Being taken for a ride?

[ajaxajax]

Hey all

 

I have been recovering from the fact that a lady I've been loving for nearly 5 years, despite our friendship, ultimately strung me along. I want to mean that as "been taken for a ride"!

 

Despite me knowing her and her knowing me quite well and us getting along like two mature friends - and me meeting even half her family at a party, I cannot believe she would be THIS capable of setting me up! I could only hope and pray that the next time I ever see her, she'd step up from that crap and never repeat that pattern - even if we have the briefest glance of each other.

 

I am just wondering whether being strung along happens as a deliberate/accidental/instinctive action...and whether people are ever capable of stopping this habit?

[Crazyaboutdogs]

Hey all

 

I have been recovering from the fact that a lady I've been loving for nearly 5 years, despite our friendship, ultimately strung me along. I want to mean that as "been taken for a ride"!

 

Despite me knowing her and her knowing me quite well and us getting along like two mature friends - and me meeting even half her family at a party, I cannot believe she would be THIS capable of setting me up! I could only hope and pray that the next time I ever see her, she'd step up from that crap and never repeat that pattern - even if we have the briefest glance of each other.

 

I am just wondering whether being strung along happens as a deliberate/accidental/instinctive action...and whether people are ever capable of stopping this habit?

 

 

Being strung along is never accidental/instinctive...it is a deliberate selfish behaviour designed to take care of their own needs and ego at the expense of the other person..or sometimes more than one person. There are many who string along more than one person at a time. People who string others along are emotional basket cases and/or have a character defect. Yes, some "stringers" are just downright cruel and heartless and do set up the other person..they get some kind of preverse pleasure out of causing the other person pain and watching them squirm. Just remember that she is not worth your time and your pain..there is something very damaged about her that caused her to behave that way..and you can't save them from their damage. Remember that at least you can love...people like her are too damaged for love. Can people stop that behaviour...of course they can...if they really wanted to....but these people are so damaged that dragging someone else down is the only way they can feel good about themselves and unless they want to sort out their issues, they will take the easy way out and prey on others like the schoolyard bully in order to get a temporary boost to their low self-esteem. Because they can't self-soothe, they are dependent on their "drug" of causing pain and frustration to the person who loves them, as a way to feel superior and self-important.

[ajaxajax]

That "drug" is just so horrible...and I thought only superficial bimbos would do that to a guy. That's me not ignoring guys stringing girls along too.

 

I have already said to her by text (only because I feel I have to for myself) that our friendship is in limbo and that, under our circumstances, we can't contact again.

[Crazyaboutdogs]

That "drug" is just so horrible...and I thought only superficial bimbos would do that to a guy. That's me not ignoring guys stringing girls along too.

 

I have already said to her by text (only because I feel I have to for myself) that our friendship is in limbo and that, under our circumstances, we can't contact again.

 

 

Good. Just keep on walking the other way and don't look back. Being alone is far better than being with someone who is using you and messing with your head.

[GentleStep]

Yes, some "stringers" are just downright cruel and heartless and do set up the other person..they get some kind of preverse pleasure out of causing the other person pain and watching them squirm.

 

this made me lol. but seriously, lets not throw bulls*** ,it gets pretty messy.

every single person on the face of this planet "gets some kind of preverse pleasure out of causeing the other person pain and watching them squirm". its simple nature. ever seen planets funiest home videos? why do we laugh when the 1 year old falls off of the bike? the poor, poor 1 year old is clearly in pain, and yet we keep on laughing. regardless of the method used, it all results to the same thing.

 

if you want my input on the situation? dont leave. oh no. STAY! and play with her feelings. make her fall in love with you, and THEN leave her. its all just a game, the only difference is how you play it.

[Scorpion Fury]

If you're wondering if this chick will stop her habit, don't even waste your time on it. She probably won't. she has shown you what type of person she is. Consider it a life lesson and move on. Don't let this happen to yourself again.

[Crazyaboutdogs]

this made me lol. but seriously, lets not throw bulls*** ,it gets pretty messy.

every single person on the face of this planet "gets some kind of preverse pleasure out of causeing the other person pain and watching them squirm". its simple nature. ever seen planets funiest home videos? why do we laugh when the 1 year old falls off of the bike? the poor, poor 1 year old is clearly in pain, and yet we keep on laughing. regardless of the method used, it all results to the same thing.

 

if you want my input on the situation? dont leave. oh no. STAY! and play with her feelings. make her fall in love with you, and THEN leave her. its all just a game, the only difference is how you play it.

 

I think I will have to disagree with this. Not everyone enjoys causing someone pain. Regarding the funniest home videos, I sincerely doubt (at least I hope not) that the people purposely pushed the 1 year old off the bike just to watch the 1 year old cry. For the record, I can't stand those "funniest" home video shows because I never really find them funny.

[ajaxajax]

Well, it's never that simple. You wouldn't laugh if your son or daughter commits suicide, for example. Would ya?

 

So how could I get perverse pleasure from hurting her after she hurt me, if I'm not asking for revenge? For any woman, I'm more likely to get this sort of pleasure from making her squirm in bed !

 

The simple truth was:

She appeared interested in me first

I later became interested in her even though she was occupied

I told her I was interested, but she could not accept

And I played Nice Guy most of the time when I should have never done it in the first place

 

If God still wants me to have something to do with her (I doubt it but...), I want an absolute guarantee that she would never want to repeat the stunt EVER again! In any case, all possibilities from other women are open.

[Scorpion Fury]

I don't understand why you would even give her the chance.

 

Don't leave this up to God. He gave you the gift of free will. Use it.

[ajaxajax]

Sometimes, no matter how much free will you have, I learned that you just get thrown into things. For example, you can't really decide on whether to sit next to a briefcase with a ticking bomb inside if you don't know what's there.

 

But, for that particular girl (with her particular persona), I'd want to stay as far away as I can. That's how I think it'll be anyway.

[Scorpion Fury]

I don't think God wants you to have someone in your life that treats you so badly.

[ajaxajax]

I don't know why I had to be allowed to worry about her for so long

 

Anyway, I blame myself too for that - not just her.

[Crazyaboutdogs]

I don't know why I had to be allowed to worry about her for so long?

 

Anyway, I blame myself too for that - not just her.

 

Probably because you are not a cruel man it is very hard to get inside the head of a cruel person to understand how they can even contemplate doing the things they do...so you keep saying to yourself "no, they can't be that despicable..there must be some goodness in them that will come out"...problem is it never comes out because the only goodness in them is the facade they show the world..the person deep down is not good or else they would never stoop to the levels they do.

[l9grl]

If you feel led on by her, then why even bother keeping her in your life in any way?

 

Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me.

 

Don't let the same snake bite you twice.

 

You cannot hold on and let go at the same time.

[Knotty]

It's really up each individual to not get strung along. ajaxajax, if you wanted to stay with her then why didn't you propose marriage? If she said no, then you could move on. You have to set you own time limits. Simple as that!