Boyfriend's ex is getting to be a bit much.

[paintedfish]

Haha... yeah... I talked to him yesterday and he kept talking about how I was now his purpose in life, and he almost hung himself, etc etc. And no, I wasn't allowed to leave his apartment. It got to the point where I would beg once every 2 weeks or so to go see my roommate and hang out, and he would make me feel so terrible I couldn't leave. I stopped seeing all my friends, etc. NOW he's texting every 2 minutes (literally) and I got 38 missed calls in around 4 hours. Good grief.

[HeartGoesOn]

I think that if you're truly serious about breaking up with him, you have to stop the contact.

[Scorpion Fury]

Haha... yeah... I talked to him yesterday and he kept talking about how I was now his purpose in life, and he almost hung himself, etc etc. And no, I wasn't allowed to leave his apartment. It got to the point where I would beg once every 2 weeks or so to go see my roommate and hang out, and he would make me feel so terrible I couldn't leave. I stopped seeing all my friends, etc. NOW he's texting every 2 minutes (literally) and I got 38 missed calls in around 4 hours. Good grief.

 

are you kidding? you will basically a prisoner then. never allow someone to treat you that way again.

[paintedfish]

Okay. Not really a development, just something I REALLY need to vent about.

 

He won't leave me alone. I go days without talking to him, but now... he says he has a guaranteed job he can get me at the place he works and I wouldn't even have to see him if I didn't want to. He wanted to talk about it last night but I started drinking instead of calling him. And I refused to call him so this is how the texting went... I cleared up a lot of my typos so its easier to read.

 

Him: If you're busy then Im sorry for assuming anything, just call me like you said you would. Thanks.

 

Me: Sry Im kind of drunk and watching TV and dont wanna talk.

 

Him: Alone?

 

Me: Yes.

 

Him: Can I come by?

 

Me: Why....? Bcause I'm tispy?

 

Him: No so I can see you. Ill walk over there right now.

 

Me: Nooooo

 

Him: Why not?

 

Me: Because

 

Him: Because why?

 

Me: Because!

 

Him: What are you going to do, stop me?

 

Me: Why force yourself on me?????

 

Him: Im not, youre alone, Im alone, so why not hang out?

 

Me: I said I dont wanna though, and youre gonna do it anyway???

 

Him: Will you please pick up the phone?

 

Me: Nooooo

 

Him: Whatever then, just trying to be there for you. You said you would call me but now you said you wont answer if I called.

 

Me: I caaaaant!

 

Him: Why?

 

Me: Caant!

 

Him: Dude I'm just gonna come over.

 

Me: I don't want to talk or see you.

 

Him: We don't need to talk about anything specific.

 

Him: I just want to chill.

 

Him: Look Im coming over, dont worry about it.

 

Me: I said no!

 

Him: You have been there for me so many times I just want to return the favor.

 

Him: Come on we'll have fun. I promise.

 

Him: OK I'm walking over.

 

Me: No....!

 

Him: What reason do you have for this?

 

Me: I already told you!

 

Him: Well then I'm coming over anyway, you can just kick me out.

 

Me: Why???

 

Him: Because I love you!

 

Me: But I said no?!

 

Him: Okay I'm here.

 

Me: Where???

 

Him: Your place, I see your car out front.

 

 

 

At that point I went out and met him, verrryyyyy drunk. I was screaming at him about something unrelated to anything going on, and giggling a lot. I told him outside that I didn't want him to come and he said he didn't care he wanted to talk. We ended up going to Taco Bell, and he got a bottle of wine, and I drank a few glasses of that and passed out on his floor. I vaguely remember waking up and making it to the bed. Nothing happened that I remember, but this morning I wasn't too happy. I really, REALLY need a job, and so I'm trying to put up with him, but I'm angry that he took advantage of me being altered, and didn't listen when I said no SO many times. But I felt guilty he walked all the way to my place (about a mile?) so I went out to go see him. I could barely stand though! Grrrrrrrr.

 

 

Sorry, again I just wanted to vent.

[Scorpion Fury]

You're not letting go of him. If you're gonna text, you might as well pick up the phone. You put yourself in that situation.

[paintedfish]

Ive been ignoring him since...Thursday last week I think? Not a peep from my end, except when he asked if I was pregnant or dead. And then he said he has the job. So I asked what the deal was, and he said to call him, and I said I would in an hour or so. When I didn't, he did ^.

[lavenderdove]

He is scarily controlling and manipulative. There are so many red flags here, from threatening to kill himself to forcing his way over to your house when you said no. These are signs that he may turn abusive and even more controlling in future, so he's NOT someone you should have a relationship with.

 

The experts on stalking say if you want someone to leave you alone, you have to make sure they understand that you will have NO contact with them whatsoever. If they call you 30 times and then you finally pick up on the 31st call, then all they've learned is they have to bother you 30 times to get what they want. And in their minds, even negative attention from you (yelling, saying no etc.) is still moving them in the direction of getting attention from you and getting what they want.

 

So you have to give them NO attention, ever. Never answer a single text no matter how many times he sends it. Never answer a call from him, never answer the door if you don't know who it is. If he tries to confront you on the street, refuse to speak to him and go to a public place, or start screaming FIRE or HELP if he won't leave you alone. Don't answer emails, nothing at all. He has to learn that he can't bully his way into your life and control you. The only way to do that is to stop all contact with him.

 

And a job at his work is a BAD idea because he will try to control you there and worm his way back in. If you make him mad, he could also lie and do damage to you at work. So don't fall for that, just keep looking for a job elsewhere, and cut him off entirely.

[Rabican]

wow holy psycho ex boyfriend... I think the best thing you can do is call him up one time and simply say this.

 

If you ever cared about me, even a little then I need you to do something for me. Stay out of my life, I need to move on, and not be with you, and our relationship is toxic. Please do not call me, do not email me, do not text me. I am being very clear here, DO NOT CONTACT ME. I do not need you to be here for me, I need you gone. Thats how it has to be, Good bye.

 

End of story. If he continues calling you, call the police and get a restraining order. If hes loopy enough to threaten his own life and not listen to you when you say no I dont want to see you... who knows if he might decide to rape you, or hurt you, or who knows what else.

[paintedfish]

Ugh, thank you SO much to everyone that's helped me. He showed up at my apartment unannounced 2 days ago, banged on the door and rang the doorbell furiously, and my roommate opened the door. I went out to talk to him, ended up telling him that I feel absolutely nothing but anger and annoyance when I hear from him at this point since he has refused to listen to and respect my boundaries, and to please leave me alone. I've decided to move back home until August, just to get away from him, and to save up some money before school starts. I do not plan on contacting him ever again. I'm flabbergasted that it turned out this way, but its better to find out sooner rather than later.