Blanko500 Posted May 8, 2009 Author Share Posted May 8, 2009 I think I am in control of this now. Before we split up, we had a romantic holiday in Paris booked for next month. She called me yesterday and said that she still wanted to go on holiday, but on a "friends only" basis. I told her "no way". I just can not do that. We have split up, and I now want to move on. She now wants me to be just her friend, and can not seem to accept how difficult it is for me, if I keep seeing her as just a friend. I will stick to my guns, and see what happens. Link to comment
Pixiedoc Posted May 8, 2009 Share Posted May 8, 2009 Good for you. She is baiting you with her comments about having someone else. That is quite egotistical, assuming that if you don't want to be exploited by a one-way friendship it must be because you don't want her any more. Uggg, very immature. Stick to your guns, let someone else become her next victim and walk away with your dignity and pride intact x Link to comment
Blanko500 Posted May 9, 2009 Author Share Posted May 9, 2009 This is the latest. She has received a text message from someone anonymous, basically telling her that they are sorry to hear that she has split with me, because I am such a great guy and a good catch. I have no idea who has sent it, but obviously she thinks it is me. I have obviously told her that it is nothing to do with me, but she does not believe me. I said, it is best that we now have no contact. What is going through this woman's mind? Link to comment
Pixiedoc Posted May 9, 2009 Share Posted May 9, 2009 Same as before. She now realises you are standing firm on this and doesn't like the fact that she's not now able to get a reaction from you. I wouldn't be surprised if she has made this up completely - sorry but it would be typical of such 'players'. She could react in one or two ways now - give up or go for something even more serious like she's ill, a member of her family (non specified) is, or make up an emergency that she needs you to respond to or even try and make you jealous. Hope not, but if you stay strong, she will eventually give up and you can turn your attention to someone with genuine intentions towards you and not be looking for someone else. Link to comment
top bloke Posted May 9, 2009 Share Posted May 9, 2009 Hmm I have to say that when women have toyboys they just laugh but when a guy does it it seems they jump down your throat. Youre a man ..born a man and will die a man. Youre single shes single.its no ones business to judge you for attracting a younger woman. Good on you mate. Fact is you are on the right track. Ignore her . She wants the benefits and to string you along ..she finished it ..she just wants to use you.Chuck her to the kerb man.Good luck and muster some brotherly pride..shes a user. Link to comment
skyblue69 Posted May 9, 2009 Share Posted May 9, 2009 Hmm I have to say that when women have toyboys they just laugh but when a guy does it it seems they jump down your throat. Youre a man ..born a man and will die a man. Youre single shes single.its no ones business to judge you for attracting a younger woman. Good on you mate. Fact is you are on the right track. Ignore her . She wants the benefits and to string you along ..she finished it ..she just wants to use you.Chuck her to the kerb man.Good luck and muster some brotherly pride..shes a user. This situation is VERY similar to mine. Why are so many guys in their 40's, 50's and 60's attracted to the 18-24 crowd? Just look at the sales of the "Girls Gone Wild" videos. I know a lot of men who *only* date girls in that age bracket. They say it's their "type." Not that I think there's anything wrong with that. Link to comment
loulee Posted May 9, 2009 Share Posted May 9, 2009 She is concerned she is losing her Womanly wile prowess in her game playing..her sense of vanity and confidence is under threat, this will be a big thing to her....stick it out....text messages can only be sent with caller id??...who cares....if she come full circle and seriously wants you in her life then no contact is your only option..having said that I would be more concerned about considering continuing a relationship with a girl who can "put the brakes on it" when its going seemingly great"..I have to wonder should you reconcile in the future what other terms and conditions she may introduce unexpectedly, get yourself a real women who has maturity, stands by her words, has direction and certainly someone you can count on without hesitation or doubts..this one is immature and needs to grow up a little more... Link to comment
skyblue69 Posted May 9, 2009 Share Posted May 9, 2009 having said that I would be more concerned about considering continuing a relationship with a girl who can "put the brakes on it" when its going seemingly great" get yourself a real women...you can count on without hesitation or doubts. Brilliant! Link to comment
COtuner Posted May 10, 2009 Share Posted May 10, 2009 Add me to this group. I just walked away from a 52 year old and I'm just 13 years younger. A factor in the problems in our relationship was definitely the difference in age and stage of life. As much so for him as for me. I had thought I could deal with his aging much faster than me, but in honesty, I started having more and more second thoughts as our differences came out. If we were very much on the same page otherwise, then my love for him would have been able to accept the inevitable failing of the human body that we all go through. But since we have continually battled about career aspirations, activities to do together, friendships, generational issues when it comes to expecations from life.... the age gap was huge. Link to comment
