. I think the best thing you can do is stop the contact, even if he calls to talk.. Don't let him no about you and your life. If he gets in touch with you wanting to get back together, then slowly move into it. By answering his calls and being his friend is stalling your healing process and helping him move on from you. He needs to realize that you are gone. He needs to feel the complete loss. So the best you can do is accept it is over and if he comes back, he does. If not, your young and will find another guy. Keep strong!

[snuupi]

thank you for your comment

 

how about your long distance relationship? how did it end?

 

and another question..

do you think it's too late for him to miss me..i mean.. three months.. are not only a few weeks.

[Lauren.xo]

Well. My ex broke up with me for the first time last November. I begged him for *four* months. He only came back when he realized I was moving on. I decided to give him another chance. He dumped me again and I still haven't left him alone to feel his loss. My plan is to make him feel the loss, but 0 contact. I won't hold onto him coming back though. If he does, he will have to work very hard after all he has done to me. I can't even say the reason why he ended it, because I really can't figure it out and he has told me numberous reasons, only to take them back and say another reason. So the last msg I sent him was that I was going to be happy, move forward and not go through last November again. Now I have to work on sticting to nc. Live your life. Don't wait for them. I did that mistake last November, and do you no what? He only came back after I stopped waiting!

[Lauren.xo]

Trust me, he is missing you. If you were any part of his life, no matter what the circumstance is you can't not feel a loss. Look at dumpers who have been preparing for it for months. Even after they dump the person they always want to stay friends. You need to cut that. You need to make him realize what he lost. Start nc and go completely missing. Let him know nothing about you. Work on accepting it is over. If a guy wants to be with us, nothing will stop them from finding us and getting us back.

[snuupi]

oh well i'm moving on. i'm living my life again..going out, meeting friends, having fun, going in for sports.. and so on.

but he doesn't notice anything of my changes (and i completely changed my life, cause i was a couch potatoe when he broke up..waiting for him to call the whole day..) because we don't have the same friends or something like this..

 

well then... how long did it last until your ex came back the first time?

and how did he realize?

did he just suddenly call you one day?

[snuupi]

Start nc and go completely missing.

 

the thing is.. i have nc for 4 weeks now.

or isnt this enough for him to notice what he lost?

well im in and it will last at least 3 or 4 more weeks. until im ready to talk to him without analysing what he says.

[Lauren.xo]

My ex came back after I stopped calling, after he knew I was gone. It took me 4 months to stop trying to get back together with him. After I stopped and he knew I didn't want him, he came back. I'm not saying your ex will, that's why you need to move on and do the things you are doing. I'm saying move on, if he comes back, it was meant to be... If not, it wasn't.. And in time you will heal and become strong from this. Don't think about if he misses you, or if he will call. My ex came back when I didn't expect it. Just remind yourself there are other guys. Live your life and take it day by day. It will get easier. If he wants to come back, he will.

[snuupi]

thank you

sounds good i think

 

 

oh and i have to add something.

i have just gone online in SKYPE and well.. he wrote a message when i was offline.

(we're both playing guitar - i taught him how to)

 

"did you play the song with the guitar tuned?"

 

-that refers to another message i talked about earlier, when he reacted to one of my status messages.

 

shall i answer? (because of nc...) just a "yes" or "yes just have a look at the link"?

[sunnyv]

thanks for the good advice here. my ex broke up with me in november as well. i tried to stay friends with her hoping for more but its been too hard. 3 weeks ago she sent a mean text telling me if she wants to hang out with me she will contact me. its been 3 weeks, haven't heard a thing. thanks for the encouragement and reminder i need to move on. if she wants me she can track me down. its just so hard to give up on something that was actually really really good

[snuupi]

its just so hard to give up on something that was actually really really good

 

oh yeah.. i know what you mean. but actually it's the only thing that helps.

getting out of this whole that brings you down every day.

 

im really fine now. but if someone delves into this subject im of course not the happiest person. however my life is great! even without him.

