GIRLS!!!! why do women go back to abusive guys!!!

[new york]

hey girls,

 

 

what do you want in a guy!!!! I have notice myself that I don't want girls that fancy me and when I like a girl she seems to lose interest once she learns how much she likes me!! SO, how should guys act!! and we do women constatly go back to absive guys!!!!! you hardly hear a guy going back to an abusive girl!!!!

[Gilgamesh]

I have noticed this also in a lot of female friends, they have a revolving door of the same exact "type" of guys.

 

They are attracted to these dudes that are irresponsable or are drunks, gamblers or abusive etc. and over and over again they either return to the guy or replace him with another of the same model.

 

They always say the same thing to me, "Oh why are men soo bad?"," men, they are all the same", "next time ill never go out with a guy that ______fill in blank".

 

I think its a self esteem issue, and only feel comfortable with guys that are not worthy of them,.

 

I know, I have been on the other end, I dont smoke drink or take drugs, im never abusive, am very romantic and respect women, the perfect lover, and girls run from me like im the plague. and the few girls i have had in my life, eventually just leave me for some creep, but they always tell me something like this: I still love you, and i have learned to love again, you made me feel like a women again" or something like that.

[Trishie1607306433]

just read your post - from my female point of view.. if you are getting women who dump you for more abusive guys.. then they are not worth your time. They've probably got some major self esteem problems that make themselves feel they're not worthy of someone nice or of love.

 

Believe me, if you finally find someone who will be with you because you are nice and they feel they deserve someone nice.. then that woman has her head screwed on straight and is probably worth your time. There's a lot of insecure people out there in BOTH genders. From my experiences - I find that people of equal emotional health tend to wind up together - often the insecure woman winds up with an insecure man (who often expresses his insecurity through abuse). The insecure woman might wind up feeling that she can't leave because she feels she doesnt' deserve any better.

 

I have to admit that because of my abusive growin-up I kept dating jerks until I started to believe that I was worth someone better.. I took some time to work on myself and now have a very healthy relationship with someone who is very nice.

 

Another possibility - keeping in mind that many women are attracted to confident, assertive, outgoing guys... sometimes the traditional "nice guy" is not as assertive as the "abusive guy" - and the woman will see the assertiveness of the jerk at first and be attracted to that initially. However, sometimes assertiveness can go too far into abuse... Its important to know that although this is the new milennium there still are many women who like to feel "taken care of" and have the "man in charge!

 

Hope this helps...

 

Trishie

[Diggy51607306449]

They are attracted to these dudes that are irresponsable or are drunks, gamblers or abusive etc. and over and over again they either return to the guy or replace him with another of the same model.

 

I think this is because alot of women find themselves attracted to the "bad boy" the guy that usually dosnt fit in. I too have had this problem, where the girl left me for the abusive drug useing ex. But some girls, like another friend of mine, even on her profile states "Likes them badboys" I dont know what it is... But I'll tell you one thing, the moment you understand a woman, you let me know!! haha

[Aura Seeker]

Sometimes it is just a teen thing, going for bad boy syndrome, and then again, if it passes the teens, it is usually a social problem.

 

Unfortunately, 9 out of 10 times these are the types of examples they see in the home growing up. Whoever tells you it isn't a mans world anymore, tell them to jump into the nearest lake. Oppressiveness for women didn't just....stop.... after several thousand years. There is still a lot of abuse. "Glass celings in corporations" ect. The mentality hasn't changed all that much, just the rules that are supposed to change things. The same similarities are found in predjuce in ethnics. People SAY they aren't predjuce, and wouldn't say so because it is no longer politically correct, but deep down.........

 

If you really want to check what kind of girl you are getting, ask her how her father treated her mother. It will give you loads of insight.

