Help me undeerstand

[confusedgirrl]

i have been thinking about this for a little while and would like other people's input on it.

 

Why would someone that rejects you want to stay friends or want to still be apart of your life? I dont understand it, if i broke up with someone, told them i dont see things progressing any further I wouldnt want to be around them, I wouldnt go to all the trouble to talk to them and find out what is going on in their life and act like I care.

 

If i broke up with someone I would have to assume there was something about them that I didnt like and I would not want to be around them anymore. Can anyone help me understand why any person would want to inflict pain on another person they once cared about. Why would you be so selfish to keep coming around when you have moved on and you know the other person is trying to do the same?

 

Why? Why? Why?

[girl68]

You're looking at it all wrong!

 

If you've been together a while and you grow to care about that person what makes you think your feelings switch off like a light. You automatically say I cared about you yesterday but today- I couldn't care less. No, hence why it's so hard for lots of people to do/ maintain NC.

 

Just becasue you broke up or in your words "don't like something about them" doesn't mean you can never ever care about them and or what they are doing in their lives. Do you love everything about your friends? I doubt it, are you going to go so far to say that one little thing makes you say poof I don't care about you? Yeah right.

 

And do you really think this ex of yours (presumably) is trying to inflict pain on you? Probably not. If you're hurting so much you go no contact and tell him it's too hard (becasue obviously for you it is...) and that you would appricate if he didn't try to contact you anymore.

 

I think you need to grow up a bit.

[Hanyou]

Well:

(as the Dumper)

--you're my backup

--don't want to lose our mutual friends

--not as emotionally distraught as the dumpee with it

--too much emotional baggage to deal with at the moment, without dealing with a relationship

--you're not what I'm looking for at this moment, but maybe in the future

--power control; possibly how you meant a lot to their way of life

--you don't want to be the bad guy (society kind of makes us think that we're adults and should just suck it up--but that is a load of bs)

--finally, they may just want to be friends, same interests & someone to do stuff with, like seeing a movie or "need someone to go to a friend's wedding" type deal, etc.

 

(as the Dumpee)

--reconnect possibly

--show Dumper how life is better without them

[confusedgirrl]

Thank you Hanyou, that was helpful those are basically the things I have heard people say and was wondering if most people have the same opinions on this type of stuff.

 

girl68, thank you for telling me i need to grow up a bit, and for the record it is never wise to presume, asking questions is what grown ups do.

[girl68]

asking questions is what grown ups do.

 

Regardless of my assumption the question is still the same. Ex or not the ex does it matter? Most people who claim to care, really do just care- they don't mean to hurt you. And the question to you is why would you think the ex is trying to hurt you even more?

[confusedgirrl]

to be a little clearer.......this has nothing to do with me personally, just questions that came up after talking to someone on here and her situation.

 

it doesnt matter that they werent together long but he decided he didnt want things to go any further and she is trying to get over him but he is still there being nice to her and trying to remain in her life. why would i not think that he is trying to hurt her? it might not be intentionally but that is exactly what will happen. Do you know how much it hurts to want to be with someone but they dont want the same?

 

And before you presume again(incase u have read my other posts), my situation with my ex has changed we are working on things with the hopes of getting back together, so i dont think he is trying to hurt me.

[Miranona]

grown ups would say to their ex "i really care about you too as a person, because i need some space. while i know youre being friendly because you care about me, its going to take some time for us to talk like were friends, considering you just rejected me."

 

ive been in that situation before, and to be honest, i was asking the same questions over and over, trying to find out why etc. and i always say to myself, at some point you know why hes being nice, maybe its out of courtesy, or maybe giving mixed signals, whatever it is, its not going to change the fact that he rejected you. you're hanging on to every word/every gesture he makes, and until you tell him to stop, nothing is going to change.