hirogenhunter Posted April 23, 2009 Share Posted April 23, 2009 I feel a less of a man if I can't give her the big O. Am I supposed to? Link to comment
Cognitive_Canine Posted April 23, 2009 Share Posted April 23, 2009 It is a team effort. Talk to her about it. A lot of women can't orgasm easily. It's not your fault at all. Link to comment
ghost69 Posted April 23, 2009 Share Posted April 23, 2009 a lot of girls leave it solely up to the man with terrible communication. especially if it's a new relationship or just a hookup. Link to comment
waveseer Posted April 23, 2009 Share Posted April 23, 2009 Establish a comfortable rapport with her so she will be able to relax and let you know what works best for her. It's all about communication (and willingness). It's also fun to try, try again if at first you don't succeed, or even if you do. Link to comment
LBP Posted April 23, 2009 Share Posted April 23, 2009 a lot of girls leave it solely up to the man with terrible communication. especially if it's a new relationship or just a hookup. I think the trick, in this circumstance, is to do the talking yourself... and keep careful on non-verbal cues. It should be obvious, but this should not necessarily include gasping. That can often indicate pain or surprise (bad rather than good). Arching of the back and tilting or thrashing the head are generally positive responses. Glassy eyes. Flushed face. None of this is one hundred percent, unfortunately. Don't be too quick, is a general rule of thumb. When you're ready to get down and dirty, just go ahead and give it another minute. Some tantalization works wonders. Etc etc. A lot of the required 'business' is done before you flop down on the bed... In my opinion. Another general note: many women can be brought near or to orgasm without intercourse or even oral sex! If you can figure out how to do that (differs from woman to woman. Can be breast stimulation, massage, and much else), you'll be in pretty good shape. Heck, I like being in control of the orgasm! Link to comment
agent1607307371 Posted April 23, 2009 Share Posted April 23, 2009 Can she give herself one? Link to comment
amipushy Posted April 23, 2009 Share Posted April 23, 2009 Establish a comfortable rapport with her so she will be able to relax and let you know what works best for her. It's all about communication (and willingness). It's also fun to try, try again if at first you don't succeed, or even if you do. Agreed. Sometimes even the 'trigger happy' girls take forever. Orgasms happen because a man has practised and read her body language and literally doe 'goes with the flow' while a woman feels comfortable and relaxed enough to let go and flow. Neither are easy to do especially in the early days of a relationship so don't feel bad about it. Link to comment
MWC Posted April 23, 2009 Share Posted April 23, 2009 I just happened accross this thread while navigating to the marriage and LT relationship section and stopped dead in my tracks as this has become a major point of contention for me lately. I have been with my wife for fifteen years now and I really don't know if I have given her an orgasm (I guess that typically means I haven't We've had good sex in that past and I do know that I have given her "pleasure" and maybe a couple of smaller orgasms (if that's possible), but maybe not the big O. Now I am having some serious doubts and confidence issues and feel it is vital that I give her the best orgasm ever. Problem is she's somewhat sexually reserved and won't fully open up to me. She used to be a little more "free" with me, especially after a couple drinks, but never too wild. I admittedly can't usually last quite long enough when it comes to regular sex so I am going to have to use other means if I want to be successful. Conerning oral, I am thrilled to do it but whenever I do manage to get her to let me go down on her she isn't very relaxed and it lasts a couple minutes at most before she's had enough, which is yet again tough on my ego. She also won't tell me what is working and what isn't. I am honestly not sure if the problem has to do with her comfort level or if maybe my skills aren't quite up to snuff. If it is me, I am more than willing to work on my technique, but of course she is the only person I can "practice" on. I have done a little research on the internet to see if I can hone in my technique but it is obviously something that you just have to do to get good at. I discussed this with her and explained to her how important being able to please her is to me, but she relented and said she has always been reserved when it comes to sex. She kind of agreed to try to push her envelope a little but I just don't know how much she'll be able to. I think she just needs to go all out and leave her inhibitions at the door. I've gone down on her once since our conversation and I think as soon as I started hitting a nerve so to speak, she got uncomfortable and pulled me up. Or maybe I just sucked (figuratively, not literally) and when it started to get too physically uncomfortable she decided that was enough rather than trying to tell me what to do. I think that if I could give her one great orgasm she would be more excited about sex and my sexual confidence and confidence in general would increase greatly (which would make the sex even better yet for both of us). I would spend the entire day trying to get her off if she would let me and if she would communicate with me and tell me what to do. I am sure that eventually we would figure it out and be in BIG O HEAVEN. I just don't know how to get her fully on board. I need to reiterate that I honestly don't know whether I have bad technique or she is just too reserved, or if it's a combination of the two. Either way though, it's very tough on me. Anyone care to offer any hints or tips on how to break the ice with her and get her to relax a little more? Any secret moves that will work quickly and make her see the light? I should mention that she doesn't drink much anymore and when she does she just tends to get tired and fall asleep. Maybe a couple drinks might loosen her up a little but I am not going to be able to use alcohol as a crutch. She also isn't into "toys" anymore so it looks like it is all up to me. She doesn't seem to be into foreplay and usually just wants to get to sex but I am hoping that I can change that. I do constantly tell her that she's beautiful, sexy and hot (and she most definitely is) but she just won't let go. I am torn as this shouldn't be such a big deal, but it is really starting to make me worry about her confidence in me as well as my confidence in myself - and the resulting lack of sexual performance on my part and sexual chemistry between us. I also feel that she is missing out on a major source of pleasure and fun as well as a way for us to be closer and more connected. It just seems so bizarre that she is so resistant to me wanting to provide intense pleasure to her. Is there anything I can do? Thanks in advance for any advice and sorry about the length of this post. Link to comment
