Dizziness, disconnection?

[paintedfish]

This happens every once in a while, but last night I would say it was bad enough to call an attack. I got very, very dizzy and disoriented in a matter of a few minutes around 4 PM. I couldn't close my eyes or it felt like my body was disappearing, and the world would spin violently. So I sat back on the couch with my head straight up and my eyes half open, and slowly I realized I couldn't move. My boyfriend started asking if I was ok and I heard him and I could sort of see him but it didn't seem real, and I don't think I answered. I ended up in bed, and I laid there for a while, and then around 10 I felt better and could walk around slowly.

 

 

Does anyone have ANY idea what this was? Im going to call my mom when she gets home and hopefully she'll have some idea, as she's an ER nurse. I've been eating and drinking a lot of water, sleeping about the same as I usually do... I don't feel sick, I didn't feel anxious like a panic attack... Its just been happening more often, and I don't know if its serious or something that happens to everyone and I should just relax?

[KG]

Sounds serious. What if this happened on a balcony, or on a crowded street? Please call your Mom, she'll probably know.

 

I hope you are OK.

[Miss Firecracker]

Since a member mentioned we should not diagnose on the Internet, I want to make it clear that I am not doing that.

 

Here is some information you can read and decide if it applies to you.

 

link removed

[paintedfish]

Yeah, I guess calling my mom will be the best bet. Thank you, KG. I feel normal now.

 

 

 

Lol, and thank you Miss Firecracker. I guess mental illness is kind of the hot topic on eNA at the moment it seems, and I thank you for taking the time to reply, and looking up a helpful link. What was most disturbing was the dizziness. The depersonalization is an everyday thing at this point. I'm just very sick of medication, and my therapist refuses to see me unless I'm on them. I was more just wondering if this is a commonplace thing, that maybe no one really talks about.

[lavenderdove]

From your prior threads, you say you have been diagnosed as bi-polar. This kind of episode is common with people who are bi-polar, and is related to a chemical imbalance in your brain.

 

You really need to take your medication and go back to the doctor. Perhaps you can ask to try different medications if the one you are on you has unpleasant side effects.

 

But refusing treatment when bi-polar can be very dangerous to yourself and others. Please get back into treatment to protect yourself and your mental health.

[HeartGoesOn]

I'm sure she'll tell you that your MD will probably want to order some blood work.

[paintedfish]

I've read up on Bipolar though, and I just don't think its me. Schizoaffective fits better, but I very VERY rarely have mania. And if I do its short bursts, like just about everyone else in this world.

 

I keep forgetting to not turn here for med advice. Its not a medical board, I'm just so used to coming here with problems that it all fits under the blanket. So, not normal, go see MD. Got it.

 

Thank you all very much!

[lavenderdove]

hallucinations and disorientation are forms of mania... mania doesn't mean 'happy', it refers to the state when the brain is overstimulated and that overstimulation can manifest itself in a number of ways, including schizophrenic episodes or episodes like the one you are describing where your brain or the world is spinning.

 

you also describe periods of sleeplessness (4 days) which is a sign of mania. it doesn't matter why you were able to stay awake for 4 days, but no one with normal brain chemistry can/would do that unless they are on drugs or in a manic state. the excessive fears/paranoia that kept you awake can also be evidence of a manic state.

 

so please return to your doctor. if mania is left untreated you may enter a hallucinogenic state where you can't distinguish reality from delusions, and that can be very dangerous to you and others.

[paintedfish]

There was an entire week a few weeks ago where I thought I was stuck in the matrix. I just thought maybe I have an overactive imagination.

 

 

That you went back and read my old posts and such surprisingly means a lot. I had no idea that delusions and hallucinations WERE mania. Really? I thought mania was happiness or irritation, and that delusions were separate. If I'm bipolar, why would I have such long periods of normalcy? My psychiatrist never explained anything to me and my therapist just told me stories of other people with bipolar. I'm scared to go back, my therapist won't see me unless I'm on meds, and my psychiatrist won't see me unless I agree to any med change she suggests on a whim. I feel as if I'm functioning fine without them for the most part, and I'm scared of having a label and a record that will keep me from doing the things I want in life.

[lavenderdove]

There is a whole gradient of emotional experience that goes from total catatonia, through depression then hypomania then mania then delusional/hallucinations.

 

Normal people operating in the center of that range (i.e., they never get more than mildly depressed related to some incident like a divorce, to up, but never delusional.

 

a person who is bipolar will swing through a larger range of emotional experience, all the way from catatonia up to and including hallucinations. it just depends where they are in the gradient at a particular time. and some stay more in on the depressive side, and never get really manic, and other stay more on the manic side. it just depends on the individual and their own chemistry.

 

So a person who is bi polar can have long periods of operating in the 'normal' range, but stress or other events change change their brain chemistry and move them out of normal ranges in one direction or the other.

 

Someone labelled strictly as shizophrenic is someone whose chemistry probably operates at the one manic extreme most of the time unless treated with medication. but a bi-polar person can moves anywhere in the gradient at different times.

 

the goal of the medication is to keep you in the normal range and stop you from moving into either end of the spectrum where you are either severely depressed or manic in a harmful way (delusional etc.) The medication in essence shaves off the extremes of behavior on either end to keep you in the normal state.

