He doesn't call. still a chance to get him back?

[snuupi]

oh yeees i doooo

 

shopping today was fun, i got some new clothes and... yeah .. shopping makes happy

[snuupi]

hi everyone..

 

well it's 2 weeks ago i think when the last reaction of my ex came.

 

now... i have to say i love my life.

 

but the day before yesterday i almost broke my left thmub at school, when we played volleyball.

 

so on one of those internet portals i wrote a status like "i have a thick, blue, hurting thumb."

 

yesterday i checked my mails there and... i had 2 new ones!

first i thought they were from the persons i usually get them from but then i saw his picture next to the subject.

 

he was like:

 

aww what have you done to your thumb??? greetings [his name]

 

it didn't hit me like i thought it would. and i'm proud of myself. 4 weeks ago i would have jumped around and i would have been so damn happy. but now it just feels like i'm superior.

 

of course he expects me to answer him. but i won't.

 

this is just for him to notice what he lost. and for him to see i'm not addicted to him anymore, i'm not waiting for him to mail or to call anymore and i don't need him anymore. he hasn't cared for me for 6 weeks now (at least not by a phone call). does he think i will answer a mail, that is obviously written out of curiosity because of lonelyness!? who does he think he is?? and obviously he still thinks i'm the addicted little needy dumpee. well, think again!

 

if he really wanted to know what has happened to my thumb ( ) he would call me. of course there's a little hope again, but actually i'm sure he won't call.

 

i'm really excited, what will happen in the future, because i have given up all my hopes for some weeks now and just when i was sure it's best to completely forget about him, as we would never get in contact with each other again, he mails. it's always like this!

 

perhaps exes feel it!

 

what do you think about it? do you think he will call anytime?

 

(we've been seperated for about 3 months now, our last call is about 6 weeks ago, i've kept NC for those 6 weeks now and for all i know he hasn't had another girlfriend yet)

what do you think about it?

[snuupi]

[Puckdog27]

Snuupi - there really is no way for anyone to know if he will call. But here's a thought....

 

I broke up with my GF 3 months ago when I moved out of our apartment. About 2 weeks after the move, she decided enough and went NC. Its taken a few good weeks of reflection and an absolute eureka moment for me to realize my own issues that led to our problems. I am now reaching out to her to try and at least have a convo. She has not responded. But my point is, time is in your favor sometimes.

[snuupi]

Snuupi - there really is no way for anyone to know if he will call.

 

i know.. but i just wanted to know what you're thinking about it.

 

thx for your reply

[snuupi]

what do you think...should i really NOT answer him... or in a week or something ..

 

i'm confused...

 

and perhaps a little afraid of him totally forget about me.. or do you think he might call me sometime?

[Puckdog27]

You can answer him like this

 

"hurt it playing volleyball"

 

Done!

[snuupi]

so.. you think i should answer him?

 

because i have some friends who did NC, too, and they told me not to write anything... but i think.. this might me a little bit too unfriendly but on the other hand....he broke up with me..so why the hell should i be friendly?

[Puckdog27]

Well, my ex is NCing the hell out of me right now and its driving me insane, so you decide whats best for you.

[Puckdog27]

so.. you think i should answer him?

 

because i have some friends who did NC, too, and they told me not to write anything... but i think.. this might me a little bit too unfriendly but on the other hand....he broke up with me..so why the hell should i be friendly?

 

Yep I broke up with her. She isnt being friendly. But it was only when I realized that I made a mistake and I initiated contact saying more than "lets be friends" that I figured it out. I couldnt understand why she wouldnt respond to "lets be friends" then it hit me......I just hurt her! Why the hell would she want to be my friend????

[snuupi]

Yep I broke up with her. She isnt being friendly. But it was only when I realized that I made a mistake and I initiated contact saying more than "lets be friends" that I figured it out. I couldnt understand why she wouldnt respond to "lets be friends" then it hit me......I just hurt her! Why the hell would she want to be my friend????

