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Want a divorce, but financially dependent


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I've posted many times before about my unhappy marriage, but it has been a while.

 

My husband and I, married for 6 years this summer, are getting inevitably close to separation. I cannot recall one full good year of marriage so far. In a nutshell, we have had major differences in values and finances.

 

Since I met him, he owned his own business and has struggled to get it off the ground. In the beginning I was supportive and tried to offer advice to help, of which none was taken. He has had two failed biz partners, one of which was his sister and her husband, and they had to file bankruptcy after they got out of it mainly due to again, my husband not listening to any of his brother-in-law's advice even though he used up all of his credit to invest in the business. Total disaster. The next partner was a bookie on the side...need I say more.

 

On top of attempting to run this business extremely poorly, he worked and worked and worked (6 - 7 days a week) until he finally ran it into the ground last November. We had no income for about two months and had to declare bankruptcy. ( I am home with our two young children and work part time). This has been much more devastating for me and less for my husband since his grandparents, parents and sister have all claimed bankruptcy...no biggy.

 

Luckily, my husband found a job as a firefighter around the same time the business failed and we went to see the lawyer about the bankruptcy, so at least we have kept our house. The lawyer advised us to completely stop paying our credit card bills beginning in December, which we did.

 

Then, I found out that my husband never filed our taxes in 2006 or 2007. He had 2006 completed, had me sign them, but just decided not send in the payment Then, after filing 2007 and 2008, we had a large refund coming to us, until the IRS send us a letter saying that he never filed his taxes for 2003, 2005, or '06.

 

Now, I just want out of this miserable marriage to this extremely irresponsible man!! The problem is, that I cannot get a job until the bankruptcy is finalized, which can't even happen until the tax situation is cleared up. This could take at least 1 -2 months to clear up the taxes, and then another 3 -6 months to finalize the bankruptcy. How do I live with this man in the mean time????

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We are living on his two salaries from his two jobs. We have been in therapy to try to fix the marriage since the beginning of the year, but he only attend half the time. Right now, I continue to go to therapy just to cope with situation.

 

I am completely stuck right now until I can get a job, which as I said before I cannot do until the bankruptcy is finalized. I am hoping by fall.

 

When I mention to the therapist that I would like him to leave (live at his parents or other family if possible) eventually (mid-end of summer) so we can actually be separated, she only tells me that he doesn't have to legally (yes, I know that). I would only be asking him to, not telling him to. For the sake of our sanity.

 

Am I in the wrong about these ideas?

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he sleeps on the couch. We have finished basement with a full bathroom and a bar (he built himself) and a 50" tv. you would think he would want to live down there, but he gets too emotional when I mention it and never brings up divorce or anything for that matter. He is the "bury your head in the sand" type. If I never mentioned anything again, and we continued to live separate lives never having sex again, he would probably stay married forever. It is sooooo frustrating. I guess we could get a divorce and both stay in the house, but wouldn't that be confusing for the kids? We have a 5 and 2 yr. old. It is such a strange way to live to me. Anyone else have this experience where you lived together but divorced??

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I'm not saying live with him forever, just until the divorce is final and you have a way to support yourself and child support payments.

 

I've know people who've done it fine and others who've said it is torture. If you make a pact to be civil and not fight while under the same roof it is possible, but that is hard to do sometimes.

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