 

AS

[jujigatame]

Girls love a challenge. I know I do (I'm a guy). My current crush is challenging, and it's driving me nuts, but it's a fun game! The idiots you see with girls all over them don't deserve them half the time, but they get them anyway. Why? Because they think one of a few different things. A: "I can change him, and thereforeeeeeee prove that I'm a worthwhile person." B: "He's so sure of himself, he could have any girl he wants! But he's with me!" (twelve hours later, she's pregnant and crying.) C: "He's hot." (It's been my experience that sometimes, beauty breeds arrogance and that jerk attitude. It's not the attitude, but the body that they like. Yes, many girls are just as bad as guys in that regard, especially the ones who are babes themselves. That's why we see so many beautiful couples that share nothing but lust.)

 

The three most important things in getting the girl (at least in my experience) are Charm, Challenge, and Confidence. Luckily for us guys, looks aren't as important when girls make their choices of "potentials." No pit stains and stubble, though. Here are a few tips for gaining the three C's without changing who you fundamentally are:

 

Charm: Be nice. Open doors for everyone (guys and girls). Ask how your friends are doing. And perhaps most importantly, LEARN HOW TO LISTEN!

 

Confidence: Say hello to everyone you know, from class or work or wherever, guys and girls alike. It worked wonders for me, within just a few days. I can tell that a lot of people who never thought twice about me have started to take notice again. Also, make a resolution to say hello and smile to a female stranger every day, even if you feel like a total idiot and/or make a fool of yourself the first few times. It's a break-even situation at worst (she forgets about you a minute later), and a new phone number at best! As it gets more comfortable for you, do it more often.

 

Challenge: This is the hardest one for me. If you're at least a bit shy around girls (e.g. you're a guy), you can actually turn that to your advantage! Overcome your shyness enough to talk to a girl you like, but let it keep her guessing a little bit. Also, keep your first and probably also second dates simple - a walk or something - that way you'll hopefully leave her wanting more of you and fantasizing about what's to come. As much as girls say they want to be showered with flowers, chocolates, and moonlight walks on the beach, they don't want it until at least the third date, I guarantee you!

 

 

Whew... That got about a million miles off the subject. Long, too. Useful information anyway, at least I hope. Good luck!

 

-Jujigatame

[sisterlynch]

To attract interesting people of either sex, you have to know who you are. I always look for people who I think are more intelligent than I am or have some other quality that I want to improve in myself. That is what attracts me to others, only then do I notice if I find them attractive!

 

If you are only looking for someone who is good-looking, they most likely won't have developed their personality very well. Or they are extreemly insecure and that is why they spend so much time looking in the mirror all the time. So if you want a relationship, get in touch with the part of yourself that you enjoy in others.

[Outlaw2747]

I just think it stinks that most women are so materialistic. (don't worry, guys are guilty of it too but I'm trying to stay on topic) They go around talking about how hot this guy is and how much money that guy makes and the fact that he wears expensive clothes make him special. That's a bunch of crud. What ever happened to a good personality? You know, the thing MOST females desire in a guy? When they meet a guy like that (attractive, nice, and other warm qualities), they just make firends with the dude. Then when this super-hot guy comes along (who usually treats girls as depensable) they want to drool and chat about him and die for this guy. Then when he throws the poor woman in the trash, she comes crying to the good guy, the one she's been looking for. He is nothing more than emotional support. Then she goes BACK to the creeps. But don't get me wrong, not all girls are blind like that but the ones that are just make me sick. Then they ask that stupid question....WHERE ARE THE GOOD GUYS? I just tell them to buy a pair of frickin' glasses!!!

[Sheyda]

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[DopeStar]

this topic comes up so often because the people this topic is about are the ones that you see out there doing things, meeting people, "getting noticed". the nice people(girls or guys) arent out there on the prowl like the people being complained about. well they are just not as often so they dont get noticed, they arent known at the place they go most often. the problem is that the people we want to me and the people that we are out there meeting arent one and the same. when a guy does finally meets a nice girl its by luck, she just happened to be out there at the same time and place you were and im sure your not out there everyday so that would be considered chance. if you want get noticed you dont have to be a jerk, just be out, make a name forself so when you show up there will be people waiting for you(fashionably late) its a matter of the image you put off you dont have to be a jerk to get noticed like one, you just have to play the game a little differently but you have got to play.