 

 

so you think this method works? i mean the "not answering" thing.. or better "answer friendly" ..

 

i think it's a predicament..

on the one hand not writing anything could make him think "oh - okay, she's still hurt.." or "oh what's that? she has changed??? she's not that needy anymore? why? does she have another one?" or he doesn't even know that he wrote to me..

on the other hand answering could make him think "oh yes.. she's still the same...boring..and needy... and there when i want her to be there" or "oh what? she hurt her thumb? poor girl" but that's ... i don't know..

 

i'm so confused... and i'm thinking too much..

 

 

and .. for how long have you been seperated now?? and how long did your relationship last..?

[justletgo07]

so you think this method works? i mean the "not answering" thing.. or better "answer friendly" ..

 

i think it's a predicament..

on the one hand not writing anything could make him think "oh - okay, she's still hurt.." or "oh what's that? she has changed??? she's not that needy anymore? why? does she have another one?" or he doesn't even know that he wrote to me..

on the other hand answering could make him think "oh yes.. she's still the same...boring..and needy... and there when i want her to be there" or "oh what? she hurt her thumb? poor girl" but that's ... i don't know..

 

i'm so confused... and i'm thinking too much..

 

 

and .. for how long have you been seperated now?? and how long did your relationship last..?

 

From someone who has been broken up for 9 months, I can tell you from experience that it won't really make much difference if or how your respond to him. In the scheme of things, answering or not answering won't change anything. Even if you start talking again, talk every day, see him , spend time with him, cuddle with him, kiss him, etc. it doesn't mean anything has or will change. Until he says "I want to try again" you're best off assuming he doesn't want to.

 

What you need to focus on is not spending all of your time torturing yourself over your ex. Having hope has no effect on whether your ex will come back, neither will worrying about it all the time. So many people hold onto hope because they think that if they let go of hoping that their ex will never come back, but try to remember that how you feel, what you're thinking, what you're doing, and how you're dealing with it has little or no impact on where your ex is with the decision they made. If they change their mind, it will be independent of anything you say, do, think, or feel.

 

Just try to relax. You're not that far into it yet, and I know that everything feels like a make-or-break decision, but there actually aren't any. Just do what feels right, and make every choice with confidence based on what you want to do, not what you think you should do. As long as you're true to yourself, you can't go wrong.

[snuupi]

thank you for your reply.. it makes me feel better

 

and actually you're right.

[snuupi]

oh my god it feels so damn good not to be defeated anymore!!

 

 

 

well... let's see..

 

i didn't answer him.

his mail is 4 days ago.

and he hasn't been online for 4 days. but today he was.

and he noticed that i didn't answer.

 

then he wrote another mail to me:

 

don't you write back ?

 

and it feels so damn good!!

 

i'm so proud because i didn't write back...

 

well now i won't write anything for about 5 oder 6 days and then he'll get my answer.

 

but it's weird to see him thinking i would write back as fast as possible..

poor ex... his once so needy and addicted ex-girlfriend doesn't write back... is he mortified?? pooor guy..

 

i feel so damn good, because it feels like it seems a bit as if i turned around the tables

[snuupi]

so.. what do you think about it?

 

good idea to answer him in about 5 days?

or better not answer this mail, either?

 

why do you think he wants me to answer? because of his ego?

[Puckdog27]

oh my god it feels so damn good not to be defeated anymore!!

 

 

 

well... let's see..

 

i didn't answer him.

his mail is 4 days ago.

and he hasn't been online for 4 days. but today he was.

and he noticed that i didn't answer.

 

then he wrote another mail to me:

 

 

 

and it feels so damn good!!

 

i'm so proud because i didn't write back...

 

well now i won't write anything for about 5 oder 6 days and then he'll get my answer.

 

but it's weird to see him thinking i would write back as fast as possible..

poor ex... his once so needy and addicted ex-girlfriend doesn't write back... is he mortified?? pooor guy..

