is it too soon to move in with my girlfriend after 3 months

[luke2005]

i am really confused lately my girlfriend has openly admited that she falls in love easily and she always comes out with the same lines with them, around guys i think, well she split from her boyfriend about a week before i strarted going out with her, not good for a start but then she has all of a sudden started asking mr to look at renting with her,i do love her but i really dont know if i will b with her for ever, i dont think u can ever say that, thing is i rent a nice apartment all by myself have been able to afford up until now, i can just get by but i guess i am a little bored now too as the apartment is in he city next to all the night life,thing is i am bored of going out drinking all the time now so location wise doesnt really matter, if i stay here on my own i will never have money to socialise or anything, i will literarlly just be able to live, my girlfriend dont want to live here because to far from her work so she wants me to move in a location i really like and i could share bills and save money too for a rainy day, but am i doing the right thing here, is it to soon, shpuld i be doing this just because it makes sense financially, if we split will i be able to get a new house uick enough on my own i would have no where else to go?????

 

help please, she is 24 and i am 28 by the way

[Vince99]

Way too soon. Don't.

[Ac143]

If the one of the only reasons you are doing it is because it "makes sense financially"....I would say, dont do it.

[Cognitive_Canine]

If the one of the only reasons you are doing it is because it "makes sense financially"....I would say, dont do it.

 

I agree completely. Going in too soon will kill your relationship, most likely.

[alli]

In deciding to move in together or not, your primary concern should be whether or not you want to live with her. Disregard the money concern completely. Though the money makes a difference, you should really not decide to move in with someone for mainly monetary concerns.

 

3 months is pretty fast. My bf & I actually decided to live together fairly soon in our relationship, though we didn't actually live together until 5 months into it (which is still pretty early). It has worked out really well, but neither of us are carrying baggage either. Your gf just broke up with her ex a week before you got together. That is really recent. AND you said she falls in & out of love very quickly. No one knows for sure if they will be together forever, but I knew with my bf that it was going to be long term and did not question if that is what I wanted. You can't know the future, but you can know what you want. It just sounds too soon for you guys. What's wrong with keeping things the way they are for a while... see if she stays in love with you & see if you want to be with her for the long run. You can still be in a relationship with her without living together.

[Iwantittoend]

It's way too soon. It doesn't even sound like you're too sure of the relationship either.

[HeartGoesOn]

I think that it's way too soon. That's a huge life changing decision to make with someone you've only known for that short of time.

[Scorpion Fury]

don't do it. get a room mate if you need to. sounds like she's doing it for convenience only

[girl68]

I don't think it's the 3 months that is of concern. I think 3 months is plenty at your age.

 

But the fact that you have so many questions is concerning. Is 9 more months living like you do really going to kill you? Probably not. Why now just wait a little while longer. After a period of time re assess how you feel.

 

Financial reasons as the basis to move in is not a good reason- in fact that's probably the worst reason to do so. You SHOULD want to spend all your time in a home built together, you should want to wake up next to her everyday, you should want to come home to her everyday. You should not think, well I'm broke and I'd like to share my bills. Doesn't make sense does it. She's not your friend... she's your girlfriend the reasons should be different.

[luke2005]

i didnt expect that response, i guess that is quite conclusive, thing is though she does stay round my house virtually every night and i am such a mess with finances and organisising my bills, my tenancy runs out in July where i am now, its a matter of do i extend my tenancy or do i move in with her then, i guess we would have been together for 6 months then, thing is she is so adamant of moving into this house and i think we would be happy living there, i have alway been afraid of commitment though, but i am commiting to her in many ways.

 

If i stay in this flat on my own with the job i have got now i am never going to be able to go anywhere but sit in this flat because i will have no money.

Do you all think i should give it a few months then have another look at the situation then???

[alli]

Lets say you move in with this girl in July, it doesn't work out and she kicks you out. Where are you going to go? Do you have the finances to move somewhere else?

 

There are other options than to just move in with her. You could look for a cheaper place to rent. You could have a buddy move in or search for a roommate to take on half the rent.

[luke2005]

i think im going to wait 3 months to see where iu am financially and where i am with the relationship, i think you are all right but what am i going to say to her, i dont want her to think i have no confidence in the relationship,

[alli]

Say that it is too soon to make this big step and taking things too fast can ruin a relationship... and you don't want to do that.

[girl68]

If she stays at your place yet won't move there seems kind of odd that she sleeps there yet "it's too far to move from work". Weird huh, if it were that far she wouldn't stay there virtually every night.

 

Sometimes once your lease is up you can still rent month to month. Is that an option? And 3 more months to decide is still quite a while. Tell her you're staying until the end of the lease, and the subject is not to be brought up until the lease expiry is closer (ie in at least 2 months).

 

When you move in together you are common law after 3 months (in Canada) that means you're legally "married" except your not but in the eyes of the law you are treated as a married couple. She can take half your sh!t and you hers. That is a huuuuuge committment. Think long and hard about it. Re assess in 2.5 months.

 

As for your finances, have you not considered a roomate for the time being? Or renting with a roomate and her... or whatever?

 

Give it another 2.5 months drop it until then. Approach the subject again down the road.