[JonnyG]

These topics come up alot (im guilty of one after my ex) cause some of us feel so badly treated (men and women).

 

Its a simple cause of making urself the ideal person only for the partner to inexplicitly (hopefully spelt right) decide that ur not the person to go out with. Its crazy.

 

When i was complaining in my thread about my ex, it was due to her telling me that she thought i was "gorgeous", with a "great body", "intelligent,funny and kind". But she said her ex was wanting her back, and altho she really liked me, she liked him very much also. To be fair, they split up 3 months earlier due to it "getting serious and he was only young". But they planned to get back together at some stage. Now u have to question if it was getting serious and he was only young, then what are they going to achieve going out again? The same thing will happen, they should just either accept hes younger or split for good.

 

Anyway, we had a great time going out. Really liked each other and had a lot of fun. We were getting closer and closer. But like i said, her ex asked for her back and she went back to him.

 

Now, i hope hes an alright guy, but going on her past, i would question it. She has an ex-husband who she thought was a "d**k" (im not sure y). She had an ex bf who cheated on her. She had an ex bf who was a compete druggie. She had a bf who was self obessessed and just didnt pay attention to her. And these were only the ones she told me about.

 

Her ex (the 1 she got bac with now) im taking it he was the one who decided to have the split, as it was him who asked for her back and she jumped at the chance. Now he asked for her back after valentines, 3 months since the split. Now my theory is, that he split with her becuase he was either thinking a) she was too old for him, or b) after 10 months of seeing her he was getting bored. So he split up. After 3 months he couldnt find anyone, or he couldnt find anyone better, and at valentines got lonely. Thought to himself "heh, ill ask miss X out again, and when something better comes along, ill leave her".

 

Now i might be wrong, but her past bf have all seemed to let her down. Hopefully he is a great guy. Don't know if i'll ever find out, as ive kept in touch, but its too hard, i just think im going to tell her i can't b dealing with being "just friends" anymore, i want something more, and while she is with him, that won't happen, and it might not happen even if they split up. So i decided im going to write a letter, spill my guts out, and then say goodbye for good and erase her number.

 

Im quite confident that i've treated her better than perhaps every bf she has had (at least the ones shes mentioned), i would neva cheat on a girl, dont take drugs, dont smoke either, and im not self obsessessed and pay women a great deal of attention, but for some reason it wasen't enough. Mayb she still likes the bad boy, even tho she is 31 now, and should of realised its time to stop making the same mistake of going back to the ppl who hurt her. Time will tell.

[ItsyBitsyMel]

we like bad boyz, its true. we also like to nurture someone who seems to need loving

[NightLily]

I think part of it, is that we think that we are special and so even though he may have treated his other ex's horribly, he would never do that to US because WE are special.. and our relationship is special as well. We think that we will be the one to "tame the beast" and we believe the elusive fantasy of real, pure love, will actually come true.

 

That and.. they are just so attractive we simply can't hold ourselves back from there hot bods.. (for you men that worship yourselves

[Outlaw2747]

Now if you think you are automatically special, you are wrong. Well, not entirely. it depends on how you present yourself. You are only special to someone who is looking for the type you are. For example, I think a nice, sweet, and attractive girl who cares for me is special while another guy who thinks a sex crazed girl is special. It all depends on how you look at it. Now if a girl thinks she is "God's gift to men", she needs to cut the rope around her neck because she is seriously hung on herself. That goes for the guys who think they "God's gift to women" as well. People! THESE ARE THE TYPE TO AVOID!" And then you got your shallow types....the ones who are so fixated on looks......get a clue. I say about 70% of "popular hot guys/girls" are very narcissistic and prone to cheat on you in due time. Also, "hot guys" with a very high-esteem have been known to physically AND emotionally abuse their partners. "Hot girls" KNOW they are hot and will use that to their advantage to get what they want, even if it means stepping on you. So if you see a "Brad Pitt" or "Beyonce" wannabe.....approach with extreme caution.