Blanko500 Posted May 11, 2009 Author Share Posted May 11, 2009 Update.... Have not had any contact from her for a few days. On Friday night at about 10pm, she rings me up. She is at a friend's birthday party in town. She says that she wants to see me to talk things through. I told her that, if I did so and then she started on me again, I would be livid, and make it quite clear, with her friends there or not. Well, I drove down there and met her. All her friends were very pleased to see me, and one or two said that they had heard a lot about me etc. What??? Well, I took her to one side and asked what she wanted to talk about. She said that she was very confused, and hated falling out with me, as I was the best man that she had ever had a relationship with. We were both very reasonable, and there were no raised voices or nasties. She then asked if I would drive her home. This I did, and she invited me in to talk more. Well, we talked about our relationship and she admitted that she missed me, but still has got issues about my age. "If I could get my head round that, I would happily be back with you" she said. Anyway, I was there until 2.30 am, before going home. We met up on Saturday and Sunday and just went to a few pubs and had a meal. All very nice. My parting comment was " This is all very nice and cosy, but unless there is a chance that you accept my age, and we get it on again, I am not hanging around." Her parting comment was "Let me think about it". Obviously, I am acting cool and have not tried to contact her again. What is she up to? Link to comment
Pixiedoc Posted May 11, 2009 Share Posted May 11, 2009 Still trying to keep you hanging on, as a 'friend' and someone who will come running when she calls (and you did!). She's probably still got her eyes on the Paris trip and by taking her out on Saturday and Sunday you are giving her hope that she can still wrap you round her little finger. Please for your dignity and self respect don't fall for this and ignore any further contact. Just my humble opinion but it sure does shout out Link to comment
loulee Posted May 12, 2009 Share Posted May 12, 2009 If she already has doubts now about the age difference, these will without doubt raise their ugly head in the future should you reconcile..WHY? beause you WILL be older in the future and she will be hitting her "prime time", early thirties for most women by the way!....You have to evaluate the problem on its own...Its an age issue and no matter how hard you try NOTHING can change this historical fact. IT WILL always be there..that gap can NEVER be filled...AND you will have future insecurities about this SHE of course will not......your setting yourself up, and your secretly hoping it pans out.maybe you need to look at it from your perspective with brutal honesty and your future security...some more head thinking is required here and less hormones.... Link to comment
Blanko500 Posted May 13, 2009 Author Share Posted May 13, 2009 Update. Although I have not made any direct contact with her for the past week, she has phoned me a couple of times, and we have gone out for a drink a few times. She admits that she misses me and is gradually trying to come to terms with my age. She told me that her friends seem to be on my side, because they say that I have always seemed the ideal boyfriend to her, and always treated her good. And in any case do not look or act my years. I will hang on in there, but will stay cool and not let her manipulate me anymore Link to comment
top bloke Posted May 13, 2009 Share Posted May 13, 2009 She still has doubts or shed still be with you. Ignore her .. Link to comment
metafisics Posted May 13, 2009 Share Posted May 13, 2009 Update. Although I have not made any direct contact with her for the past week, she has phoned me a couple of times, and we have gone out for a drink a few times. She admits that she misses me and is gradually trying to come to terms with my age. She told me that her friends seem to be on my side, because they say that I have always seemed the ideal boyfriend to her, and always treated her good. And in any case do not look or act my years. I will hang on in there, but will stay cool and not let her manipulate me anymore I'm afraid again, its her friends who think you're good for her not her. Friends can do that when there are financial benefits involved. She's also trying to see what her friends are seeing. I'm afraid that if she comes back, it might be a case of weighing the benefits against her discomfort with your age. You might never know whether she's with you for love or material benefits. Or, do you even care? Link to comment
Blanko500 Posted May 15, 2009 Author Share Posted May 15, 2009 This is the latest. She has received a text message from someone anonymous, basically telling her that they are sorry to hear that she has split with me, because I am such a great guy and a good catch. I have no idea who has sent it, but obviously she thinks it is me. I have obviously told her that it is nothing to do with me, but she does not believe me. I said, it is best that we now have no contact. What is going through this woman's mind? Further to this. We have been getting on just fine as friends for a few days now, until today. She called me to ask if I fancied coming round for a cup of tea. I did, and for the first 10 minutes, things were fine. Then she started mentioning the dodgy text message. She said that she had thought long and hard, and still thought it was me. I told her that I was going home, because I could no longer bear to be in the same room as someone who clearly does not believe or trust me. On the way out, I accidently picked up her keys instead of mine. I came back later when I realised this, only to be accused of stealing her keys. I have told her to stay away and not contact me. What is going on???? Link to comment