jul-els Posted April 23, 2009 Share Posted April 23, 2009 It's not your job to give her one, only she can do that. It is your job to help her along to the best of your ability. If it's a real concern, be sure to have the lines of communication open about it so you know what she needs from you. Most of all be sure to enjoy the experience without feeling the pressure to deliver. Wanting it too much or trying too hard is one of the biggest obstacles to getting there from what I've been told. When you're relaxed, she can relax. Link to comment
doyathink Posted April 23, 2009 Share Posted April 23, 2009 Isn't it her job to give you one? I mean...you ARE using her body to get one....turn abouts fair play. Link to comment
Knead2Know Posted April 23, 2009 Share Posted April 23, 2009 I definitely think a man should strive to give a woman an orgasm, I don't like the word job, but yes it is...to elaborate, I think that should be the goal for a man in bed with his woman, yes it takes two, but in my mind a man should think MY orgasm is his top priority, after all it's easier for men to orgasm than women.. To MWC- it's a struggle if a woman cannot relax and let her inhibitions go, and alcohol is definitely NOT the way to do that, however I am a big fan of seduction. Try to seduce your wife, make a day out of doing what she enjoys, foreplay can most definitely begin OUTSIDE of the bedroom, and in my opinion it does for a lot of women. Maybe spending the day together doing something she enjoys, and kissing and touching, holding hands, then at the end of the day, draw her a bubble bath, help to bathe her, and then after move on to the bedroom...seduce her mind as opposed to her body, help her relax and feel safe with you....maybe this will work??? Link to comment
jul-els Posted April 23, 2009 Share Posted April 23, 2009 Isn't it her job to give you one? I mean...you ARE using her body to get one....turn abouts fair play. For a man to reach climax is usually a no brainer although there are a percentage of men who have difficulty with it. But it's not something that someone can give to someone else. The partner can give assistance but the only person who can give someone an orgasm is themselves. Link to comment
doyathink Posted April 23, 2009 Share Posted April 23, 2009 For a man to reach climax is usually a no brainer although there are a percentage of men who have difficulty with it. But it's not something that someone can give to someone else. The partner can give assistance but the only person who can give someone an orgasm is themselves. Hmm...ok, we can agree to disagree. I make his pleasure my priority, so I'd like the favor returned. And I certainly don't agree with your view. He 'gives' me one every time...with no assistance from me lol. He's doing all the work there. Link to comment
jul-els Posted April 24, 2009 Share Posted April 24, 2009 Whatever works is what works. I'm just saying the other person should not be made to feel or be held responsible for getting the other person off because ultimately no one is really capable of doing that. Whatever feels good to someone is what gets them off. Link to comment
doyathink Posted April 24, 2009 Share Posted April 24, 2009 Whatever works is what works. I'm just saying the other person should not be made to feel or be held responsible for getting the other person off because ultimately no one is really capable of doing that. Whatever feels good to someone is what gets them off. Maybe look at it this way. If women made the guy get off of her b4 he had an orgasm...dont ya think he would get a little angry for not finishing him off? Link to comment
jul-els Posted April 24, 2009 Share Posted April 24, 2009 Maybe look at it this way. If women made the guy get off of her b4 he had an orgasm...dont ya think he would get a little angry for not finishing him off? I personally wouldn't get angry, but I would wonder why and ask. If she said something mean I might possibly get angry but other than that no, I wouldn't. Maybe some guys might but I wouldn't see a legitimate reason for it. That seems like an odd hypothetical. It would depend on what her reason for it was, I guess. Link to comment
KG Posted April 24, 2009 Share Posted April 24, 2009 I look at it as having fun, being a little playful, all the while stepping up the intensity....such a good feeling making her moan and scream. Link to comment
hirogenhunter Posted April 25, 2009 Author Share Posted April 25, 2009 Hmm...ok, we can agree to disagree. I make his pleasure my priority, so I'd like the favor returned. And I certainly don't agree with your view. He 'gives' me one every time...with no assistance from me lol. He's doing all the work there. sure it's easy for you women to give guys an orgasm, it's hard for us to give you girls an orgasm. hopefully I'm not being too offensive but: now imagine something that's hard for you to do and easy for a guy to do. maybe moving 100+lb boxes into a room. Imagine a guy expecting a girl to move the same amount of boxes. Link to comment
KG Posted April 25, 2009 Share Posted April 25, 2009 sure it's easy for you women to give guys an orgasm, it's hard for us to give you girls an orgasm. hopefully I'm not being too offensive but: now imagine something that's hard for you to do and easy for a guy to do. maybe moving 100+lb boxes into a room. Imagine a guy expecting a girl to move the same amount of boxes. Whaaaaa? It's called communication...reading her moves, asking playfully, erotically, "how's this?". I've always tried to be a patient lover, if it took awhile, well, that's OK. But she aint goin' nowhere till she screams!!! Link to comment
KG Posted April 25, 2009 Share Posted April 25, 2009 Hmm...ok, we can agree to disagree. I make his pleasure my priority, so I'd like the favor returned. And I certainly don't agree with your view. He 'gives' me one every time...with no assistance from me lol. He's doing all the work there. It's not work when you enjoy it! Seeing your S/O satisfied is the biggest ego-boost in the world! Link to comment
waveseer Posted April 26, 2009 Share Posted April 26, 2009 Whaaaaa? It's called communication...reading her moves, asking playfully, erotically, "how's this?". I've always tried to be a patient lover, if it took awhile, well, that's OK. But she aint goin' nowhere till she screams!!! I am laughing out loud in Starbucks! LOL Link to comment
KG Posted April 26, 2009 Share Posted April 26, 2009 I am laughing out loud in Starbucks! LOL Glad to make you happy! Link to comment
Recommended Posts
Archived
This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.