how do u fully let go of the one you love

[Hiding]

im a newbie at this site but many of the relationships on this site i can relate to and so i thought id give it try.

 

The issue here is that its been near around 8 or 9 months since my ex left me. Ive done many of the things people have mentioned to ease my pain. i took up paino lessons becuase i always wanted to play, im a collge kid and im putting my effort into my schooling, though i have a small circle of friends i surround myself with them and they have supported me all his way. I study karate and judo and have been training like crazy, recelty just bought a new car...the thing is...even though ive done all these things to occupy my mind, i still think of my ex and i still wonder is she has feelings for me...i still care, im still in love with her...Im trying really hard to move on, but the thing is i keep looking back...im askig for some help on how to really be free from memories, free from the hurting and suffering...please someone show me

[waveseer]

Freedom is a gift you give to yourself. Only you can decide when it's time to "expand your horizons".

[Anyway]

Time heals all wounds...you're doing the right things to get over her, just stick to it and avoid all contact to your ex.

 

Are you really sure that still love her? People often miss companionship of someone and mistake it for missing their ex.

 

You'll get over your ex and you'll meet someone else. That's for sure ;-)

[Hiding]

i do miss what we had, it was a relationship i had always wanted, she was really someone i thought was meant for me. Ive been in strict NC with her, despite she still means something to me.

[waveseer]

I have learned that two people must currently be "choosing each other" in order to be "meant for each other" not the other way around.

[jennamajig]

Freedom is a gift you give to yourself. Only you can decide when it's time to "expand your horizons".

 

Wise words, r2h. You should write a book, you know, as I think you have a wealth of words to give.

 

Moving on is odd. You need to figure exactly how to do it for yourself and frankly I've struggled with that myself.

 

A friend told me this, having been in mine (and your) shoes a while back: You do all the motions and suddenly one day it can be a light turns on and you're over someone without even realizing you were so close to it in the first place.

[John Bendix]

Acceptance of what is right now.

 

They are not with you right now either in person or with you in a relationship type bond. If you have not let go of the person, you have not accepted the fact that they are not with you.

 

If you conjure up images of what used to be, could be, what you wish it to be, or condemn the way things are bc you desire it to be otherwise, you are fighting the acceptance of what is and this is the antithesis of letting go.

 

Tme does not in itself heal wall wounds. Acceptance heals wounds but it may take most of us some to accept what is.

[waveseer]

Wise words, r2h. You should write a book, you know, as I think you have a wealth of words to give.

 

Moving on is odd. You need to figure exactly how to do it for yourself and frankly I've struggled with that myself.

 

A friend told me this, having been in mine (and your) shoes a while back: You do all the motions and suddenly one day it can be a light turns on and you're over someone without even realizing you were so close to it in the first place.

 

Well, thanks. I think I have written nearly the equivalent of a book right here on ena! lol

 

I remember the exact moment when I gave myself permission to act as a free agent. I immediately made plans to make myself happy.

[Hiding]

thnx for the replies, its a rough road but im still making it each day. I love myself and all the deicisions i have done so far are all to please me and make me smile.

[WomanWriter]

For me, you don't until you're ready. You should never feel like you're "forcing" yourself to let go or you will DEFINITELY not be letting go at all.

 

You do it little by little, tiny steps. For me, I try to let go of blame, pain but I don't try to let go of the love. Then one day, I starting realizing I didn't want to *actively* love him in the same way anymore. Of course I still love him, but I'm starting to let go of the attachment and idealization aspects of love and focusing more on the general/intellectual aspect of love. He'll always have a place in my heart because he is my first serious love (and everything else) but I can't think of him as my current partner anymore because he chose to end it.

 

If he called me in the middle of the night dying in the hospital, would I go see him? Heck ya I would. I still feel like I have his back. I remember when he broke up with me, he said, "If you ever need someone for anything, even just to talk...and (best girl friend) is not available, you can call me and I'll be there." I haven't taken him up on his offer but I pretty much feel the same way.

 

It's moving from loving him constantly, front and center, to loving him quietly on the back-burner. I know I still love him and I don't want to let go of the love ever, but I'm learning to let go of the relationship in the present tense. It will always exist in the past tense, so I'm secure enough to feel like it can never be lost.

 

Knowing that, I am free. I don't think of it so much as letting go of him, just leaving our relationship in the past but taking my love for him into the future with me in a different way.

[journeynow]

WomanWriter,

 

Good post. This helped me, reading your words. I like the back burner idea.

[Hiding]

I don't think of it so much as letting go of him, just leaving our relationship in the past but taking my love for him into the future with me in a different way.

 

thnx on this part. she has a place in my heart and ill just take my time and keep the good with me in try to look at them in a different way.