Blanko500 Posted May 16, 2009 Author Share Posted May 16, 2009 I have had no more contact with her since the last post. Last night I had two calls from her at 10.23 pm and 02.31 am. Today I have had two calls from her at 8.52 am and 11.37 am. I have ignored them. Is she going to turn out to be a "bunny boiler" or what? Link to comment
Pixiedoc Posted May 16, 2009 Share Posted May 16, 2009 I have had no more contact with her since the last post. Last night I had two calls from her at 10.23 pm and 02.31 am. Today I have had two calls from her at 8.52 am and 11.37 am. I have ignored them. Is she going to turn out to be a "bunny boiler" or what? No, but she doesn't like that she doesn't have control over your relationship any more. Because you still hung on, going for drinks with her etc she felt she could get nasty with you again because you would probably take it. The fact that you stuck by your principles will grate with her and she'll try and get you to back down again. You will be contacted for a while and if you answer it will be back to the drinks again and you will relinquish control back to her. You are doing the right thing - and anyway, wasn't there someone else on the scene? Are they still there? The friends chat was irrelevant, you don't know if she was telling the truth and I have a sneaking suspicion that she might not have been, and that she is NOT a very nice person. It's great that you are not letting her yank your chain at the moment. Please don't let her back in. Link to comment
Pixiedoc Posted May 16, 2009 Share Posted May 16, 2009 Oh, I forgot to say that I think if you are firm, she will stop bothering you in about.....one week. She might try another tactic though....an 'anonymous' text to you from one of her 'friends'.....something like this would be on the verge of psycopathy so watch out. Link to comment
MT1981 Posted May 16, 2009 Share Posted May 16, 2009 Can I just say that its not only the age gap here. Its also the personality of the woman. She sounds like my (new) ex. Doesnt want anything, but still wants to be friends etc. Take some time to process your mind and soul - to take in everything. And then when the time is right, look deep within yourself for the all clear, and just walk away. Link to comment
Blanko500 Posted May 17, 2009 Author Share Posted May 17, 2009 She might try another tactic though....an 'anonymous' text to you from one of her 'friends'.....something like this would be on the verge of psycopathy so watch out. Already had two witheld phone calls in the past 24 hours. Link to comment
Pixiedoc Posted May 17, 2009 Share Posted May 17, 2009 There may be more. She's used to you dancing to her tune. If you ignore them (and to be honest I would be tempted to change my number) the intensity may reduce and/or you find she 'ups' the tactics to reel you in. There is the possibility her friends may be involved in this or she is 'losing face' with them. Very uncomfortable game playing. Please next time look for mature ladies who are independent and not looking for a sugar daddy. Sorry to even say that but it screams from the pages. Link to comment
servedcold Posted May 17, 2009 Share Posted May 17, 2009 Same as before. She now realises you are standing firm on this and doesn't like the fact that she's not now able to get a reaction from you. I wouldn't be surprised if she has made this up completely - sorry but it would be typical of such 'players'. She could react in one or two ways now - give up or go for something even more serious like she's ill, a member of her family (non specified) is, or make up an emergency that she needs you to respond to or even try and make you jealous. Hope not, but if you stay strong, she will eventually give up and you can turn your attention to someone with genuine intentions towards you and not be looking for someone else. Agree with all the above, especially that you may be hearing from her in the context of some emergency, etc. Stay strong. As far as age gaps generally, one poster asked what you two could possibly have in common, and whereas there are legitimate issues with age gaps, this isn't one of them. Have dated 20 somethings who could engage in excellent conversation, well-read, same cultural interests, as well as women my own age who only read tabloids and watch American Idol. Link to comment
loulee Posted May 19, 2009 Share Posted May 19, 2009 QUOTE As far as age gaps generally, one poster asked what you two could possibly have in common, and whereas there are legitimate issues with age gaps, this isn't one of them yes you are right in saying that they could be intellectually matched...however the AGE GAP IS the issue and if you read all of these posts you should get a sense that this women is quite immature emotionally so once again it is clearly an age gap related problem. The age gap is the reason this thread was posted as it appears to be the major problem between this couple... YOUR quote this isn't one of them Sorry disagree this is clearly one of them...and I cannot see it being resolved any time soon.. Link to comment
Pixiedoc Posted May 19, 2009 Share Posted May 19, 2009 Hey Blanko how are you and how is it going? Let us know that you're o.k. as we don't want to imagine her waiting in the bath for you a la Glenn Close Link to comment
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