 

the reason your doctors won't talk to you unless you are on medication is that people who are in the manic phase frequently will not listen to other people because of the characteristics of a manic state. They feel 'fine' or able to manage, when their judgement and reason are affected in ways they are not even aware of. People in manic states can be very creative, but their 'optimism' is frequently foolish, as in running up credit cards thinking their latest idea will be a success and they'll be able to pay off the cards, when the idea in reality is foolhardy.

 

People in a manic state usually think they are fine, until they start to cross the line where their thoughts are racing and they start disassociating or having other experiences like the one you describe.

 

so they can't really help you unless you are willing to try to help yourself and get yourself into a normal state where your reason/judgment can hear what they have to say. And since mania can easily slip into dangerous psychotic delusions, it is irresponsible NOT to take your medications, and they are trying every way they can to get you healthy.

 

I think you should start taking your medication and return to the doctor.

 

And if you've already been diagnosed with bi-polar by a doctor, it is already in your medical records so that is a moot point. you are actually taking a much greater risk not taking the medication, because if you go truly delusional/psychotic episode, you will be put into a mental hospital which is a much worse thing to have on your record.

 

If you are on medication to treat your disorder, there is very little you won't be able to do in life. There will be a few professions that you probably can't undertake (i.e., a govt. security clearance for secret military work), but other than that it shouldn't hinder you. Most employers can't ask questions other than have you been hospitalized (or they don't).

 

btw, i don't think psychiatrists suggest medication on a whim. everyone's brain chemistry is different, and finding something that works well for you is a trial and error process, so it is normal to try many different medications before finding one that works best for you.

 

there are many books written on bi-polar disorder, and biographies of people who have this disorder. i think you should read some of these books and experiences to understand what is going on, and avoid the tendency to try to diagnose yourself or just read snippets here and there without understanding the illness in depth.

[paintedfish]

I feel like everyone is just trying to convince me that something is wrong. When I'm not having problems I tend to feel like they never happened. Even now, had I not posted this I wouldn't even have remembered that last night I wasn't in reality for 5-6 hours. I do have catatonia, and I've been trying to look up people's experiences with it. Sometimes its because everything is so overwhelming I can't talk or move, and other times I just lose all ambition to connect with my surroundings. I do parrot people sometimes, because they will say something and it bounces around in my head and leaves no room for other words.

 

 

I have been in the hospital for having an episode. I've also been arrested for becoming addicted to Xanax when I was having panic attacks and not sleeping. I ended up driving on around 12 mg and getting sent to jail. So I already have a record. So I suppose I should give up on my current goal of being a doctor, because no medical school would accept me and no hospital would hire me.

 

This wasn't supposed to happen. I was always the good kid, the only one of 4 that is going to college, the only one who moved away from home. I had such big goals for myself. I can't accept this as a reality, just a fluke. Maybe a temporary psychosis. I thought people who were crazy didn't know they were. How would I know something was wrong?

 

I feel like I've asked this a hundred times on here, but if I don't think that this is the right diagnosis, and everyone else seems to think it is, how the heck am I supposed to accept it? I can't work around it until I accept that its there, but I can't, because I don't think it is.

 

I've done a LOT of reading on any disorder that causes delusions and disassociation. Some of them fit like I wrote them, and yet I still feel like a phoney or a drama queen or something. I feel high maintenance, and that I should be able to fix myself instead of wasting time, money, and energy on doctors that don't even listen to me.

 

I have read over your post very carefully a few times, and what you're saying does make sense. I know I'm being a baby about all this, throwing a temper tantrum and all that. Plus I don't have a job, and so I don't have the money for therapy, and I had too many no shows at the school therapist I would have to pay to see them, as well. I'm scared to go back to my old psychiatrist because I just suddenly stopped seeing her, and I'm worried she'll be mad, she never really liked me to start with.

[lavenderdove]

It is a medical illness caused by an imbalance in the brain... there is nothing to be ashamed about, but at the same time, you can't ignore it or wish it away. The sooner you deal with it, the sooner you will be able to get on with your life in a productive way. You obviously can't function in ANY job in the states you are describing so you need to deal with this.

 

You can get a start by taking the medication they prescribed for you... see if it doesn't make you better and these episodes stop. If you see an improvement, you know you're on the right track, or at least headed in the right direction.

 

I know you wish this wasn't happening, but it is. I wish i were a billionaire but i'm not. Sometimes you have to start from wherever you are rather than deciding you don't want to be where you are and avoiding dealing with it.

 

Medical professionals don't get 'mad' at you in the sense they are there to treat you. If you don't like a particular psychiatrist, get another one, or have them recommend someone else they think is suitable to you.

[paintedfish]

I talked to my mom, and I talked to my boyfriend. I had been telling my mom I was getting better, and I confessed to her today that I'm not. I'm looking for a new psych. at the moment, and if I don't get this straightened out so I can work, I will have to move back home.

 

If I move, my boyfriend does not want a LDR. My mom said it would be just as bad for me to move back home with a broken heart as it would be to stay up here with the stress of working. So I'm at a stalemate. Do I move back home, get on track, and eventually try to get back into school? Do I stay here and continue to burden everyone and try to work and be on new meds until we find the right combination? Do I try to do school work, when in the past I've been unable during "episodes?" I have no idea what I'm supposed to do. If I'm going to move back I want to just do it now and get it over with.

[lavenderdove]

I think you need to do what is best for your mental health. It's a given that you should immediately begin taking whatever meds the doctor gave to you. They might work enough to solve your problem. If they don't then decide what to do next.

 

But I think you need to try to get in to see a doctor as soon as possible if you are getting worse.