 

it was just today when i thought about it like this:

 

why do i want back a person who apparently doesn't love me anymore, apparently doesn't think i'm attractive, apparently doesn't know how my life has changed back into an interesting life again, apparently doesn't notice that im nice and funny and all those things, and so on, although there are so many other guys who know that. and some of them even look better, now, that im not that addicted to him anymore.

 

and i think this is the way we should keep in mind and when theres such a bad whole again and we're going to fall into it, we can remember this and say: i should give a damn on a person who apparently doesnt even care about me anymore.

[sunnyv]

very well said. i will put this into practice. why care for someone who obviously does not care enough about or us, or they would call or send a text.

 

you are spot on

[snuupi]

well yes... i think in times when you're going to get sad it helps to think about it like that

[sunnyv]

thanks snuupi,

 

your thread was a real help, i almost sent my ex a text today saying i miss you. i'm glad i read your thread. it provided some insite and made me realize why am i chasing after someone who isn't chasing after me??? thanks again, you helped me a lot

[snuupi]

youre welcome

 

wow i didn't think i could help someone by posting my problems

glad to hear this

 

and you should probably start nc, too.

don't write messages saying 'i miss you' or something like that. thats too needy

[Ms Darcy]

i'm trying to. but why do you think 'in this situation' it's best...i mean what's different to other 'situations' that this is your opinion?

 

 

In a situation where he breaks up with you. When someone breaks up, it's up to them to chase you not the other way around.

[sunnyv]

thanks snuppi. i have been in nc for over 3 weeks. almost broke it today, if it wasn't for your help. thanks again. i really appreciate it. yes i won't send those messages, it is too needy. i have grown stronger now and just need to keep staying strong

[snuupi]

In a situation where he breaks up with you. When someone breaks up, it's up to them to chase you not the other way around.

 

@ms darcy:

 

actually you're right.

but i didn't think of an active chase, just of a passive chase of which he doesn't even notice it is a chase, like getting more self confident again, going out and meet people, having fun.

and he could -probably- notice it, no matter how, he might see that my life is like it was when we first met and that im not addicted to him anymore. this would make him look at me not as a needy anymore and he might think 'oh shes more attractive than ever, i think i have to contact her once again'

so i would have tried to get him back indirectly by living my life.

 

@ sunnyv:

my pleasure!

 

im happy to see that my crazy thoughts help other people, either.

exactly. thats it. you have to keep staying strong. and be sure, you'll do it!

cause there was a time when you made your life without knowing your ex-partner and your life was great, wasnt it?

and now...see.. your life is great, too, but when you notice any action of your ex-partner, you're sad, aren't you?

what does that tell you? - right. actually you'll be better off without the ex.

think positive. it'll all get better in time

 

 

and something i have to add:

im sorry if im not always using words that fit best or if im using wrong tenses, but im from germany and im trying my best

[snuupi]

well and if anywone wants to know:

 

i answered: "yes" and then i closed SKYPE and was offline again.

[snuupi]

hi

 

just wanted to say hello!

 

and tell you that my weekend is completely full with activities!

tomorrow i'll meet a friend from another county and after that go shopping with a friend of mine who i've known for 17 years now. we'll go to the chinamaaan and have a nice dinner.

on saturday i'm going to go shopping again but this time with a male friend of mine ... and if we're not going to shop, we'll go and eat ice.

on sunday i have to learn for a maths test....and then go to the i-know-her-for-17-years-friend and sleep at her house.

monday i'll have fun on a spring open air in my town and tuesday...well have no specific plans for tuesday yet..

 

today i swam one hour to care for my body again.

 

life is great!

[sunnyv]

hey snuppi

 

great job with all the plans to stay busy and great job of taking care of your body. i am really proud of you. keep up the great work

[snuupi]

hey!

 

thx

 

hope you're fine, too

[Ms Darcy]

Good for you girlie! Enjoy your life!