 

i feel so damn good, because it feels like it seems a bit as if i turned around the tables

 

If you feel good now, why write back in 5 or 6 days?

 

Lets be clear here. I feel like yes there needs to be a communication pipeline in order to open the doors to reconciliation. But right now he has sent nothing to indicate he is feeling that way. He is just sending out little lines to see if you are still around.

 

Dont take any freindship bait. If he wants you back, he will tell you.

[snuupi]

of course you're right.

 

but i don't hate him - and if i want him to want me back, i shouldn't be too unfriendly, should i?

 

on the other hand - well i'm thinking about answering him not, too, because i'm fine and if he doesn't answer me then, i'll maybe get a little defeated again...

[snuupi]

It's like what happens when your dog gets away from you. If you run after it, which way is it going to run?

 

If you run in the OPPOSITE direction, which way is the dog going to run?

 

Think about that

 

That's very well said.

 

And i got that now, too.

 

So...you think ì should not answer the second mail, either, am i right?

[snuupi]

Right- you should not chase the dog.

 

okay. i like your way of describing those things

 

but well...i just thought, because it was him who wrote to me first - i didn't answer - then he wrote again... just thought i should give him an answer.. but i might have been right with my first guess that it was just about his ego and not about him wanting to know how i am.

 

either he'll call me or not. we'll see what the future brings, right?

 

and even if not - he's just one out of a million!

[snuupi]

He needs to experience what it's like when you become non responsive and there's a good possibility that he's losing you. It takes a lot more than one ignored message for that to happen.

 

You're right... i think i'm still too worried about what he feels like - that he might get angry or think i'm sulky or something. that's not what i should be thinking about anymore.

 

he's the dog. but i won't be the chaser any longer.

 

thank you so much - whenever i get worried about my decision again, i'll keep the dog-chaser-story on my mind.

[snuupi]

oh well i just noticed that i've had NC for 7 weeks now.

but all the time he broke NC (it was 6 times now) i answered him, except the 2 last times..

 

perhaps he really hasn't got,yet, that i'm not longer there for him...

 

actually there has been absolutely no contact since the 4th time he wrote me something to my status message 3 weeks ago... so that's when i answered his question with "yes" .

 

this is the second time that there hasn't been any contact for 3 weeks.. i'm noticing right now..

the first time it was him who called after 4 weeks that i didn't get in contact with him.

 

and now.. well how should he start missing me when he doesn't even know what it's like not to stay in touch with me? oh my gosh i was so stupid!

[snuupi]

Here's a riddle for you.

 

Question: How far can you chase a dog into the woods?

 

 

 

Answer- Only halfway. Then you'll be chasing him OUT of the woods.

 

That's good

 

And what does it mean in a metaphorical sense? Or is it just that riddle without any reference to the ex-NC-thing?

[snuupi]

ah i see

 

 

well, i've just read another post to the should-i-answer-thing.

 

it is said, that if you don't answer, the ex could think that you are still the same and haven't moved on yet - so you should answer politely and keep the message short....

 

if i won't answer, maybe he'll think this way, too..

now i'm kinda uncertain again..

 

should i still keep NC oder maybe answer him after all...

[snuupi]

help please.. i'm confused...

[justletgo07]

help please.. i'm confused...

 

I think I may have posted this sometime earlier, but I think the advice still holds true. Breaking NC or not, particularly at this point, will have little or no effect on how things ultimately turn out. Try to look at the bigger picture here, and stop trying to figure out what he is thinking or how he will interpret what you will or won't do. Honestly, you shouldn't care at this point. If he has anything particularly meaningful or important to tell you, he won't let you not answering him keep him from telling you.

 

By responding all you will demonstrate is that you're still there...waiting...just like always. He'll feel even more comfortable moving on knowing you're right there in case he changes his mind. Most dumpers only come back when the dumpee has stopped waiting and has moved on with their lives.