advice please

[joethe]

Heres a short story of what going on

 

Me and my ex have a 19 month old son together..we have gone through our ups and downs like all couples.. when we broke up a month ago she moved out and back to her moms with our son which is 45 min away.. We got back together and then she got mad at me because i couldnt talk to her much on the phone because im so busy with work and school. She said that the long distant relationship is like a rolercoaster and she cant do it.. I said i agreed even though i didnt.. i want to be a family so bad but i know if i try to get back with her that the ball will remain in her court and she will continue to take advantage of me always being there for her. Shes always the one who breaks up with me and i always end up taking her back.. This time is a little different, i told her that im over this relationship.. I have never said anything like that to her. i guess im hopeing she will see whats shes missing and want to move back in together. She texted me twice last night thanking me (again) for the flowers that i had delivered on mothers day and she said it made her cry. i didnt respond to the text and then 15 min later she sent me:

 

"Listen im sorry to keep talking but i know we have a lot of unfinished things and if you want to talk or want me to shut up just say so"

 

I do not get her what so ever.. one minute she's breaking up with me and telling me not to call her unless it has to do with our son to wanting to talk about things..

 

i need some help here.. i want her back but i want her to finally realize what she has and how good i am to her.. am i doing the right thing by not trying and letting things be for now?

[Serendipitous]

she needs to grow up.

apparently Motherhood isnt the trick.

leave her alone for at least a month.

[Anna.]

Are you my ex-boyfriend, b/c your story might as well be what we're going through (except a 17 month old daughter), broke up a month, I always break up with him, but he doesn't come back right away. And he said this time it's really over cause we just don't work. I want him back, though.

 

You are leaving out the most important part: what does she break up with you for?

[joethe]

she broke up with me this time over something so stupid.. i got off work the other day and went straight to my fathers house to pick up my jet skii and to move it.. and i didnt call her to let her know, and then i packed my son a bag with all of his stuff in it because i was taking him for the weekend and i foregot the bag... she just lets her anger control what she says..

 

Anna,

 

I think i could learn quite a bit from you seeing that your in the same position and sinse you must know how girls thinks (sinse your one) lol.. you want your ex back even more now because he doesnt want you right? I just think if i play this stupid ass game and saying that its over that maybe just maybe she will realize how good i am to her and how much she misses me and will eventually come to her damn senses and want to move back in with me so we can be a family again..what do you think am i right?

[Anna.]

Yes, I do think your right. My ex has been trying to be really good to me (paying a little extra child support, bringing me flowers for mother's day) but standing firm that we don't work, and it's driving me up the wall! I honestly never wanted to play games with the man, I thought I was doing what was best, but now that he's been gone (a month today) and is sticking to his guns on the break-up, I'm scared to death and I miss him more than anything in the whole world.

[ramonymone]

Sometimes its not that a person needs to mature, sometimes is just a difference in communication. I think you need sometime apart but if you two do become a couple again I feel that couples counseling is the best remedy for this situation. I can relate to what you are saying regarding school and work. Pursuing a postsecondary education is a very arduous endeavor, ESPCIALLY when you have a job and family you are responsible for. Because you are trying to meet the bills as well as focus on school, your interaction with one another often becomes muddle and a lot is lost in translation.

[joethe]

ya but its just weird how mean she can be when were together, then when were broken up she so kind.. She just so used to me taking her back or even me going after her when we break up.. i actually dont know what i want.. she was choosing to live 45 min away with our son when we were together for the past month and that made me so angry.. I think me just starting to move on with my life and acting happy around her when i do see her will make her realize how much i do for her.. I think she simply taking advantage of me sometime, because im always there for her and always good to her.

[thejigsup]

If you start playing these games, you will be stuck with playing them the rest of your life. Are you willing to do that?

[ramonymone]

She does this b/c you are a sure thing, time to disappoint her somewhat. The ball is in your court, inform her that you will get back with her only if you two can speak to a counsoler. You two have a child together, niether one of you sound like bad people. She just needs to be informed of what a realistic relationship is via a non biased third party. What is your relationship with her mother, and what is her family history like?

[joethe]

If you start playing these games, you will be stuck with playing them the rest of your life. Are you willing to do that?

 

thats not true entirley. Im playing this stuped game so she can realize what she has, and if it doesnt work and she doesnt beg me back and tell me she wants to move back in with me, then i will move on.. i just do not get what she means by we have "unfinished things." i took it as she wants to talk about getting back together am i right?

[Pixiedoc]

Do ya know what? In these times with financial uncertainty and people being royally scr*wed over by others this seems like you have to sit down and talk this through and feel REALLY lucky that you have each other and a wonderful child that should make these issue seem really trivial. Look through, and invite your partner to look through some of the posts on here where people have - and are - going through hell because their partners have treated them very badly. You still have a lot and need to work on it, because we all know how difficult it is to have a baby together, the fatigue, the changing roles, relationships etc. But at the end of the day she might be suffering from post natal depression or just a feeling of being lost, and you of being rejected somewhat...etc. Some re-negotiation is required of what you both can offer to this relationship and I totally agree that you need counselling - someone objective to help you get through this - will she agree?