can't get over major crush/infatuation/whatever you want to call it....

[urbanmiller]

i think i posted about this guy here before already. anyway to make a long story short, i met this guy from online. i felt this "love at first sight" or whatever you want to call it when we met. after our 2nd date he told me he was going to pursue another relationship. i have had no contact whatsoever with him since he texted me that, which was almost 5 weeks ago.

 

ugh, i still can't get this guy out of my head.i feel so silly about it, but i felt so strongly when we met that this was "the one." i obsess over how i could have been so wrong in my feeling and wonder if/when his relationship will not work out and he will resurface again.

 

i feel like the only way i will "get over" this is with time, but it's so frustrating. i have tried to meet other men in the meantime, but with no luck (granted its only been 5 weeks but still). i have never felt like this before and i feel kind of pathetic

[Casey13]

Dont ever feel pathetic for the direction your feelings drive you. In time you will get over him and you just never know, he may pop back into your life if his RS doesnt work out but by no means wait for that to happen. Treat this as if you will never hear from him again and continue searching for someone else and if you guys cross paths again then great.

[nimisaj]

well, first of all - a guy like that *does not* and *does not* d e s e r v e you.

at all. he texted you that he wanted to pursue something with someone else? that's just awful!

[urbanmiller]

thanks for writing back casey, i have tried this and i think it's just one of those things that takes time no matter what you try to tell yourself.

 

nimisaj, i took his text actually as a good thing because at least he was honest with me and did not string me along. we only had 2 dates so i saw it as he didn't really owe me anything. what else was he supposed to do if that is how he felt?

[Casey13]

What? what do you mean a guy like that doesnt deserve you and that its a good sign about how he treats women. This guy did nothing wrong. After two dates he owes her nothing and its at least good that he told her he will be pursuing someone else as not to waste her time. He could have easlily slept around with her since she is into him or played both girls at once but he didnt. He went on two dates with the OP, saw nothing there, and told her like it was. Its unfortunate but its the reality and he shouldnt be put down for normal behavior

[Casey13]

thanks for writing back casey, i have tried this and i think it's just one of those things that takes time no matter what you try to tell yourself.

 

nimisaj, i took his text actually as a good thing because at least he was honest with me and did not string me along. we only had 2 dates so i saw it as he didn't really owe me anything. what else was he supposed to do if that is how he felt?

 

you beat me to it as i just gave the guy some back up about the whole text thing but yea like I said before, give it a little more time and youll be fine and if its meant to be it will be. At least you know that there are people out there that can move you that much emotionally so its a good thing

[urbanmiller]

how common though is it for someone to get THIS hung up on someone they only went out with twice? should i take it as a sign that it's meant to be that this person left such a huge impression on me and i cant get it out of my head after this long and with no contact with them? i'd rather not perpetuate feelings of "hope" because that keeps me obsessing and i'd rather just see it as completely over so then i can try to get over it...

[nimisaj]

whatever. i edited my post. it didn't make sense after i read it!!! yikes!!! i'm sorry.

 

i meant that the op deserves better than some loser texting a random message than having the guts to speak to her in person. that's a low thing to do, in my books.

[urbanmiller]

whatever. i edited my post. it didn't make sense after i read it!!! yikes!!! i'm sorry.

 

i meant that the op deserves better than some loser texting a random message than having the guts to speak to her in person. that's a low thing to do, in my books.

 

honestly though, i have told people i wasnt interested through text and while it might not be the BEST thing to do, i don't think it's THAT bad. lol. also, how it happened was i texted him first asking if he wanted to go out that weekend and he replied with that text so it wasnt like he just texted me that out of the blue

[annie24]

hi - i am sorry about what happened. i understand when you feel that 'click' with someone and for whatever reason, they don't feel it too. it's confusing. i'd just focus on yourself and taking time for yourself. with time, you'll get over it. i've definitely been in your shoes where i've gotten very attached to a guy i hadn't spent a lot of time with. i think sometimes, we are in love with the vision of him we had in our head, not the actual guy himself.

 

i also think it was appropriate for him to tell you via text message. after 2 dates, i think it's good that he told you what was going on and let you know instead of disappearing.

[xSerendipityx]

You know, I had something similar. I had met someone online, chatted up a storm with them for a span of a year, exchanged pictures, we did all that. I was already obsessed with him prior to meeting him. We met, clicked well and I was just head over heals for him. I thought he was "the one." After a couple of times meeting, I expressed my feelings for him or at least hinted it. He got the hint and told me that he wasn't currently pursuing a relationship due to personal reasons, which I already knew what they were since he had told me in the past. Anyway, it crushed me. It took me forever to get over him. The reality of everything though- I had built him up so much in my mind/ heart that I couldn't see past the fog. I saw what I wanted to see and didn't think to see past that at the time. That is what sucks about infatuation. Sad thing for me is, I had Mr. Right by my side the whole entire time and didn't even know it. All those hopes and dream for some guy that wasn't ready for a relationship.....*sigh*.

[catfeeder]

It might be helpful to consider that we can't really know a person through typing or meeting them once or twice, and so what's to love except for any fantasies you create 'about' them? If you think about it, that's not loving 'them' at all. The reason that's helpful to know is that building a fantasy about someone means you own it--so you're also in control of knocking it back down.

 

It's understandable to have hurt feelings when we're rejected; nobody likes the experience and some of us have a more difficult time coping with it than others. But the good news is, this guy didn't even know you, so how can he reject you? Just as you built up an imagined form of him, he did the same to you--and his image speaks of his own limitations, not yours.

 

You may want to view this as a practice run for learning how to deal with wrong matches. I believe we're each meant for someone, but given the numbers of people on the planet, odds are we're likely to try to assign that role to some wrong people along the way. That's actually a good thing, because if we were meant to fall in love with everyone, how special would love be?

 

Keep trying and adopt the idea that you want wrong matches to pass early. That's how you'll know the right one when you've found him.

 

In your corner.